


Second chance a new choice

by dtill359, Moonybird



Series: A different path [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Good Severus Snape, Regulus Black Feels, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2019-11-08 05:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 121,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dtill359/pseuds/dtill359, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonybird/pseuds/Moonybird
Summary: Severus was dying in the shrieking shack, and he did indeed die. However, forces out of his control rendered him the ability to re-choose. going back and choose differently.





	1. Choose to go back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a story originally posted on Fanfiction.net in 2010.   
> In spite of its many spelling and grammar mistakes, it garnered a large popularity, and that is why now, nearly ten years after, I have partnered up with an American editor to finally give the story the shine it deserves. 
> 
> We will be working together, and update this story weekly, every Thursday as long as our combined schedules allows it, the story will be posted in three separate "Books." and include chapters that were previously missing. 
> 
> I hope you will all enjoy :)

“Harry, look at me,” Severus Snape rasped. Cold smothered him, but… it didn’t hurt. “You have… what you need.” He pointed to the little vial in the boy’s hand and met Harry’s eyes. _So green._ _Just like Lily’s._ But what was that in them? Not disgust, or hatred… _Forgiveness? You… forgive me…?_

 

Those eyes, so full of mercy, gave him the strength to let death take him.

_I’m free now._

He sank into warmth and welcome. No fear lived in this place, no sadness or pain, only peace.

Now unbound by clumsy mortality, he floated, like a shred of parchment blown on gentle breezes. _How could anyone fear this?_

“Severus?”

His awareness sharpened. “Mother!”

A young woman greeted him. No wrinkles or worry lines creased her face now, and her eyes were bright as morning stars, but held a curious sadness. Raven hair fell to her shoulders, and a smile shone for him. “My son.” She wrapped him in a hug. “My little Severus, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right,” he said. _So_ _,_ _this is what Eileen Snape truly is._

“Let me look at you.” She held his face in gentle hands. “I never saw you grown.”

Without need or desire for pretense, Severus smiled. Every trace of hatred, malice, or distrust vanished, but…

“So many regrets.” His mother’s eyes welled. “They’re drowning you.”

Every heartache, every remorse hit; they choked him, hammered the dam that kept them back and blurred his vision with tears.

“You did your best.“ His mother joined his grief. “All you _could_ do.”

Severus held her tight and wept.

“Regret pulls you from me, my dear son.” Worry clouded her face as a tug loosened her grip.

 _No. I can’t leave!_ Severus gripped his mother’s arms with every ounce of strength, but his heart weighed like a cinder block around his ankle as it dragged him toward an ocean depth of grief.

“Listen!” She held his face again. “I won’t lose you! You will not wander the earth for eternity like a mournful ghost.”

Severus nodded as the weight pulled harder.

“Choose now—choose a second chance! Go back. Focus! Don’t consider what you left. Go farther, to a time where you had opportunity to choose differently!” Her eyes swirled with concern. “If you don’t, you’re doomed to roam until your soul finds peace—a feat few accomplish.”

His grip slipped, but he closed his eyes and concentrated.

_Forgiveness._

“Hold that memory, Severus! Hold it until it defines you!”

That red hair—those emerald eyes. She defended him, but he pushed her away. _All those times back then. I must make it right!_

“Hold it fast!”

A vision formed: Hogwarts, his schoolmates, himself studying alone. The weight grew, fueled by regret’s tears.

The phantoms in his mind solidified.

“Thank God,” his mother said. “You are not alone, my son. Someone else wished a chance at happiness for you too. Their help grants you this opportunity.” With a mighty pull, she tugged him into one last hard embrace. “Do well, my son,” she whispered and laid a light kiss on his forehead.

“I will,” he choked as his heart jerked him away. Peace and warmth fled. Empty hand outstretched, he plummeted into cold darkness. And pain.

It flooded back—sadness, hurt, anger, guilt. An ache crept over him, and dryness invaded his throat. A hard jar sent him upright, eyes open.

Sharp light stung, and he shielded his eyes. Sounds intensified and prompted a headache. He shrank from the commotion as he stopped his ears until the ringing subsided.

“All right, Snivellus!”

Instinct ignited, and every heartbeat hurt. Severus drew his wand.

“ _Expelliarmus_!”

The wand flew from his grasp, and he uttered a silent curse. _When did I get so sloppy? Shock is no excuse._

Laughter drew his attention, and messy black hair and brown eyes paralyzed him. _James Potter! Can it be? If he’s alive… then so is Lily!_

Potter returned his stare. Uncertainty flickered in the other young man’s eyes, but he quickly hid it. “What’s the matter, Snivellus?” he mocked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

_A second chance!_

Severus wet parched lips. The old Death Eater instincts rose, and he dove for his wand as it lay in the grass, two inches from Potter’s feet.

“Oh, no you don’t. _Impedimenta_!” Potter yelled.

The spell struck Severus, and he cursed again. _Why didn’t I just_ Accio _it? He wouldn’t expect it. I just lost my chace at a clean exit. I’ve too much wit and experience to be beaten by a bunch of teenagers!_

“His nose touched the parchment,” Sirius Black mocked from the sidelines. “There’ll be too many grease marks to read it.”

Severus ignored him. At least laying down gave him a moment to compose himself. Besides, he’d been called far worse—been through things Black couldn’t yet imagine.

“Aww. He’s lost for words.” Potter smirked. “Sirius, I think you’ve hurt his feelings.”

“I just hope he’s not going to wipe his nose with us,” said Black.

 _Accio, wand!_ Severus thrust out a hand with cold calculation.

“ _Scourgify_!” declared Potter.

The spell hit before Severus snatched his wand or cast a counter for _Impedimenta_ . An appalling taste coated his mouth. The bitter punch combined with panic, Severus mustered the strength to break the binding spell. He sat up coughing and spitting. _Defeated by a child’s curse? This is embarrassing._ He spat most of the soapy taste into the dirt and glared at Potter as he dried his mouth with his wizard’s robe sleeve, but the acrid tang of lye still ate at his tongue.

“T-that’ll teach you to wash your mouth,” Potter hid a tremor at Severus’s wandless magic.

Instead of swearing, Severus poured his hurt and confusion into one sullen glare.

Potter stepped back. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me what a spoiled brat I am?” His nervous tone belied the taunt.

“Leave him alone!”

All shock and discomfort vanished. _Lily._ His world faded until he saw only her, and his heart leapt. She berated Potter, but Severus paid that no mind. _She’s… alive._ Vibrant with anger, her green eyes flashed, and her voice’s strong melody soothed him.

Severus staggered to his feet and approached Potter and Lily. _I must beg her forgiveness._

Potter noticed him and pointed his wand with a shaky hand. “Stop right there.” Fear edged into his voice.

Severus halted inches from Potter’s wand. He expected to feel hatred for him, but… he didn’t. Not even the twinge of annoyance rose at Potter’s shenanigans.

Lily stopped his breath.

“I’m warning you.” Potter still shook. “Stay where you are.”

 _She’s real…_ He hid his relief and took a slow step toward Lily.

“ _Levicorpus_!”

The world tipped upside down. Feet in the air, Severus’ gaze never left Lily.

She covered a gasp and demanded, “Let him down!”

“When’s the last time you washed your pants, Snivellus?” Black teased, but the tremor in his voice sent the taunt flat.

“What’s up your sleeve?” James gulped and narrowed his eyes. “Sirius, something’s wrong here.”

Black shuffled forward but only one step.

“Snivellus, _what_ do you have up your sleeve?” Another hard swallow followed James’ demand. “For Merlin’s sake, speak, Snively!” he barked.

 _I’ve a great many things up my sleeve, Potter. And I need no wand to break your juvenile curse._ As Severus focused on Lily, his facade broke.

“Aw, you made Snively cry,” Black said with a bit more courage.

“James Charlus Potter! Put him down!” Lily’s words burned with anger, but Severus glimpsed a grain of uncertainty behind the rage.

“Lily,” Severus managed, voice broken.

The onlookers silenced and stared. His first word of the encounter was barely a whisper as he hung upside down, silent tears dripping onto the grass.

“It’s all right,” he assured her. “They’re the ones who look like children.”

Lily’s astonishment and terror hurt. _I wish I knew how to tell her not to be afraid. She’s so beautiful—and oh, so alive._

“S-Sev…” she stammered.

“That happy to see us, huh?” Potter tried to step in, but the question lent only awkwardness.

“If I could move, I’d kiss you, Potter,” Severus said with a smirk. _What’s worse, I really could. It’s all too wonderful to be real._ He thunked to the ground, Potter’s concentration broken, and the hex with it.

The Death Eater instinct rose again, demanded he compose, assess, in order to defend. He sat up. _Fifth year._ He stood. The crowd took a step back. _Right after my Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. exam._

Everyone watched with a mix of fear and fascination. Unlike the rest, Lily’s fright glued her in place. It stung to see her still so afraid of him. Those emerald eyes urged him to make sure she was real. With a shaking hand, he touched her shoulder. When she didn’t vanish, he drew her close. _Finally, the right face frames those eyes._

Lily’s shock and uncertainty radiated through her.

Severus wrapped her in a tight embrace as years of pain and sadness escaped. “Thank God!” he cried. “Thank God, you’re safe!” The whole crowd heard him, but he didn’t care.

“Sev…?” Lily tensed in his arms but patted his back at an awkward tempo. “Whatever it is, it’s fine. I’m fine!”

“I see that, but I just can’t quite believe it yet.” Severus trembled and held her a little closer.

No one said a word. Not even Black. Severus half-expected another nose-wiping crack as he wept over Lily, but it never came. _I’m far too old for this—been through too much._ “Everything will be different now,” he choked, as much to himself as to Lily. “I promise, I can change.”

“Shh… It’s all right,” she whispered as kindness melted her uncertainty. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

He nodded and gathered the strength to let her go. That one gesture took every shred of will. But when he saw her face, a genuine smile, the first in ages, fought free. Though small, it held galaxies of starlight and brightened as Lily returned it before she took his arm and led him toward the castle.

“Wait!” Lily let go.

The moment without her seemed eternal, and vulnerability settled over him.

“Here.” She placed his slim, black wand in his hand, the same one he’d held in the Shrieking Shack.

 _Was it only minutes ago?_ The wand pulsed. _This… is real, isn’t it?_ “Thank you,” he whispered.

Lily took his arm again.

Stunned, he followed. Only when he sat on an unfamiliar couch did he realize he was in Lily’s dorm. Red banners, a lit fireplace, and four beds occupied the room.

While it wasn’t against the rules to bring schoolmates from other houses into a student’s common room or dorm, boys couldn’t go to girls’ dorms unaccompanied by a girl. Despite the lack of mandated segregation, house pride often trumped camaraderie and promoted schism. Common room passwords became a treasured secret instead of a sign of unity.

In all his years as a teacher, this was a situation for which he’d never prepared. _What are the rules for a girl bringing a boy from a different house to her dorm in the middle of the day?_ Though it was easier to focus on the mundane now, he forced away the trivial question.

“It was the only place we’d be alone,” said Lily. “How about I make you some tea?”

Severus nodded.

As Lily brewed the tea, his thoughts swirled. _It happened too fast. None of this makes sense. Last time, this ended much differently._

After he’d taken his fifth year Defence exam, he and Lily grew farther apart because of his choices. He’d craved power, longed for revenge against Potter’s Marauders. At the time, he hadn’t seen the problem with Voldemort’s ways, and when he joined him, Severus found the opportunity for power and recognition. He hadn’t realized how high a price he’d pay for his choice.

Back then—what was once now—Lily begged him continually to reconsider. She warned that if he continued, he’d lose her friendship. They hadn’t even studied for the O.W.L.s together. She’d made one last attempt to defend him, but he’d blown that too… and lost her. He didn’t know if she was willing to give him another chance. Perhaps, if he’d changed in his first life, she’d have stayed his friend. She always saw the best in people—in him.

When she’d laid down her ultimatum—her or them—he’d closed himself off, sworn to show everyone his potential for power. In youthful stupidity, he expected power and respect would bring Lily back.

It didn’t. If she learned the truth about everything—how it ended last time—she’d be disgusted, and rightly so.

 _The mark!_ Icy fear crept over him. He closed his eyes. _Please, be gone. If she sees it… she has every reason to leave me—to hate me forever._ He held his breath and waited until Lily was on the other side of the room, back turned. His hand shook as he tugged up his sleeve.

Gone.

His thin white arm was bare. Not even the red stain that plagued him after Voldemort’s disappearance remained. Waves of relief crowded over him and blurred his vision with tears.

 _This is it! My chance for freedom. Haven’t had that since… eighteen—fresh out of school._ He breathed a shuddered sob but smiled through it and covered his eyes. _If this is a dream, I never want to wake up._

“Sev? You all right?” Lily pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. She offered him a steaming mug of tea.

His cold hands welcomed the cup’s warmth. As he sipped, delightful heat filled his throat and chest. “I’m fine.” Though his voice was hoarse, and his eyes refused to stop pouring tears, he smiled. “Right now… I’m better than I’ve ever been.”

“Did something happen?” Lily looked apprehensive, even puzzled.

“I’ve been through Hell,” Severus said, eyes on his mug. The remaining tea jostled as his hands shook. “I’ve seen things so horrible I wouldn’t want anyone else to see them.”

“When? How? You haven’t gone anywhere. I—we… haven’t spoken much, but I’ve seen you on campus every day.”

“Time is an elusive thing,” Severus muttered. “To live in a world with magic means some things can never really be explained.”

Lily frowned.

His heart rent. “I was wrong, Lily,” he whispered. “God, help me, I was so wrong! And I’m sorry. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I promise.”

“You mean… I know you’re tired of hearing it but consider what you’re doing! Supporting Voldemort—even the idea—is wrong. He’s pure evil!”

Severus winced at Voldemort’s name and nearly dropped his mug.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Lily crossed her arms. “You know how I feel about him and his lot.”

He gaped, then shook his head clear as he ran a hand through his dark hair. “I don’t–” He swallowed hard to clear his tight throat. “I don’t want anything to do with him. _Ever_.”

Lily straightened, eyes wide, unbelieving.

“I never told you… and I need to tell you now. You’re the kindest, most compassionate, beautiful person in the world.” He set his mug aside and struggled to say everything he wanted to. “And you were right! You were always right. _I_ was wrong.”

“Why now…?”

“Because in a moment, I’ll wake up and find this is a dream.” Sadness welled in Severus again. “You’ll disappear, and I’ll never see you again.”

“Sev, for Heaven’s sake!” She leaned closer and slipped from the chair to her knees. “What’s wrong? Please, tell me.” Fright shadowed her face.

“It’s… complicated.” _Very_. His mind ricocheted like a loose spring in a rubber box.

“Are Avery and Mulciber out setting up something you planned? Did it backfire? Get out of control? Just tell me!”

“What? Oh…” He and she were on far different pages. “Nothing is going on with them.”

“I saw you whispering with those two this morning. And you promised Black payback today. I heard you say so outside the exam room.” She crossed her arms. “What did they do?”

“Nothing.” Severus’s face blanked.

“Okay then, what did _Malfoy,_ Mulciber and Avery do?”

Severus laughed. “Those fools! They don’t deserve to sniff the dirt I walk on. I don’t want anything to do with them.”

“Y—you what? You said they were your _real_ friends!”

“I was wrong. People like them don’t understand what friendship is. I should count myself lucky I do.” He gently took her hands and emphasized each word, “I. Really. Should. You were right about everything. They’re evil.” _Oh, Lily… you were always my conscience—my guardian angel._

“Uh… thanks… I guess.” She cleared her throat. “All right, tell me this—what do you think of muggles? Be honest. I can tell if you’re lying.”

“What about them? People are people. You’re a muggleborn, and my friend. Doesn’t that speak for itself?” said Severus. “I don’t care whether someone’s a muggle, muggleborn, or pureblooded. You realize I’m a half-blood, right?”

“You’ve… never said that out loud…” Lily wondered at him.

“Oh.” _Was I really so narrow-minded before?_

“Honestly, I don’t care. You know who else is a half-blood?” said Severus.

Lily shook her head, eyes fixed on his face.

“The Dark Lord,” he said as anger rose in his chest.

“How do you…?”

Severus shook his head. “I know a lot—such as, his real name is Tom Marvolo Riddle.” He cursed under his breath. “I wish he’d drop dead. Do everyone a favor.”

Lily looked shocked. But whether it was because of the topic, or because he’d said he wished someone dead, he wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was his sudden change in belief. He winced as he remembered showing admiration for Voldemort more than once before the age of fourteen.

 _Horcruxes!_ His mouth went dry. _Was Voldemort making them even now? How many are already out there? The diary! Voldemort made it as a student._ “I know…” Severus rasped.

“What?” said Lily.

“Too much.” He shook his head.

“Is… _he_ coming after you? Have you been meddling with _him_? Of all things, Sev!”

“No, no.” Severus stood and wandered the room in quick, disorganized circles. “The Dark Lord isn’t aware I know anything.” He rubbed his chin and traced his steps around the room again. “I was never there—not anymore,” he muttered. “But I know now, and if I don’t do something, it’s just as bad as joining him.” He stopped in front of Lily and leaned close. “Don’t you see? If I do this right, I can turn everything around!”

“You’re scaring me.” Lily’s wide eyes shone with fear. “You sound… mad.” She looked away, defeat in her voice.

_Does she really think I’ve lost my mind…?_

Severus slumped in exhaustion. “I’m sorry. I just… What should I do?” He retreated, embarrassed. “I can’t give this information to just anyone. So… who do I tell?”

The reflection in the dorm room mirror startled him. _Merlin, I’m different!_ _So… young._ No more appalling, sickly, dry parchment skin, or wrinkles. Darkness’ terrifying edge had vanished, giving way to the scrawny, gangly frame of a sixteen-year-old.

He never considered himself attractive, but at least without all those years of dark magic, he wasn’t quite as much a mess. His skin was still pale, and he had yet to grow to his full height. Once-sallow cheeks looked normal again, but the sheen of oil that plagued every teen shone on his face.

Severus touched his nose. It was large, but not as distinguishable. And his eyes… Instead of sunken tunnels, they resembled two brilliant black orbs. _I liked my eyes once._

He glimpsed Lily in the mirror as she approached. _She’s only sixteen too._

She stood beside him. “You act like you’ve never seen a mirror before.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “You can tell me if you want. It would make _me_ feel better, at least. I promise, I’ll listen.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. _Will I ever stop being hoarse?_ “I might… but not right now. I need a moment. My head is bursting.” Nausea squeezed his gut.

“I’ll—I’ll let you—go… then…” Lily sighed.

“No!” he said too loudly.

Lily jumped.

His cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I mean… I could relax better if I didn’t… have to be alone.” He looked away. “If… I have you near me.” His heart pounded and he couldn’t quite breathe—like he just dove into ice water. “Please?”

A light smile flitted over her lips accompanied by… relief?

_Does she not trust me to be alone?_

Severus’ legs wobbled. He sat on the closest bed and slumped, head in his hands. A broken string threaded through each of the day’s events as his head pounded.

After the incident at the lake earlier in the afternoon—which still rang clear as mirrored glass even though it happened years ago by his reckoning—peace was exactly what he needed, that and an escape from prying eyes. He winced at the memory. _What would my students think?_ He stopped. _No students! I_ am _a student—one more time. I’m not going down that road again. No Death Eaters. No having people hesitate to give me a job._ He smirked. _Impressing those potion fools will be easy. I can brew things that won’t be invented for ten years—and with my eyes closed._

Lily pulled her chair over to him again. Her doubt hurt, but she was here, with him. He relaxed a little. _You don’t trust me yet, do you, angel? But you still ease my burden when I can’t bear it anymore…_

Curfew approached.

Lily escorted Severus downstairs.

He dreaded the moment he had to let her go. _Will it all vanish once she’s out of my sight?_ His heart raced.

“What the–? Snape?” A flabbergasted Potter drew several students’ attention.

Severus nodded. “Potter.”

“You can’t be here.” Potter lifted an accusing finger.

“Obviously I can.” Severus smirked. _What must he think? Me, leaving Lily’s bedroom with her?_ He nearly chuckled at the immature delight of Potter’s discomfort.

“But—but you’re not allowed,” Potter stuttered.

Black, Potter’s constant shadow since childhood, nodded.

“There’s no rule against it.” Severus frowned. “As long as I’m back in my own common room before curfew, I can be here. So, if you’ll excuse me, I really must be going.” He approached the portrait hole.

The Marauders made no snide remarks. Potter and Black stood together, Wormtail just behind, a question on his face. Lupin burrowed into a book as he always did when Severus appeared. But even the bookish werewolf glanced at him with furrowed brows.

Severus hadn’t known much about Lupin before the other man’s appointment as Professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts, and he learned more at the Order’s meetings.

 _Werewolves…_ Severus suppressed a shudder. _At least Lupin stood by me before in his own way… even if I shoved a lot of hate his direction._ He remembered taking Dumbledore’s life and shut his eyes against the tide of his past life’s regrets.

 _Lupin knew where his loyalties were. Wolfsbane isn’t easy to brew—not to mention how long the process takes. I could have poisoned him any time. No one could’ve proven it wasn’t an accident. And, oh, I considered it, Lupin, so many times._ Remus tucked into his book again when Severus looked his way. _B_ _ut I didn’t. And you honored that._

 _I’d have him in my debt again._ He swung into the open portrait hole and smirked. _A little fear would be healthy for the rest of Potter’s band._ Lupin’s werewolf form from the incident at the willow sprang to mind and Severus’ hands grew clammy. _Feels like an eternity ago._ He glanced back. _Not for them._ He stifled another shudder. _They’re roaming the grounds during the full moon—without Lupin under control._

Severus remembered Lupin’s transformation—when he was a Professor. And though Severus was of no real use then, paralyzed by his fear of werewolves, he’d shielded Harry, Ron and Hermione. _Wolfsbane is the only option this time._ He pieced together more of his plan as he exited the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

 

Confusion couldn’t begin to describe Lily’s feelings.

She stared at the exit long after Sev left.

He seemed genuine—first at the lake, then here. She sensed when he lied, even when others couldn’t.

 _Something’s different this time—off. Not just one thing—everything. I want to believe him._ An ache settled in her chest. _This is so… sudden. Not to mention weird. He looked shocked—shaken through._ His silence back at the field still chilled her, and she unconsciously rubbed her arms. _W_ _e_ _ll, whatever it was… I suppose it’s good. He—_ She choked. _He almost passed the turning point. I felt it. He really wanted to hurt people. I couldn’t make him learn the lesson he needed, but now- Now I don’t have to! I owe someone a miracle… I just wish I knew who._

James’ behavior earlier shocked her. This time, she saw Sev’s dark expression, and understood it when James used _Levicorpus._ But when Sev didn’t throw a fit and curse the Marauders… _That’s what he_ always _does—lash out when attacked. His temper is horrid. That’s his flaw. He’s so… unhinged sometimes. But when he doesn’t say anything…_ The chill returned. “They’re the ones who look like children,” he’d said.

Sev’s words terrified—even unnerved her. _Was he going to do something to them? With everything he’s been doing lately…_ She shook her head. _They’re prats, the lot of them. Even so, I don’t want them dead._ _But… Sev never cries. Not since he was nine—even when his mother died. What terrified him so much…?_

Lily tapped her foot.

 _Is Sev in trouble? Or did he turn a new leaf?_ Her chest squeezed again as she recalled the day’s events. _For his sake—and mine… I want to believe it’s the latter. But this is his last chance. He can’t have my friendship and serve Voldemort. Oh, Merlin, help me! I hope this was a good sign, but it’s so_ bizarre!

“So? What’s wrong with him?”

Lily turned to James and the others. “That’s none of your business,” she snapped.

“So, something _is_ wrong!” said Sirius.

“Padfoot, sometimes your skills of deduction are just _astounding_.” Remus rolled his eyes and tucked his book under his arm. “Pretty sure we’ve established something happened to Snape.”

“Then what is it?” said Sirius.

“Lily’s right. It’s not our business.” Remus shook his head.

“You’re such a bore,” James pouted. He perked up, “You don’t think it has anything to do with…” He gave Remus and the others a knowing glance.

“I don’t think so,” Remus said.

“But, it could,” James persisted.

“Maybe,” Remus said. He bit his lip and fidgeted. “But I still don’t think so.”

“What?” Lily said, her curiosity at its boiling point. “Do you know something?”

The four boys startled.

“Does it have to do with… you-know-who?” She crossed her arms, face stern.

“Merlin, no!” James’ jaw slacked. “Has Snape had something to do with him?”

“Uh, no,” Lily quickly said. _No reason to give Sev more trouble._ “He said he thinks… _he_ … is evil.” Lily fiddled with her ear.

“Perhaps Snivellus _does_ have a decent bone in his body,” James muttered amidst the other boys’ puzzled looks.

“Maybe,” Sirius echoed.

“Would you stop calling him that? He hates it,” Lily said. “It was childish when you were eleven. You’re sixteen. Grow up!”

“Come on, Lily.” Sirius snorted. “That couldn’t be the reason he went to blubbering.”

“Of course not.” Lily perched hands on hips. “But that doesn’t mean he likes it.”

James looked thoughtful. “Didn’t seem like he noticed this time though.”

Just before she shot a reply, she stopped, finger to lips. _He’s right. Sev didn’t mention it—even said he didn’t care what the Marauders said or did to him. Doesn’t he want to see them go down for what they’ve done? Make them mind their own business? I agree to a point, but it’s not like him to ignore them._

“Let’s drop it,” Remus said. “Snape isn’t one to cry without reason. Actually… I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry—especially not like that. Let it be this time. It’s not our business.”

“But…” James began.

Remus’ face pleaded.

Lily rolled her eyes. _Will Remus never stand up to them? He should insist, not ask._

“Okay.” James sighed. “You’re right.”

His answer relieved Lily. With the Marauders, James’ decisions were final.

Sirius wasn’t happy, but he was too loyal to James to go against him.

* * *

 

Four or five stray students headed for their common rooms as Severus walked the Hogwarts corridors. He knew every inch of these halls now.

Two more students passed without slowing. _Strange to be invisible again, except the odd looks from the ones at the field earlier._

He neared the dungeons.

“Mr. Snape.”

Severus stopped and faced Minerva McGonagall. To hear her call him that added one more thing to today’s list of strangeness.

For years she called him Severus. _Except last year… when she thought me a traitor. Then it was plain Snape, but never_ Mr. _Snape._

A smile tugged at his lips. Minerva hadn’t changed. Fewer wrinkles creased her face, but that was the only difference. He respected her. To meet her eyes, devoid of hate, disgust or the wound of his supposed betrayal… It gratified and relived him.

“Mi—Gonagall– Uh, Professor,” he salvaged.

Either she didn’t notice the slip or chose not to address it as she approached. “Mr. Snape, it was brought to my attention that someone from my house did you serious harm. Do you wish to confirm that?” she said in her best business tone.

 _This is new_ . “Nothing worth mentioning, Professor,” he assured. _The tears must’ve made me look more the victim this time._

“I was led to believe you were seriously compromised, and… well… emotional,” Minerva said, voice low.

_To think she put so much effort into a student’s well-being. I preferred giving detention, myself._

“Perhaps I was… emotional, as you put it,” said Severus. _No use in denying it. She’s too stubborn to let it go._ “But it had nothing to do with Potter, Black and Pettigrew. I had… personal reasons.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Professor.” Severus nodded.

“Very well. Off to the dorm with you. It’s getting late.”

The pair turned opposite directions.

“Professor!” Severus stopped.

“Mr. Snape?” Minerva faced him.

“Thank you.”

Minerva’s expression brightened.

_Thank you—for the rivalry in a previous life. I enjoyed it. Thank you—for standing by me in two wars that haven’t happened yet. Thank you—for being you, the solitary reliable thing in my previous life._

“You’re welcome.” Her eyes softened. “We teachers are here for the students, after all.”

When it came to students, it didn’t matter who she liked more, she’d do what she could for them. Severus bit back another smirk. _Can’t say I excelled in that department, Minerva. But, then again, teaching was more of a necessity for me than a passion._

Severus gave her a nod. “Thank you,” he said again and continued toward his dorm.

He reached the entrance to Slytherin’s common room. _Password—what’s the password?_ He stared at the entrance for a five-count. _Guess I’ll wait until someone else goes in. And they’d better not think they’ve the right to insult me if they realize my predicament._

Almost before he finished the thought, quick, light footsteps approached.

 _Ah! Narcissa Malfoy—no, Black._ He stepped aside, relieved it was her. She wouldn’t hesitate to use the password in front of him, and she wouldn’t ask too many questions.

“Severus,” she greeted.

“Narcissa,” he replied.

Not yet tied to Lucius Malfoy and weighty responsibilities, she looked young and vibrant again.

“How… are you?” she said.

“Fine,” Severus replied as he eyed the entrance instead of meeting her gaze.

“Going in?”

“In a moment,” he said.

“Oh, okay.” She gave him a confused tilt of her head but didn’t pry. “It’s getting late. Probably shouldn’t wait too long,” she said. “Cobra.” The code triggered the door for Narcissa.

Severus counted two minutes. “Cobra.”

He entered. Stares bored into him from every corner of the common room. Whispers echoed, and Severus’ guard rose. His wand waited in his sleeve, ready for use. He took the stairs to his dorm, and though everyone gawked, no one confronted him.

He plopped onto his bed, face-up.

Outside the window, a half-moon glowed. _T_ _w_ _o more weeks. Just enough time to make Wolfsbane. Can’t let a werewolf roam the grounds uncontrolled._

The day’s events crashed through his head. _Died in the Shrieking Shack killed by Voldemort—sent back to the world of the living by a load of regret—avoided becoming a ghost because of… Mother. That old life… it’s gone—at least for me. I haven’t done anything—not this time._

He checked his unmarked wrist again and allowed a faint smile. _Not a Death Eater, not a spy—certainly not a double-agent. No one hates me. Well, Potter’s lot still doesn’t like me much, but it’s nothing compared to…_ He remembered all the people who abhorred him before. _L_ _i_ _ly’s alive! And no one’s died because of me…_

A half-chuckle escaped Severus. _How did a situation like this ever exist for me?_

His eyes drooped. _This is a dream. Maybe Heaven is real, and I’m in it. I never have to make those mistakes, never have to see the terrible consequences. I could go with that. Absolutely. Everything’s looking up for once._

Sleep came, and he drifted off with a smile on his lips.


	2. Exams and a different kind of fullmoon

Severus woke and squinted through hazy morning vision. _This isn’t my bed._ He rubbed his eyes and sat up. _Too much light in here._ A bulky sixteen-year-old boy snored in a bed ten feet away. _Slytherin dorm! No wonder. But what on earth am I doing here with the students?_ He focused, but the previous night blurred. _Why did I sleep here?_

Severus slid out of bed. The instant his feet hit the icy floor, everything came back.

_I died…_

Nagini’s bite, Voldemort’s triumphant blood-red eyes—he remembered them too well.

 _Oh, Merlin!_ He ran damp hands through unruly hair. _I can’t go through school again. It was bad enough the first time. And I made so many mistakes—but I won’t do that again._ He smacked a fist into the mattress. _All the pointless name-calling, the taunts. It’s so stupid! Why must I be degraded to the same level as all those snotty dunderheads? Just yesterday I was Headmaster! Not that I want that again, but such change… It happened too quickly._ He gripped a fistful of blanket and groaned.

Without waking the snorer, he slipped from bed to bathroom. The image in the mirror was the same as yesterday if a bit messier. _What a pretty picture._ He pushed tangled hair out of his face. _Still scrawny_ . _And awkward._

He fumbled to turn on the faucet. Big hands miscalculated, and he knocked a knuckle on the sink.

 _Ouch! At least it gets better… eventually._ He waved away the sting then wiped a sheen of grease from his face and cleared sleepy eyes. A fresh set of robes under one arm, he headed for the shower.

The rest of the dorm stirred.

As he finished his shower, he relished the feel of hot water and clean hair. _If I’m changing things, this might as well be one of them._ He toweled dry. Though clean now, he didn’t feel it. His bare arm offered some comfort. _That’s a mistake I’ll never make again._ He glowered at the unmarked skin in a silent vow before he returned to his dorm.

“Morning, Severus,” said one of his dorm mates.

 He gave the speaker a dark look. _Avery._

“Done crying to the mudblood?” Avery taunted with a smirk.

 “We don’t use that word here,” Severus said, voice firm.

 Avery looked surprised. “Come now, Severus. She’s just a mudblood.”

 “I _said_ , we don’t use that word here.” He gave Avery a look so stern the other young man’s mouth clapped shut.

 He left the dorm without another word to Avery.

Dread built as he neared the great hall.

Lily waited there. She searched the crowd and brightened when she spied him. “Morning, Sev,” she called across the hall and smiled.

 

 _My angel—alive again_. He choked down the lump in his throat as he drank in the sight of her. “Good morning, Lily,” he said, voice thick.

 

“You all right, Sev? You look a little pale.”

 He crooked an eyebrow.

“Well, you’re always pale, but… you know.” She felt his forehead.

 Severus tensed.

“No fever,” she said. “Seriously, are you all right?”

 He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

 “Riiiight. Know what? Let’s sit together.” She took his arm and led him to the table nearest them, occupied by Hufflepuffs.

 He raised a brow at her.

“What?” said Lily. “There’s no rule against a Gryffindor and a Slytherin sitting together at the Hufflepuff table.” She gave him an innocent grin, but her eyes suggested an alternate motive.

 “Only at special feasts,” he said.

 “Really?”

 “Yes, like the welcoming feast, Halloween, and a few other special arrangements. During those you must sit at your house’s table,” said Severus.

 “I suppose that makes sense,” she replied.

 Passersby gave them odd looks, especially the Hufflepuffs, who sat farther down the table. The other teens were uncomfortable, but their faces didn’t fill with disgust, or fear or the loathing Severus expected. They’d have barely tolerated him here before. Now, the prevailing expression was puzzlement instead of revulsion.

 _Don’t have to watch my back every moment._ He sighed as the burden of dread dissolved. Odd stares didn’t matter, only Lily’s approval.

Lily held strong opinions and had a temper to match. How well he knew. Despite flamboyant episodes, she was shy, and now, a bit flustered at being the center of attention.

She stole puzzled glances at him when she thought he wasn’t looking. Embarrassment bloomed on her cheeks when he caught her. After four such exchanges, she met his gaze with a stern frown.

 _I know that look…_ He sighed. _I’ll win her over somehow._

Dashes of red and blue—a few more out-of-house occupants sat farther down, but he was the only one in Slytherin green. _Probably exchanging last-minute notes or getting homework tips._

At least one Ravenclaw sat at the Gryffindor table, and at Ravenclaw a smatter of yellow and red mixed with the dominant blue. Slytherin, however, remained solid green.

His stomach rumbled. _When was the last time I had an appetite? Years?_ Severus poured a cup of coffee and reached for some bread. Last night’s insanity forbade him even considering dinner.

“Didn’t know you drank coffee,” said Lily.

Again, he sensed the ulterior motive in her voice. _Does she know?_

“Recent change,” he replied. “You’re fine sitting with me… right?” He concentrated on ignoring the Gryffindor girls’ stares.

Lily looked from him to her house table as a cunning gleam danced in her eyes. “Oi, Emmeline!” She waved across the hall.

“Um… Morning, Lily,” the other girl replied. “Uh… Morning, Snape.”

 _Emmeline Vance. Muggleborn, well mannered, stiff, but orderly._ He hid a smirk. _Oh, Lily. Playing the etiquette card. If she greeted you, she had to greet me too._

Lily eyed him until he gave the other girl a curt nod and mustered, “Good morning, Vance.”

Lily’s hand clanked to her plate, but the rest of the table ignored them.

Her surprise stung. _I’m not totally without manners._ “You okay?” he said.

“What do you mean, am I okay? Are _you_ okay? You _must_ be sick.”

“Not that I know of,” Severus said.

“Just a little insane, maybe?” Tension hid behind her smirk.

At least it’s Lily and not the Dark Lord leading this interrogation. He swallowed a rise of nerves. No chance of ending up in a Cruciatus curse. Or with a poisonous snake in my bed, or dodging explosives planted in my desk. And no Confundus hexes in the back. And they all wondered why my mood was so foul that last year. He sipped his coffee. “Maybe something like that.” _How am I supposed to act after… all this?_ _New determination to take on the world should fill today. Last time, I convinced myself losing Lily’s friendship didn’t hurt. How wrong I was…_

 

The memory took him.

“ _Fine! I don’t need you, mudblood! She should feel honored to have had the chance to call me a friend. I’ll show her! I’ll show you all! One day I’ll have it. I’ll be powerful, respected. It’s my destiny, and you’ll see, mudblood. You’ll see!_

He shuddered and stuffed that moment into a dark corner where it belonged.

 _What was it like to be a teenager?_ He took stock of the room. _I… don’t think I remember._ Dumbledore’s lectures from his previous life rang clear, “Being a child is hard. That’s because it’s designed to make us the best adults possible. We make the biggest mistakes during youth so we can avoid them during adulthood. One so intelligent as you knows that. It is a great sin to forget our youth. Recall it, Severus. Someday, it will help you.”

 _He was so annoying back then. Never saw the use in that advice. Would be handy now though. Can’t I just be myself? I won’t end up acting in front of Lily every day… but that’s what I’m doing now, isn’t it?_ _This takes too much energy to maintain._ He took another long sip of his coffee, and the cup warmed his hands. “I… was wondering… Would you help me study for the rest of our exams?”

“Sev… I thought you knew those textbooks word for word.”

 _Of course, I did—twenty-two years ago when I took my exams. How am I supposed to remember the geometry of transfiguration now? The practical exam I can ace, but the rest…_ “It wouldn’t hurt to go over it with someone else,” he said. “Studying alone—well, I’ve always found another’s presence helpful.” _And I can spend time with you._

“Alone? What about Avery, and…”

“Those dunderheads? Even if I still wanted to be friends with them, they’re buffoons. Party tricks are all they know, and not many at that. If you know what I mean.”

“I do.” Lily nodded, then glanced at the ceiling and shook her head. “I never understood why you spent time with them.”

“If it’s any conciliation, I don’t know either.” Disgust rose for his former associates. _They’re nothing! Idiots, with no sense of intelligence._

Later, in his dorm, Severus skimmed his notes, grateful for his sense of order, even as a teenager. _Why can’t more students be this organized? With notes like these, any idiot could pass the Transfiguration exam._

He collected his papers and headed toward the library and his meeting with Lily, but Lucius Malfoy stopped him in the house common room.

“If it isn’t Severus Snape.” Malfoy’s cold stare was just as hard now, at eighteen as it was at forty. “Heard you went back to your mudblood girl.”

He returned Lucius’ glare. The details blurred, but Severus remembered enough. _For too long, I met Lily in secret because of that desperate bid I made for your favor, Malfoy. I spouted insults about mudbloods inside the house—but she was still my friend, my confidant… and my passion burned for her, anyway. Why did I ever want_ your _approval? You have nothing I want, and my power far outshines yours._

“Get your loyalties straight, Severus. You know nothing good will come of that.” Lucius’ soft voice dripped with scorn.

“They are straight,” Severus countered. “But they aren’t with you.”

Shock covered Lucius’ face. “But… if you ever want to be strong—powerful, in our cause–”

Severus stifled a laugh and smirked instead. _That’s almost too funny, Malfoy._

Other Slytherins gaped in fascination. A small girl straightened her glasses and stared at him; her brown hair hung to her shoulders. Lucius growled and pushed the girl. “Get out of my way,” he sneered.

Severus chuckled as Lucius’ gray eyes narrowed in angry confusion.

“Think this is funny, do you?”

“The situation? No.” Severus smirked. “You? Yes.”

Fury lit Lucius’ face. “You don’t mean that!”

“I haven’t time for this.” Severus dismissed Lucius and continued toward the exit.

“Get back here!”

“I think not.” He glanced at Lucius. “I know you can’t wait to join the Dark Lord. But when you do and after a while discover it isn’t what you thought, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Believe me, a time will come when you wish you’d never considered going into his service.” Slytherin house’s entrance closed on a flabbergasted Lucius.

Satisfaction warmed Severus at the ease of walking out on the other young man.

Lily waited for him in the Library, suspicion in her sharp eyes.

He smiled, but the expression fell flat.

One brow raised, Lily returned the smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She gestured for him to sit and took his parchments and notes on transfiguration.

As she studied his over-scribbled book and papers, he couldn’t take his eyes from her. Sunlight played through her dark red hair, and elegant hands traced lines in his notes.

 _A precious treasure… worth protecting. How could I have ever tried to throw her away?_ The burning desire of his youth, once raw, uncontrollable, prompted ridiculous acts and muddled his brain in matters involving Lily. Those flames no longer raged. Instead, gentle warmth suffused him.

As a child, he was alone, except for Lily. She banished his loneliness, and he harbored everlasting appreciation for her friendship. Something pure and worthwhile, and the need to protect replaced romance’s searing desire now. _I want to stand by her side forever—see her safe and flourishing. That is reward enough._

She cracked a joke to break the tension. He didn’t do jokes—especially during his last few years—but he smiled for Lily’s sake. Her laugh was strained, but patient.

Lily focused on his notes with a frown of concentration. Her eyes still held the promise of life. “Sev!”

“Uh.” He cleared his throat, embarrassed to be caught staring. “Yes?”

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

He shook his head.

“You really tuned out,” said Lily. “It’s not like you.”

“I’m sorry,” Severus murmured, contrite.

She stared.

_Am I not supposed to have manners? Granted, I only used them when I saw fit, but I still had them. Or is that something I gained with age?_

“You’re… _sorry_?” she whispered.

_So, I don’t often apologize. What of it?_

“Didn’t you see? Malfoy’s in here.” She pointed across the room to the blonde boy who looked at them with squinty gray eyes.

“So?” said Severus.

Lily smiled again, but instead of happiness, the expression oozed bewilderment. “He won’t be happy, you know…”

“Why would I care?”

Lily started to answer but stopped. “Let me see that.” She reached for the parchment beside him and laid it next to his notes. Her eyes wandered between the two texts. With an unsteady smile she handed the parchment back and then slumped and sighed.

He took the document without comment.

A group of students entered the Library.

“Hey, Remus!” she called. “Would you mind coming over for a second?”

Severus covered a choke with the page in his hand.

“What’s up, Lily?” said Lupin. “Oh… hey, Snape.” Red crept up the boy’s neck.

Severus gave him a sullen stare, but he didn’t want to appear rude in front of Lily. _I hate werewolves! And Lupin._ Disgust twisted his face. Though he tried to hide it, a sneer played on his lips.

“Thank goodness,” said Lily with a glimmer of recognition.

“You… wanted something?” said Lupin.

“Sorry, Remus,” she said. “I just wanted to check something.” She held a hand to her chest and let out a long sigh. “Thanks for your help.”

“Uh… you’re… welcome?”

Severus shot him a dark look.

“See you around.” Lupin gave Lily a hasty wave and darted back to his friends.

_What on earth was that about?_

Lily tried to duck behind Severus’ notebook and gave a quiet chuckle “Oh, I’m sorry. I really am. I just needed to be sure.” She glanced up. “Sev, that face! That expression is hilarious on you.”

“All right… I guess…” he said.

“Oh, Merlin!” She covered her mouth but kept giggling. “Stop acting so weird!”

“Me? I’m not the one laughing like a blithering idiot,” he replied, tone serious.

Embarrassment and mirth filled her eyes. Lily’s laugh was infectious, and Severus couldn’t help responding. A tiny smile escaped, along with a soft chuckle.

The tension broke, and Severus relaxed.

_In the end… I must let her go. I’ll not stifle her. Hogwarts is safe now, but I must destroy that vanishing cabinet. Hogwarts mustn’t fall. And Wolfsbane… I’ll have to start it this evening. Slughorn will let me use the lab. At least his favors are one benefit of Slug Club. Oh… am I still on the outs with Slughorn? He knew my intentions to join the Dark Lord. I wouldn’t have cared before—never liked those Slug Club members. All that exposure to rich snobs—to Potter and Black? Not worth the chance for acknowledgment. But, of course, I joined anyway._

He half-listened to the rest of Lily’s tutoring, and she scolded him for drifting off at least four more times before it ended.

Few students roamed the grounds as Severus wandered the gardens outside the castle.

 _How can I get Dumbledore the information about the Horcruxes? He’s the best one to deal with them. But he can’t know I sent him the information—I don’t want questions… or sympathy—or an association Dumbledore for that matter._ Anger boiled. _He forced me into a situation I couldn’t win—and it was_ his _fault._ His irritation subsided. _But I’m indebted to him. Albus trusted me, believed in me more than anyone. But that’s of no consequence right now. Nothing’s happened._

_How to convince him the information is genuine…?_

He stopped. _Simple! I’ve the perfect method. It’s worked before, after all._ He headed inside and found an unused classroom at the third floor’s deserted far end.

The evening sun filtered in and set the dust asparkle as it danced with Severus’ steps. The room was large enough to house a group combat training.

He raised his wand and whispered, “ _Expecto Patronum._ ” The image of Lily as she picked a white flower and gave him a glad smile fueled the conjuring. “Your wardrobe could use some color. It would make you look less gloomy,” she’d said with a giggle as he pictured Gilderoy Lockhart clad in rainbow attire.

A beautiful silver doe burst from his wand. It pranced as it floated around the room and left a trail of silver light.

_How can such elegance spawn from someone… like me?_

The doe blinked long, silver lashes, eyes innocent. Its smooth body appeared fragile but moved with strength.

Severus concentrated and adjusted the Patronus’ voice. Instead of his rasp, the doe spoke in a lighter, feminine lilt, a voice Dumbledore wouldn’t recognize—the voice of his mother’s spirit.

The Patronus bounded once around the room then whisked to Dumbledore’s office.

 _At least the problem of the Horcruxes is out of my hands now. I’ve told Albus everything I know._ He sighed. _Now for Wolfsbane. But I haven’t all the ingredients yet._ His jaw clenched. _I’ll have to raid Slughorn’s private supplies. What irony… I hated it when others invaded my privacy by stealing from me… but now_ I’m _the one who must take from someone else. Lupin is too dangerous to roam unchecked. In my last life he didn’t bite anyone… but there’ve been too many changes. It could happen. And Lily’s here. It’s not worth the risk._

 

* * *

 

 

The next day brought the written Transfiguration exam. It went well. Severus knew all the answers but wondered if he elaborated enough.

Potions came next. He studied his old notes even though the extra effort proved unnecessary. The exam passed with ridiculous ease and he wondered why so many students failed it. He decided the pass-rate reflected the mediocre intelligence of his former pupils.

Practical exams were last.

Charms went well, and Potions proved no challenge. Severus even improved several test recipes.

With each exam, Wolfsbane’s completion neared, and soon only three days remained until the full moon. The potion was ready. But one hurdle remained—getting Lupin to drink it. He’d never consume something from Severus—not knowingly—nor would he believe an explanation of the potion’s effects. At present, no cure or relief for the werewolf’s curse existed.

Severus secured a vial with the first dose of the potion to an owl’s foot and added a letter that appeared to be from the Ministry of Magic. It contained instructions for Lupin to drink the vial the moment he received it as a new safety measure. “The ministry will know if you don’t take it,” he wrote, then tacked a St. Mungo’s stamp to the document.

He ensured Lupin received the owl in his friends’ presence. Alone, he might throw the potion away, but with his friends he’d be sure to drink it. The concoction smelled vile, and the others would at least be amused at Lupin’s disgust.

The owl reached Lupin shortly before breakfast and Severus chuckled as the boy’s face wrenched when he took the potion.

Lily raised a brow at him as they sat to eat.

Every day since his return they’d eaten breakfast together at her insistence.

 _She knows something’s strange_ . Severus picked up his fork. _She sticks close to collect clues—to test me. Can’t say I mind. Easier to keep an eye on her this way._ He sighed and took a bite of his food. _Lupin needs the last dose of Wolfsbane just before the full moon. I can’t send another owl… I’ll have to hand it to him myself. Every dose is important, especially this one. Without it…_ He shivered.

Once breakfast ended, Severus found his target in the halls between the entrance and the library. “Lupin,” he called.

The young man stopped and fingered his sleeved wand.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” said Severus.

Lupin let go of the wand but remained stiff. “Now isn’t a good time.”

“Believe me, I’ve no wish to keep you, beast,” Severus said. “I’m supposed to give you this and ensure you drink it.” He held out the vial of hot, green liquid.

Lupin’s nose wrinkled. “Can’t we skip that? Tell whoever I drank it. I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Nice try.” Snape smirked. “But you’re going to drink it—right now!”

“You!” Lupin pointed. “That potion wasn’t from the Ministry! I knew it! _You_ sent it to me!”

“And?” said Severus.

“What does it do? What’d you do to me?!” Lupin’s voice rose in panic. “Are you out to kill me?”

“Please,” Severus sneered and rolled his eyes. “If I wanted you dead, I’d have done it long ago. It would be easy to slip something into your morning goblet of pumpkin juice. I _am_ capable, you know.”

“Then what does it do?” Lupin took one step back.

Severus frowned. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“I’m _not_ drinking that!”

“Yes, you are.” Severus gave Lupin a cold stare. “Do it yourself, or I’ll force you. It doesn’t matter to me, but you _are_ going to drink it.”

Lupin’s eyes darted to possible escape routes, but before he bolted, Severus drew his wand and swung a wordless body-binder. Lupin froze, mid-turn.

“What will it be?” Severus circled Lupin. “Shall I force it down your throat? Or will you take it yourself? Nod if you’ll do it.”

For two minutes Lupin didn’t move. Just when Severus thought he never would, Lupin nodded.

“Trick me, and I’ll make you take it,” Severus said as he counteracted the binding and thrust the potion into Lupin’s hand.

Lupin gripped the top of the vial and with a glance toward the nearest wall, loosened his wrist.

Severus sneered. “I have another.”

Lupin put the vial to his lips and swallowed it in one quick gulp followed by a shiver. Disgust plastered his face.

“See? That wasn’t so bad.” Severus smirked.

“If you wanted to make me suffer why not just color my shirts pink? Something a normal prankster would do,” said Lupin as he tried to wipe the taste off his tongue.

“Like you?” Severus snorted. “Please. Do I look like a prankster?”

“Then what was the potion for?”

“You’ll see. Now, I suggest you hurry to the willow, beast,” said Severus.

“What did you do, Snape?” Lupin’s voice filled with terror.

“Nothing too terrible,” Severus said and started away from Lupin.

“What is it? Tell me!” Lupin’s bellow echoed after Severus.

“Better get going.” He gave Lupin one last smirk and indicated the setting sun.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Remus shook. The Shrieking Shack walls closed in as terror rose. _What was that potion? What did Snape do?_

Sirius lay at his feet in dog form, head resting on Remus’ leg. James too was there. His stag antlers glittered in the low light as he knelt beside Remus and rested his head on his other leg. In Remus’ lap was Pettigrew, wearing his rat’s form.

Remus stroked the rat’s head and earned a look of confusion from Pettigrew as his hand shook.

“Guys… I think tonight might be rough,” he said. “That potion you made me drink…” He gulped. “I think it’s supposed to affect me during the full moon, but I don’t know how.” He laid a hand on the stag and dog. “I might be even more dangerous.”

Sirius whined and nudged Remus’ hand. James supported him in silence and didn’t budge. _Should I tell them Snape sent that potion?_ Fright or uncertainty—he couldn’t tell—forbade him speaking.

Remus’ skin burned. He screamed as moonbeams bathed him in agony. _Something’s wrong! This is different. Why do I feel it this time?_ His face broke into a long narrow snout; hands curled into paws. Muscles stretched and grew as his spine twisted with each change. He growled as pain forced him to all fours and his bones shot to unnatural lengths. _Merlin! It hurts! What did you do to me, Snape?!_

The stab of a thousand knives sliced through marrow and sinew as everything inside him burned hotter than molten steel. The urge to vomit came, but he held it down as the transformation stopped. Remus collapsed. _What… did… you do… Snape?_ He panted, tongue lolling on the shack floor.

Nausea still bit his stomach, so Remus curled into a ball of fear and confusion. He sobbed, but the sound came out a plaintive whine.

_This is wrong! Why is everything black and white?_

A dog stood over him, puzzled head crooked as a stag overshadowed them both.

 _Am I a wolf now? I should be._ Confused tears blurred Remus’ eyes. He shook his head and tried to stand but stumbled and banged into the floor. _Ow! I_ do _have a snout._ He took stock. _Four legs, paws._ A gray-black spoof twitched and tickled his back legs. _A tail._

 _Wait—how can I ask these questions? I have my mind!_ His tail wagged and nails clacked on the hard floor. Remus considered how to tell the others. _The pain was worse this time because the beast didn’t take over. I didn’t have to fight its instincts._

Sirius inched closer and sniffed.

Remus stilled and tried not to look a threat.

James’ antlers cast a spotty shadow as he approached and bowed to study Remus.

Dog, stag and rat stared as Remus sat without a howl, snarl, or bite. Instead of running for the door, he rubbed a paw on his snout and tottered on unsteady hind legs. He took three steps, like a baby who’d just learned to toddle.

 _I don’t know this body… The wolf always acts on its own._ Both feet tangled, and he lurched, but steadied. Another trip, another recovery, and then he adjusted.

His friends watched everything.

 _I must look drunk or drugged._ His paw stung as it thunked into something, and he toppled face-first. He lay on his side as his friends surrounded him.

James trotted to the other end of the shack and morphed from animal to boy. Sirius squared his dog shoulders and stood between Remus and James.

He struggled up on back paws again, head cocked in question.

James froze and drew a breath. “Remus…? Moony, can you… _hear_ me?”

Remus nodded.

James gaped. “And you understand?”

Remus nodded again.

James ruffled his hair and uttered several flabbergasted expletives. “Are you in control?”

 _How can I answer that when I’m not sure myself? I’ve never been in control before, so how do I know?_ He growled.

Sirius’ hackles rose.

Remus stepped back and motioned Sirius to back down. _I’m annoyed, not dangerous, you big black lout. How can I tell them?_ A cloud of dust swirled as Remus shuffled a step. _Ah!_ He stooped and swiped clumsy symbols in the dust then stepped away.

Sirius crept forward.

“Heya,” the symbols read.

Sirius’ ears perked and shock etched his face. James transformed again and clopped toward the word. Peter scurried to see too, and then all three stared at Remus as he sat with intelligence and calm. A single tear tracked his fur.

 

* * *

 

 

“Snape!”

Severus walked faster, but Lupin broke into a sprint. _That’s the trouble with Wolfsbane—quick recovery. Generally, a benefit—but unfortunate now._

Lupin caught his shoulder.

“What?”

“You—you–” Lupin panted. “Last night–You did that, didn’t you? It was that potion!”

“You surprise me. I thought you’d be pleased.” Severus turned away.

Lupin stopped him. “So, it _was_ you! But why?”

“I didn’t do it for you,” Severus sneered. “You—the werewolf—frighten, even terrify me! I’d happily kill it if I wouldn’t land in so much trouble. The thought of you and your friends cavorting about school grounds at the full moon without you under control does not appeal to me.”

Lupin looked shocked.

“Yes, I know about your little escapades, and the others’ illegal Animagus forms.”

Lupin paled. “W-what are you g-going to do?”

After an unnerving pause, as Lupin trembled, Severus said, “Nothing.”

“Huh?” Lupin stood dumbfounded.

 _And I once thought you clever._ Severus rolled his eyes. “I said, ‘Nothing.’”

“So, you’ll dangle this above our heads forever,” said Lupin.

“Not really. I’m not interested in such childish behavior,” said Severus.

“So why? I don’t understand,” said Remus.

“Some things are more important than juvenile scores. A war looms, and neutrality is impossible. You’re either with the Dark Lord, or you aren’t. And I’m not. To have such powerful wizards expelled now, before maturity, is dim-witted.” He snorted. “If I’m lucky, one of you will die a martyr’s death and take a couple Death Eaters with you.”

“So… You’ll need us in the future.” Lupin looked puzzled.

“We’ll need each other,” Severus said with a grim nod. “And next time, I expect you to take the Wolfsbane potion when I make it. I don’t like wild beasts roaming the grounds.”

A smile began on Lupin’s face, then blossomed into a full grin. “You don’t need to demand. This means more than you can understand! I know it’s not for my sake, but… thank you, Severus. Thank you so much!” Bits of light sparkled in his eyes as he held back tears.

Severus growled. _Since when are we on a first-name-basis?_ “We’re not friends,” he snapped. “Kindly refrain from acting like we are. I made the potion because I hate werebeasts. And I need you for the future. That’s it.”

Lupin nodded, but his grin turned sheepish and a twinkle lit his eye.

“What?” Severus said.

“How’s this possible?” said Lupin. “How did you do it? I never thought I could have relief from this curse. So… where’d the potion come from?”

“I brewed it,” Severus snapped. “I invented it, and I brewed it,” he lied. “I’ll sell the formula this summer.” Guilt tapped for attention. _Belby would understand. This way he’ll have time to develop it, fix the flaws. This could be the foundation for a real cure. After all, it’s in my interest to get rid of werewolves for good._

“I knew you were good with potions, but this…? There’s no way you’ve been developing it long—only since October.”

Severus gave Lupin a cold stare. “Then be glad it worked as it should and didn’t kill you, or make you attack your friends.”

Lupin stepped back. “If there were a chance of that, you wouldn’t have given it to me, would you?”

Severus started to say yes but thought better. _It would betray how I feel, not to mention my situation. I don’t want to kill anyone—especially not an innocent, no matter how annoying he is. No more blood._ His soul ached, and horror filled him. _And making that beast worse while it’s here, with so many children…_ He shook his head. “No. I wouldn’t.”

Lupin’s eyes clouded in wonder. “Severus, I…”

Severus winced.

“I’m sorry…” Lupin said. “You’re all right.”

“I don’t need your pity, and I don’t want it,” Severus spat. “Leave me alone.”

“Sure.” Lupin nodded as the glimmer in his eyes returned. “Til next full moon.” He passed Severus, wearing a happy, stupid smile.

 _I want to disappear into a deep hole… Lupin’s got the idea we’re friends now—or at least that he owes me._ That _might come in handy, but I don’t want to deal with it as a student._

 


	3. The bad impersonater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going to be updated weekly. 
> 
> We are two people working on this story. And we are indeed aiming at an update every Thursday. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and kind comments, we both hope you will continue enjoying the story. 
> 
> Love Moonybird and Dtill359

_How can I smile so easily now?_ _And about something as trivial as finishing exams?_ Warm, fresh air surrounded Severus as he left the castle. _The practical Defence exam was easy._ _T_ _h_ _is feels like a bizarre vacation—just twenty-two years in the past._

Afternoon sun bathed the grounds in cheerful shades of orange. 

_I could leave._ Several students streaked by, all cheering about passing their exams. _I know enough to make it without N.E.W.T. grades, and there isn’t much more Hogwarts can teach me._

_But what about Lily? I must protect her as long as possible. She notices… the looks, the closeness._ “I won’t break,” she’d said once. “And I’m not going anywhere, Sev. You’ve suddenly become quite the gentleman.”

_How am I_ supposed _to act? I won’t continue this charade around you, Lily._ He sighed.

A breeze gusted and ruffled his robe as he passed a row of trees.

_Hogwarts is secluded. It’s safer here. I wouldn’t have to worry about work, or housing. This place is the center of attention—where everything happens. I must keep an eye on it. What better way than to stay here? And I like studying anyway._

A few feet away three boys complained about the thick textbooks and how heavy they were. “Why do we have to use these things, anyway? They’re just paper and ink.”

Severus growled and hurried past.  _Dunderheads. They could gain knowledge, perfect skills. They don’t have to steal time to learn while they struggle to feed themselves on a pauper’s salary. What is_ wrong _with these idiots?! Do they think if I had a choice, I would grade essays and teach classes instead of doing my research? Ha! Not likely!_

The castle’s shadow fell over him. He stopped. All around, grass swayed , and trees burst with life. He could almost smell magic’s sweet zing in the air.

_How can they not see the delight in understanding? To sit with a book on something so complicated as Defence Against the Dark Arts and have an expert explain it… And then to have them take time to assign essays and correct them so students understand what they’re doing…_ He crumpled his robe sleeves.  _This is a privilege! They shouldn’t take it for granted!_

He circled away from the castle entrance.

_They sigh and stare at the door through the entire class. Spoiled brats! They insult this great institution_ and _me!_ His head throbbed as bitterness twisted his chest, and he growled at the students’ ignorance.

“Snivellus!”

He stopped. Potter approached, winded. Black and Pettigrew followed close behind. Severus gritted his teeth; the urge to hex the trio’s faces to resemble slugs rose.  _Such teenage vengeance. The rest of me wants to turn them to gooey mash. But that would beg a fight and make Lily cross. The trouble isn’t worth my ten seconds of satisfaction._ He frowned. “Potter.”

Potter crossed his arms and glared. “What are you up to?”

Severus’ brows furrowed. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“The tears were a great ploy, but I’m not buying it anymore,” said Potter. “This has gone on long enough. I won’t watch you hurt Lily with your slippery tricks.”

_Ah, so_ that’s _it._ Severus’ eyes narrowed. “You’re angry Lily spends more time with me than with you.” Grim satisfaction bolstered him.

Potter’s sour face confirmed it. “No! It’s just… you tricked her, and you know it!”

“I did no such thing.” Severus hissed. “I found understanding, and it changed me. Lily accepted that.” _Well… maybe not entirely accepted… but as long as she doesn’t hate me, I’ll be happy._

“You’re using her!” Potter’s voice rose. “I know you, Snape. You’re cold and arrogant—you’re worthless!”

Worry etched Black’s face as he watched Potter, but when he turned to Severus, his eyes hardened.

_You’d stand by him to the end, wouldn’t you, Black? Such hate. And no remorse for coming close to killing me mere months ago in my time._

Severus sneered at Wormtail. 

Pettigrew whimpered.

_Such a scared little rat. I wish I could play with the lot of you—make Wormtail faint from fright._

Severus returned Potter’s glare. “I may be cold and arrogant— _worthless_ ,” he mocked as Potter’s hazel eyes sparked. “But I can assure you I’m not using her. My intentions are clear.” He took a breath and sorted his next words. “She’s… my friend.”

“You don’t have any friends!” Potter shoved his wand at Severus.

_To respond in kind to a lovesick sixteen-year-old is ridiculous._ Severus smirked instead.

Confusion covered Black, and Wormtail trembled.

“Defend yourself!” Potter demanded. “Draw your wand!”

Severus didn’t budge.

“Prongs,” Black tried to calm Potter. “Be careful, mate.”

“I said, draw it!” Potter bellowed, inches from Severus’ face.

“No,” Severus said, devilish smirk intact.

Black’s confidence waned into bewilderment. “James… I don’t think–”

“Don’t you see? He’s toying with us!” said Potter.

“Exactly.” Black glowered at Severus. “I know dark tricks when I see them, Prongs. Something’s up.”

_Oh, so because I’m not sprawled on the ground desperately trying to defend myself you can’t attack me? Teenage thinking,_ he scoffed. _It makes no sense at all!_

“Leave him alone!”

Severus sputtered, surprised.  _Why would…?_

Potter, Black, and Pettigrew stood dumbstruck.

“Moony?” said Potter. “What the–”

“Put the wand away,” Lupin demanded, brown eyes hard.

Potter exchanged a shocked glance with Black before he did as told.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lupin crossed his arms.

“Looking for answers,” replied Potter.

“By pointing a want at Snape? What’s with you?” said Lupin.

“Something’s wrong, Remus, and you know it,” Potter challenged.

“That doesn’t give you the right to hex people minding their own business.” 

“Why are you acting like this? What’s wrong with you?” Potter took a step toward Lupin.

“This doesn’t feel right,” Black interjected.

“Why do you care now, Remus?” Potter ignored Black.

“Prefects care.” Lupin indicated the badge on his chest.

“You never did before.”

“But I _should_ have!”

Potter and Lupin locked eyes for five hard seconds.

Potter shook his head. Confusion and a little fright hid in his eyes as he ruffed his hair and looked to the cloudless sky. He turned. “I’m out of here.”

Black eyed Potter and Lupin then followed Potter after a shocked second. Wormtail trailed so close he nearly tripped over his own feet, eager to leave Severus’ presence.

_Are the Marauders… broken? Potter’s irrational, like… Well, like a teenager. Lupin kept Black in check as a man, but I didn’t expect it from him now. And Black—having the presence of mind to stop and analyze… Pettigrew’s the same though. Always the simpering coward. He’ll probably have nightmares about this confrontation for a week. A_ _n_ _d then there’s Lupin…_

“You all right?”

“Fine,” Severus snapped.

“You sure?” Lupin shrank at his tone but gathered his courage and stood straight again. “Sorry about James. It’s just—the way you’ve acted recently seems… strange.” 

“Ha!” Severus snorted. “That’s because I’m the only rational one here.”

Lupin took a breath and opened his mouth, but it took two full seconds before he said, “Sometimes… I wonder if you’re really Severus Snape, or just a really good impersonator.”

Severus stared.

“Or a really bad one.”

_I’m me—or not. I don’t feel one bit like my teenage self._ “Care to elaborate, Lupin?”

“If you’re not Severus Snape, I’m not sure I want to.”

Severus gave Lupin an annoyed frown. “I can assure you I am.”

“You’re not like the Snape I know. You’ve changed.”

“If you want to know if I’m the same person you watched be bullied, then no. I’m not him. But that doesn’t mean I’m not Severus Snape.”

“But why are you different?” Lupin said, bewildered.

“None of your business,” Severus snapped. “People change! I have a new perspective. That’s it!”

“Whoa…” Lupin scratched his head and said half-jokingly, “Did someone die?”

Bitter irony struck Severus.  _Did someone die? Lily… James, Black, the McKinnon kid who ran by two minutes ago… me. Even Harry Potter himself…_ “Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Lupin muttered, abashed.

Severus shook his head.  _One dead man talking to another._ He surveyed the yard.  _And another over there, playing exploding snap with a future blind, triple-amputee._ The now-whole young man executed a series of stunts that impressed even Severus. 

Under a tree sat a girl.  _Alice Longbottom—Weatherfield—mentally ill in my time._ She happily studied a difficult text. A Ravenclaw girl with messy, red hair tripped over Alice.  _And_ her _story’s still a mystery. No one ever knew what happened to that Ravenclaw._

“It’s fine,” Severus dismissed. The other students continued their lives, ghosts in Severus’ memory. _I can’t save them all, but I must change sides and fight, or else they’ll all die… just like last time. But how much can I change? What was I worth back then?_

“If you ever feel like a challenge in Ancient Runes or something, maybe we could–”

“Don’t even suggest such things to me.” Severus gave Lupin his best glare. “We are _not_ friends.”

“Probably not. But you said you wanted to fight alongside us in the future. It wouldn’t hurt to try to be friendly.”

_That point is disgustingly good._ _Others’ trust will be useful._ Severus hid a groan. _But friendliness is childish, and I refuse to stoop to tea and cake with the Marauders. And I will_ not _have an Ancient Runes quiz with Lupin—even in this lifetime._ “Right,” Severus’ tone reeked of sarcasm.

“I’ll see you later. Say hello to Lily for me, and remind her I have her copy of ‘Hogwarts: A History,’ will you?” Lupin waved as he left.

_What am I? An owl?_ Severus growled.

Someone bumped him.

“Watch where you’re–” He stopped. _Amanda Partil, twelve, died one night in August killed by a_ Sectumsempra _curse thrown by Yaxley, age fifteen._ Severus looked away. Tears of shame and regret stung. _Not this time. Yaxley doesn’t know any such curse. Because I’ll not teach it to anyone. But there are so many other killing curses…_

 

* * *

 

 

A few days after his confrontation with the Marauders, summer vacation came.

Severus laughed as Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin boarded the train. They yapped at each other like mad puppies every half a second.

_I upended their vacation. And without much effort at that. These past couple weeks were entertaining. The dimwits weren’t hard to confuse, and all I had to do was act the better man. Such weak comebacks. I’ve talked or tricked myself out of much worse. At least I’ve had time to read that backlog of books—even if some of them won’t be written for ten years or more—and I’ve had time with Lily._ He scanned the crowd for her.

A dash of red hair lent him reassurance.  _When did I become such a hen?_ he chided.

Lily talked with her Gryffindor dorm mates, Emmeline Vance and Bertha Jorkins. L i ly’s smile put him at ease.

_Once, I’d have been jealous, but I vowed to stand by her, make sure she’s happy and well. And I’ve no intention of breaking that promise._ A hint of jealousy rose anyway, but he snuffed it.

With one last glance at Lily, Severus boarded the red train and hunted an empty compartment.  _Haven’t been aboard the Hogwarts Express since graduation. No need. With apparation, floo powder, portkeys—even that abysmal Knightbus—what use is a simple train?_

Scotland’s vast landscape unfolded: forests, rivers, mountains. Severus’ head rested on his hand.  _I suppose I like trains. To sit in warmth as you’re carried from one place to another… I fantasized about that when I was younger, but I knew I could never just let the train carry me elsewhere. I’ve never watched the landscape like this. But now I wish I had._

“Sev?”

“Lily!” He smiled.

She stood in the doorway. “You’re all alone in here?” She scanned the compartment. “I know you said you weren’t friends with those horrible people anymore, but I thought at least…”

“I could use the peace,” said Severus.

“Oh… well, I… um… finished my round—prefect’s duty and all that,” she said. “Mind if I sit?”

“Of course, not! Please do.” He indicated the opposite seat.

“And the gentleman appears again.” She raised an eyebrow and frowned as she sat.

_I’ve done it again._ His smile disappeared.  _Merlin! What did I do this time?_ “Nothing wrong with manners,” he muttered.

“True. But this isn’t like you, Sev! What am I supposed to think?” She leaned into the seat. “Honestly…”

He swallowed hard. “I… don’t know.”  _No more minced words from her now._

“What happened to you? What aren’t you telling me?” Determination lit her eyes. “You’re a different man, Severus Snape—still you, but not you.” She crossed her arms. “History says when you hide something, it’s never good. You’re hiding something now, and I want to know what it is.”

Severus’ head dropped into his hands. “I’ve… had a lot on my mind,” he whispered.

“So, there _is_ something!”

He nodded.

“Then tell me!” Her eyes glinted warning emerald. “Even if you don’t, I _will_ find out.”

_So much like her son. Neither will leave things alone. And, in her eyes, nothing connected to me turns out good. I can’t deal with this right now._ “I promise I’ll tell you later, but… I have to think. I don’t even know what’s going on myself. Just give me some time.”

“What? So you can make up a believable lie? You know I can tell when you lie!” Anger flashed in those eyes. “You had weeks to think up a lie already.”

“No, Lily. Just—just trust me this time,” Severus pleaded. _Masterful or not, she always caught my lies. But now… there aren’t any left, not for her. Even if I wanted to, I haven’t the energy._

Lily stared out the window. “I’m not sure I can do that…”

Severus leaned back. Her distrust was a fist to his heart.  _It makes sense though…_ He tried to diffuse some of the pain.  _It was never just one incident that lost her friendship. The event string began long ago. That incident before exams was just the last straw. It’s all still smoldering, like lit gunpowder._

_All my last life I longed for her forgiveness. It was too late then. But here, now, it isn’t! How can I earn it back? How can she give trust when she doesn’t know everything? But how can she know without hating me?_

He gave a quiet groan.  _Two weeks we’ve circled like nervous cats. I’m tired of this nonsense._ “Lily, I…” His throat closed. He cleared it. “I want to tell you everything, and I promise I will. But I need to figure out how. I have to do it right. I’m sorry—and not just for what I’ve put you through. Please, give me some time!”

Lily sighed and shook her head. “How can I say ‘no’ to that?” She met his gaze. “I said I’d listen if you told me. I promise, that’s still true, but this better be good, Sev. Otherwise… what am I left to think? I want to believe you, but right now… it looks like you’re covering up trouble”

_The understatement of the century. But this kind of trouble is far from what she’s thinking. She’s only seen the past, and that makes this harder. I must try to be honest for once in my life._

  


  



	4. Irrational fear

As the Hogwarts Express neared King’s Cross Severus opened his suitcase. _Got to get out of this uniform._ He frowned. _Great... I forgot what a sorry lot of clothes I used to own._

Grays, browns and blacks greeted him, as did a slew of holes and ragged edges.

 _I don’t care about the colors, but their fit—not to mention state... Awful!_ He remembered his old wardrobe, quality wizarding robes. _Practical, formal and dignified doesn’t describe_ these _by far._

He rummaged again. _Even Lupin’s Monday morning clothes aren’t as shabby as these, for Merlin’s sake! Is there nothing presentable in here?_ He growled at the undignified assortment.

Severus sorted his few choices a dozen times. They became no better. He settled on a pair of baggy trousers. Their edges frayed and a big hole gaped in one pocket. A gray shirt paired with the pants.

 _Not ideal by_ far _._ He held up the ensemble and grimaced. _At least this one doesn’t have those horrid ancient vomit stains on it._ The shirt collar sagged wide, and he eyed his narrow shoulders. _So scrawny!_

A belt peeked out of the suitcase. He looped it into his trousers. It held the shirt in place and kept him from losing his pants.

 _This looks ridiculous... At least I can wear the same shoes I did with the uniform._ The thought of waddling about in his father’s old shoes made him cringe. _I may look like him, but I will_ never _be like my father!_

The worst of both parents’ features glared in him. _Father’s nose, mother’s sallow face and thin frame..._ He eyed his unnaturall y long hands and slipped back into his shoes. _These feet were always too small for my height. At least_ father’s _feet and bulk matched his stature._

 _Father..._ Severus shuddered. _These are his old clothes. He’s alive again and wasting away in that dump of a house in Spinner’s End. And now... I’m going back._

 _What happened last time? Wait—I took Lucius’ offer and went to Malfoy Manor instead. Of course, .._ _._ _I learned the Dark Arts all summer and swallowed every bit of Malfoy’s garbage. “Oh, the Dark Lord will accept you for your skill and loyalty instead of your heritage.” To think I believed that._

He sighed. _I must go home. There’s nowhere else_ to _go. Mother... would have died not long ago, which just leaves Father at home. I could run away, I suppose._ He shook his head. _And act like a stupid brat? I don’t think so._ _I’ve no money, anyway._

 _How did I get school supplies last time? Oh yes, Lucius so graciously gave them to me._ He rolled his eyes. _That and new clothes and uniforms if I remember right. Merlin, I was easy then wasn’t I!_

Severus’ suitcase clunked shut, and he stepped into the hall. The train slowed as it neared the station.

Lily greeted him with her innocent smile.

_Doesn’t she see I look ridiculous?_

His annoyance only broadened her smile, and recognition sparked in her eyes.

_Ah, yes, she already knows about this—is used to it even._

Severus glared at the rest of the girls Lily stood with as they eyed him. None commented, and all but Lily took a step back. His wordless displeasure didn’t deter their stares.

“Sorry, Sev,” whispered Lily. She smirked as he rolled his eyes at the group.

 

The Hogwarts Express rolled to a stop, and its doors opened. Severus stepped out, and a girl knocked him to one side in her haste to pass.

“Frank! Frank!” Alice Weatherfield ran open-armed to a young man—who looked to be around nineteen. He greeted her with a wide grin, and the pair shared a passionate hug. Alice threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.

 

Severus blushed, but couldn’t look away. _How can they make such a careless display? Such trust... and love. What was that pair’s situation about now? I didn’t know either of them until my time as a spy near the end of the first Wizarding War when I delivered informatio_ _n_ _to Frank... before they tortured him into insanity... I suppose we were together at Hogwarts for a while. But he would have left last year to pursue Auror education. That would make last year Alice’s seventh, wouldn’t it?_

_Ah, that explains Alice’s response. Auror trainees are in constant danger, now more than ever._

He glanced at Lily. _I always wished someone would greet me like that one day... I’d choose her without another thought. But... I doubt she’ll ever think of me that way..._ Peace filled him. _She’s still here—doesn’t hate me. That’s good enough. If only I could make her trust me again. She spent all that time with me lately out of worry and suspicion... I hope she enjoyed herself too—at least a little. Once, I could read her, but that was so long ago._

As Lily waded through the crowd Severus rode her wake, head down to avoid attention.

_I don’t need anyone else to see me in these rags._

Despite his need for anonymity, he stood back as Lily hugged her girlfriends goodbye.

“Remus!” She waved Lupin over—to Severus’ annoyance.

 

Severus stepped toward the crowd. _Maybe I can blend in until he’s gone._

“Severus? I hardly recognized you.” Lupin stared.

 

 _Well, thank Merlin for_ that _!_ Severus glared and hid a groan.

“Take care of yourself, Remus.” Lily hugged Lupin “And remember what I told you.”

 

Remus smiled. “I’ll do my best.”

 

“Good. We’ve got to find out why you’re ill so often. There must be an explanation,” said Lily.

 

_Does she not know? I worked it out at thirteen—got confirmation of it two years afterward in the worst possible way. And I wasn’t even in the same house. Can she really be this dim? She’s far too smart for this._

 

“Yeah... sure.” Lupin fingered the hem of his worn shirt.

 

 _At least his is the right size. And lacking holes. What I wouldn’t do to borrow even_ his _clothes right now._

 

“You take care too,” Lupin said to Severus, hand outstretched.

 

 _Should I take it? If I don’t, I’ll lose another shred of my tattered dignity. I can’t afford that right now, not even for the sake of pride._ Severus took Lupin’s hand, gave it one firm shake, and let go. “Of course. You wouldn’t want your source of badly tasting potions compromised, _Moony_.”

 

Lupin roared with laughter.

 

_Does he think this is a joke? Because it isn’t._

 

“No, that would be a shame.” Lupin grinned. “It’s rare to find people who can call me Moony and still dare poke fun at me. See you next term, Severus.” Lupin disappeared in the crowd.

“What’d he mean by that?” Lily said.

 _That look again. Is this another test?_ Severus sighed. “It’s not my place to say, Lily. It’s his business, not mine.”

Lily regarded him carefully. Thoughts buzzed behind her eyes for several seconds. “All right.”

_She isn’t going to push this? Well, I won’t complain._

Together, they stepped through the wall. Severus trailed Lily until they met two people, who, upon seeing her, smiled and greeted Lily gladly.

Severus stepped back. _Marguerite and Harold Evans. Dead. Killed in Diagon Alley by a gang of Death Eaters while they shopped for Lily’s seventh school year._ Sadness filled him. _That was when the Death Eaters started attacking muggles who ventured into the wizarding world—or stumbled in by accident._

Marguerite hugged Lily tight. “Oh! We missed you so much!”

 _Last time I held them in low esteem, gave them snide remarks. I respected them because they were adults, but that was the only reason._ Shame bit his heart. _I’ll protect them this time, muggles or not._

Marguerite peered at Severus over Lily’s shoulder.

He looked away but didn’t escape her hug. _What do I do?_ He stood stiff and still until Marguerite let him go and stepped back to look him over.

“Severus,” she greeted, voice warm. “How are you holding up? Lily wrote saying you were rather shaken."

He gave Lily a side-long glance. Satisfaction came as she blushed. _Serves her right for spreading word about how I may or may not feel._ “I’m fine, Mrs. Evans.”

Marguerite smiled. “Always the gentleman. If there’s something we can do...”

“Actually...” He cleared his throat. _I suppose it’s the only obvious thing to do._ “If... you would be kind enough to transport me home. We live close, and I don’t believe my father will come to pick me up.”

“Oh, no. You’re not going home to that horrible man, are you? Now that your mother...” Marguerite drew back.

“I’m afraid there’s little other alternative.” _I’m glad Mother didn’t come back. She’s happy. I know that. Her death seems... so long ago... I never thought about it much back then—just moved on. She was only a shell to me, with the occasional terrifying fit._ The memory of her screams chilled him. _Hysterical anger, then despair, that was her life. But... she loved me.. I couldn’t look at that hollow shell again—not when I know what resides within it._

_Mother... I’m so glad you found peace._

“Why don’t you come home with us for a while?” said Marguerite.

 _What? Why? I’ve only ever treated you poorly..._ “I don’t want to intrude,” he said. “Please, just drive me home.”

The looks the Evanses gave Severus churned his stomach.

_So much sympathy. How would they feel if they knew they’d offered to house a thirty-eight-year-old man and not a sixteen-year-old boy? Am I even a man anymore?_

“All right. But please, consider it on the way. We’d feel so much better if you stayed with us,” said Marguerite.

He shot Lily a questioning look. Her eyes begged him to say yes. “I’ll think about it.” _I can’t take their offer... I just... can’t._

 

* * *

 

 

The sight of his old house smothered him. _Looks a bit less shabby now. Still could fall apart any second._

A chipped window shutter squealed and hung by one hinge, and the withered garden begged for attention.

Severus wrinkled his nose. Garbage littered the yard and stoop. _Hard to imagine I made this place livable in the past. This was my sanctuary... No wizard, dark or white thought to find me here in the muggle world. But there was dignity in its simple neatness, so unlike_ this _portrait of filth._ He growled. _I will not stoop to being a helpless child again, nor will I sleep on a park bench like a transient._

He sighed. _I suppose I_ will _take the Evanses up on their offer. But not without my things—and the money jar Mother hid. I’ll not have Lily’s family house me_ and _pay for my school supplies. Father never found it last time, so it should still be where I discovered it while cleaning out the house._

He set his trunk on the stoop and went inside.

“Who’s there?”

 _Lovely time for Tobias to be awake._ Severus snorted at the deep, ugly voice, so hoarse it could sand wood. “Your son,” he said. “It’s my school vacation.”

“Don’ hav’a son.” Tobias Snape stumbled through the hall, drunk, pants half-zipped. Dirt covered him from shoe to forehead.

Severus waved the stank from his nose. _I don’t miss that stench. No wonder he died of illness less than a year from now. Strange how differently I remember him. Once, he terrified me, but now, I simply find him revolting. His death will be an act of mercy._

Severus headed for the stairs.

“Hey, ye!” Tobias bellowed. “Ye’ve no right te be-ere!” He staggered forward.

Severus looked away in disgust. A mistake.

Tobias’ meaty fist smacked him to the floor. “Ye filthy lil’ piece a’ filth! I thought I’d got’n rid a ye!”

 _How could someone with so little grace and no dignity be my blood-kin? I could hex him—without my wand, from right here on the floor... But I’m sixteen, a Slytherin, and supposed admirer of the Dark Lord. E_ _v_ _en so, surely_ _,_ _they wouldn’t expel me for such a small hex—to put down this sack of fat and alcohol. Oh, but it would be such a bother to go through all that trouble with the Ministry._

He rolled to avoid the next hit and leapt to his feet just in time to dodge again.

“Stan’ still so I ca’ hit ye!” Tobias demanded.

Severus’ lips twisted into a smirk which spread into a grin as he sidestepped another fist with ease.

“Stan’ still, I tell ye!” Tobias’ eyes grew confounded.

A laugh broke from Severus.

“Quiet!” Tobias demanded as he swung into empty air and staggered into the stair rail.

 _Why is this so entertaining?_ Severus laughed so hard he doubled-over and gasped for air. Tears filled his eyes.

“Wha’s so funny?” Confusion and fright darkened Tobias’ face.

“I—I—can’t–” Severus tried in vain to draw a full breath. “You!” He pointed at Tobias. “You were my Boggart!” His laugher shrilled. “My Boggart!” Tears blinded him.

A punch slugged him to the floor, then came a hard kick to the stomach, and another hit, and another...

Severus’ uproar never ceased. The blows meant nothing—didn’t hurt or induce terror. _I’ve feared for things far more precious than my life. I didn’t fear death then, and I don’t now._

How long the beating lasted, Severus couldn’t tell, but with his energy finally spent, his laughter broke and the gray world spun.

Tobias kicked Severus once more and staggered away. “Tha’ll teach ‘im,” he mumbled.

 _And again, these emotions cause trouble._ Occlumency composed Severus as he suppressed tears and took stock of his injuries. _Left ankle—sore, possibly strained. Left leg—_ He winced. _Ribs, strained, maybe broken. Mustn’t move too much. Can’t risk a punctured lung. Right shoulder..._ “Auch... aaah...” _Jaw—not fine._

_Next step—find a safe place and get patched up. But the only option is... the Evanses._

Severus rose on an elbow and knee. He hissed and used his good side to haul himself off the floor. He shut his eyes to an unsteady world and waited for the dizziness to pass.

A loud snore grated in the other room.

_Ah, Tobias always did sleep a lot after he drank._

_Even injured, the Dark Lord wanted us to continue our mission. We always had two choices—get out of danger and face his wrath or dig in and push through. But there is no Dark Lord to punish me now. To continue is foolish._

The dizziness gone, Severus limped to the door. Every step was a shot of pain. _I’ve had far worse._

He pushed out into a late June afternoon. The dark orange sky cast a warm glow over the scenery.

Severus dragged past his trunk as a cool gust threatened to topple him. Ancient memories lead him to a nice little yellow house. A white fence surrounded it and an apple tree stood over the garden.

He rang the electric door bell.

Wind chilled and rustled the apple tree leaves.

Pain and fatigue fogged his vision as a woman answered the door. Tall, thin, brown hair. The rest blurred. Severus thought he heard something... A loud scream. Coming from the thin woman?

Three more people ran to the door.

Severus swayed—tried to focus. Green eyes—frightened... _For me?_ “Thank you...” he managed and then collapsed.

 

 


	5. A friend in need

Petunia’s scream compelled everyone to the door, dinner forgotten.

“What is it?!” Lily rushed to her sister.

Petunia blanched and pointed a shaking finger. “I t-thought it was one of my f-friends.”

Lily gasped and pushed Petunia behind her. The thing on the porch rasped and hissed. Its ghoulish skin, marred by ugly red patches, glowed in the gathering night. Deep, dark eyes stared from beneath coal black hair. _Wait…_ Lily held back her fear and ignored the thing’s soulless eyes and the trail of blood dripping from its mouth.

A chill gripped her heart. _Severus…?_ Terror swept over Lily. _What’s wrong with you?_

His eyes caught her, drew her into an endless tunnel of darkness. She tried to escape, gasp for air, but she couldn’t. _You’re drowning me, Sev!_

“Thank you…” Severus’ words released Lily, and she dashed to him as he collapsed.

_He’s so light… I always thought of him as skinny until exams. Is it the way he walks now—straight, confident?_ “It’s bad!” she said as her parents crowded onto the porch. Severus’ limp body rasped louder. “Sev? Sev, can you hear me?” She felt his cold face. _What does that sick rattling mean? Did he injure a lung—or both? Is it exhaustion? Oh, Merlin, what should I do?!_

“That horrible man!” Her mother’s anger exploded. “I knew it! I _knew_ we shouldn’t let him go back!”

“Calm down, Maggy,” her father said as he knelt beside Lily.

“This is too much, Harold! We should call the authorities.”

“Of course, we should,” her father replied, voice calm. “But I don’t think you should yell in front of Severus. We don’t want to shock him more.”

Her mother started to speak but stopped.

“Lily… do you mind?” her father eased open arms under Severus.

_He’s so… defenseless._ The crook of her neck cradled his head and his breath hissed against her shoulder. Severus’ face twisted in torment, and his cheek bulged unnaturally.

Lily surrendered him with reluctance.

“The boy’s tall, but I didn’t realize he was this scrawny,” said her father.

Lily tagged close, eyes on Severus as her father took him to the living room and laid him on the couch. She knelt, took his cold hands and rubbed warmth into them.

“I’ll call the doctor.” Her mother left.

Lily ignored her family’s harsh whispers as she wrapped Severus in a blanket.

“Lily,” her mother called. “The doctor will be here as soon as he can. You can let go now.”

“No.” She held Severus’ hand tighter.

“You didn’t finish your dinner, dear.”

“I’m not leaving him. He’ll be terrified if he wakes up and I’m not here. That’s what happened last… time…”

“I’m sure he appreciates that, but you don’t have to sit on the floor.”

“I’m _not_ leaving!”

Her mother sighed. “I’ll get you some tea. It’ll do you good.”

Just before Lily’s mother brought the promised tea, some color seeped into Severus’ cheeks and his eyes darted behind closed lids.

“Lily,” he moaned in a voice almost unrecognizable.

“I’m right here.” She squeezed his hand. “It’s okay.”

“Lily. Lily, no… please, don’t! No more…” Severus pleaded without waking.

“Shh, Sev…” she whispered. “It’s all right.” _Can’t let him move too much._

“No, you can’t do that! How can you just let him die? He’s supposed to be safe! Why me? Why shall I be responsible for both your deaths?”

“Sev?” Lily brushed a strand of hair out of his face. He shied from her touch.

“No, Master. I’m faithful to you. You don’t need to punish me!”

Lily furrowed worried brows. _Why is he saying all this? What happened—and when for that matter?_

“Please! Have mercy—let her go! Have mercy!” Severus trembled in his sleep, and panic grew in his face.

“Sev!” Lily shook him. “Wake up! You’re dreaming!”

Severus’ eyes flew open. “Y-you’re okay?” He touched her cheek as urgency filled his voice.

Lily held his hand to her face and gazed into his dark eyes. “I’m fine. It’s you who’s ill.”

Severus nodded and took his hand back. He lay on the couch and all emotion vanished.

“Are you okay?” said Lily.

Severus snorted. “A good-for-nothing drunk manhandled me.”

Lily giggled in relief at his tone. _If he has the energy to be annoyed, he’ll be all right._ She sighed. _But something about all this is_ far _from all right. I know you like no one else does, Severus. I’ve seen it all—good and bad. You’ve a short temper, insecurities, passion. But you also have compassion… even if you usually reserve it for me._

She smiled softly. _Those black eyes once twinkled like sunlit onyxes. You were so happy then. I remember, back when we were eight…_

* * *

 

“ _What’s wrong?” Severus, wearing the same worn clothes as always, sat in front of Lily._

“ _It’s Tuney,” Lily sniffed. “I’m a freak!”_

_“No, you’re not!” Severus insisted, then said more softly, “You’ll see when we get to Hogwarts. We’ll make tons of friends, and they’ll all like us! T_ _h_ _ey’ll see our value, and everything will be better.” His voice wavered as he spoke his own hopes for the future. “And you’ll always have me, right?”_

_Lily smiled. “Sure. Friends forever.”_

* * *

 

Severus’ breath still rattled, but the sharp edge was gone.

Lily relaxed and accepted tea from her mother. She sipped it quietly.

_I’m so sorry, Sev—sorry for everything that’s hurt you. It closed you off when we were kids. Your father’s abuse kindled a lust for revenge. Every time something hurt you, that pain fueled hate. You had no one to adore you—dote on you like most other children. It made you hard and unpleasant. There were no adults to set a good example. And I was the only one ever to embrace you…_

_You were a confrontational child, but now… bitterness could turn you cruel if you’re not careful. Magnificence—power—that was your goal from the start so good things would happen. You were so convinced of your destiny to greatness that you never stopped to consider that you make mistakes._

Crickets chirped outside as darkness gathered.

_Oh, Sev… I want to hug you—tell you you’ll always have me._

_I’m sorry you didn’t find what you wanted at Hogwarts, but your pride and conviction tripped you before you stepped foot on campus. A feud with the Marauders._ She shook her head. _What were you thinking? They can never leave anything alone. Neither can you, for that matter. Such a childish rivalry, but that feud grew_ with _you. It became stronger, more dangerous. Every comeback struck harder, and both you and James thought yourselves in the right. It spiraled out of control._

_You’d never admit it, but your emotions often rule you. And I’ve seen every facet of them. You don’t even realize when they’ve defied reason. They muddle your brain, loose your temper. You’re so cunning… but you don’t always know, or care, when you’ve hurt people without meaning to._

Lily set her empty cup aside.

_Honesty’s an act of balance. Lose that balance, and it becomes brutal, self-righteous. Jokes never worked for you, but that harsh honesty that’s so much a part of you often burned worse than any insult. And you’re so smug about it._

_T_ _h_ _ere’s one thing I’ve never seen in you, Sev… peace. You came close recently but didn’t get there._

_I worry about you so much… I’ve seen your worst—ambition, greed. They poison you, corrupt you. If you don’t see reason soon, that lust for acknowledgement and power will—well… in times like these, to associate with wizards like that… there’s only one destination. I’m afraid, Sev. You’ll do anything to get what you want—go to extremes no one else would dare._

She bit her lip as Severus gave her a weary glance.

_I thought I knew you—flaws, reasons, all of it. I thought I understood. But lately… I’m not sure anymore._

_Your eyes, Sev… they’ve changed so much I don’t recognize them. Mirrors of the soul as the saying goes…_ She took a deep breath and braved a look into those unfamiliar eyes. _I’m getting to know you, and I like what I’ve learned so far, but there’s still so much I_ don’t _know._

_I’ve tested you a lot recently, I admit it. How can I not? You’ve acted weird ever since the lake._

_I asked you about muggles. You should have been disgusted, sneered at the thought they’d be worthy of you. An ashamed nod to prove you’d changed would have satisfied me, but no. You stared at me as though your acceptance of muggles was old news._

_I thought you an imposter, so I dragged you to the Hufflepuff table. You should have been annoyed. And greeting Emmeline should have elicited a rude hiss. But it didn’t._

_And Malfoy! His recognition was once a treasure, but when you didn’t care that he was angry with you I thought, “That’s it! This isn’t Sev. Or he’s under a spell.”_

_Then I compared your handwriting. Even Polyjuice Potion can’t mimic that. But when the samples matched… I panicked. Then came the last test—Remus. Finally, I saw the Sev I knew, hiding insecurity behind disgust. Thank God!_

Severus closed his eyes and Lily relaxed.

_It’s always snark with you. That’s how you cope._ She smiled softly. _At least that hasn’t changed, and I’m glad. I’m… quite fond of it… Adds humor, I suppose._

_So much change, Sev… but you’re still you. Though there’s one thing I can’t fathom. You faced the Marauders—one against three—and acted like the advantage was yours. What did I miss?_

_Enough of what’s new—there’s something else—something missing. Lust for power. Greed’s poison consumed you for as long as I remember. It strengthened you so quickly, but with growth came corruption. It terrified me to see such foulness in you._

_But now it’s gone—all of it. How should I react, Sev? I’m so happy—and terrified. It makes no sense that something housed that deeply in you would vanish in an instant._

“More tea, dear?” Lily’s mother took the empty cup.

“Oh! No… thank you.”

“Do you want me to bring the rest of your dinner?”

“I’m all right.”

Her mother patted her shoulder. “If you need anything, I’ll be in the next room.”

“Thank you.”

Severus’ light rasp brought back the oddities of the day they took their written Defence O.W.L. exam.

_Before we took it, you almost tripped over yourself to get inside. I saw the anticipation in your eyes. Black even told you not to “pee your pants.” You answered with a hate-filled glare and words so ominous I’ll never forget them, “You’ll pay, blood traitor. Just you wait.”_

_You meant every word. What’s worse, I knew you could make good on it. But three hours later you say, “I can change! I promise I can change! I don’t want anything to do with them… ever!”_

_You wanted this so badly it was all you ever thought about. What in Merlin’s name happened, Sev?_

_And then it’s, “The Marauders can mind themselves. I don’t care.” Since when can you leave anything alone? Especially regarding James and his lot?_

_But then came the one I least expected, “I never got to tell you, you’re the kindest person on earth, and you were right. You were always right!” Since when do you put_ my _judgment above_ your _ambition?_

_You say, “I’m sorry!” Truthfully… so am I, though I’m not sure of the reason._

_I’d never seen you so honest as you were that day. It was… wonderful. But what brought it on?_

“The doctor’s here.” Lily’s mother tapped her shoulder. “Give him some room.”

Lily stood at the end of the couch.

_The old Sev might—scratch that—I_ know _he would, complain about a muggle doctor treating him. He’d scowl and snarl. He hated to depend on anyone, especially—Merlin forbid—a muggle._

Severus was quiet as the doctor worked.

“We’ll take you to hospital for the broken rib and other fractures. That jaw needs looking at too, but the blood and bruises are superficial. You’ve had a good shock, but I’d say you’re a lucky lad.” The doctor patted Severus’ shoulder.

“Thank you,” said Severus.

“The ambulance is waiting outside.” The doctor started out.

The EMTs put Severus on a gurney, and Lily followed them to the door. “May I go? Please?” She shot pleading glances at her mother.

“All right… We’ll be there soon,” her mother acquiesced.

In the ambulance, Lily took Severus’ hand. He didn’t move or speak, but he didn’t resist her touch.

_You always liked to hold my hand when we were kids._ She smiled. _I was the only one allowed to touch you then._ His hand warmed hers. _We haven’t done this in a long time… This past month you treated me like a glass angel. Was it guilt? But it’s lasted so long… I’ve never known you to be guilty about_ anything.

The ambulance arrived at the hospital, and the EMTs wheeled Severus inside. Two nurses stripped his rags and sponged the dirt and blood off him.

_He belongs more to the Wizarding World than anyone I know. Here, he’s so… out of place._

“We’re going to patch him up. You need to wait outside now, okay?” One of the nurses coaxed Lily to a waiting area.

A window provided her a view of the hospital grounds. Mist hugged the lawn, disturbed only by three or four employees out for a late-night walk. She counted each tick of the wall clock and tapped a foot to the rhythm as her eyelids drooped.

Her parents slipped in a few hours later but didn’t disturb her.

As morning dawned, the fog thinned, and with the first ray of sunlight came the nurse who ushered her here. “You can see him now.”

White bandages wrapped Severus’ chest and shoulder. His dislocated jaw, realigned, swelled. The outline of a splinted leg peeked through the blanket. The doctor spoke with her parents just outside.

Lily took Severus’ hand and offered a smile. “How’re you feeling?”

“Stupid,” he mumbled then winced and cupped his jaw. “Beaten up by a staggering drunk. If only I hadn’t lost control.” He smirked and winced again. “Although… it _was_ too funny to leave alone.”

“What?”

“I used to be terrified of him. Now, I realize he’s less than nothing. Ironic he was my greatest fear—after I’ve seen so much terror. It’s just too much.”

_If he trusts me as much as he says…_ A question burned. _Might as well ask._ “When you were unconscious. You… had a nightmare. Does that happen often?”

Severus closed his eyes and leaned into his pillow. “All the more ironic I have those and could still be afraid of him.”

“How often, Sev?”

Silence.

“Almost… every time I close my eyes.”

_That—that’s awful!_ Her grip on his hand tightened. “Why do you have them?”

“Later.” With a glance over Lily’s shoulder, Severus shook his head. “I’ll tell you everything when we can talk undisturbed.”

In the doorway stood her parents and the doctor.

She frowned at Severus. “But you promise to tell? The truth?”

He nodded. “I want you to trust me.” The sincerity in his eyes—the plea that said, “I’ll make myself trustworthy for you. Believe me. Don’t leave…” convinced her.

Lily smiled and squeezed his hand. _When have you_ ever _pleaded with me before last month?_ “If it’s any consolation, gaining my trust isn’t a lost cause.”

Severus’ eyes lightened, but not with greed’s rot or lust’s fire.

_Hope suits you, Severus Snape. It suits you very well._

“You’re coming home with us,” said Lily’s mother. “Someone’s got to take care of you while you recover.”

Severus nodded without objection.

The drive home proved difficult as Severus tried to stay awake. Exhaustion dragged his eyes closed, but he forced them open again.

Lily, beside Severus in the back, sighed and guided his head to her shoulder.

He stiffened.

She put an arm around him and whispered, “Sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up, so don’t worry.”

Severus relaxed, and within a minute his chest rose and fell in sleep’s slow rhythm. That awful rattle was gone.

The night’s drama sent Lily a wave of fatigue, and she rested her head atop Severus’ and stroked his dark hair. _It’s getting greasy and tangled again. All those cauldron fumes from potion brewing—well, that and being a teenager—aren’t doing you any favors. You love experimenting. Maybe this messy mop will improve in a few years—and when you stop spending so much time around those cauldrons._

You’ve so much pride, Sev, and passion. You dive into a project and forget everything else—except schoolwork. Though I’ve no idea how, every assignment is on time. Neatness, order. Everything is as clean as you can keep it. Even with no bath during summer vacation, you always soothed your dignity by cleaning clothes by hand. You took my help, but not my parents’. She smirked. _That didn’t stop me. I just gave your washing to Mum. You tried everything to stay clean when I gave your clothes back, but you always got dirty again._

_Well, that won’t be a problem anymore, I don’t think._

Severus’ slow, even breaths lulled Lily, and she smiled as she fell asleep.

 


	6. A new choice

Severus lay on the Evans’ living room couch.

“Can we get you something? Anything at all?” Marguerite Evans draped another blanket over the couch near enough, so it hung within Severus’ reach.

“No, thank you.”

“You’re sure now?” said Harold.

“Want something to drink?” Lily appeared, glass in hand. “We’ve got water, tea, and soda.” She set a half-filled candy bowl on the side table.

“Just some water.” His teeth ached at the sight of the candy. _Never cared for that much concentrated sugar. What I wouldn’t give for a good glass of red wine, or Ogden’s Old. But I suppose asking for either is out of the question._

“All right,” said Marguerite. “If you need _anything_ , just say so. I can get you something to eat if you like.”

“No, really. I’m fine,” said Severus. _Is all this attention supposed to make me feel better? Why are they doing this? They don’t owe me anything. I’ve no way to repay them. Well, maybe I could offer protection, but they don’t know that. In their eyes, I’m just a sixteen-year-old boy._

“You’re not moving from this couch until you’re well,” said Lily as she set his water next to the candy bowl.

 _What else should I say?_ He fumbled for the right words, but as he shifted his shoulder ached. He rubbed it, but the pain didn’t ease until he stilled. _Sixteen… Such an annoying age to be out of school on holiday. If I could use magic here_ _,_ _I’d have mended these breaks in under a minute. A healer could do it in less than a second. But I can’t tell them that… It would be ungrateful after everything they’ve done for me._

“Here’s your trunk,” said Harold as he hauled the battered case into the living room and set it next to the couch. “It was still on the front porch.”

“Thank you. I think I’ll get in some reading.”

“All right.” Marguerite and Harold left, but Lily settled into a chair near the couch, Ancient Runes textbook in hand.

“How’s your leg?” said Lily as she tucked a parchment piece in the textbook’s pages.

“Broken.” He fished out a book on Defence Against the Dark Arts.

“I know _that_. I meant, does it feel any better?”

“Some.”

“Ribs?”

“Still ache, but they’re not threatening to puncture a lung anymore.”

“Good. You scared Tuney witless when you showed up at the door, you know.”

“Sorry.” _It’s been so long since I had a casual conversation with anyone… except Lily._ Severus paged to the section on werewolf transformation and skimmed it as Lily scribbled essay notes on her parchment.

_Improving Wolfsbane could prove interesting. It could use some work. I’ve no idea the specifics of what it does to the werewolf curse. Brew and dispense—that’s what I do._

Notes crammed every margin and text break, and one page overflowed with theories about how to kill or torture werewolves without rousing suspicion. _If I had to guess, I’d say I wrote these with Lupin in mind._ He shook his head. _No wonder Lily ended our friendship. According to this book I was a bloody psychopath._

 _What was I thinking when I invented_ Sectumsempra _, or the strangling curse—and all the others I don’t even remember making? Like an idiot I never considered the consequences of death._

_Still, these notes on werewolves are brilliant. I considered everything that afflicted only them so any mishap would look like an accident. W_ _e_ _ll, Lupin, you were right to be afraid of me, but the feeling is mutual, so, no, I’m not sorry._

He reached a passage on substances that affected the lycanthropy curse. _Constant exposure to silver induces nausea. Aathonas milk—from S_ _l_ _eeping Draught—would probably have the opposite effect. It isn’t difficult to make a poison that works exclusively on werewolves. Wolfsbane technically is one, but its strength only lasts twelve hours. Those few preceding days’ doses before full moon weaken the system and ensure the poison lasts through the night._

_That’s the trick, isn’t it? A poison with the fortitude to affect the beast, but dull enough to keep the human alive._

He read through the rest of his notes with a smirk. _Don’t stick your nose too far into my business, Moony, or I’ll knock the howl out of you._

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Severus refused to stay still any longer. _I can’t spend all day in here again._ He pushed off the couch and started for the door.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” Lily came alongside him and supported his bad leg. “No going outside alone.”

Severus sighed and accepted her help.

They sat in the familiar park, in the grass by the stream. The water gurgled as the sun shone, clear and warm.

 _Harold’s clothes are a bit too big._ He pulled the white shirt by one button and it bagged like a limp balloon. _Not my preferred choice._ He frowned at the borrowed jeans. _But worlds better than what I had. Marguerite probably threw out my old things. Can’t say I blame her. At least I don’t look unsightly—they’ve a sense of mature dignity._

Lily’s yellow summer dress spread over the grass.

_Simple, casual, but just as beautiful as always._

“Sev…” Lily tugged her hair. “Please don’t be annoyed with me… but I’m still waiting for an explanation.” Green eyes met his. “You _did_ promise.”

Severus closed his eyes with a sigh.

“It’s just…” she began, “I hardly recognize you anymore. You’ve changed—in a good way. But it came so suddenly I have to believe something’s going on I need to know about.” She swallowed hard and looked away, eyes sad.

Severus leaned on braced elbows. “What’s so unrecognizable about me?”

Lily fingered a ginger strand. “Lots. The way you talk, act, walk—you raise your head now instead of hunching over like an abused pup. The way you carry yourself now—you could give lessons! I’d swear you look different too—in some ways… Well, not physically.” She blushed. “Sometimes… you hide your emotions _too_ well.” Lily shuddered. “You look like… a dead person, and I can’t read you when you do that.”

_That’s Occlumency. I should probably stop using it around her. It’s just such a simple solution to clear my head and observe. If I don’t step back sometimes… emotion could dominate. I’m impressed she can tell the difference in me._

“Are you listening?” Lily raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Thanks, Sev.” She gave a knowing smirk, a glint of mischief in her eye. “At the train station, you didn’t reveal Remus’ condition even though you had the perfect chance.”

Surprise crossed Severus’ face.

“He’s _my_ friend too,” said Lily.

_She was testing me. She knew full well what Lupin meant._

“It’s not like you to keep quiet about something like that. Though I’m glad you did. Like you said, it’s _his_ business. Normally you wouldn’t understand that. I’m waiting for him to tell me on his own.”

“Don’t count on it,” Severus sneered. “Wait a minute. So, he can keep his secrets, but I must reveal mine?”

“ _He_ didn’t deliberately involve himself with dark magic. He never chose to be a werewolf. And he didn’t–” She shook her head. “I just want to know what happened. Sometimes I doubt you’re you.”

Severus sat straight and brushed the grass from his sleeves.

“But then you do something so Sev I _know_ it’s you.” Lily chuckled. “It’s the small things. No one scowls like you. And before… you looked… greedy sometimes. You haven’t since that day at the lake. It’s good, of course. But I still wonder… What happened to _my_ Sev? Where’s the nervous boy who wanted more and always clutched his schoolbooks, needed to prove himself and landed in trouble because of that?” Lily twirled a lock of hair. “I hate to say it, but I miss him… a lot. I cared. Even if he was…” She touched his cheek. “Sev, you wanted so badly to join Voldemort and become a Death Eater. You never denied it! You believed wizards were better than muggles, and you _wanted_ the world that way—wanted to stand with pureblood wizards as they ruled in might and power while muggles and muggleborn lived in the gutters.”

Lily’s eyes shone as she cupped his face in warm hands. “That’s why I was angry with you. It hurt to see you take that road. You didn’t realize how far Voldemort would go, or how ridiculous his philosophy was—until now. You’ve almost convinced me you’ve really changed.” She smiled, and her hair brushed his face as a summer breeze gusted.

“Look at you…” She stroked his cheek with a gentle thumb. “Not surprised, or offended, not denying any of it. What am I supposed to think? I _want_ to believe this, but it seems too good to be true. Please, Sev.” She let him go. “Put my mind at ease, or my head will explode.”

_I’ve considered this so long… But how do I say it? She won’t be satisfied until I explain. I won’t lie to her. I must give her my honesty—my trust. How else can I hope to gain hers in return? Or her forgiveness…? But she can’t forgive out of ignorance._

“You don’t realize how right you are,” he said, voice low. _Must ease her into this._ “I’ve walked the Dark Lord’s path—to its end. Then I realized the price for his mad vision… was you.”

“What…?” Confusion swirled in Lily’s eyes. “You’re not making any sense.”

“It hasn’t happened yet here, but for me… I’ve seen everything—been down Voldemort’s road, and it is neither great nor glorious.”

“You had a vision?”

Severus shook his head. “No, Lily. I experienced it—all of it. Made every wrong choice.”

Realization dawned in her face. “What… kinds of choices?

“Becoming a Death Eater, for one.” He braced for Lily’s anger.

“But you’re not going to become a Death Eater now… are you?

“Never!” The truth of that single word rang in his voice.

Lily’s eyes teared, and she wrapped him in a hug. “Thank God!”

At her show of affection warmth infused Severus. “I hurt you then… because I wanted to become a Death Eater.”

Lily buried her face in his shoulder.

“Why didn’t you tell me how much I’d hurt you?” he said.

Lily pulled away. “I did… You didn’t listen.”

Blood rushed to his cheeks. _Why is it so easy for her to make me feel like an awkward teenager?_ “I’m sorr–”

“Don’t, please. That’s all I hear from you lately—I’m sorry for this, I’m sorry for that. To take responsibility is one thing, but this is getting too much. I heard you the first time, I really did. Wallowing in self-deprecation won’t help, so try to cheer up, will you?”

“I’m sorry.”

Lily chuckled and pressed a finger to his lips. “Shut it! Being a gentleman suits you, but don’t pile on too much humility. It makes you look like an ashamed little cookie thief.”

Severus smirked. “That’s what I am to you? A cookie thief?”

“It’s figurative! Of course, it’s been years since you stole cookies, but I know that expression.” She returned his smirk. “Don’t look so surprised, Severus Snape. I know all your dirty little secrets. Remember? You _were_ a cookie thief.”

“I don’t recall. It was so long ago.”

“No, it wasn’t!” She leaned back and sifted through memories. “Only the summer vacation before last you got a jar of cookies somehow. And I _know_ your mum didn’t give them to you.” A mischievous glint lit her eyes. “Your memory wasn’t always this poor.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” said Severus. “So much has happened—a lifetime of being a dark wizard.”

Lily regarded him with furrowed brows. “So… it’s like you had a visit from one of Dickens’ ghosts?”

“No. Scrooge saw glimpses of what could be. I _experienced_ it! It was _my_ fault you died, Lily. Mine! I did terrible things and witnessed the consequences.” He sat straighter. His ribs ached. “It ended when I died in that lifetime.”

“How… did you die?”

“The Dark Lord killed me.” _Though I expected to die before the war was over—even looked forward to it._

“But you’re fine now.” Lily laid a hand on his shoulder. “So, you saw a few months into a false future? And got a healthy scare along the way?” She cracked a wavering smile. “Frankly, you needed it.”

“No, Lily. Twenty-two years I experienced. And they were real!”

“Twenty-two,” Lily echoed in a whisper. “ _Twenty-two_? You lived twenty-two years that didn’t happen and then opened your eyes to find it was only a second for the rest of us? Twenty-two, years, Sev! That’s longer than I’ve been alive!”

He nodded. _Good. She grasps the time gap, but that’s just the first step._

Lily’s hands sank into her lap and she shook her head. “How did he kill you?”

“Does it matter? He did it because he thought it would give him more power.” Severus shuddered as his last moments flashed in his mind. “And, it transferred something to him I didn’t even know I had.”

“What?”

“Ownership of a powerful wand. But it doesn’t matter now. Dumbledore owns it.”

Lily frowned. “Are you sure that wand’s special? I know Dumbledore’s powerful, but it _was_ just a dream.”

“No, I’m not sure. But Voldemort believed it, and it _wasn’t_ just a dream. I lived in that other world—that _real_ world. I died and was sent here.”

Lily chewed her bottom lip. “But couldn’t it have been a dream? A cruel enchantment? Or a potion intended to terrify its victim?”

“I suppose it could,” Severus said. “But I’m sure it wasn’t.”

“Why?”

Severus smoothed a patch of grass. Each blade bent, but righted. “My mother…”

Lily’s confusion begged an explanation.

“When I died, I met her spirit on the other side. She kept me from becoming a ghost of my regrets—saved me. She… loved me. No dream could have conjured what I experienced. Mother was happy, content, beautiful. I never saw her like that in life.” He flicked a pebble into the stream.

“I really don’t remember some things we learned at school because of that time gap. I see faces I don’t recognize on campus. Items in the common room—though present all along—are unfamiliar. Petty teasing, name calling—what does it matter? Rich, or not—who cares? Of what consequence is blood-status? House points, cups, trinkets? It mattered when I was fifteen, but now… I couldn’t care any less.” He met Lily’s eyes. “I’m thirty-eight. Or, my mind is.”

Lily’s mouth hung open.

 _That’s done it…_ “Even if it was just a dream, my mind experienced those twenty-two years.” He looked away. “I’m… old.”

Lily shifted and straightened her dress. “That… explains so much. Merlin, it all makes sense now!” Her eyes lit. “You’re still you, but not really. I was right!” Her smile turned to a frown, and she studied him with a new understanding. “I won’t pretend to grasp this, or have the least idea what you’re going through, but I want to be here for you. I care for you, and I’m glad you told me this.” Her smile returned. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”

Severus smiled back, but his expression faltered. _I hoped this would make me feel better—prayed she’d say this._ _B_ _ut… I feel much the same. Can I make her understand? She might think she’s forgiven me, but she’s right. How can she truly grasp this?_

A shadow crossed Lily’s face. “Whose life… do you beg for in your sleep?

 _I talk in my sleep? Got to change that. I must get access to draughts against dreams again._ “It differs, but usually, it’s… yours.”

Lily’s dress glowed in the mid-morning light, like a halo of summer’s gladness. Her hair shone radiant, and the grass highlighted her in a frame of lively green that intensified her eyes.

“It’s one of my strongest memories. When I found out he was going to kill you, I begged mercy. But he has no mercy. He killed you without hesitation. You were… twenty-one. That’s when I turned from the Dark Lord and became a spy for Dumbledore.”

“A spy? For Dumbledore, against Voldemort for… Sixteen years!”

“Yes, and no. I never changed sides again. But the Dark Lord vanished for a while, and during his absence, I was inactive. When he returned, my work resumed.”

Lily groaned and held her head in her hands for a five-count then said, “How did I die? I know you would never hurt me on purpose, not even when…” She twisted three grass blades together. “So, what could you have had to do with it?”

“I was a Death Eater. I killed people,” his tone darkened. “It doesn’t matter how or why. I did it of my own free will.” He drew her gaze. _Please, understand what I’m saying._ “I’m a dark wizard, as dark as they come. I practice dark magic, and I understand it better than anyone else alive. I’ve done terrible things.” He held out his hands. “These are bloodied, Lily. More than you could ever know.”

Lily’s lip trembled. “But—but you wouldn’t kill anyone now… Would you?” Concern wavered in her voice. “Would you?!”

Severus clenched both fists, mouth a thin, grim line. “Not an innocent. In my last sixteen years I only saw those die whom I couldn’t save. I can—will kill if I must. I crossed that line long ago.”

“But… that’s all right.” Lily forced a smile. “That’s the warrior of the light speaking.”

Severus chuckled. “Warrior of the light indeed. I couldn’t pass as a white knight.”

“You don’t have to look it to be one. Your actions and choices are what matter, and as far as I’m concerned, you’re in the clear—especially from what I’ve seen in the last month.”

“Honestly… I’m done. I want some peace.” Weariness blanketed Severus.

“Then rest. You do look a bit like a ghoul lately.” Her tone turned serious. “I’d like a bit of peace too. But after you’ve rested, make your choice.”

“Choice…” he muttered. _Right. Responsibility and duty,_ they _drive my life. But maybe…_ He tensed. _I_ do _have a choice now. Many of them! Who to be, what to do. Anything. The Death Eater’s mark ended my freedom._ He rubbed his bare arm. _But now…_

“You all right?” Lily took his arm. “Do you need anything?”

“No.” Severus smiled again, brighter this time. “Lily,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I have a _choice_. I can decide what I want to be.”

“Of course, you can! I’m glad you figured that out.” She rolled her eyes but grinned. “The question is, what do you _want._ Who will you be?” She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder.

 _What_ do _I want?_ His throat dried. _When I was young_ _,_ _I wanted so much, but these last sixteen years I stopped asking that question. I don’t know the answer anymore. I want Lily—her friendship, affection… forgiveness… But I know I can’t have the last one—not really. What I_ can _have must suffice, and it’s… wonderful._

 _What more do I want? I know what I_ don’t _want: to be in league with Voldemort; to become a teacher; to live in lies and deceit, involved in complicated schemes; to have to raise my guard to stay alive; to make a debt my only reason for living… And if I do this right, I won’t have to do any of that._

_I want to be respected, by others and myself. I want to be able to relax, and have this happiness, this assurance of Lily’s friendship and concern._

_And I can have it now. No one’s disgusted over what I’ve done. I’m still Hogwarts’ resident pariah, but I can live with that._ He pulled Lily closer. _She’s still here, and she doesn’t hate me._ “I want to do the right thing. _That’s_ what I want.”

Lily didn’t pull away. “Then everything is fine.”


	7. In Noctum

_Carry my soul into the night_  
May the stars light my way.  
I glory in the sight  
As darkness takes the day.

_Ferte in noctem animam meam_  
Illustre stellae viam meam  
Aspectu illo glorior  
Dum capit nox diem.

_Cantate vitae canticum_  
Sine dolore acate  
Dicite eis quos amabam  
Me nunquam obliturum

_Sing a song, a song of life_  
Lived without regret  
Tell the ones, the ones I loved  
I never will forget,

_Never will forget…_

 

* * *

 

_Severus Snape wandered the grounds of Hogwarts, the only place he’d ever called home. Chill air surrounded him as color washed from his vision._

_Why am I not happy? I should be._

_Empty, numbing cold seeped through him from without and within._

_Alone…_

_“Kill,” the snake-like voice bit the air. “Kill the mudbloods! Kill them—kill them all!”_

“ _Yes, my lord,” said Severus. He raised his wand, and a void replaced emotion._

_A dark-haired girl, nameless, almond-shaped eyes covered by oval glasses, faced him. Her small nose did nothing to hide the plea for mercy in her chocolate eyes._ Mudblood—disgusting pig! Same as Father.

“ _She is better off dead. Kill her.”_

“Avada Kedavra, _”_ _he uttered the curse, but guilt didn’t grip him, or regret, or sadness. A green flash masked the scene as the girl’s body crumpled, but her face burned in his mind._

“ _Kill the mudblood!” commanded the snakeish voice._

_Severus faced the next victim. He froze as red hair swayed with each cold gust and emerald eyes gazed on him with sorrow._

_His grip failed and time slowed as the wand fell. “No, not her!”_

_“Kill her. Kill! It’s easy. T_ _w_ _o words—that’s it. The mudblood is better off dead.”_

“ _No, my lord!” His voice trembled. “Have mercy. Have mercy, my lord, please!”_

“ _Severus.” The crisp, old voice drew him, and blue eyes covered in half-moon spectacles pierced him._ Dumbledore. Why am I afraid?

“ _You must do it. You must kill me,” Dumbledore said._

Here again. _The tower. Wind—so cold—tore through Severus. Emotion returned and horror bit like ice, colder than the wind. “No!”_ _Confusion and fright took him. “I don’t want to do this anymore. You can’t make me!”_

_Dumbledore regarded him sadly and stood at the ledge. Those blue eyes pleaded. “Severus… Please.”_

_My wand is back?_ _He raised it but trembled as he pointed the wand at Dumbledore and fought off terror. “_ _Avada Kedavra._ _”_

_An emerald flash._

_Red hair framed a woman’s face as she fell from the tower._

_Severus lunged for her. “No!” His reach fell short. “LILY!”_

_Her body twisted, crashed, and empty green eyes stared at him._

 

* * *

 

Severus shot awake and gasped. Sweat drenched him and the Evans’ couch as his heart raced.

A nightmare. He rubbed tired eyes. Just a nightmare, like all the others. Nothing special about it.

Darkness filled the living room, and summer midnight’s blue hue crept through the windows.

Severus lay back and emptied his mind as shadows played on the bare ceiling. He yawned, and his eyelids drooped.

 

* * *

 

“ _There’s a traitor in the Order. Do you know who it is?” said Dumbledore._

_The living room sat warm, inviting. A red carpet covered the floor and landscapes hung on each wall._

I’m a spy, not a detective. _Anger stirred in Severus. “I have no idea,” he said, arms crossed. “The Dark Lord keeps his cards close.”_

“ _You realize this traitor is a danger to the Potters?” said Dumbledore._

“ _Of course, I do!” Severus spat. “I’m not stupid.”_

“ _I never thought you were. To the contrary—which only makes you more dangerous.”_

_Severus gritted his teeth. “If I had any idea at all, I would tell you. But I don’t. The Dark Lord hasn’t mentioned a spy in my presence.”_

“ _And he hasn’t introduced a new Death Eater?”_

“ _No. And you haven’t introduced me as a member of the Order for the same reason. Don’t you see?”_

“ _I do, Severus. I just hoped…”_

_Severus growled. “You shouldn’t doubt I would tell you_ anything _to ensure her safety.”_

_Footsteps outside stopped the conversation._

“ _Quick, hide! Order members cannot see you here,” said Dumbledore._

_One exit, and few hiding places dotted the room. Severus shrank a cabinet’s contents and stuffed himself inside. He shut the door but left a tiny crack to observe through._

_Severus’ heart leapt._

_In walked James Potter, Sirius Black and Lily Evans—Lily_ Potter _, cradling a toddler._

“ _Dumbledore,” Lily greeted. “Was someone here? We thought we heard voices.”_

“ _There was. He just left.”_

“ _It sounded like… Never mind. That’s impossible. I must have imagined it.” Her sad gaze fell. “Merlin, things are really getting to me to hear something that farfetched.”_

_James put an arm around Lily. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but he’s a lost cause.”_

“ _I know…” Lily leaned against her husband, voice sad. “Y_ _o_ _u’re right…”_

She’s talking about me. _Severus’ heart clenched._ So close, yet so far… What would they think if I burst from this closet? Begged Lily’s forgiveness, told her she was right all along and that I’m willing to do anything to make it good again?

“ _War brings out the true colors in all of us.” Black snorted, but turned away, guilt in his eyes._

“ _Sirius, we don’t know if Moony’s the traitor,” said James._

“ _Yeah…” Black whispered._

“ _This situation worries me. Voldemort is targeting you specifically, so we must take extra precautions,” said Dumbledore._

“ _Have any ideas?” said James._

“ _I do. That is why I wanted all three of you here, but let’s discuss it somewhere else.”_

_Lily’s gaze searched the room as the rest of the group left._

Does she know I’m here?

_Her eyes found the cabinet and without knowing, she looked right at him._

_Merlin, I want to tell her so many things._ _Fear chained him to his hiding place, and he leaned away from the crack, contact broken._

_I never saw her again… She died believing I was a lost cause…_

 

* * *

 

 

_T_ _h_ _e scene shifted to a cold, rainy, summer’s day._

_Just as Dumbledore said, twelve Grimmauld Place._ _Severus entered._ _Must I do this? Look him in the eye and tell him we must work together? It was easier when I believed him a coward—a traitor—someone to hate more than… myself. If it were up to me, I’d curse you into next century on sight, Black._ _He passed the stairs._

_“What are you doing here?” Black bellowed and locked Severus’ arms behind his back. “How did you find this place? Going to run and tell your master, are you?”_

_“I’m in the Order,” Severus hissed. “Dumbledore gave me this address. How else would I be here? He trusts me. Remember? Think back to last summer, dog!”_ _Those twelve years in Azkaban left him far too unstable._

“ _Liar!” Black jerked Severus’ sleeve up to expose his dark mark._

“ _How dare you!” Severus twisted out of Black’s grip and threw the other man across the room. He covered the mark, pulled his wand, and leveled it at Black._

“ _Death Eater,” Black spat._

“ _I could say the same for you,” Severus mocked. “What was the Daily Prophet’s headline this morning? Oh, yes, now I remember. ‘Treacherous Sirius Black on the loose. Not to be trusted. Dark Lord lover.’”_

“ _I swear, I’ll kill you!” Black lunged._

“ _Padfoot, stop!”_

_Both men froze, wands raised, as Lupin glared from the stairs._

“ _Moony, what’s he up to?” Black said._

_Lupin’s tone softened as he descended. “He’s a member of the Order. Put the wand down. I’ll vouch for him.”_

“ _You? Vouch for_ him _?” Black’s confusion doubled._

_Lupin nodded. “It’s all right, Pad. You can put that away.” He glanced at the wand again._

_Black obeyed reluctantly, and Severus sleeved his wand._

“ _So, you turned to have the convenience of Dumbledore’s hand over you?” Black sneered._

“ _No. I’ve worked against the Dark Lord since the end of the last war.”_

“ _Oh?” Black raised an eyebrow._

“ _Remember the first attempt on the Potters’ lives? You received warning three days in advance and saved them, even had time to set a trap. How do you think you came by that information?”_

“ _You’re telling me that was you?”_

“ _It was.”_

_Surprise gave way to coldness. “I still don’t like it.”_

_Severus replied, “_ _Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”_

 

* * *

 

Severus blinked at the ceiling. _Again? But I suppose that was less of a dream and more of a memory._ He sat up, the floor cold against his bare feet as he held his head in his hands. _Stupid Dumbledore! Why didn’t he tell at least one or two we agreed to trust back then? Things would’ve been simpler. I could have stood with them against the Dark Lord instead of joining him—instead of facing death at his hand. For the greater good, indeed._ _To withhold information until the last moment is foolish, and breeds trouble. And what of my sanity that last year? I wouldn’t have lasted if that final battle hadn’t broken out. But… death came as a blessed respite from that living Hell then._

He leaned back and listened to the stillness.

 

* * *

  

_Death Eaters, over one hundred Dementors, and Voldemort followed Severus into Hogwarts. The school stood empty, except for the group of teachers that filled the entrance hall, McGonagall in front, Flitwick at her side. Hagrid towered over everyone._

_A few watched the dark legion, but most stared at Severus, disgusted and hurt._

“ _Hogwarts is mine now,” said Voldemort as his red eyes burned with glee. “You all represent the best of your craft and will be valuable servants. I’ve decided to let you live for now, but you only need give me a reason and that decision can be rescinded.”_

_Every teacher met Voldemort with a defiant stare. The ghosts, even Binns, hovered together and said in cold unison, “Hogwarts won’t remain in the wrong hands for long.”_

_The Moaning Myrtle glared at Voldemort, the mastermind of her murder._

_Trelawney pointed a long, bony finger at Severus. “The damned soul must wander in eternal noctum.”_

_If only I could stand with them. But if I move now, they’ll kill me._ _Pride rose._ _I’m a part of that incredible company, even if they don’t know it._ _A smirk broke his facade, but only the other teachers’ hard eyes and will to fight greeted him._ _I respect you—all of you. You’re far more capable than any Death Eater._

_Severus stood to Voldemort’s right, Bellatrix beside him. Behind them hovered the Inner Circle and hundreds of Dementors._ _Cowards_ _._ _This is the most out of place I’ve ever felt._

_“You!” Voldemort pointed to Professor Burbage, a kind, strong-willed witch._

_Burbage indicated herself and raised a brow._

_“Yes, you. Get over here,” Voldemort demanded._

_Sprout grabbed Burbage’s shoulder to stop her, and McGonagall shook her head and motioned Burbage back._

_“I said, get over here,” Voldemort hissed. “Or my Death Eaters will come get you.”_

_Burbage looked to McGonagall again and received a defeated nod. She approached the Dark Lord, alone._

_What does he want with the Mugglestudies professor? She’s of no use to him._

_“_ _Impedimenta_ _!” Bellatrix’s shout pinned Burbage to the ground._

_Dread filled Severus._ _An example… Of course, it would be the Mugglestudies teacher._ _He looked away and blocked Burbage’s screams with Occlumency as she suffered_ _Crucio_ _after_ _Crucio_ _, and Voldemort droned about purity and the new way of wizard kind._

_When it was over, Grayback slung Burbage over his shoulder like a sack of bruised potatoes._

_Delight lit Voldemort’s face. “As you all know, we’re a staff member and Headmaster short.” His ugly, unnatural face twisted in glee. “Thankfully, I have just the man for the position. Severus.” Voldemort motioned him forward. “You all know my dear servant, Severus. Many of you were his colleagues for years, so I expect a smooth transition.”_

_Severus concealed all emotion as every staff member’s expression darkened._ They’re ready to tear me apart—the muggle way if they have to.

“ _As of now, he is your Headmaster—your superior, and all of you must answer to him. If I discover—or even suspect something is amiss, it’s your students who will pay,” said Voldemort._

_The staff gasped._

“ _Carrows.”_

_The twins stepped forward._

_Voldemort eyed the band of teachers. “I expect you to treat your newest staff members with respect. The Carrows will fill the Dark Arts position. Now, I must take my leave, but my Dementors will stay.” He took Bellatrix’s arm, and all except Severus, the Carrows, and the promised Dementors disapparated._

_The Hogwarts staff faced the rest of Voldemort’s company as the Dementors’ shadows loomed over Severus and the Carrows._

Fight now, and they could win. The Dementors carry no weight in this situation. But McGonagall isn’t stupid. A fight would only lead to disaster—and potential harm to the students.

_McGonagall motioned the staff out and left Severus and his company of dark creatures._

 

* * *

 

Severus limped into the kitchen and splashed cold water on his face, but the memories refused to leave. Reflected in the window pane, eyes, older than his thirty-eight years, stared from a too young face. He pulled smooth, thick hair over his eyes. _Years of unhappiness haven’t dulled it yet, and it isn’t laden with two weeks of cauldron grease._

The curtain of black didn’t hide his eyes, and they glinted in the dim moonlight. His skin shone in the gloom as he pried the window open and let in the mild, summer breeze.

 

* * *

 

_Severus Snape. One of the most powerful wizards in the world, former Potions Master turned Headmaster of Hogwarts, brilliant, intelligent, vicious, sly, fighter, survivor… trapped, and completely helpless, paced his office._

My death will come soon.

_He ignored the room’s ornaments and warm colors and barely glanced at the portraits of sleeping former Headmasters._

Ever since that first time I was invited up here as a student, I liked this room. Now, I hate it. Oh, to return to my quarters in the dungeons—mahogany bookshelves filled with my books, the wine-red carpet, warm brown walls and no students.

All this magically bright, cheerful blue and red hurts my eyes. I’d mute it if I could. And these gold decorations are gaudy. I’d make this place a haven and hide here, but I mustn’t let my guard down, not for a quarter of a second.

_His hand glided over the desk, Dumbledore’s desk. T_ _h_ _e old man’s chair sat behind it._ I’ll not sit in that. It’s abhorrent, disrespectful.

_He chose an ordinary chair in front of the desk._ This is the same place Dumbledore stripped my dignity—all those years ago… when I begged for Lily’s life. All he did was tell the truth, but that forced me to confront my mistakes, my flaws. I never had to do that before. Dumbledore ripped that blindfold from my eyes. And burned it.

Even if I must spend the rest of my life in repentance, I’ll do it. I have to get rid of this feeling—this sense of a dirtied soul. Life is cruel… and full of bitter consequences.

I’m alone now—just like I wanted. No help, no company, sympathy or special regard. And then there’s the image from the Mirror of Erised. He closed his eyes and leaned into the chair. Lily, your forgiveness is all I truly want—a redemption I can never possess.

What a place I’m in. The side I stand with I detest and fight with all I have. And those I support in secret loathe me and wish my soul eternal torment.

McGonagall, you punish me with every hateful glance, and I deserve it. I respect you, value your acceptance. But obtaining that is impossible now.

Eventually, the Dark Lord will discover my betrayal—or realize my intelligence rivals his. Either way, he’ll kill me.

Or perhaps Potter will win, and I’ll die in battle. No one will stop to consider whether I’m innocent. _He snorted._ I’m far from innocent. These past sixteen years—or these last two—show that. Even only considering the truth… Though the truth is so muddled, I can’t say I know what it is anymore.

The students’ safety, and Lily’s wishes must suffice to guide me. If one fails, the other will provide an answer. Further complication is too much, even for me.

_Severus groaned and held his face in his hands._ I’ve had more headaches than I can count these past sixteen years. But they pale in comparison to the difficulties of this one year as Headmaster. And who would have guessed a good part of those problems were due to the Longbottom boy? Once, he shivered at my every look. I was his Boggart. I’ve gone from greatest fear to greatest offense. The sneaking around, the glares, open defiance, yelling, rude remarks every time he’s issued detention—which is disturbingly frequent.

_Severus rolled his eyes._ He may be fearless, but he’s still a dunce. If the Carrows caught him at his antics before I did, they’d have beaten him almost to death. As much as the students hate it, my intervention with them is the only way I can ensure their protection.

And then there’s Harry Potter—who isn’t even here. How much anguish have you brought me over the years, Potter? I hate everything you stand for, and the cursed emotions you force on me.

You remind me of all my worst regrets, of how much I hate what I am. The moment you stepped into the Great Hall at eleven years old was an agony. You sat at Gryffindor’s table and possessed Lily’s eyes… in James Potter’s face. And that scar… That instant, you became intolerable, a never-healing wound to my spirit.

You saw glimpses of my childhood in our Occlumency lessons, acknowledged my role as a spy against the Dark Lord. Such a triumph to hear you say that—to give weight to what I’d been through. But you just had to sneak into the pensive and watch… that… my greatest shame.

I almost strangled you in my fury. Had I not pulled you out, you’d have seen that confrontation, and the moment I declared to show the world what I could do. You were the last person I wanted to witness that.

_The old words stabbed him like a thousand swords to the heart. “Fine! I don’t need you, Mudblood! You should feel honored that I ever graced you with my friendship, Evans!”_

I stayed on that path for four years, Potter. Four long agonizing years!

Son of that arrogant prat, James Potter—you defy definition. But Lily chose him. Because he proved the better man. Hide those eyes, erase that scar, boy. I never wanted to see them!

Everyone said, “Harry’s Lily’s boy.” But not even Dumbledore understood… I never saw you as a person, Potter, only as the product of every wrong choice—of my worst mistakes. Yet every time you fell into danger, I was anxious, terrified for your safety.

Seven years of torment. When you first came to Hogwarts, you were targeted, then the Chamber of Secrets was opened. Third year, Bl ack escaped. Fourth and fifth years became a paralyzing nightmare. Sending a Howler to Petunia proved I still cared—something I wanted to forget, so I treated you worse than before. Last year, with Voldemort in the open became a dark canker in my soul, and this year, with you gone, out alone… Voldemort’s strength grows, and I am trapped here with people who despise me. This is the essence of torment.

Simmering cauldrons—the one thing I miss most. I’d sever an arm for one hour alone to brew potions. Perhaps experiment as I once did, when I had free time. I never made a bad potion, only a better one than before. It stopped that dreadful buzz in my head and brought me the closest I’ve ever been to peace. Intelligence comes at a price—sanity.

_The office door opened, and McGonagall entered. Her glare held hurt, disgust… betrayal. “Do try to show some remorse,” she spat._

_“You have my orders, Minerva. Patrol school grounds every night with at least two teachers awake at all times.”_

_“What good will that do? Aren’t your precious Dementors enough to keep rebellious students in check?”_

_“Just do it!” Severus snapped._ Merlin, woman, use your brains. Protect the students from the Dementors. Get to them before the Carrows and lie to me about catching them. Just ensure the Carrows don’t kill them. Take this opportunity and go!

_McGonagall sniffed. “You really had me you know. I thought better of you. Are you happy to have fooled us all?”_

_“Don’t try my patience,” whispered Severus through gritted teeth._

_McGonagall shook her head. “I still remember you as a nervous eleven-year-old, the Carrows too.” Sadness crossed her face. “Such great potential… for such a terrible outcome…”_

_“If you’ve nothing important to say, kindly leave,” Severus hissed._

_“Very well.” McGonagall raised a brow in disapproval and turned to go. Just before she closed the door, she stopped. “What would Albus have said?”_

_Severus glowered._ Probably something like, "You’re doing such a good job. Here’s a biscuit." And then I’d get a pat on the head and one of those annoying smiles.

_McGonagall left._

_He rubbed his throbbing head._ I am Severus Snape, soon to die, no matter at whose hand. But I don’t care. I’ve nothing left to lose.

 

* * *

  

Severus stood on the Evans’ porch, the night breeze on his face. Must’ve wandered while I thought. He stepped into the wet grass, barefoot. Haven’t done this since I was a child.

A few clouds hung in the sky and the new moon lit the apple tree as a gust swayed it. A small flowerbed lay nearby. _It’s an odd assortment, probably not a mix for a bouquet, but here, they belong together. I understand the lilies, petunias and marguerites, but who in this family’s named Violet? A grandmother, or maybe an aunt? No matter. They should never be torn apart… even the lily and petunia._

 

* * *

 

_Severus, Moody, Lupin, McGonagall, Shacklebolt and Tonks sat at a table in Hog’s Head Inn. With Grimmauld Place unusable because of Black’s death six months ago, the Hog’s Head became one of many places for Order members to meet. Here they could gather alone and unheard._

_Outside, February snow fell from a gray sky._

_“I don’t like this.” Moody grunted. “He can’t just be sitting around doing nothing.”_

_“He isn’t,” said Severus. “He’s recruiting.”_

_Lupin nodded. “In less than two months, the werewolf pack’s doubled. He’s convinced them with the promise of a better life.”_

_“That can’t be everything.” Moody’s magical eye fixed on Severus. “If he just wants recruits, a continued display of power would be the obvious thing—now that everyone knows he’s out there.”_

_Severus nodded. “He aims to conquer the two strongholds of the Wizarding World. He’ll take the Ministry from within, have it in his grasp when he attacks.”_

_“And the other place?” said McGonagall._

_“Isn’t it obvious, Minerva?” Severus raised a brow. “Hogwarts.”_

_After a long silence, Moody said, “Makes sense.”_

_Shacklebolt shook his head. “The place of all fresh talent…”_

_“But never in the history of Hogwarts has the school fallen to outside attack,” said McGonagall. “It cannot be conquered.”_

“ _The school isn’t as impenetrable as we’d like. Only three years ago a wanted Sirius Black sneaked in, and a year later, a Death Eater walked among us in disguise.”_

“ _Don’t remind me.” Moody’s eye whirled to the back of his skull to check for eavesdropper_ _s_ _._

“ _By individuals, yes,” said McGonagall. “But Voldemort couldn’t take it with an army.” Her tone wavered._

“ _Still, we must be on guard,” Severus said._

“ _Constant vigilance,” Moody agreed._

“ _Once he has the Ministry, he’ll try the same with Hogwarts,” said Severus._

“ _Infiltrate the school?” Tonks snorted. “As if he could get Death Eaters inside.”_

“ _But he already thinks he has.” Moody smirked. “Use your brain, Nymphadora. I know you have one.”_

_Tonks blushed, and her mouse brown hair fell in her eyes. “Even though Severus is very powerful, he couldn’t be enough to take down the castle, could he?” She glanced at Lupin, but he looked away._

“ _It doesn’t matter. He’s with us.” McGonagall declared, certain._

_The meeting soon ended, unproductive, and most rose to leave._

“ _Severus.” McGonagall stopped him. “Would you mind waiting a minute?”_

_He sighed but resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he sat again with Lupin and McGonagall._

_“Do… you know what kept Dumbledore?” said McGonagall._

“ _No idea,” Severus replied._

_McGonagall folded her hands atop the table and leaned closer. “What is he up to? Is he ill?”_

“ _He’s up to many things.” Recent fights with Dumbledore rang in his memory. And the task bestowed on him. “So much, I don’t know nearly half of it, but what I do know, I’m forbidden to tell.”_

“ _He wants the best for us all, but I’m led to believe he’s asked too much of you.” Concern lit McGonagall’s eyes, and Lupin nodded from opposite Severus._

If only they knew… how easy it would be to tell them right now.

_Lupin hesitated. “I know you hold me in low opinion, but if you need anything, I’d be willing to do whatever I can.”_

_Severus almost laughed._ What a gesture—and a decent one, unlike most. But what can Remus Lupin offer me? Nothing. He still stands by me. Admirable, especially considering how I’ve treated him. He’s persistent and foolish.

“ _The same for me,” said McGonagall. “I don’t like to see you wrestle these dark secrets alone. Come to me whenever you wish. You’ll not be intruding.”_

_“You’re both very kind.” Severus stood. “But I must decline. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do.”_

_He stepped out into the snow for some air and rounded the corner to get out of sight._ _I know it was rude._ _T_ _hick flakes covered his clothes in a white veil._ _But I can’t stand those sincere faces another moment. Worry… care… Why do they feel that for me? Soon they won’t._

_I want out of this devil’s bargain, Dumbledore! But I can’t escape… not if I’m to protect Hogwarts and all it stands for._

_He waited until Lupin and McGonagall left and then headed back inside to take the passage to Hogwarts._

 

* * *

 

Severus covered his face for a moment and took a deep breath. Dew dampened his nightshirt and formed on leaves and blades of grass. A spider’s web sparkled, a mosaic of diamonds.

This world—it’s all just a dream. A dew drop slipped from his cheek and plopped into the grass as dawn crept over the horizon.

The lilies swayed in the flowerbed while the petunias stood straight and proud. The marguerites allowed both their display as the shy violets tipped to join in gladness. And though they wouldn’t bloom until Autumn, white mistflower circled them all as the morning began.

 

* * *

  

_Carry my soul into the night_  
May the stars light my way.  
I glory in the sight  
As darkness takes the day.

_Ferte in noctem animam meam_  
Illustre stellae viam meam  
Aspectu illo glorior  
Dum capit nox diem.

_Cantate vitae canticum_  
Sine dolore acate  
Dicite eis quos amabam  
Me nunquam obliturum

_Sing a song, a song of life_  
Lived without regret  
Tell the ones, the ones I loved  
I never will forget,

_Never will forget…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noctum: Latin for “darkness”, also used for “hell” and “eternal damnation”, when people are sent “ad noctum”, which means literally “into the darkness”.  
> Noctum rules the night.  
> The lyrics are from a song called “In Noctum” composed for Harry Potter six, but was cut out in the final cut of the movie. I can see why it was cut, as it seemed to halt the action for no reason, it would have been stuck in between Harry and Dumbledore returning from the cave and the confrontation at the tower. That would probably not have worked. But it still seems such a shame as the song is so beautiful, beautiful and sorrowful, the footage of the song sequence incredibly dark and moody in my mind. Gorgeous! It is to be found on the DVD, and the entire song is featured on the CD, check it out. I had it almost constantly on repeat as I wrote this.  
> And what I find the most stunning about this song is how much I felt it to be Snape’s song. I really had the impression that it was written for Snape alone. The lyrics fit him and are foreboding for what he is about to do… plus saying a lot about him. “Never will forget” is kind of his biggest motivation!  
> The theme “Noctum”, which is present quite a lot in the movie, should as far as I am concerned have been called “Snape’s theme”, because it just is his theme, no questions about it.  
> And yeah, despite this chapter being really long, it has zero to do with the overall plot, but I hope you can forgive me my indulgence. I really, really enjoyed writing this!


	8. Morning sun

Summer’s early light graced the kitchen. It warmed Severus as he sat and sipped a nice cup of tea, a relaxed smile on his lips. He finished the cup and went to the counter to pour another.

“Well!”

He cringed at the screech. _Petunia. So much for a good morning._

“You can walk _just_ fine.”

Severus grumbled under his breath but didn’t face her. _How can that scrawny, sour woman be related to Lily?_

“Excuse me. I didn’t hear you. Could you say that a bit louder?” Petunia whined.

“Morning, Miss Evans,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“I see you’re back on your feet.” Petunia snorted.

“Your sense of deduction is flawless as always, Miss Evans.” Severus rolled his eyes at the half-filled tea kettle as he poured another cup and set it to the side.

“It’s rude to turn your back to a person when you talk to them.” Petunia sniffed.

Severus turned and sneered, “Indeed.”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

“I _am_.”

“Well, how am I supposed to know with all that hair in the way?”

Severus tucked his hair behind his ears and stared at the ceiling for a five-count. With the horse-faced nineteen-year-old now in view he said, “You wanted something?” _Definitely not a good morning._

“As I said, you’re back on your feet.” Petunia crossed her arms. “When are you leaving? Your house in down the road.”

“I thought I had an understanding with your parents. They said I could stay until term starts.” He glared at Petunia. “Or did you miss the part where I’ve no place else to go? Are you going to do something about me staying, Miss Evans?” Severus crossed his arms too and snapped, “Answer me!”

Petunia gulped and paled as she took a step back. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Severus raised a brow. _I thought I’d been rather nice to her these past weeks._ “Doing what? Please, elaborate, Miss Evans.”

“I know you’re up to something. You’ve always been mean to me. Just get it over with. Scare me! Do your worst!” She sucked in a shaky breath. “You’re just a freak!”

“I’m not going to be mean.” Severus retorted.

“But you used to–”

“I grew up! I don’t plant spiders in peoples’ hair anymore, Miss Evans. Or do I still seem that way to you? Have I done anything since my arrival to scare or harm you? Peace and quiet—that’s all I want.”

“You think I’ll buy this? Listen to yourself, freak. You’re telling me you don’t _intend_ to be scary? You’re worse than my Math teacher! You _are_ doing it on purpose, just like always. Admit it!”

“Miss Evans, may I remind you that _you_ started this?”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Excuse me?”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Petunia screeched again. “Don’t call me Miss Evans.”

“You don’t want me to call you Petunia, do you?”

Uncertainty filled her face. “No…” She twisted nervous fingers and looked away.

“And I take it, Tuney’s out of the question.”

Petunia bit her lip.

“Then we’re running out of options,” Severus sneered.

“Fine…” she muttered. “Call me Petunia.” A tremble of fear shook her hands.

_I know how to be frightening, Petunia. What I don’t know… is how to stop._

“Why are you doing this to me?” she persisted. “What have I ever done to you?”

“Honestly, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.” Severus’ tone turned stern. “It’s you who’s prying, Petunia. I just want to be left alone. Stop putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Don’t talk to me like that, young man!” Petunia snapped and wagged a finger at him.

Severus chuckled. _I don’t know what’s more ridiculous, an immature nineteen-year-old calling me “young man,” or that I’ve let her without sending her to scrub cauldrons—or at least giving her a good scare._

“What’s so funny?”

“Just thinking what well-mannered, disciplined children you’ll raise.”

“At least I’ll be a better role model than that Eileen.”

Severus’ smirk vanished. _Her insolence wouldn’t have bothered me before, but… is this a son’s love?_ “Don’t you ever talk about my mother like that,” he hissed and straightened to tower over Petunia. “You have no idea what she went through! Do you think she liked living in that hell-hole? Liked being denied food? Or human rights? Did she _enjoy_ being assaulted so often she forgot those rights? Forgot magic? Hope? _Do_ you, Miss Evans?!”

“I…” Petunia gulped. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Think, woman. You saw! She had such a big heart. But that monkey mistaken for a man robbed her of everything—of the ability to show love. All she could do was yell at him until he beat her, so, please, Miss Evans, think! Think before you speak!”

Petunia stumbled two steps back, and her lips trembled, eyes tearing.

Severus turned his back to her. _Don’t cry, for Merlin’s sake! Lily will have my head if she finds you crying because of me. Your family’s done nothing but help me. I owe them a tremendous debt._ “I’m…” _Here it is. Another rewrite of who I used to be—for better… or worse._ “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper with you.”

Petunia swallowed hard. “I’m… sorry too… About Eileen, and…”

“Please, don’t mention it.” Severus waved her off. “She’s in a better place now. I know that.”

“I—I should go,” Petunia muttered and left the kitchen.

Severus rubbed his nose as a headache threatened. _Merlin, that was horrendous! And now the tea’s cold._

 

* * *

 

Lily slipped into the kitchen. “Who are you, and what did you do to Severus Snape?” She smoothed her too-big night-shirt, which could have passed for a dress.

“How much did you hear?” Severus faced her, and his eyes softened.

Lily tapped her chin. “From… when you asked Tuney what you should call her. Sorry… It was hard not to overhear from the living room. And I didn’t dare come in.” She fingered a ginger strand. “I’m glad you managed to work it out… somewhat.”

“Then I’m glad I apologized.” He smiled a little.

“No way!” Lily raised a forbidding finger. “You can’t both apologize to my sister _and_ be happy about it!”

Severus raised an eyebrow.

Lily did the same. “Severus Snape may one day mature beyond childish pranks, even learn to realize when he’s losing his temper.” She leaned forward arms crossed. “But he will never _ever_ apologize to my sister. And he will _certainly_ never be happy about it.”

“People change?” he offered.

“You’ve lost your marbles.” Lily shook her head.

“Maybe I have. So little of this makes sense, and you just stand there looking… wonderful.” He smirked.

“Nonsense.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I _always_ look stunning.” She narrowed her eyes. “So, are you an imposter?”

Severus fidgeted.

“Joking! Don’t look at me like that.” She sat at the small table. “But Merlin, you’ve grown, Sev…”

He joined her, hands folded as his gaze flicked from her to the scratched tabletop, and then to his hands. “You know why…” he muttered.

 _He’s so secure any other time. Why can’t he be like that during a casual conversation with me? At least he doesn’t have to lie about what happened anymore._ “I do… and the more I think about it, the more I realize it makes perfect sense.” She cocked an eyebrow. “I was just wondering… why that moment before our exam? Why not earlier? Or later?” _Was I up all night thinking about that…? Probably._ Fatigue settled over her. _No, not probably. Definitely._

Severus still stared at his hands.

_He’d answer any question I asked… Is it guilt? Or is he just too tired not to? No… it’s more than that, I think. Does he… want me to know?_

“I came back to undo my greatest regret,” he said. “To fix the mistake that began… everything.” Severus sighed. “You know I’d tell you anything. And if there’s ever something you need—or want—to know, I’ll tell you, but… please… consider your questions carefully.”

“I don’t think I needed to ask that one.” Lily echoed her sister’s nervous hand wringing. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t already know the answer.” _I know all too well the crossroads we faced, what almost happened before you changed, Sev. I wondered if it was worth it—clinging to our smoldering wreck of a friendship. I saw what you were becoming—that dark path you were about to take—one I couldn’t walk. “Me or them,” I told you. Your choice. Then came a miracle! You came back to me, on the right path._ Tears stung her eyes. _I’m only sorry you had to go so far before you realized… sorry you feel so helpless now._

_Consider your questions carefully…_

_You’re at my mercy, Sev… but it feels wrong. T_ _h_ _is is too personal._ Lily clasped her hands and tucked them into her lap. _Guilt. That’s it! That’s what I haven’t been able to read since that day… I’ve never known you to be guilty over anything, but now… you wear that guilt constantly, like it’s part of you. I don’t want to hurt you, but one misstep—one wrong word, and I could._ Sweat beaded on her hands, and she dried them on her night-shirt.

_You can keep things to yourself, you know. You’ve earned that right after going through so much. So how do I do this—ask you things without abusing your trust?_

_What you’ve already told me was… incredibly truthful. How you turned dark—killed—would kill again. I can’t understand what happened—not really. Why did you tell me all that in the first place?_

_Merlin, this is hard!_

_Once, I knew everything about you, Sev. But… I don’t think that’s ever going to be possible again._ “I just wish… I could have a better idea of what’s going through your head right now,” Lily whispered. _Sometimes I can read you, but this moment… I can’t see past those dark eyes at all._

“I don’t know how to do that—or if I _should_. My mind isn’t a pleasant place,” said Severus.

“What about a Pensieve? I could have just a glimpse that way,” she mused.

“If… that’s really what you want. But there’s no way to predict the consequences. You warned me about repercussions so often. Consider this _my_ warning.” His eyes grew sadder, and his face seemed to pale as the weight of Severus’ true age settled over his features.

 _What did he look like back then—in the future—past-future, whatever it is?_ “I don’t need to see your memories,” she decided. “They’re yours. Let’s live in the present, not a past that hasn’t happened. You got a second chance for a reason.” She laid folded hands on the table and stared at them. “I just want… to see the real you. What you look like. Maybe then…”

“You really want that?” said Severus. “I’m… not a pretty sight.”

Lily chuckled. “Never had much faith in yourself, did you?” She rolled her eyes. “Some things never change.”

A smiled flickered over Severus’ face, then vanished. “I’m asking you now. Is this what you want?”

 _Just this once. One peek. So, I can understand him better._ “Yes. Just a glimpse.”

“Very well.” Severus nodded.

“Wait. You mean… you can do it without a Pensieve?” Lily stared at Severus in disbelief.

Severus’ smirk returned. “A Pensieve is just a storage unit. And you only requested a glimpse. Besides, I’m well wandered in Occlumency, and decent in Legilimency. It will only be a matter of using those skills in reverse.”

“Isn’t that magic? You’re sixteen… well… technically.”

“Yes, a unique brand of magic—and obscure. Like the Animagi spell, it’s wandless. Anything concerning the mind should be as it’s the mind that does the work so the magic can’t be traced,” said Severus.

“Oh… Fine. Let’s do it.” _How does he know all this—nevermind. But it’s—it’s fascinating._

Severus took the chair beside her. “You’re absolutely sure?”

Lily nodded as her smile faded into a serious line.

From his head, Severus drew a silver strand. It glittered like star-studded fog. “Nothing happens in this memory. It’s just me in my home drinking Firewhisky.”

“That’ll work.” Lily offered a faint smile.

Severus connected the strand just in front of Lily’s ear.

She whirled into the memory and landed feet-first, breathless. Severus’ presence appeared beside her. _Oh, I didn’t realize he’d be right h–_ Lily gasped and stumbled away from Severus. Confusion filled his face. _That isn’t his memory… Why does he look so much older—so unlike himself? He’s so tall._

Severus’ black wizard’s robe hung from his sickly, sallow frame like an obsidian tower.

 _If I didn’t know you, Sev, I’d think you were some dark creature. You look exactly how an evil wizard should with those cold, black, light-stealing eyes, greased raven hair, tangled and lifeless, fingers so thin. Almost like a corpse. So sad—exhausted—and strained more than a frayed trolley cable._ Lily shivered as his skin took on a parchment-yellow cast. _This—this is how you see yourself?_

Severus raised an eyebrow.

_I must look like I’ve seen a herd of elephants thunder across England._

He held up a hand. “I should have known,” he muttered.

 _What an unnatural color… but that’s what dark magic does to people. I’d be lying if I said this doesn’t scare me._ Lily fought to take even breaths.

Dread enveloped Severus as he pulled up his sleeve and looked away. Disgust filled his eyes.

“What is it?” said Lily as he presented his arm. She swallowed the knot in her throat when she saw the Dark Mark, a skull spawning a snake. It pulsed and writhed as pain throbbed in Severus’ face.

Past the greasy, black strings of hair that fell in his eyes, Lily found his fear. _You’re afraid I’ll hate you now… But why would I, Sev?_ His anxious gaze flickered from the Mark to her. _You were honest with me. Maybe if you hadn’t been… But this isn’t a surprise now. Give me a little credit. We’re here at_ my _request, and I’ve got to at least try to be polite about this… even if it’s uncomfortable. A_ _n_ _d besides…_ “That’s the past.” She infused as much bravery into the words as possible. “It’s only there because you imagine it is.” Lily scooped together every ounce of courage she had and took Severus’ hand. A pang of unease came. She ignored it. “You’re here for a reason.”

Lily met his black eyes. _Did I imagine it, or does he look a little less tired? His skin’s not so yellow now either, and that horrid Mark’s stopped pulsing._

Glass clinked.

She faced the memory as another Severus, this one older, more… worn, set down an empty glass and rose from a comfortable, wine-red armchair. He paced the small room.

Books, bound in rich colors lined dark, wooden shelves. Jars holding pickled animals and plants filled one section of shelves, and not one speck of dust disturbed the room’s pristine order.

 _I see lots of potion ingredients._ Lily scanned the jars. _But I have no idea what some of that stuff is. And what’s with the jar of eyes perched on top of_ Hamlet _? Really, Sev, what were you thinking with that?_ A skull represented the only dark item in the room, and it sat on a corner shelf. _I’m sure that’s not just a decoration. You’re too practical for that._ “Where are we?” Lily scanned the room again as she held Severus’ hand.

“Don’t you recognize my parent’s old house?”

“Oh! I’ve never seen it look so… nice.” _What few glimpses I’ve had until now were… far from tidy. But this is immaculate! Nothing’s worn out—second-hand. No wonder though. You hated being poor. Guess you made it pretty good for yourself._

The older Severus leaned against a bare patch of wall between two shelf sections. His eyes wandered, lost in thought.

 _What irony. Everything’s of topmost quality here—except him… He’s not an awkward teenager anymore, but still just as sallow. He almost doesn’t look alive, but he’s so different from you, Sev._ Lily squeezed his hand. _This man’s eyes are like blocks of black ice, and the shadows under them are darker than a winter midnight. He’s so… tired._

“Want to go back?” said Sev.

“Wait,” Lily said as the Severus in this memory raised his wand. “Just one more moment.”

Severus hesitated, but gave in. “Very well.”

“ _Expecto Patronum,_ ” said the memory. A silver doe burst from his wand.

“What’s that?” _I’ve never seen anything so beautiful—not even a unicorn._

“A Patronus,” said Severus.

“What’s it for?”

“Mostly driving away Dementors, but I often conjured it to compose my mind—remind myself what I needed to do. It made things… clearer.”

“Evening, Lily.”

Lily jumped. _Does he see me? I thought you couldn’t interact with a memory. Wait—oh… He’s talking to the doe._

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” The elder Severus, though far from being truly old, drooped like a rain-soaked leaf. “But I don’t have a say. Everything’s happening around me, and I can only…” His voice hoarsened and his shoulders sagged. Fatigue dragged him toward the floor, but he refused to surrender to it. “How did I end up a pawn? I’m so tired of everything. The end can’t come soon enough.”

 _T_ _h_ _is is too private. I don’t have a right to see this._ “Let’s go.” Lily tugged Sev’s hand. “I’ve seen more than enough.”

A knock at the door banished the Patronus, and the elder Severus straightened, eyes narrowed. Every sign of weakness vanished replaced by cold strength. “Now, who could that be?”

The room disappeared as Lily whirled back to reality to find Sev’s hand still touching her face, his forehead hovering inches from hers. _His eyes are still coal black, and he’s still pale, but not like… that other man._ Her heart jumped into her throat.

A silent moment passed between them before Severus broke the connection. He took back the silver strand and replaced it in his own head. “That’s the real me—old, grumpy, sulky and dark.

“You are _not_ old!” Lily said. “Not then, and certainly not now. As for the rest, you don’t have to be any of those if you don’t want to.”

Sev shook his head. “Merlin, you’re young, Lily.”

Lily twisted her lips and leaned into the chair back. “You know what we need?”

Severus shook his head.

“To spark some youth into that mental self-image of yours. You only look that way because that’s how you imagine yourself.”

“I suppose.” Severus furrowed thoughtful brows.

“Know what you looked like?” said Lily.

Sev shook his head again.

“Worn out. Tired of life. Like something sucked all the happiness out of you. You need a recharge. So…” Her smile turned mischievous. “What do you want to do?”

He gave her a blank stare. “I’ve got something to deliver to the Ministry. That would be nice to be done with.”

“Oh, Sev.” Lily shook her head. “When I said recharge, I meant something fun. That sounded like work. What do you want to do _for fun_?” _When was the last time he did that?_

“Whatever you want,” he said.

 _You’re going to regret saying that._ “I have my work cut out for me, don’t I?” Lily lifted an eyebrow at him. “We’re supposed to do what _you_ want—not what I want. But… well… how about a swim? It’s hot today.”

Horror filled Sev’s face.

“Okay, that’s a no. What about going to town to shoot some hoops?”

Sev’s horror shifted to confusion.

“Basketball.”

His expression turned sour.

“Don’t look at me like I’m insane.” She sighed. “Definitely have a lot of work to do. Well, a movie should be harmless, right? How about that recent release everyone’s been going on about— _Jaws_?” She perched hands on hips as Severus started to shake his head. “You’re coming with us to the zoo next week too.”

Sev acquiesced and got up to reheat the tea kettle.

 

* * *

 

Lily read the sign outside the lion enclosure. Iron bars separated her from the big cats as they sprawled on the ground, ignoring Lily. Sev stood beside her.

 _You’ve got a long way to go, Sev._ She started for the next exhibit, and Sev followed. _Seems you prefer calmer activitie_ _s_ _. At least wizard’s chess and gardening were successes. You managed to look like you enjoyed yourself with those._ _And you were so bored at the movie._ She stifled a laugh as they approached the tigers. _Everyone else screamed while you just sat there and rolled your eyes._

_I’d planned to set up something for us to experiment with potions. Experiments excited you in the past, but spells were your true passion. The more powerful the better. Did you grow out of that? Because… I miss it. As dangerous as it was, it made you happy. Your excitement, enthusiasm—they inspired me. But they’re gone now…_

_As long as I’ve known you, you’ve been a true Slytherin—an overachiever who wanted more from life, wanted to be better, to prove yourself and ensure your future led to greatness. So many Slytherins fell into the trap, especially the ones who thought the goal outweighed the means—or didn’t realize what those means entailed… like you, Sev. Being the embodiment of Slytherin was good—and bad. But you’re not a true Slytherin anymore. Y_ _o_ _ur ambition’s gone._

The clear window into the tiger’s enclosure fogged as one of the cats eyed a little girl standing too close to the thick barrier.

 _I don’t know who you are anymore, Sev. Back in that memory… how did you change from exhausted husk to cold and dangerous in half a second? You wanted me to stay those extra seconds—wanted me to see that. And there’s something else…_ _something you want from_ me _, but I don’t know what it is. Why don’t you just tell me, so I can give it to you? Set your mind at ease? I want to help you… but I can’t if_ you _don’t help_ me _._

They circled to the wolf pen, and Sev backed away as one of the wolves wandered too close to the fence.

_Can’t blame him for being afraid of them. Especially after what he told me about the incident at the Whomping Willow. That was just another step toward darkness, toward wanting the Marauders dead. You’re still afraid of werewolves even after a lifetime._

_At least you don’t have to worry about breaking your promise to the Headmaster now. I already know Remus’ secret, so it doesn’t matter if you talk about it._

_That night they lured you out there… It was when the rift in our friendship started to tear. The Marauders were in a fight, Remus angry with Sirius, and your vendetta against them turned severe. That’s when you started to crave power, hate Gryffindors—wanted to see them suffer, even die._

_But that’s the past. And for better or worse, now, you’re trying to give me a clear picture. You want me to know you were dark. How can I be angry with you for being honest? You’re not vengeful anymore, just sad. I don’t even want to ask you what you’re thinking anymore. I trust you to let it stay your business. And no matter what you say, I know you’d never hurt anyone._

_You just want peace. That’s what matters to you now. I’ve seen it in you… but so rarely—and not in the past year at all—I could count the instances on one hand, easily._

The image of Severus’ older self came to Lily as they left the wolves and passed several other exhibits before they stopped to look at the deer. _My worry now is whether you’ll take care of yourself. You looked more dead than alive in that memory—and so tired of everything. You said that’s the real you, but I don’t know if I believe that. Yes, it’s you, but only in part._

Sev looked over her shoulder as two does and a stag grazed twenty feet from the fence.

“I always liked does,” Lily said. “Don’t know why. They’re just… magical, and nice.”

“The doe represents kindness, protection, motherly love, healing, and bridges between worlds. It’s no surprise you like them,” said Sev. “A doe represents you.”

“But I thought that was you—I mean, that Patronus…”

Severus smirked and leaned on the fence. “If you became an Animagus, you’d turn into the animal that exemplifies you. Your Patronus represents your strength.”

“Me…? _I’m_ your strength? Even after all this time?”

Sev gave her a fond smile. “Who says it was you? Like you’re the only person represented by a doe.”

She huffed. “You called it Lily.”

“So, I did. I’m glad you don’t mind.” Sev’s smile didn’t falter.

Sadness settled over Lily as one of the does met her gaze. “I broke your heart… didn’t I?”

“No. You _gave_ me a heart. You showed me kindness when I didn’t deserve it. Without you, I’d be no better than the Dark Lord. I’d never have known what it meant to care for someone other than myself.” He joined her in watching the deer. “That’s why.”

“Still, I…”

“You did what you had to,” he said. “I’m just glad you wanted to be my friend in the first place.”

“Me too.” A smile broke through her sadness. “Thanks for being my friend, Sev. I’m glad you’re in my life.”

Sev brightened, just like he had when they were children, and a small, genuine smile made him look even less like his older self.

_That light in your eyes. It’s proof you can be different from how I saw you. You might not have noticed, but you’ve grown sallower with every year at Hogwarts. Over the last month though, you’ve grown less so. It suits you._

_We can talk openly now, and though that’s a relief, you have to remember I’m no saint. Ignore your guilt and see me for who I am—bad-tempered, impatient, the messy one. I don’t always have my school work done like you. I’m just… Lily. And I don’t want to do anything to hurt you, ever._

Lily slid closer to Sev. “So, if I became an Animagus, I’d turn into a doe?”

“Pretty sure,” said Sev.

“But that’s so boring! Why not a tiger? Or an eagle? It’d be amazing to fly without a broom!”

Sev raised an eyebrow.

Lily laughed. _You’re too much, sometimes._

“You don’t need to be an eagle or have a broom to fly. It’s easy once you know how.”

Lily choked. “W-what?”

“I said, it’s easy to fly without such crude cheats.”

“You’re telling me… you can fly?”

His serious face was answer enough.

“Merlin!” Lily smacked her forehead in disbelief. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“Plenty,” he said. “Power doesn’t equal omnipotence.”

“True. You’re still lousy at anything social.”

“I won’t argue that.”

“No, no, no. This is where you’re supposed to say that your dorm mates are fine with you,” Lily said.

“That wouldn’t be true. My dorm mates aren’t happy with me right now.” Sev smirked.

“And you find that amusing?”

“Yes,” he replied smoothly, “very much.”

“You have a cruel sense of humor.”

“Is that new?” said Sev.

Lily tapped her chin and smirked. “Nope. Absolutely not.”

 

 


	9. Prince

"You're going to the Ministry? Do you want me to come with you?" said Lily from her chair near the living room couch.

"No, you don't have to do that." Severus gathered a stack of parchments. _You've spent far too much time just sitting with me since I got here._

"Oh… all right…" Lily closed her book and set it aside. Not three minutes later, as Severus pulled on his shoes, there was a knock at the front door, and Lily rushed to get it. "Emmeline, you're here already?" Her voice rose in excitement. "Let me grab my purse. Mom, Dad, Emmeline's here," she called into the house.

"Okay, honey. Don't be gone too long," Mrs. Evans replied from the kitchen.

Lily poked her head into the living room. "Bye, Sev. Have fun at the Ministry."

He nodded his goodbye. _Probably going to meet up with more of her friends from school and do all the things she's wanted to do but didn't because of me._ He left shortly after Lily and Emmeline with a polite goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Evans. Petunia rolled her eyes at him but didn't make any snide remarks.

He entered the Ministry atrium alone.

"Oh, dear!" A kind-faced witch stopped him not far inside. "Your shoulder is bruised to the bone. Do you want me to fix it before you go back to the muggles?"

 _She must think…_ He adjusted his borrowed clothes. _I'd have bought my own clothes if I had the money. I suppose the unhealed injuries don't help. Though she's not completely wrong to think I'm muggleborn._ "That's very kind," said Severus with a grateful smile. Warmth spread through his shoulder and the sore ache vanished. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear. What are healers for? Though you must excuse me." The witch smiled and continued across the atrium as if she'd done nothing at all.

 _Magic is a wonderful thing. Strange I haven't missed it much so far._ He approached the registration counter, parchment stack tucked under his arm.

The wizard ahead of him in line looked like a colorful beetle with his spectacled eyes that peered from beneath a tall, purple hat's brim, graying hair that poked in all directions, and wizarding robes patched together in a hodgepodge of colors and patterns. "I swear, this time It's a work of genius!" He gestured at the witch who sat behind the desk. "Wizards and witches the world over will appreciate it."

"Sure." The clerk raised a brow and held back an eye roll. "But until you find a use for the _Confindupolan_ , you can keep the genius to yourself."

"Fine…" The colorfully clad wizard snorted and snatched his parchment from the desk. " _I_ know it's brilliant. You'll see!"

The witch's attention turned to Severus, and the annoyance in her eyes remained. "What've you got, kid? A genius prankster charm that'll go down in the history of magic and give you some pocket money?"

"No, madam," said Severus. "I'd like to remain anonymous as this potion's creator."

"Oh?" Interest replaced the witch's irritation.

Severus handed her the parchment. "Wolfsbane potion. It's not a cure for lycanthropy, but it considerably eases the condition."

The witch scanned the description at the top of the page. "Why, Mr. Snape, is it? This… is useful. Thoughtful." She studied the formula. "This looks complicated. I'm afraid I have no idea how it's supposed to work." The clerk flipped to the detailed description of how the potion functioned. "Oi! Calvin!" she shouted over her should. "Come look at this. It might be the genuine thing of the year."

A middle-aged man peered through a narrow doorway. "What is it, Helen?" Excitement's gleam lit his eyes.

_Guess it's a big day for them when something of real value comes in. Otherwise it'd be the same boring paperwork every day._

"It's a potion, Calvin." She handed him Severus' papers. "Have a look."

"This is interesting." Calvin paged through the documentation. "Pretty complicated. And expensive. A shame—a lot of people would've been delighted… if it works. Who made this?"

Severus cleared his throat. "I did."

Calvin pointed at Severus. "You? Sorry to ask, but… how old are you exactly? Are you out of school?"

Irritation rose at the questions. "I'm sixteen, and no, I'm not."

"But… how…?" Calvin looked from the parchment to Severus several times. "Why?"

"A good friend of mine is a werewolf," Severus lied. "I wanted to help him."

"Well, it's not like there's been much research in the field." Calvin gave Severus' documentation another hard look.

_It's not going to turn blank you know._

"This will need testing." Calvin said.

"Magical Animals department?" Helen said.

"Probably," said Calvin.

_As amusing as it is to hear Lupin categorized as an animal… to label people like that is disgusting._

"Go figure this out." Calvin shoved the parchment into Helen's arms.

"Me?" She shuddered. "But I hate that woman. Can't you go?"

"We all hate her," said Calvin. "But it's your turn. You made me go to the Muggle department yesterday, and it's not like Runcorn is more pleasant than _her_. If they hate the subject so much, why don't they change departments?"

"Fine. I'll go." Helen hauled the papers toward the elevator.

"Now, Mr. Snape, I need you to sign a few papers," said Calvin.

"I'd like to remain anonymous as the creator. Is that possible?" said Severus.

"I… guess… Though the higher-ups in research facilities and Ministry members will need access to the information, so it must be in our archives, but I suppose we can keep it from the public." His brows furrowed. "And we'll have to call you once the right department figures out what to do with your invention before they test it. You'd like to be present, wouldn't you?"

Severus thought a moment, then nodded. "Yes." _Anything less is sloppy._

Less than a day passed before the Ministry called him back.

Severus returned and found the receptionist. "I'm here about a potion I registered."

The woman handed him a badge. "Third floor," she said. "Fifth office on the left."

"Thank you."

Severus took the elevator. Inside, an office listing hung on one wall. He found his destination half-way down the list and shuddered. _Dolores Umbridge._ The name burned into him like lit gunpowder on a wooden slate. _Of all the people in this world, I can say in honesty I hate this woman most. Potter, Black, Wormtail, Lestrange, most of the other Death Eaters for that matter, even Voldemort—they can't compare. Never been one to hide behind women, but I wish Minerva were here right now. How did she ever manage Umbridge when no one else could? Can I call myself a master at such things if I can't handle Umbridge?_

_What does that woman want? Is woman even the proper word? To call her a dragon would insult the poor creatures. I must keep my temper in front of her._

Dread clutched his heart as the elevator door squeaked open. Severus stopped in front of Umbridge's office. A hideous blue cat platter hung on the door accompanied by a bright pink sign that read, "Dolores Umbridge, Department Head."

_No wonder magical animal rights plummeted so fast then—now—before, whatever._

He knocked once.

"Enter."

A shiver rippled through Severus. He stiffened and fought to hold down his breakfast as the high-pitched, sugary-sweet voice curdled his stomach.

A passing witch whispered in sympathy, "Think of your favorite book. It'll help you survive."

 _Like I needed a warning._ He inched open the door. Pink walls assaulted him, accompanied by countless, multicolored kitten plates hung on the walls.

_And the monster herself._

Umbridge sat at her desk in the middle of the horrendous room.

_Still just as appalling—and fake. She should be a good deal younger than when I saw her last, but I don't see much of a difference. A bit slimmer, perhaps, but not by much, and she still has no neck._

A black bow smacked her mouse-brown curls, like a fat fly a month dead. Her face, like the rest of her, was toadish.

"Mr. Snape?" Doubt shadowed Umbridge's face.

Severus nodded.

Umbridge's beady eyes narrowed. "Severus Snape?" Her tone grew indignant.

He nodded again as disgust soured his mouth.

"Not Severus Snape Jr.?"

"My father's name is Tobias," he snapped. "I am the potion's creator."

"Grandparents?"

Severus gave in to the urge and rolled his eyes. "I don't know any of them. And, no, Ms. Umbridge, I don't know any uncles or aunts either."

"Surely you can't be the creator. I had our most brilliant master review it. He called it the work of a genius."

"I'll take that as a gracious compliment," Severus shot back. "Ask me anything about the potion. I assure you, I can answer."

"Believe me, I will." Dolores smiled sweetly.

Another chill shot down Severus' back.

"In fact, I planned for that. We don't want thieves to get the glory for others' work. You'll be proud to know that in only a couple of hours your formula went through many hands. An old potions master insisted he meet you. I chose him because he's the best, and should this prove a trick, he'll see through it." Dolores tilted her ugly, fat head and a dangerous reflection caught her eyes. "I do so hate _liars._ "

Severus managed a cold, "Fine."

"Allow me to introduce you." Umbridge opened a side door. "My lord, if you'd please come in," she said, tone cheery.

An older gentleman entered.

_Of fine blood, I see._

The man's formal robes were simple, elegant, and undeniably expensive. His snow-white hair combed neatly back and black eyes held sharp intelligence with a hint of danger. He stood straight, his long lean frame composed with such dignity he appeared strong despite his build. Thin, wrinkled hands held a black cane, and he walked with grace. His air spoke to an unbending will.

_Seems it would be unwise to cross him._

"May I introduce the lord of Prince Manor, Augustus Prince?"

Severus' heart skipped. _Lord of…_ Prince _Manor?_

"Close your mouth, boy," Augustus scolded. "Staring is rude."

Severus obeyed, but didn't avert his gaze and instead narrowed his eyes into a glare.

"Where's this mysterious inventor?" Augustus scanned the room, ignoring Severus.

"Ahem," Umbridge gestured for Severus to speak up.

"I'm here, Sir." _This must be… But I never saw him in my previous life. Lord of Prince Manor… the last Prince left. I never even knew his first name until now. This is Mother's father… my grandfather…_

"Hm." Augustus regarded him with disapproval. "Snape. The name sounds familiar. Is your father in the potions business by chance?"

"No. My father's a muggle," said Severus.

"Your mother?"

"No. She was a housewife."

"Was?"

"She died last September."

"Must've been young. A shame." Augustus approached Severus. "So, you're telling me you invented this wonder, young man?"

"Yes, Sir."

Their eyes locked, black against black. _The eyes of many pureblooded wizards, close kin to the Blacks, look like this._

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen, Sir." Severus appraised Augustus. _I wondered how he died. I was… nineteen? Had recently joined the Death Eaters—inherited the Prince fortune overnight. He seems strong enough. I doubt it was illness._

"Explain how the potion works—like you would tell a first-year student," Augustus said, eyes narrowed.

"It poisons the werewolf, deteriorating the curse from within, but isn't potent enough to kill the host."

"Why add Valmue drops?"

"To ensure the transformation isn't disrupted or altered—to help prevent fatality for the host."

"How?"

"Without them, the host's inner organs could jumble, or they may not be able to regain human form—probably both."

"Why let it simmer twenty hours after adding beetle bark?"

 _Trick question._ Severus smirked. "The twenty-hour simmer allows the nightshade to become compatible with the wolfsbane. Without beetle bark, the whole work area smells of rotten doxy eggs."

Augustus broke the stare, and to Umbridge said, "The boy knows his potions. If you don't mind, I'd like to spend the afternoon with him and return later. How about…" he popped an old silver pocket watch, "four o'clock, when the ministry closes for customers? That gives us a couple of hours."

"Of course, my lord." A wide grin spread over Umbridge's toady face.

_What does she hope to gain from this?_

"Let's go, boy." Augustus left Umbridge's office, and Severus sprinted to catch the door before it closed. He lengthened each stride even more to catch Augustus before he reached the elevator. "Did you have lunch?" Augustus said without looking at Severus.

"No, Sir."

"Good."

_A man of actions, not words, I see. How did you die? Killed by Death Eaters, perhaps? That seems unlikely._

The elevator chimed, and Severus and Augustus stepped into the packed car. Neither said a word as they descended to the ground floor and left the Ministry.  
Severus followed Augustus to a restaurant around the corner. Antique furniture and elegant décor lent the place an expensive air.

"Sit down, boy." Augustus said, words more an order than a request.

"Thank you, Sir." Severus nodded and sat opposite Augustus.

"I like your manners, boy." Augustus' cold eyes warmed a fraction.

"Thank you, Sir," Severus repeated. "Though it is rather rude of you to call me 'boy' when you know my name." He held Augustus' gaze in challenge.

"Don't try my patience." Augustus studied a tall, porcelain vase in the near corner.

 _I'm only here to satisfy my curiosity. I don't_ have _to be here._

"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a liar," Augustus said. "But what I like even less is brilliant potential and talent falling prey to lies." He leaned across the table. "We both know you didn't invent that potion. It would've taken years of research to come by some of those components—years you don't have."

"Years, no. Motives, yes. A werewolf resides at my school. He tried to keep his condition a secret, but I found out early. The mere thought of him terrified me, so I did whatever I could to mitigate the danger."

"Even went through all that trouble instead of killing him?"

"I don't walk about killing schoolmates." Severus matched Augustus' tone. "Even if they _are_ part beast," he muttered.

Augustus smiled in approval, but the expression vanished quickly. "I like you, boy."

Severus stifled the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he crossed his arms and opted for a cold glare.

"Far too intelligent for your age." Augustus frowned.

 _Perceptive. How_ did _you die, Augustus Prince?_

"Don't let that make you think you've nothing to learn," said Augustus.

Severus regarded him, puzzled.

"Am I right to assume you're at Hogwarts?"

"Of course." Severus nodded.

"Which house?"

"Slytherin."

Augustus smirked this time. "Thought so. I was too, so I can usually recognize a Slytherin when I see one." He cleared his throat. "I'm sure your head's full of ideas of glory. It's a house of overachievers after all. But it's also a house of ambition, and that ambition for glory often rules the minds of the young."

_What is he talking about?_

"You think you can easily get glory by joining a no-good Lord. This isn't the first time someone's promised power and glory to his followers," said Augustus.

 _He's talking about Voldemort…_ _Even though he let Mother down—or maybe not. I don't know that story. I respect him a lot more now._ "I assure you, I have no interest in joining the Dark Lord."

Augustus seemed unconvinced. "You're meant for greatness, but you're the kind to become a follower. I hate seeing talent wasted. I've seen other Dark Lords in my time, and none of them were worth anything. Lies, that's what they sell. Nothing more."

 _Now I remember! Killed by Death Eaters when he refused to join them. That disgusted me then, as a new Death Eater myself. That a Prince would die such a foolish death… as the war ended, it spurred me to forget the mansion—let it all rot. He knew when he defied them it meant his death._ Severus' new respect for Augustus doubled. "Thank you, Sir, you don't have to worry. I've had a rather hard lesson already. I'd rather die than join the ranks of the Dark Lord." _Literally._

"So young, so inexperienced…" Augustus sighed. "But I do believe you've had your fair share of experiences. The way you talk and behave makes that evident, Mr. Snape." His eyes gleamed with intrigue. "I'm curious about what goes on inside your head. Tell me more about this potion. When did you first think of developing it? To prevent transformation of the mind rather than the body—it's quite clever. In the past, everyone who attempted a cure focused on preventing the physical change first. They all failed."

"I know. A dim-witted approach. It must progress in stages."

"Indeed. Do tell how you thought of this approach."

"Well, Sir…" _Tread carefully._ "I suppose it helps the werewolf isn't my friend or relative. Previous attempts came about because someone close to the would-be inventor was bitten. But I just wanted to ensure the werewolf wouldn't break loose during the full moon and harm someone. I adopted an outsider's perspective. Stopping the transformation entirely still seems impossible—at least, without killing twenty or more test subjects along the way…"


	10. The man in the moon

Severus bent over the brewing cauldron. _Two weeks, and he still hovers like a hawk. I insisted on doing it myself_ _,_ _so it was done right._

Augustus Prince circled the potion cauldron again as it bubbled green.

 _I doubt it's the mix he's watching._ Severus caught one of Augustus' glances. _He's just as passionate about potions as I am. What a discussion that was yesterday, and the day before that. Stubborn man. Then there was Lily's visit a few days ago._ He gave a quiet snort. _She watched Augustus like a cat tiptoeing around the neighbor's hound—too curious to leave. That was an interesting few hours._

 

 

 

" _Your grandfather?" she asked at their spot by the stream. "Sev, that's wonderful!"_

" _Hah. He abandoned my mother," he said. "And he has no idea I'm his grandson."_

" _Sounds like you respect him though."_

_Severus nodded. "He isn't a weak pureblood—like most of them. I admire his strength, but to like someone and to respect them are two different things."_

" _That doesn't make any sense," Lily huffed. "What's he like?"_

" _Doesn't talk much—a few sentences here and there. It covers what needs to be said, nothing more. Not exactly the cheerful type."_

_Lily laughed and lay on the stream's bank, face-up. "Sounds like someone else I know." She giggled and spread her arms in the damp grass._

" _Who?" said Sev._

" _For an old, experienced man you're so dim sometimes. It's you, Sev. You just described yourself."_

 _He choked._ Am I really so like a grandfather I've never met? How?

_To Severus' amusement, when Lily accompanied him to the Ministry afterwards, Augustus was taken aback by Lily's seemingly unfounded enthusiasm and curiosity._

_Lily was shy but tended to chatter when nervous. She talked so much Augustus scolded, "Be quiet or leave."_

_After that, Severus assured her Augustus' brusqueness was nothing to worry about. "He interrogated me too," Severus offered._

_By day's end, Augustus granted Lily his approval saying, "You've a flair for potions, young lady. Stick with it."_

_Likely she'd asked the right questions all along. August just hated being interrupted._

_She watched Severus brew the Wolfsbane potion with fascination, but several hours later she left to meet the demands of her active social life._

 

 

Severus finished the potion.

_Three days before the full moon._

Umbridge slipped through the door. "Are you finished, dear?" Her usual sickly sweet voice grated. "You said you'd be done about now, and people are waiting."

Severus exchanged looks with Augustus. "What people?" said Severus.

"The test subjects, dearest." Umbridge giggled.

 _More like guinea pigs. She probably hopes to kill a couple werewolves with this potion. She was a little too delighted when she found out they could die from this._ Severus smirked. _No faith in my brewing abilities. Too bad for her. My potions are always perfect._

"Would you like to meet them? I'm afraid most are unaware of why they're here."

 _So, she dragged in werewolves against their will. Can she do that? Of course. I should've realized she can. Joy… Facing a group of werewolves who'll likely hate me. Exactly what I need to add to my collection of personal nightmares because I so love them._ Severus gritted his teeth and nodded.

Umbridge smiled like a toad who'd just caught a juicy fly. "This way, Mr. Snape."

He bit back his dread and followed her to the elevator. They descended to the basement and walked a cold hallway until they met a heavy, wooden door.

Umbridge opened it and called in a too delighted voice, "Dearest people, I would like you to meet the young man responsible for your being here and spending the next full moon in the safety of the Ministry's dungeon. You must be relieved not to be a danger to the world for once."

Severus' glare stabbed Umbridge's back. _Right. Enrage them as much as possible before you throw me to them like a fresh bone._

To him, Umbridge said, "I thought it best to test the potion on as many kinds of werewolves as possible—to see if the effects were different. We don't want to be unfair."

As his stomach twisted, Severus stuffed down his fear and stepped into the dungeon. Hateful stares greeted him, but many were surprised he wasn't a Ministry official. He stood straight and returned their glares.

Near Severus stood a young man and woman. A few elderly people scattered the room and a single child held a young woman's hand. All shared the same thin, shabby appearance. Most were malnourished and some unwashed.

"Severus!" A teenage boy dashed to him from the back of the room; a smile plastered his face.

 _Of course,_ he'd _have to be here._ "Lupin," Severus grumbled and gave his schoolmate a slight nod.

"You know him?" A middle-aged black man eyed Severus as though he were about to steal his dinner. Severus returned the look.

Lupin nodded and faced the rest of the werewolves. "I go to school with him. He's the real thing. I knew that's what this was about. I _knew_ it!" He grinned, in stark contrast to Severus' ever worsening mood.

The werewolves regarded him with much more interest, and a nervous sneer played on Severus' lips.

"What is it?" said a woman, seated on the floor. Her flower-patterned robe, though old, hurt Severus' eyes with its gaudy design. "Why were we called in?"

Lupin shuffled closer to Severus, pride in his eyes. "Well, tell them, Severus."

 _Oh, if I could kill him with a look_ —Severus' disapproval didn't hinder Lupin's stupid grin, but the other werewolves appeared concerned for the boy. _Is this funny to you, Lupin? Is it?_

"Don't let that cold shell fool you," said Lupin. "He's like this to everybody—wizard and werewolf alike."

_But mostly to stupid little optimists._

A few werewolves relaxed at Lupin's words.

"Spit it out, kid," said the dark-skinned man. "Why're we here? I have things to do." He crossed his arms. "And being locked up for observation isn't on my list."

"I invented a potion," Severus shot back. "One designed to ease your condition.

The werewolves snorted and most turned away.

"It's not a cure," Severus continued. "With it, you have full control during the full moon. Though your body will transform, you mind will not."

Several ears twitched, and he earned back the attention of a few.

_This is a different concept for them. Before, those who tried to invent a full cure always failed. But now this…_

"It's true," said Lupin, barely containing his joy. "I've tried it myself. It really works." His eyes misted.

_Now he's gone sentimental…_

Every head turned at Lupin's testimony.

Severus swallowed hard and fought off a shudder as too many pairs of amber eyes stared at him. "It's called Wolfsbane potion—based on the wolfsbane plant, which, as you know, has a specific effect on those with lycanthropy. If prepared improperly, it's poisonous to werewolves. But used correctly, it weakens the curse and leaves the carrier unharmed—aside from a little nausea in the morning and exhaustion from the transformation. But the fatigue won't be as intense as it would have been from a night spent running as a mindless wolf. Most importantly, it will render you less of a danger to yourself and others. The moon won't steal your sanity. Your mind will be your own."

Astounded silence blanketed the room followed by palpable anticipation. Intense desire to believe him filled every face, but a hint of doubt remained.

"You said it could be poisonous," said a young woman, fright in her intense, blue eyes. She would have been beautiful if not for her sunken cheeks and the permanent worry lines that framed her eyes. Unkempt blonde hair fell limply to her shoulders.

 _T_ _h_ _e world is so unfair… Once—a long time ago—she must have been the picture of beauty._

The young woman tucked a little girl behind her. The child's golden curls glinted in the low light. "Tell me, please. Is it safe for my daughter?" Desperation tinted the woman's voice.

_She's awfully young to look this way—and shoulder the burden of having a child._

The little girl peeked at him from behind her mother's skirt. Her blue eyes and frown radiated defiance—a dare that he make a wrong step while her mother was frightened beyond reason.

"The… dosage is calculated for adults," he said.

The girl didn't break gaze with Severus.

"I wasn't aware Umbridge intended to bring more than one person. And I thought it would be an adult volunteer."

An elderly man stepped closer and growled, "We're not volunteers—any of us. We never have a say in these things."

"I'd have gladly volunteered." Lupin raised a hand. "It really does work."

"I'll have to talk to Umbridge," Severus said to the young mother. "I'm not prepared to be responsible for harming your daughter."

"Thank you…" she whispered as her shoulders sank in relief.

As her mother relaxed, the child's apprehension dissipated, replaced by curiosity.

_Is this girl afraid of anything? Surely, I mustn't look too pleasant. Younger Hogwarts students would have whimpered._

"Are you fighting the man in the moon?" said the girl, as if this were a normal question. "That's why you're so mean, because you're a warrior too, right? I know warriors have to be mean. They have to be fierce! If you're soft, your enemies will use your weakness, so I don't mind if you're mean. Can you help me defeat the man in the moon? He's mean to me and makes Mum cry," she said, tone strictly business.

 _Merlin…_ Severus ran a hand through his hair. _She has no idea, does she? She worries more for her mother than herself. What in Merlin's name is she made of?_ Severus took three slow steps and knelt, eyes on the same level as the girl's. _She meets my gaze without fear—something a seasoned Death Eater wouldn't dare._ "I don't think we can defeat the man in the moon right now. Even if you take the potion, he's going to be mean to you. But it means we might one day find a way to stop him if we're patient, cunning and strong."

The little girl's brows furrowed.

"Don't lose hope," Severus said. "This opens a world of opportunities—ways to fight that man. But it will take time, maybe a lot of it. And I might need your help to fight him. Will you help me?"

The little girl nodded with pride.

"Then don't give up. Just be there when I need you. All right?"

Another nod, and then a light ignited her eyes.

"What's your name?" Severus said.

"Evelyn."

"I'm Severus."

"Severu—Seve—Se…"

"You can call me Sev. No use tripping over words." _She must've died in my timeline. I don't recall any werewolves attending Hogwarts while I taught there. Perhaps fright killed her, or despair. Maybe she gave in to the wolf just when everything became too much. Transformation could have killed her, or Voldemort's werewolves. Fenrir would have tried to press her into his pack. He's probably the one who bit her. Any child who survives a werewolf attack is of interest to him. I just hope she has enough reason to go on this time._

Severus stood. All around, expressions changed, offered him newfound warmth and curiosity. _I don't have the energy for this._

Shame covered Lupin's face, and he blushed so red color rose to the tips of his ears. _I'll never let my friends lay a hand on you again, Severus._ Gratitude washed through him. _Never ever again._

 

* * *

 

 

"No!" Disgust for Dolores Umbridge filled Severus. "You can't be serious about this—forcing her to take the potion too!"

"Oh, but I am." Umbridge smiled with a giggle. "Every specimen of the species must be tested."

"But it's meant for adults—fully grown werewolves. Who knows what will happen? It could kill her."

"Then I suggest you find an alternative." Umbridge's sick smile widened.

"I'm with Mr. Snape in this, Dolores," said Augustus as he entered the office. "That dosage isn't for a child, so there's no point in testing it on one."

"I'm afraid you have no authority in the matter, my Lord." Umbridge's smile became a smirk. "You're only here as a guest, and as I recall, you surrendered your seat in the Ministry years ago." She held a hand to her mouth. "Oh no… I believe that means you don't have a shred of influence here."

Augustus gritted his teeth. "You aren't a potions master. I am."

"Then I suggest you fix a dose of the potion and make it safe for her." Umbridge's irritating giggle was like a broken alarm bell.

Augustus' hard expression said enough.

_I'd like to throttle her too. S_ _l_ _owly. Watch the life drain from her face. Perhaps see her eyes pop from their sockets. Demon eyes would be interesting to experiment with._

"If you don't leave right now, I won't allow you to observe the test the night of the full moon," she said.

 _I'd hoped to be at the Evans' house—far away from the Ministry dungeon—the night of the full moon._ The thought of what Evelyn might endure nagged Severus, and he left the office before his itching hands did something he would regret.

"What're you going to do, boy?" Augustus followed him into the hall.

"I don't know yet." Severus frowned. "But I refuse to give her the potion as is. We could add sugar, make it useless, but then she'd be a raging beast caged in far too small a space. Her risk of serious injury is too high."

They started toward the elevator.

"Thestral hair?" Augustus offered.

"That should have been added before the nightshade. No telling how it would react if we put it in now."

"Quite correct."

The elevator door chimed shut as Severus covered his face and concentrated. "If only we had unicorn hair." _Ultimate protection. So rare—valuable—but unpredictable. The stuff has a mind of its own at times._ _I_ _t could even dissolve the effects of the potion if its use is misconstrued as harmful._

"Are you sure you want to risk that?" said Augustus.

"It's better than doing nothing or adding sugar. It might even help her during the transformation." Hope rose in Severus' voice.

"Very well. I have some unicorn hair tucked away. Just don't give her any of the potion before I return."

 _What?_ Severus hid his surprise. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. That woman is a pestilence." Augustus glared at Umbridge's office listing on the car wall. "We shouldn't endanger the girl."

The elevator stopped two floors down, and Severus stepped out.

Augustus popped his silver pocket watch with a click. "I should return around 4 P.M. Her potion will be prepared just in time for dinner." He closed his watch as the door shut and separated them.

Severus waited in silence for over half a minute before he returned to the brewing room.

 

* * *

 

Severus' hand wavered as he dropped the white unicorn hair into Evelyn's portion of Wolfsbane. It simmered in a smaller cauldron, and when the hair settled into it, the liquid bubbled then crept from green to purple.

He took a long breath and steadied his hands before he handed a goblet of the purple mixture to Evelyn.

She sipped it and wrinkled her nose. "It tastes horrible, like old socks!"

"Drink it, sweetie," Her mother, Andrea—as Severus discovered was her name—insisted.

Evelyn looked to Severus.

He nodded.

The girl drank every drop, clear disgust in her face with every swallow.

"I'm afraid you'll have to drink it again tomorrow, and the day after that," Severus cautioned when relief started to flood Evelyn's face.

"What?" Her expression fell. "Eww…"

"Evelyn," Andrea scolded. "Show Severus some respect. He's doing his best to help us."

"Sorry," Evelyn muttered. "Please, don't be mad. I really want to help fight the man in the moon. Even if I have to drink a whole cauldron of that sock potion!" Pride swelled in her voice.

"Very brave, indeed." Severus said. _Much braver than most._

* * *


	11. Old Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo, I just wanted to take a moments notice to thank you all for all the kind comments. While I don't respond to the shorter comments, we both do read all of them, and they are extremely encouraging in our work. It makes us both feel good. So thank you. 
> 
> Ones again, this fanfic is updated weekly. Every Thursday unless something happens like sickness or personal emergencies. To fill out the time, you can check out other fics either of us writes. 
> 
> Sadly, not all of my fics has been edited like this one, so they have grammar and spelling mistakes. Dtill395 though, the one acting as editor on the story, her work as editor is of course excellent, so her fictions doesn't have such issues. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kindness and your patience, we are both working to bring you the best possible version of this story that we can deliver. Lots of love. Moonybird and Dtill359

Noon, the day before the full moon, Severus stepped into the Ministry, Lily at his side. _Astounding, how you read me so well… even insisted on coming with me today. You knew I wasn't completely comfortable with this, didn't you?_

The pair went to the brewing room. There, they dispensed the last dosage of Wolfsbane to the werewolves. When they came to Evelyn, Severus administered her portion himself.

Lily knelt. "How old are you?"

"Six and a half." Evelyn proudly displayed six fingers, plus one bowed in half.

Lily paled a little. "You're quite a big girl." She forced a smile and stood as Severus moved to the next werewolf.

"Guys, you really don't have to be here." Familiar voices in the hall caught Severus' ear.

"Moony, we swore never to let you spend another full moon alone."

"I know, Prongs, and I'm grateful, but…"

Severus stiffened, and Lily tensed as he exchanged a look with her. _She probably didn't consider this as a possibility when she insisted on coming today. S_ _h_ _e knew about Lupin, but even_ I _hadn't counted on seeing the Marauders here._

"No, but Moony, a promise is a promise," insisted Black, just outside the door.

"You can't help me like you used to," said Lupin. "And we know it'll be fine. I've tried it before, remember? I'm just going to be under observation this time. That's all."

"Then there's no harm in us being here," said Potter.

All four boys entered. Lupin scanned the room for Severus. When he saw Lily, his jaw dropped.

"What is it?" Potter followed his gaze. "Evans!" He immediately ruffled his hair into an unruly mop. "What're you doing here?"

"Evans?" Black joined Potter in staring.

Severus muffled a snort. _They don't even see me. Must be the muggle clothes._

"I—I'm here with Sev!" Lily scooted close and grabbed Severus' hand.

All except Lupin gawked.

"Snape?" said Potter. "What're _you_ doing here?"

 _How do I stay anonymous as this potion's creator? And get Lupin to play along?_ "I'm here to see Evelyn." Severus gave Andrea a pleading look. Though puzzled, and a bit apprehensive of the three newcomers, she gave a discreet nod.

"Who?" said Black, suspiciously.

A little hand reached for Severus' free one and clutched it tight. "Sev is helping me fight the man in the moon," Evelyn declared with a defiant stare in the boys' direction.

Black, Potter, and Wormtail looked at the girl as though she'd just stepped out of a flying saucer. Confidence undaunted, Evelyn returned the favor. She looked like an alley cat facing off against a pack of junkyard dogs, ready to bite if necessary.

"The man in the moon," she repeated slowly, as if talking to idiots. "He comes down and hurts me when the round portal opens. And Sev helps me fight him because he's a warrior—like the knights!"

The Marauders exchanged bewildered looks—all except Lupin who stared at the floor as he blushed red.

"Remus…" Lily hesitated but let go of Severus' hand and approached Lupin. "You okay?"

Lupin's blush deepened.

"I know why you're here." Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm… I'm sorry." Lupin was redder than a garden full of overripe tomatoes now.

"It's all right. This is no more your fault that it is Evelyn's. She's such a sweet girl."

Lupin turned away, ashamed.

"Did Snivellus tell you?" Potter sneered at Severus.

"Do try to have a heart." Red rose in Lily's cheeks. "He's here for Evelyn, not to torment any of you. We didn't even know you'd be here. Is that so hard to understand? And no, James, he _didn't_ tell me. I figured it out myself, two years ago. I'm not stupid, you know!"

Lupin twitched.

"Remus…" Lily breathed.

"I—Lily, I… What I mean is–" Lupin tried.

"I told you, this isn't your fault," said Lily. "You're still the same person, right? Remus Lupin, my good friend?"

Lupin didn't meet her eyes.

"Who's she?" Potter's attention returned to Evelyn who still held Severus' hand.

"None of your business, Potter," Severus sneered.

Evelyn nodded mouth set in a pout.

Defeat and confusion overtook the Marauders, and none of them said anything else on the subject.

Lily took Lupin's hands. Finally, he looked at her and surprise crossed his face when Lily smiled softly.

"Lily…" whispered Lupin, still embarrassed.

Lily let go of his hands and caught him in a hug.

Remus' eyes misted, and he gulped back tears.

 _This… is who Lily is. She's a better person than I could ever be._ Purpose swelled in his chest. _I'll protect her this time, not matter what._

Lily let go of Lupin. Not even a shade of hate or disappointment tinted her eyes, and Lupin blushed again.

_In a moment, she's said it all. What a person she is…_

 

* * *

 

As night approached, Severus walked with Evelyn, Andrea, and Lily deep into the Ministry dungeon. The werewolves followed, trailed—at Umbridge's insistence—by a band of bulky security guards, and two Aurors.

Even the fearless Evelyn balked at the narrow stony hall, so cold and uninviting. Severus held one hand, and her mother held the other as they reached a long row of holding cells. Wooden doors loomed on either side of the passage and stretched in an endless line into the dimness. A small, barred window allowed a view of each cell.

Each cramped room held a cot. The guards assigned cells and handed out one blanket to every werewolf.

"Undress inside, then push your clothes through the window when you're done. We'll return them in the morning," said the lead guard.

 _So pitiful—and degrading._ Severus gritted his teeth as Evelyn let go of him and her mother, took her blanket and held her head high as she approached her cell. _Such courage in one so young…_

"Tonight, the portal opens, and we fight the man in the moon," Evelyn declared.

"Exactly." Severus stood by the door and nodded.

"And you'll help me, right?" said Evelyn. "Because you can actually see him." She seemed disappointed. "I can't yet."

"Of course," Severus assured. "You and I, we'll fight that mean man together."

Evelyn nodded like a warrior about to plunge head-first into battle. In the middle of the hall she tugged her blouse over her head.

Severus looked away, slightly embarrassed. When he was sure she was wrapped in her blanket, he faced her again.

"We'll fight his generals too," Evelyn said. "Like the goblin king! I got one of his princes last week," she said with pride. "Cut his head right off."

"Er…" _What am I supposed to say to that?_

"That's impressive," Lily answered for him. "Was he big?"

"Not really." Evelyn shook her head. "Only the size of a mountain. He was the youngest one. There're _twelve_ of them." She looked at her mother. "Don't be scared, Mum. I can handle it. I handled the last goblin prince last week, remember? I'm ready for the man. He won't hurt me."

Andrea swallowed hard. "I know, sweetheart. You're so strong, and I'm so proud of you. I love you!" She reached for her daughter, but the security guard pushed Evelyn into her cell and shoved Andrea away as he slammed the cell door.

Both Aurors cast a plethora of security wards as Evelyn's annoyed grumbles reached through the tiny window.

Andrea bit her lip. "Sorry…" she muttered. "She gets carried away sometimes."

"Nothing to apologize for," said Lily.

Andrea managed a vague smile and shook her head. "You know… sometimes I wonder. Does she really believe any of that, or is she just making it up to make _me_ feel better?"

Evelyn's blanket bunched under her as she sat in the corner. Though she looked like a tiny knight entrusted with sentry duty, she never broke eye contact with Severus.

Lily clasped his hand.

Down the hall, the Marauders stood by another door and talked with Lupin as they waited.

No other cells had visitors, just guards, or an Auror.

The minutes crawled. Severus wasn't sure how much time passed, but it felt like years. _At least Potter, Black, and Pettigrew are still prattling to Lupin. I don't think I could take total silence._

Evelyn lurched forward but broke her fall with spread hands and locked elbows.

Severus gripped Lily's hand tighter.

Sandy fur sprouted from Evelyn's body as she morphed from child to wolf with snarls and growls. Her mouth jutted into a long snout as she convulsed, eyes watering in pain.

Lily burrowed her head in Severus' shoulder. "I can't watch," she whispered.

Severus fought to keep eye contact with Evelyn. _Her eyes!_

The transformation pushed Evelyn's hands into four little paws before she collapsed in a panting pile of fluff.

 _She looks like a pup._ Severus held his breath. "Evelyn? Evelyn, can you hear me?"

The pup raised its wobbly head; intelligence shone in its still blue eyes. Evelyn yipped and gathered all four legs to rise. She staggered as her feet tangled and she plopped onto her blanket with a confused grumble.

"You're a wolf," Severus said, but his voice turned rough like a graveled drive. "Just for tonight. You know how it is with animals. They can't talk with us. You'll have to nod or shake your head. Do you understand?"

The pup cocked her head, and both ears flicked his direction before she nodded.

"It worked." Severus sighed in relief. "She's all right."

"Thank Merlin," Andrea choked and wiped tears from her eyes as she pressed her face to the window bars to better see her daughter. "Thank you so much, Severus!"

"Don't thank me yet," Severus muttered. "Wait until the night is over."

"It's all right, sweetie! See, I told you it would be okay. Mummy won't let anything hurt you, ever. I love you, Eve!"

More snarls and grumbles set Severus' nerves on edge. _I'm surrounded by transformed werewolves!_ Cold sweat beaded on his forehead. _Why did I get myself into this situation? One of the few I can't handle again. I can face the Dark Lord—too terrified to speak his name, and still stand my ground, lie, and fight. I can fend off Dementors—face dragons without fear. Even the average Death Eater was little more than amusing, but this…? Why this?_

His heart thumped so hard his pulse beat louder than a freight train as tension built.

Another snarl.

Severus flinched.

Lily let go of his hand.

_No! No, not now, please! Don't._

Lily pulled him close in a hug. The strength in her stance, the way she stood between him and the rest of the cells, it was as though she were trying to keep him safe.

Severus released a shaky sigh and let some of the tension dissipate, but his heart still beat like a hunted deer's. _Nothing for it, I suppose…_

 

* * *

 

Evelyn's transformation back into a girl was almost magical. She draped the blanket around her shoulders and stood straight, a tired smile on her lips. Her hair, now beyond dull, lay flat.

"We tricked him!" She beamed. "That's what the potion does—turns me into a wolf and scares the man away, right?"

A blush of shame crept over Severus at Evelyn's misconception. _How do I explain…?_

"That's right, sweetie." Andrea smiled, tears in her eyes as she leaned against the cell door. "We tricked him—fooled him. He's so scared now!"

Severus' stomach knotted. _She loves her daughter, just wants to protect her. But… what're the consequences of lying to Evelyn about this? She's far too bright not to figure it out eventually._ _It won't end well._

Andrea whispered. "Please, let her keep a little of her childhood."

Severus nodded, but couldn't smile as sorrow settled heavy as packed snow.

Evelyn was puzzled for a moment, but then she nodded in acceptance. Exhaustion caught her, and she swayed on her feet.

_She's pale, and those shadows under her eyes—they're so pronounced, like someone sloshed black paint on her face. But she's… happy._

The security detail opened the cells, and Andrea rushed inside. Evelyn collapsed into her mother's arms.

Down the hall, the Marauders helped an exhausted Lupin from his cell. Other werewolves staggered, shuffled, or crawled out after they dressed. Despite everything each one smiled and bordered on tears.

"Thank you!" An elderly man took Severus' hand and patted it as the rest crowded in to offer their thanks.

 _Can I accept all this gratitude for something I didn't really create? I suppose there's no way for them to know it wasn't originally invented for another decade. At least Lily approves—since it helps so many people._ The urge to sleep demanded he listen, and the worry from watching Evelyn bloomed into weariness as the night's tension hit him like a horse at full gallop.

Lily accompanied him back to Umbridge's office where Severus found the awful woman quite disappointed everyone was well, and that nothing went wrong.

Augustus met Severus outside the office. Lily hung back to let them talk.

"Umbridge kept all the werewolves for a little longer so they could each write a report on their experience," said Severus.

Augustus nodded. "Might be the first good idea that woman's ever had."

Severus snorted.

"I suppose this is goodbye?" said Augustus.

"It would seem so." Severus stifled a yawn.

"Unless… Would you be interested in becoming my apprentice once you finish school? I could turn you into a real potions master."

Severus shook his head with a smirk. "That's very kind, Sir, but I must decline."

"You've two years to think about it," said Augustus. "Please do—think about it, I mean. I'll even let you take more time if you need."

"I'll consider it, but don't count on my acceptance."

Augustus shook his head. "I do so hate seeing talent wasted. These last couple of days were the most fun I've had in years."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"The last person I met who could debate with me about potions for hours was one Horace Slughorn, and he backed down far too quickly to be interesting. Only when others question and discuss our methods do we learn," Augustus said.

"If that's so…" _Why did you abandon my mother?_ Severus shook his head. "Never mind."

A question ghosted over Augustus' face, but he didn't pursue it. "Well, my boy, there's a young woman waiting to take you home so you can get to sleep. And if I may say so, you look like you need it."

Lily yawned, her usually tidy hair, a bit tangled.

Severus nodded to Augustus in thanks and farewell before he and Lily took the elevator to the Atrium. Just as they stepped off, a little blonde blur staggered up to Severus.

"I'm sorry," Andrea rushed after Evelyn and tried to hold her back. "She refuses to sleep before she talks to you." Worry crept into her face. "And she needs to get to sleep, so if you please…?"

 _How can I be angry about that?_ Severus knelt. "You're okay, little one?"

An annoyed pout darkened Evelyn's face. "I am _not_ little. I'm big! I'm six and a half."

"And that's old indeed, but you don't have to be big to fight, you know. Looks can be deceiving."

"No, they're not." Evelyn leaned close and with a glance at her mother, then Lily whispered. "I know you're from another time."

 _How could she…?_ "What do you mean?"

"You look young, but you talk and act like an old person. Did you know Merlin?"

"Not exactly."

"Hm. But you're here to fight the evil man, right?"

"I… guess."

"I can fight too," Evelyn insisted. "Can I fight with you?"

"Well… yes, you can. And others will help too," Severus pointed to Andrea, "like your mother."

"But they don't know how to fight," Evelyn said.

"Even so, it's worth remembering they're there, and so am I. In a war like this, where everyone shares a common enemy, standing together is the most important thing. Remember that, okay?"

Evelyn flung her little arms about his neck and hugged him tight for two long seconds. She returned to her mother who picked her up too easily and patted the girl's back. She whispered soft words to her daughter and approached the row of fireplaces on the opposite wall.

"Did you ever fight a dragon?" Evelyn managed loudly just before Andrea stepped into the emerald flames, but Evelyn and her mother vanished before Severus could answer.

"Well?" Lily said.

"Well what?"

" _Did_ you ever fight a dragon?"

"No," Severus replied, a little taken aback. "Why would I ever need to fight a dragon?"

Lily shrugged. "Would've been a good story. But you must have something…"

"I… did single-handedly fight off forty Dementors without anyone noticing the scuffle. I was protecting a student out of bed inconveniently. Is that good enough?"

"You really did that?" said Lily, wide-eyed.

"Yes. Now, can we please go home?"

"Of course." Lily yawned, took Severus' arm and led him toward the fireplaces. They entered the Evans' living room moments later.

 

* * *

 

Of the Marauders, only Remus didn't stare as Severus and Lily left. James, Peter, and Sirius demanded they stick as close to Severus as possible—and not leave before he did.

James in particular insisted they gather as many clues as they could about Severus' odd behavior.

"This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen," James said.

"I'm with you, mate. And it's not like we're strangers to the extraordinary." Sirius' gray eyes still fixed on the fireplace through which Severus and Lily disappeared. "Why would he ever fight a dragon? He's not nearly cool enough to do anything like that!"

"Think all those potions finally melted his brain?" said James. "Or maybe he fell into an Opposite potion."

"Maybe if you hadn't been so busy hating him, you'd have realized there's more than one side to him?" Remus' admonition fell short as he yawned.

"Yeah, maybe." James still looked doubtful. "Why'd he leave with Evans?"

"You know they're old friends—from before they came to Hogwarts. They probably live close to each other." Remus sagged like a wet kite. "Can't you just let it be?"

"It's odd," said Sirius, "but I always thought him from old pure blood. I couldn't believe he'd wear muggle clothes—ever."

"Well, _I'd_ never've believed he'd care enough about children to let one hug him," said James. "This is going to be such a bother! How can I put explosives in his pumpkin juice now? He planned this. I don't know how, but he did."

Remus' eyes drooped, and he could barely hold up his head. He started toward the fireplaces but stumbled.

"Wowwowwow, easy, mate!" Sirius caught Remus' arm, and James snagged the other.

"Let's get you home and into bed," said James.

Peter tagged close as they entered the fireplace to floo to James's house.


	12. Unpleasent surprise

In the Evans' living room, Severus sat across from Lily, a game of wizard's chess between them. After almost a full day spent sleeping—with surprisingly few nightmares—he was content to relax for the rest of his vacation.

 _It won't be that easy. Knowing Umbridge, she's not done with me. She'll try to turn Wolfsbane against werewolves instead of using it to help them._ "Pawn to E5." The piece obeyed. _And I wouldn't be surprised if Augustus persisted in his apprenticeship offer for at least another six years. He seems like a man ready to pursue his interests._

"Pawn to D7." Lily's piece advanced.

 _And of all the stupid–_ He hid a sigh. _Lupin'll be here soon. Lily probably invited him so they could talk about his condition. Why was he surprised she figured it out herself? She's too perceptive not to have known._ "Queen to C2."

_She's dug quite the hole for herself this time. Three moves, and it'll be Checkmate._

_No more nervous circling, at least—on constant guard. I much prefer this relaxed company._

"Knight to B4," said Lily. The piece whinnied and charged to the directed space.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Sure that's a good idea? Pretty unconventional."

"Guess we'll see," she said.

"Right. Tower to D4."

Lily's face fell. "Oh, I didn't see that! Hm…"

"You didn't really think I'd fall into your trap and let you take my queen, did you? That's chess rule number one—always think at least three steps ahead."

"Not all of us have super brains," Lily retorted as she studied her options so hard her forehead creased. "I wouldn't be surprised if you were once a strategist and freelance advisor for the Ministry of Magic—or something crazy like that."

"Not exactly."

"Well, what did you do? Seemed like you made it pretty good for yourself."

"I was a teacher."

"Really? You? A teacher? Not to be rude, but I'd never have guessed that."

"I didn't have much of a choice. I was a well-known Death Eater after the war, and only Dumbledore was foolish enough to give me a job. I hoped something would turn up eventually, but nothing ever did, so I kept the teaching position."

"Let me guess, Defence Against the Dark Arts?"

Severus shook his head. "Well, for one year, but mostly, no."

"That's too bad," she said. "Then it must've been Potions."

"You know me too well." He smiled.

"Were you good? Potions with you must've been exciting."

He rolled his eyes. "Not if you asked the students. The brats never listened to a word I said."

"And it never occurred to you that might be because you had no patience with them? Like I said, we can't all have super brains like you, Sev." Lily smiled.

"Well, no, but it should've been easy enough to follow the recipe on the board," Severus grumbled. "I always explained the ingredients thoroughly before they used them. And every formula was as correct as possible."

"You mean it was your version of it?" Lily stifled a chuckle.

"Of course. They were only the easy ones, and it was perfectly allowed to copy them for later use. Strict adherence should have resulted in at least a decent result, and if they listened to what I said, it should've been quite good."

Lily snorted.

"If you have something to say, say it," said Severus.

"I don't think you're teacher material," she replied.

"Quite right." Severus rolled his eyes again.

Lily shook her head. "You didn't start a Snapeclub à la Slugclub, did you?"

"No! As if I didn't get enough of those dunderheads in class."

Lily laughed. "I'm—I'm sorry. I just—I don't know what to s-say."

"Say you hope I never have to teach again."

"For the sake of whatever children you taught, I hope so. Merlin, I can imagine you being half the students' boggart."

"Lily, please," Severus groaned.

She gasped and pointed at him. "You were, weren't you!"

"Haha. Are you going to move?"

"Fine. Knight to D8."

"Pawn to E6. Checkmate."

Lily leaned to each side of the board and studied the pieces for a full five seconds. "Like I said, super brain," she mumbled.

"I told you, the trick is to think ahead instead of concentrating on the moment." He cleared the board. "And you're thinking too hard. Observe the whole board—objectively. Don't worry over the details, just take in the whole picture."

"Merlin, do you know how weird it is to hear you talk like that?" said Lily.

"Why?"

"You never used to have self-control—or any control. If anything, you were short-tempered. _You_ were the one who thought too hard about small things. How did you learn this… self-discipline?"

"Being a spy against the Dark Lord forces you to," he said. "I had to learn to control my mind, think in strategy, tactics. And most importantly, not let my emotions rule me when it mattered. If I didn't do that, I'd be dead."

"So that's why you…"

"I can't pretend to be something I'm not. I'm tired of it," said Severus.

"I wouldn't want you to do that, anyway. This is exciting—it's like I'm figuring out something new every day."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Then please keep your findings to yourself."

"Promise." She set up the pieces again. "Rematch! I'll beat you before this vacation ends."

Lily didn't make good on her promise that day, or the next. Severus' attempts to instruct her yielded little results. Lily wasn't any good at taking a step back to see the larger perspective. She would rather think than observe. Severus' conclusion—she'd make a lousy Occlumence, and a lackluster strategist.

Headstrong, Lily rushed into attacks. A proper strategist would've hung back, perhaps hid until the right moment, but Lily refused to hide. Often, he wondered, _Did she always have this little patience?_

According to her, _he_ was the one who used to lack patience—still did to a degree, except in certain satiation, like chess games.

With every day that passed, he recognized a bit more of Lily's son in her, despite his dislike of the boy, and unwillingness to think about him.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Severus sat in the Evans' garden and leaned against a tree as he read.

Lupin strolled up the walkway; his cheery whistle grated. "Hey, Severus!"

 _Lovely._ Severus concentrated on the paragraph he read.

"Always so talkative, aren't you?" said Lupin. "Well, this might cheer you up. Dumbledore found out about Wolfsbane potion moments after they finished testing it. He's already asked Slughorn to make it for the next two years I'm at Hogwarts. So, you won't have to do it."

"Fantastic," Severus quipped and paged to the next section.

"You're never going to be happy around me, are you?"

"No."

Lupin shook his head. "Where's Lily?"

"Out swimming. She'll be back in half an hour or so."

"You're still here? Don't you live close?"

Severus' attention never left his book.

"Oh well." Lupin shrugged and sat opposite Severus, legs crossed as he plucked a weed from the dirt and fiddled with it.

 _That stupid grin. Why does he have to sit here? Isn't there some place else for him to be?_ He reread the same sentence five times as Lupin found a dandelion and gave it a puff. A cloud of seeds became fuzzy fog in Severus' face. He swiped them away and slammed his book. "What?" he growled.

"Well, you're here, and Lily isn't, so what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Go away, perhaps?" _Please?_

Lupin laughed so hard that when he stopped, he leaned back on his elbows to catch his breath. "Now that would be a bit unproductive since I came to see Lily. You said she'd be back soon."

Severus rolled his eyes and brushed the last of the dandelion tufts from his book as he opened it again.

Lupin sat in silence for a few minutes, and Severus sank into his reading and relaxed a little.

"You really are an all right bloke," said Lupin. "Sure, you could be nicer, but what you did… that was… amazing. All of it!"

_Just ignore him. Maybe he'll shut up—or go away._

"Evelyn wouldn't stop talking about you when you weren't in the room." Lupin chuckled. "She really thought you were a warrior from ancient times. She's taken with you."

 _What the…?_ Severus almost choked.

"No, really!" Lupin said. "She's found herself a hero."

Severus cringed. _Silly child. She'll learn better in time._

"I sort of envy her. It would've been nice to convince myself there was a strong warrior out there for me when I was a kid. It was hard when Mum and Dad didn't know what to say or do—and they were terrified. There wasn't anywhere else to go… That girl's perceptive for her age—it's amazing."

 _You're so annoying, Lupin—more than most! Take a hint. Go away._ Severus glared. "What do you want? I assume you're smart enough to realize we'll never be friends?"

"The thought crossed my mind. I just wanted you to know you can count on me should you ever need to. And… I hope we can at least be comrades."

"What on earth are you talking about?" said Severus.

"Well, I know you broke up with Slytherin, and that doesn't leave you with any friends except Lily. That seems a little unfair, and… you told me we're at war and need each other. Remember? We might as well say it now—that we're on the same side and can work together."

 _How does he only ever have good points?_ "Fine. Comrades," Severus allowed and held up the book to block his view of Lupin. And hopefully end the conversation.

"You sure sent James and Sirius on a roller-coaster ride. Confused doesn't begin to describe them," said Lupin.

"Please, tell me their heads exploded." Severus let the book fall into his lap.

Lupin chuckled. "Something like that. I swear I saw smoke spew from Padfoot's ears before I left."

"That isn't an everyday occurrence? They seem a couple of idiotic dimwits to me."

"Don't say that," Lupin protested. "You know very well how smart they can be—when they want."

"No. They're too busy smarting off," said Severus.

"Well, you're just a sullen, grumpy bookworm," Lupin countered.

"You're one to talk, werewolf."

"Vampire."

"Beast."

"Ghoul."

"Shut it, Remus! We're too old for this."

"Ha!" Lupin grinned and pointed at Severus. "You called me Remus!"

Severus stomach sank. _I can't believe I fell for that._ "And?" He retrieved his book.

"It's a start." Lupin's sheepish smile made Severus cringe.

 _W_ _h_ _ere are you, L_ _i_ _ly? Please, come back and take this bloody werewolf off my hands._

"Sev!" Lily ran up the street, hair still wet, cheeks flushed. She stopped at the garden entrance, panting.

"What is it?" Severus leapt to his feet.

"Your house! It's on fire!"

"Oh." He relaxed and sat again.

"Aren't you going to do something?" said Lupin.

"Come on, Sev!" Lily demanded, arms crossed.

"Fine," Severus muttered as he rose and brushed a few leaves and some dirt from his clothes before he deposited his book in the house.

Annoyance radiated from Lily when he returned a minute later. "You're early, Remus," she said before she grabbed Severus' arm and forced him into a sprint. Lupin followed.

The trio sped through the middle-class quarter and into the slums. Yards grew cramped, with no room for things like gardens, and the few that had them left the plots weed-ridden and filled with trash. Each house was uglier than the last, and the inhabitants grew dirty and ragged. The locals' glares set Lupin on edge.

Severus pulled to a stop. "Lily, go back home. Now!"

An old house stood engulfed in blue flames.

Lily didn't budge.

"I said, go home!" He repeated. "Those are magical flames. This wasn't an accident."

"What? No way! I'm staying here," said Lily.

"Listen." Severus stood between her and the burning house. "Someone's targeting me. My father's a muggle, so this isn't about him." He scanned either side of the road, then leaned closer. "There might be Death Eaters nearby."

"All the more reason for me to stay!"

"What about your family? They need protection."

Lily paused, then a new determination lit her eyes. "No! Who'll watch your back?"

"How about me?" Lupin said. "Get back to your family. I swear not to let Severus out of my sight."

"No reasons left," said Severus.

"Fine. But promise me you'll take care of yourself, Severus Snape. And don't kill Remus." She turned to Lupin. "And you, promise me you'll keep him safe!"

"Of course." Lupin gave a sincere nod.

With one last worried look, Lily ran home.

"Let's get closer," said Lupin.

"Foolish Gryffindor to the core." Severus stood with arms crossed. He didn't take half a step toward the fire. "You want to go _into_ magical flames? Are you insane?"

"But… isn't that why you sent Lily away?"

"Think, Lupin. Clearly someone set that fire on purpose. No one lives there but me and my muggle father, so I must be their target. Lily can't be seen with me. Whoever did this won't hesitate to use my friends as hostages, and she's muggleborn. Not a good position to begin with."

"But your father might still be in there!" said Lupin.

"I honestly don't care," Severus replied.

Lupin stared at him hard, then ran straight into the burning house.

"No! Lupin, wait!" Severus grabbed for his arm but missed. _Great. Now I've got to go after him._

Lupin dashed through the doorway and almost tripped through the blanket of liquor bottles that littered the floor.

Severus rushed in after him. Dark shadows loomed outside each window. _Death Eaters. Why now? What do they want?_ "Lupin!" Severus yelled over the roar of the flames. He pulled his shirt collar over his nose so he could breathe. "Lupin, where are you?"

"In here!" Lupin's voice came from the living room. "Your father's in here!"

 _Great. Marvelous. Absolutely fantastic!_ Severus ran in to find Lupin struggling to drag an unconscious Tobias.

"We can't get out," said Severus as he sweated from the unnatural heat.

"Why?"

"Death Eaters outside."

"What!"

"We'll have to apparate," said Severus.

"But, I can't apparate!"

"Lucky for you, I can," Severus retorted and grabbed Lupin's shoulder. "Hold on. And don't hurl on me." He apparated himself, Lupin, and his father to the place he always used to go when in danger from Death Eaters.

Due to the passengers, the trip was more uncomfortable than usual, and when they landed Tobias crashed to the floor. Lupin stumbled, gasped, and looked like he might yet throw up. Severus was the only one left standing upright.

"Death Eaters?" said Lupin with a choke.

"Yes, Death Eaters," Severus replied

"And _what_ is going on here? It's rude to apparate to someone's private property," an old, gray headed man grumbled as he came out of the bar's back room and picked up a dirty glass. The tables sat empty.

"I know that," Severus growled. "I was a bit under pressure."

"What could possibly have happened to excuse this, lad?" The bar owner bristled.

"We were trapped in a burning house while Death Eaters waited outside. Is that good enough?" snapped Severus.

"Bah!" The old man snorted but accepted the reason and relaxed. "Who's that?" He waved a dirtied rag at Tobias. "I take in a lot of filth, but even I have standards." The man wrinkled his nose.

Lupin abandoned his good manners and stepped away from the drunk in disgust. Filthy was a polite way to describe Tobias. Unshaven, he stank of dirt, sweat, and stale alcohol, and his clothes looked to have needed a good washing for at least a month.

Severus sighed as the weight of the moment settled. "That would be my father," he muttered.

Lupin and the bar owner offered looks of sympathy.

"Stop that! Help me figure out what to do with him," Severus snapped.

"What do you mean?" said Lupin.

"Clearly I can't return to the Evans', and I can't go back to my own house—what's left of it. I could hide in Hogsmeade until term starts, but what would you have me do with _him_?" He sneered at Tobias in disgust. "Keep him as a pet?"

"Leave him on the streets," the old man said. "I know his type. You shouldn't have bothered with him."

"You can't mean that!" Lupin gaped.

" _I_ think it's a great idea," muttered Severus.

"But… he's your father!" Lupin protested.

"So? Look at him! He's more a pig than a man—mistaken for a human at birth. And everyone wonders why I used to consider muggles scum? When he wakes up, he'll run straight for the nearest bottle and trample everything in his way. So, tell me, Lupin, why should I care?"

Lupin looked away and shook his head. "So… where are we going?"

"Excuse me?" said Severus.

"I promised Lily I'd keep an eye on you, and that's what I'm going to do."

"You can't be serious," growled Severus. "Go home and let me be!"

"No. I'm coming with you."

"Neither of you boys are going anywhere," said the bar owner. "Am I right to assume you're Hogwarts students?"

Both nodded.

"Then stay right here," he ordered. "My brother will have my head if I let you go." He disappeared with a grumpy mutter.

"Brother?" said Lupin.

"Dumbledore," Severus said. "That's Aberforth, his younger brother."

"Really?" Lupin's eyebrows flew up in surprise.

_It isn't that strange—Dumbledore having a brother. Is it? Of course, there aren't many similarities._

While the Headmaster's hair and beard shone snow white, Aberforth's were still slate gray. Dumbledore had an elegance that Aberforth, with his rough exterior, lacked. The one obvious similarity was their bright blue eyes.

A large owl clattered through the window. His brown feathers ruffled as he dropped a letter into Severus' hand and left.

"What's that?" said Lupin.

"What do you think? Use your head for once, will you? I'm a sixteen-year-old who just apparated three people across the country during summer vacation."

"Oh… You won't be expelled, will you?"

"Unlikely," said Severus. He met Lupin's nervous eyes. "It _was_ accidental, after all. I panicked—apparated us in a bout of unintentional magic."

"But, you–"

"I'm not even supposed to know _how_ to apparate," Severus hissed. "Much less with passengers, so remember— _accidental_."

Lupin swallowed hard and fidgeted until Aberforth reappeared behind the bar, Dumbledore in tow.

"These're yours?" Aberforth waved the same dirt-covered rag at Severus and Lupin.

"Yes, these are Hogwarts students, and quite well-known to me. Mr. Snape. Mr. Lupin," he greeted.

Both responded with a polite nod.

"What happened, may I ask?" said Dumbledore.

Severus sent Lupin a stern glance before he could misspeak. "Well, Sir," Severus donned the guise of an average teenager, "there was a fire in my house—not a normal one, mind you. The flames burned blue! Lily Evans, Lupin and I investigated at which point I sent Lily home while Lupin and I ran in to save my father. As we were about to leave, we noticed several masked individuals surrounding the house. I thought of this place and… well…"

Dumbledore nodded and perched a finger on his chin. "Where's your father?"

Aberforth cleared his throat, elbowed Dumbledore, and then flicked his rag at the man on the floor.

The Headmaster stared, then reassumed his composure. "Aberforth, would you be so kind as to take care of Mr. Snape's father while I get my students back to Hogwarts?"

"Always pushin' the dirty work off on me, aren't you?" snapped Aberforth

"If it's not too much trouble." Dumbledore smiled with that annoying twinkle in his eye. "I don't think it's a good idea to bring him into the school."

"Stop pretending I have a choice," Aberforth grumbled.

"Would you mind if we borrowed your fireplace?" said Dumbledore.

"Like I said, _dear_ brother, I don't have a choice!"

"You're most kind." Dumbledore's cheery smile didn't falter. "I must come down for a drink soon. It's been forever since we had a chat."

"Bah! Off with you."

Lupin stared at the brothers until Dumbledore led him and Severus into a simple, neat living room. A fire roared in the hearth.

Severus stepped through the Floo first. When he emerged in his former office, a chill swept through him. The proud phoenix, magnificent as always, sat in its rightful place in the corner. _Still Dumbledore's office._ The urge to pet the stately bird came to Severus, but just as he reached toward it, Lupin stepped from the Floo.

Ash and soot covered Lupin, not just from his short Floo trip, but from the fire at Severus' house too. He brushed as much black from his clothes as he could, but most of it stuck like old gum to a desk.

Severus' hands were just as dirty, and the string of hair in his eyes shone with grease.

Dumbledore was the last to arrive. "Have a seat." He indicated two new chairs before he sat in a third behind the Headmaster's desk.

A smile broke Severus' dour expression. _I'll never have to sit in that chair again._

Dumbledore offered a bowl of candy to Lupin. "Lemon drop?"

"Thank you, Sir." Lupin smiled, took a piece and stuffed it in his mouth.

The Headmaster held the bowl out to Severus.

"No, thank you, Sir."

Dumbledore shrugged and set it on the desk, but not before he popped a lemon drop.

_I suppose Dumbledore's sweet tooth will never change._

"Now, Mr. Snape, Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore folded his hands on the desk and his eyes turned serious. "This seems to be a tight situation. Mr. Snape, those people you saw outside your house, can you describe them?"

Severus hesitated. _How well should I play this?_ "They wore black and had white skeleton masks, I think." _How well I know._

Dumbledore frowned. "Mr. Lupin, what's your side of the story?"

"Well, um…" Lupin bit his lip. "It's just like Severus said. There was a magical fire in his house—a blue one. I ran in and Severus followed. He looked scared—about to panic—when he grabbed me and his father. There was an uncomfortable feeling—like being shoved through a small tube. Then, we landed at the Hog's Head."

Severus restrained the glare he wanted to shoot at Lupin. _About to panic? Great thinking, Lupin. As if anyone's ever seen me in such a state._

"Did any of the masked men see you?" said Dumbledore.

"I don't think so, Sir. Although, I can't be sure," Lupin replied.

"Mr. Snape must've been their target." Dumbledore turned to Severus. "Do you have any idea why?"

 _Why_ not _? Perhaps for turning on them, betraying vital information, fighting against them with everything in me, taking them behind the light, being a vital threat to their Inner Circle—just to name a few things. No, no that hasn't happened._ "Unfortunately, I don't."

"In light of this, I'd like you to stay at Hogwarts until term starts, Mr. Snape. I believe that's more convenient for everyone," said Dumbledore.

"Thank you, Sir." Severus nodded.

"Are there other family members we need to contact?"

"No, Sir."

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "They'll probably worry about you, or they might be in danger."

"I don't have any family," said Severus with a hint of dark sarcasm. "My mother's dead. I've no siblings, no aunts, uncles, or grandparents, and you saw my father. You really don't need to worry."

Lupin's shocked stare bored into Severus until he returned it with a glare. _Not so comfortable with me now, are you, Moony?_

"Very well." Dumbledore sighed. "Mr. Lupin, it seems you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You should go home for the rest of your holiday."

"Sir… if it's… not too much trouble, I'd rather stay here with Severus. I sort of… promised not to let him out of my sight before I returned him to Lily."

The twinkle returned to Dumbledore's eyes, and his cheery smile reappeared. "Oh, but Mr. Snape will be quite safe here at Hogwarts. You don't need to worry."

"Still." Determination hardened Lupin's face. "I intend to keep my promise, Sir."

"I'm sure Mr. Snape would appreciate the company. Why don't you go clean up? That should give you both time to clear your minds. We'll continue this discussion later, when things have settled."

Severus left the Headmaster's office. _Why am I suddenly so greasy?_ He headed downstairs, Lupin just behind him. "You don't need to stay."

"No need for Lily to be mad at both of us. She'll be upset enough as it is," said Lupin.

Severus cringed. _He's right._

"Isn't this going to be fun? Lily will be mad. James will be angry because you upset Lily. Sirius will be mad because James is mad—this is a fine mess! How do I keep getting into these situations?"

"Foolish choices, obviously," muttered Severus.

"Oh well. Keeps life interesting, at least." Lupin cracked a smile.

_Like being a werewolf doesn't make it interesting enough._

* * *


	13. Talk about werewolves

_Sweet Merlin! Wizard robes! Good quality wizard robes._ Fresh from the shower, Severus admired the robe choices the house-elves brought him: elegant brown, emerald green with orange lining, midnight blue. He pulled on the black set. _Holy Graces, I've missed this feeling._ He smoothed the long sleeves. The material was thin due to the summer heat, and to keep them from billowing around Severus like a crazed balloon. Though not as fine as the robes from his former life, they still far exceeded the muggle clothes he'd been wearing.

_Everyone puts far too much thought into their clothing, but this is like slipping into my own skin again._

Clean and now in his preferred attire, Severus left his old dorm for the common room. No one was downstairs, so he left without interruption.

Hogwarts' school grounds lay quiet as a warm summer breeze swept the yard.

Severus made for the lakeshore and sat beneath a tree, something he'd done as a student, but once a teacher only dared do during the summer holiday when he could go unseen. _I've missed this too…_ He leaned against the gnarled trunk.

 _I should try to contact Lily. But is that safe? There's no telling if the Death Eaters know we're friends—or live down the street from each other._ Another breeze rippled over the lake. _It's either write to her soon or face her fury when next we meet._ He folded his hands and sighed. _Not good options. She must stay safe—that's the most important thing. I suppose that means no writing to her… and that she'll be angry. Oh, I don't look forward to that._ He winced.

_What do the Death Eaters want with me? Did they find out how much I know—that I gave vital information to Dumbledore? Do they want me to join them early?_

Lupin, wearing clean, brown wizard robes, sat under another tree opposite Severus and didn't attempt any small talk. He stared straight ahead, deep in thoughts of his own.

 _Best way to spend time with him. If he's quiet, I can pretend he's not there._ A small part of Severus warmed at Lupin's presence. _Not being alone_ is _rather… nice? Not as nice as if it were Lily though… At least he stays of his own free will._

 _Is Lily safe?_ He clasped his hands tighter. _If only I could know for sure._

_You're a lot like her, aren't you, Lupin? You see the best in everyone too, even if they can't see it in themselves. Is it because of your curse? All the prejudice, the contempt. Wizards can be cruel lot, with their undisguised hate for half-breeds, and whatever else they don't understand._

_I'll say it. I'm terrified of werewolves—of the monster you can become, Lupin. But I know you too well to fear you as a person. This… condition… isn't your fault. How old were you when you were bitten? It was long before you came to Hogwarts; I know._

Images of Evelyn as a fluffy, sandy-furred pup locked in that tiny cell in the Ministry dungeon troubled Severus. _Merlin, is it bravery? Or Foolishness she has in abundance? Such a tiny vessel for so vast a content. What will she endure in times to come? Could Wolfsbane affect her in ways we didn't consider?_

 _Evelyn Clearwater—the child who insists she's a warrior. I hope I've made a difference for her. Maybe her life will turn out better. She can grow up, come to Hogwarts. They'd sort her into Gryffindor—without doubt. Can't say I like the house, but Evelyn is so much a Gryffindor it pains me to think about it._ He smirked to himself. _She'll walk the halls, head high, ready to bite anyone who dares speak against her, or her friends. She'll glare. They'll cringe. She'll make all sorts of foolish trouble and be a headache to the teachers—of which I will_ not _be one._

 _But… the future is yet unwritten. I can't help her any more than I already have. The rest is up to her. She'll have to be brave on her own._ Facts about the Lycanthropy curse coursed through his head. _W_ _i_ _thout the will to live, they die, especially when bitten young. Seventy percent of all infected die within a year of the incident—due to suicide, or because they give up. Some lack the strength or courage to fight and never regain human form after the full moon. Their humanity dissolves. The body they leave behind is little more than an animal—and is often killed. Weakness, grief, or desperation might drive them to give in to the wolf, even outside the full moon. The result is the same—that snarling, once-human shell is disposed of._

Severus regarded Lupin with renewed interest.

_Once, I considered you a coward, mostly for not standing up to your friends. But you survived a lifetime of being a werewolf, survived the deaths of those dear to you, survived being alone with your curse. You weathered war, loss, and grief without giving up or giving in. Like me, you were a spy—though not in the Inner Circle like I was, but we had the hardest role in war, and you made it through—twice. You worked with the man who ruined your life, the one who bit you when you were a boy, Fenrir Grayback. You pretended to be his loyal servant every day._

_No, you, Remus John Lupin are no coward. Far, far from it. You're a Gryffindor, as foolish and brave as they come._

_Though you began at a point just as low as mine, endured just as many horrors and losses, you never gave into the beast within. You were always the better teacher, better friend, the better man._

_Face it, Severus Snape. Swallow your pride and accept that he's worth being bothered with, and you can't underestimate him, his value, or—please, dear Merlin, no—his… friendship._ Severus clenched his jaw. _Choices. I am here to make the_ right _ones, so I won't have to die in regret again. And I'd hate myself forever if I didn't start treating Lupin with respect._ He hid a frustrated growl.

 _Evelyn, why did you have to help me understand Lupin better? I can't hate you—couldn't if I wanted to._ The boughs overheard swayed in the breeze, and sunlight filtered through, sending scattered splotches of brightness over Severus. _You were right, old man. Happy now? I can be a decent person—even want to be. But don't be smug about it, Dumbledore, or I'll hex you off the face of the earth!_ "Lupin?"

"Yes?" Lupin's faraway eyes focused.

"When considering possible improvements to the Wolfsbane potion, which approach do you think is best? Stop the transformation entirely, so the drinker won't transform at all when it's taken at full moon. Or make the current effect last longer—say, one dose would be good for a year or so."

"Definitely last longer," Lupin said.

"Or… concentrate on a draught that acts as a vaccine, taken once to render the curse unspreadable."

Pain flickered in Lupin's eyes. He looked away to hide it. "That last one. Definitely."

"Oh?" said Severus. "Even if it meant your symptoms wouldn't ease? What if it rendered the first Wolfsbane potion ineffective?"

"Even so, it would mean if I bit someone that person wouldn't become a werewolf, right? I… I honestly don't know what I'd do if I bit someone. I couldn't live with myself. And… in just one generation, we could theoretically eradicate werewolves. That would spare countless lives. Even if one of us bit someone, they wouldn't become a werewolf. It would be the end of a nightmare…"

"Would Evelyn want that too?"

"Considering she doesn't really understand her situation yet I don't think she could answer that—not until she knows what's going on." Remus leaned against his tree. "And I wouldn't be so pretentious as to answer such a difficult question for her. She'd have her own answer, and her own reasons."

Theories flooded Severus' mind. _I wish I had my Potions book, and my old Defence Against the Dark Arts book—with all those werewolf notes._ "How old were you when Grayback bit you?"

"Four… nearly five."

"So, you have no memory of not being a werewolf."

"Not really, no. I guess that sort of makes it easier."

 _Is he trying to impress me?_ "Then, I assume you don't need my help."

"Oh, no, I'm not complaining. Any help is most appreciated. Being a werewolf is horrible. I'd do almost anything to stop being one." Lupin let out a deep sigh. "I can't tell you how much this potion means to me, because it…" Lupin made a futile gesture, then slumped in defeat.

"I knew there had to be a reason for your sudden desire for friendship."

Lupin chuckled. "If that's what you want to believe." He smiled.

"You admit it." Severus smirked. "Lupin, you surprise me. You should have acted the decent person and denied it."

"Maybe." Lupin's smiled widened. "And, Severus, would it hurt you to call me Remus?"

 _Well, I've already broken my own rules and started this small talk. Might as well go all the way now and regret everything in the morning._ "No, I suppose not."

"Wow! You _must_ be Severus Snape, because an imposter would never have done such a bad job of it."

"What? You want me to call you Moony? I'd be happy to just call you werewolf. Or _beast_."

"I'm fine with Moony," Lupin chuckled again. "Though coming from you, it would be odd, and I'd have to give you a nickname too. Somehow, I doubt you want that."

"And you'd be right," Severus growled.

"Really? I thought you were quite fond of nicknames, Mr. Half-Blood Prince."

Severus frowned, remembering all too well how the Marauders discovered his self-awarded pseudonym. When they'd stolen his schoolbooks to copy his notes and spells, they discovered, "Belongs to the Half-Blood Prince" scripted inside each front cover.

It was the cause of laughter and intense teasing for over six months. At the time, he'd been too proud to reveal his reasons for choosing the name. He'd been ashamed of his surname—didn't want to see it any more that necessary. The name Snape represented his father, a man he feared and hated. Prince stood for what he once longed to be—of old, pure blood. But then he was too afraid to seek out his grandfather. At least now, he knew the man was alive and well.

"It's actually a pretty cool name," said Remus. "Can I use it when I send you messages?"

"Whatever," Severus hissed.

"Great!"

_I already regret this… Lupin, I hate you._

 

* * *

 

Severus fell into a routine over the next couple of days. He went to the library to read, borrow books, go outside to read more, then sit and think, followed by more reading. He ate meals in the Great Hall with Lupin, and the few teachers still on school grounds.

Severus was more bored than he'd ever been. Lupin followed him around like a squirrel after a tourist who'd offered peanut butter, and with the lack of duties or work, the monotony began to numb Severus' mind.

He studied Wolfsbane for hours at a time, but there was only so much he could do. When his O.W.L. results arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief at the distraction.

_Astronomy: E_

_Care of Magical Creatures: A_

_Charms: O_

_Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

_Herbology: E_

_History of Magic: E_

_Potions: O_

_Transfiguration: O_

_Arithmancy: O_

_Ancient Runes: O_

_Exceptional. I expected no less. And Six O's. I only got four the last time around._ Charms and Arithmancy, formerly E's, were now O's, most likely due to the practical exams—which were ridiculously easy since he'd been using those skills every day for years.

The letter enclosed with his results contained the book list for his chosen N.E.W.T. subjects: Defence Against the Dark Arts, Arithmancy, and Charms.

_I wish I could study Ancient Runes and Transfiguration further too, but I suppose N.E.W.T. students only choose two or three subjects—and never more than four._

"Wow!" Lupin peered at Severus' grades. "That's amazing. Six O's! Merlin!" He scanned his own grades. "I only got three…"

_Astronomy: A_

_Care of Magical Creatures: O_

_Charms: E_

_Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

_Herbology: E_

_History of Magic: A_

_Potions: P_

_Transfiguration: O_

_Arithmancy: E_

_Ancient Runes: E_

_N.E.W.T. subjects: Care of Magical Creatures, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Ancient Runes._

_Severus raised an eyebrow. "You failed Potions?"_

"Yeah…" Embarrassment lit Lupin's face. "But you should know I'm oversensitive to a lot of ingredients and potion fumes."

"Hardly an excuse."

"I know." Lupin blushed.

"How fitting for a werewolf with Animagus friends to get an Outstanding in those three subjects," said Severus with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

"I'm not complaining." Lupin threw up his hands. "I get to study what I wanted." His brow furrowed. "I've been meaning to ask you for a while…. How did you find out about their Animagus abilities? Do you know their forms too?"

"Chances are, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me," said Severus.

"Try me."

"Don't take this the wrong way—no, on second thought, please do. But I really don't want to tell you."

"Will you at least tell me if you know their forms?" said Lupin.

"Fine. Black is a large black dog. Pettigrew is a brown rat, and I believe Potter is a stag."

Lupin seemed shocked, but quickly composed himself. "What other of our secrets do you know?"

"Other than you being a werewolf? I don't think there's anything else."

"Don't _think_? So, you might know more?"

"As it happens, I know a lot of things I shouldn't, but unlike others, I know how to keep my mouth shut. You really don't have to worry."

"I'd still like to know how you know," said Lupin.

"It doesn't matter. It won't endanger your friends' little secrets." Severus added his best sneer.

"I'm not satisfied with that answer." Lupin shifted subjects. "So, have you seen? You made the front page."

"What?"

"Here." Lupin handed him a copy of the _Daily Prophet._ The front page read: "Werewolf Cure Now a Possibility!"

_An amazing breakthrough in the study of Lycanthropy has led to a potion which helps werewolves retain control of their minds during the full moon._

Severus scanned the rest of the article. The usual la-de-da about how the Ministry worked so hard to ease werewolves' condition—an obvious lie—and talk of how they'd safely tested it filled most of the article. But his eyes lingered when they crossed the name Augustus Prince.

" _I've met the young creator," says Augustus Prince, a legend among Potions Masters and Head of the Prince family, "and I expect great things from him, and his research, in the future. I shall keep a keen eye on him and assist him in any way I can. His discovery is amazing and opens entirely new paths, not only in the treatment of Lycanthropy, but in the art of potions-making in general. I suspect this new talent will result in many significant strides, and I can only express my pride in having seen and assisted him in his work."_

A knot of appreciation formed in Severus' stomach. _I've been called brilliant before, but this… means so much more._ He kept scanning, and stopped at another, more dreaded name.

_Dolores Umbridge, Head of the Department of Magical Creatures says, "This, of course, gives us the right to take extra precautions when dealing with those afflicted by Lycanthropy. Now that there's such a thing available, we should demand they use it. I'm working on a decree requiring everyone with the illness to take Wolfsbane Potion every month. The world will be a safer place, for them, and everyone around them. Of course, they would each have to find a way to obtain the potion. As their illness is no fault of the common wizard, the common wizard shouldn't have to pay for the use of valuable Ministry-hired potion-makers. It should be easy for them to create and consume Wolfsbane individually. I expect this is the beginning of a new world for people forced to work or live with werewolves. The day seems brighter already."_

Severus gritted his teeth. _The nerve! How would any werewolf be able to afford Wolfsbane? It's expensive and complicated. If Lupin—who isn't anywhere near dull—has trouble with potions because of Lycanthropy-induced sensitivity to ingredients, what will happen to the other werewolves? There's a chance none of them will be able to brew it—and they'll definitely not be able to afford both the ingredients, and a potions-maker. That horrible woman! I knew she'd find a way to turn Wolfsbane into something horrid._

"I guess I should count myself lucky Hogwarts is making my potion for me." Lupin scratched his ear. "At least for another two years."

"And then, what?" Severus snapped.

"Don't know. Guess I'll have to figure out something."

"What about the other werewolves? Evelyn? She won't be able to get that potion—let alone the version with unicorn hair." Severus hissed in anger. _Umbridge, you snake!_

"My, my, Severus. Who'd have thought you cared for people you don't know?"

"I've seen too many people die _not_ to care!"

"What?"

"I mean, I care about Evelyn." Severus bit his lip. _S_ _t_ _upid slip. I can't forget myself and jump to my own defense so quickly._

After a moment of puzzlement, Lupin dismissed Severus' odd words, but thoughtfulness still hinted on his face.

"Mr. Snape!"

Severus turned to see the head of House Slytherin, Horace Slughorn. "Sir?"

"May I speak with you?" said Slughorn.

"Of course, sir." Severus stood.

Slughorn led Severus to the dungeons and into the Potion Master's office.

 _It's odd… coming into this office again, now that it isn't mine anymore. That old wooden desk, the small crack in the corner of one wall. He's decorated differently, of course. Warm colors, knick-knacks everywhere—gifts from former students—and that shelf._ Pictures of famous wizards Slughorn once boasted as his students lined it.

Severus' picture took an honorary place at the front of the lot. _He always kept that tucked in back last time, behind far more important people. I quite liked the old arrangement, to be honest._ He grimaced at the image; his scrawny teenage self clutched a thick book. _I'd never want my students to see that._

A couple of potted plants added cheer to the room, and plenty of jarred potion ingredients graced every surface.

"Sit down, my boy, sit down." Slughorn beamed and waved Severus toward a comfortable chair.

Severus regarded Slughorn, puzzled.

"Now," Slughorn laid a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ on the table, front page up, "seems we had an exciting breakthrough in potions."

"Indeed." Severus nodded.

"Did you know I was one of the first to receive the formula after the Ministry tested it? I got it so I could recreate the potion."

"That's fascinating, sir." _I don't like where this is going._

"There're a number of rare ingredients in it," said Slughorn. "Last year, near the end of term, someone broke into my private stock and stole exactly those ingredients. Quite a coincidence, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes, sir." Severus donned a blank face as his mind raced.

"The only one experimenting at the time was you." Slughorn regarded him expectantly.

_Stop staring at me, Slughorn._

The Potions Master broke into a smile, and Severus relaxed when he realized the professor was delighted, not angry. _I suppose if I let him collect me into the Slugclub I'll be safe._ _H_ _e's sitting across from what he believes to be the biggest diamond he's ever seen. And he has to have it. That would explain the moved picture._ "I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have taken your supplies."

Slughorn grinned. "Just don't do it again, then I believe everything will be in finest order. Would you like some chocolate? It's very good—from Belgium. A former student of mine is studying pixies over there. It's quite fascinating work." He rummaged through a drawer and retrieved a green package filled with fine chocolates.

"No, thank you, sir." _Ugh. So much sugar._

"Oh, but I insist." Slughorn set the box on the desk. "It's extraordinarily good."

With a frown, Severus took the smallest piece he could find. _Maybe that'll stop his nagging._ He stuffed the piece in his mouth.

"Good, isn't it?" said Slughorn around a mouthful of chocolate.

Severus choked down the potent cherry cream. "Quite," he lied.

"Your grandfather must be proud," Slughorn continued. "He speaks very highly of you in the article."

"H–how do you know…? _He_ doesn't even realize he's my grandfather. I found out only this summer, when I met him for the first time."

"Oh, my dear boy," Slughorn's face turned apologetic. "I had no idea your family was so broken as this. But, you forget, I had your mother in house Slytherin, and I knew her very well." He smiled warmly. "Such a nice, clever young lady, but awfully shy." He sighed and shook his head. "Shame. She could've made it far if only she'd had a bit more confidence in addition to that good heart." He brightened again. "But your brilliant potion skills can help mend the family. Augustus is probably ecstatic over such talent!"

"He offered me an apprenticeship," Severus admitted.

"Oh, that's marvelous!"

"I declined."

"But surely you must pursue your talent in Potions, and with such a fantastic opportunity, I can even see Augustus officially making you his heir."

 _I'm already his heir._ "I'd rather spend my time in Defence Against the Dark Arts," Severus said.

"You want to become an Auror?"

"No."

Slughorn licked his lips nervously and avoided Severus' eyes. "Do you… have something in mind?"

 _What? Oh. Of course! He thinks I intend to join the Death Eaters. It could be amusing to let him think that… but not exactly wise._ "I'd hoped to do research-based work," said Severus. "I don't believe I'm suitable to be an Auror." _More like, I'd be the best Auror they've ever had, but I won't spend my life hunting dark wizards. I've had enough excitement for ten lifetimes, thank you. And there's still a war to fight._

_Slughorn relaxed. "Then taking an apprenticeship under one of the finest, most influential Potions Masters of the decade seems a good option to me."_

"Perhaps. I'd hoped to do a little traveling before I start education after Hogwarts."

"Always a marvelous idea!" Slughorn applauded. "People excel most when out on their own for a while. I could provide you with contacts at the most fascinating research facilities around Europe. I'm sure it would delight any of them to accommodate such a bright young talent."

"Thank you, sir."

The conversation dragged another twenty minutes and consisted mostly of Slughorn gushing about some of the aforementioned facilities. When Severus finally escaped, he went to the owl tower.

 _It's been almost a week since the Death Eater incident. Should be safe enough to send Lily a letter—let her know everything's all right. She'll be furious, but there's nothing for it._ He took a piece of parchment and a quill. _There's still the chance the Death Eaters might intercept this since it's flying so close to what's left of that house. How to tell her everything without saying too much… Am I being paranoid? Better safe than sorry, I suppose._

 

* * *

 

_Dear Flower,_

_I'm sorry to only be writing to you now, but I had to make sure it was safe._

_Those people might intercept owls._

_I'm where we usually spend all year with our books, so I'm quite safe and unharmed. Moony's here too and keeps his promise of always having an eye on me. He wishes you to be in a good mood, and quite frankly, so do I. I hope you're safe and well. Remember to take care of yourself._

_The Half-Blood Prince._

 

* * *

 

_You are so dead!_

_I can't believe you! I was terrified something happened to you and Moony. The house burned down, and you were just gone. I searched everywhere for you and guess how much sleep I've gotten from the house incident until now. None! I thought you might be dead, for Merlin's sake!_

_You've got so much explaining to do when I come over there. Moony too! How could you two do this to me? I'm so mad at you, Mom and Dad are too. We were sick with worry, and you'd better apologize to my parents personally next time you have the chance, or I'll never forgive you._

_Please, take care of yourself, and try not to kill Moony._ _H_ _e just wants the best for you. He isn't like the other Marauders. Plus, I'll kill him myself when I see him, so don't you dare touch him!_

_Flower (as I guess you call me now, Idiot!)._

 

* * *

 

_Dear Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail,_

_Sorry I couldn't meet up with you as planned. I got sidetracked. Kind of._

_Like I told you, I went to visit Lily, and Severus just happened to be there. Then someone set magical fire to his house. He sent Lily home, but Death Eaters appeared intending to attack Severus, so he apparated us to Hogsmeade._

_While we were there, you'll never guess who we met! Did you know Dumbledore has a brother? Well, we met him, and he told Dumbledore what happened, so Dumbledore took us to Hogwarts. That's where I am along with Severus because I promised Lily I'd keep an eye on him until we met her again._

_Something really strange is going on with Severus. I'm sure he's got good intentions, but that only makes it stranger._

_Anyway, I'm fine, so don't worry about me. It really is such rotten luck we can't spend the rest of the holiday together, but a promise is a promise._

_Moony._

 

* * *

 

_Dear Moony,_

_We're so sorry for you, stuck with Snively. Bad luck, mate! Just remember, don't let him bother you._

_We had no idea Dumbledore had a brother! But Padfoot claims he isn't surprised._

_Death Eaters targeted Snivellus and burned down his house? Was anyone hurt? Do you think he did something to make them angry?_

_Apparated? How could he do that?_

_And why would Lily be so determined to keep Snivellus safe? Are you sure she wasn't just being sarcastic?_

_Please, take care of yourself, and don't let him ruin your vacation!_

_We're all very sorry you can't be with us. Just give Snivellus a kick for us and take care._

_Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail._

 

* * *

 

_Prongs, you dimwit,_

_I'll do not such thing as kick him! He's really not that bad, and I can have a proper conversation about Arithmancy with him._

_At least you seemed concerned about his family, and no, nobody was hurt. But the reason might shock you. Severus has no family—and I do mean none at all—no mother, or father, or any other relatives. Please, don't use that against him. He'll have my head if he finds out I told you._

_And stop calling him Snivellus! He treats me all right, and I think I'm getting through to him—well, a little perhaps. Like I said, he's not really that bad, and that's why Lily's concerned for his safety. They're good friends, you dumbo!_

_However, I have no idea how he could apparate. You're right, he shouldn't be able to do that. I guess we're going to have a long talk when we see each other again._

' _Til then, don't be too mad at me, and have fun. I wish I were there._

_Moony._

 

* * *

 

_I'm sorry, Flower,_

_But your safety is too important to me._

_Please, apologize to your family for me. I'm so grateful for everything they've done, and I'll thank them personally when I have the chance._

_Moony will be disappointed you're mad at him too. He convinced himself you wouldn't be. I'm just happy to know you're all right._

_Remember, I trust you and would do anything to see you happy and safe._

_The Half-Blood Prince._

 

* * *

 

_Moron!_

_I just want to see you happy too, so do try to make an effort in that regard. And stop wallowing! Please, know I do trust you, so for Merlin's sake, don't keep me in suspense. You're better than that. I know you!_

_Flower._

* * *

_This chapter has been edited by Dtill359_


	14. Another year at Hogwarts

_Finally! Term starts tomorrow. No more sitting around with just Lupin for company._ Severus scratched the top of one hand as sweat slicked his palms. _I can see Lily again. She can yell at me all she wants. I don't care._ Severus waited outside for the thestral-drawn carriages to arrive, students in tow.

_I can't believe I'm happy for school to start. How many times did I contemplate wrecking the train midway through Scotland when I taught?_

_Every other year coming back was a two-edged sword—I got away from that useless toe rag Tobias but returned to the Marauders' daily torments._

_I can't focus anymore—boredom's addled what wit I have left. So many incoherent thoughts—I can't get anything useful out of them._

"Severus." Lupin joined him. "I can understand you don't like my friends, but I hope you won't be mad at me for staying friends with them."

"Quiet, Remus. You're going to be in enough trouble for sticking to me."

"Oh… Severus, are you worried about me?"

"Hardly." Severus snorted.

"May I ask, why?"

"Because now you'll be the one to pay when I find toads in my bag instead of books." Severus smirked. "You'll have no excuse for allowing such childish behavior anymore. Even if your friends do it, I'll blame you for not stopping them."

"I can't watch them every second. Besides, you could just send Lily after them. At least they respect _her_."

"They're _your_ so-called friends, Remus Lupin." _And Lily's likely too angry with me to stop the Marauders, anyway._

Lupin's nervous laugh betrayed dread for what was to come when his friends arrived.

Leather-winged horses topped the horizon and halted at the grounds' entrance. Severus reached to caress the nearest thestral.

"You can see them?" whispered Lupin.

"Obviously." _I've seen too much death not to._

"Sev! Sev!" Lily shoved through the crowd of students that flooded from the carriages.

"Over here," Severus called and waved.

Lily pushed between two boys, nearly making Regulus Black fall flat on his nose as she stormed past, arms outstretched. She enveloped Severus in a tight hug.

He stiffened, relaxed, and returned the gesture.

"Don't you _ever_ do something like that to me again!" Lily scolded. "Merlin, you scared me! You know that?"

"I'll try my best not to," said Severus.

"Moony!" Potter, Pettigrew and Sirius Black pushed toward Lupin.

Black plucked Lupin from the ground as though he weighed less than a feather. "Moony, you survived! That's amazing!" He wrapped Lupin in a bear hug.

"Easy, Pad. He didn't survive just for you to smother him," said Potter.

Black set Lupin down and draped one arm over Potter and Lupin's shoulders, drawing them closer. "I was worried. You know life without me is quite ghastly."

"More like peaceful," Lupin grumbled, but his smile belied his words. "I actually got some work done for once."

"How horrible!" Potter feigned shock and disgust. "Padfoot, I think he's gone insane being trapped at school with Snively!"

Lupin's smile vanished.

"What?" Black said, worried.

"Please, stop calling him that," Lupin said with a glance toward Severus. "Please…"

Lily took Severus' hand as the Marauders faced them. When her grip on his hand tightened, and the Marauders stepped back, fear in their faces, Severus knew exactly what they saw—Lily's warning glare, filled with fury.

"Fine!" Potter relented.

"Come on. Let's go." Lupin dragged Black away from Severus. Pettigrew tripped after them, and Potter stayed only long enough to give Severus a puzzled look.

"Hey, guys, wait up!" Potter called as he jogged after the other three.

Severus' hand throbbed. "You can let go now."

"Am I hurting you?"

"A little."

"Good!" Lily squeezed harder. Her nails scraped into his skin just long enough to force a pained gasp from Severus. Then she let go.

Severus shook and rubbed his sore hand. "What'd you do that for?"

"What do you think, Severus Snape?"

"I told you, I'm sorry."

"And that's why I'm talking to you at all. I thought you were better than that." She shook her head. "Let's get inside." Lily took his good hand and pulled him after her, but as they entered the dining room, she let go again—to Severus' disappointment.

Lily took a seat at the Gryffindor table, and Severus joined his fellow Slytherins.

 _Thank Merlin Malfoy graduated._ Severus scooted as far away from the younger boy next to him as he could, but the table was so crowded he couldn't go far. Narcissa Black sat across the table, and when Severus noticed who sat one seat to his right, he stifled a shudder. Barty Crouch Jr.'s light blue eyes already gleamed with madness. _He's two years below me. How could I have forgotten? Malfoy wasn't the only future Death Eater in Slytherin. Mulciber and Wilkes are the same year as me. Narcissa's a year above me, and Regulus Black is a year below._

Severus paid minimal attention as the first-years were sorted and Dumbledore began his speech.

"We face dark times," Dumbledore said. "If we do not cling to friendship—to cooperation and unity, then we will fail. Find faith in each other. Fight for the greater good."

 _How many of these speeches have I heard?_ Severus slumped a little in his chair.

The Great Hall door boomed open. Every student stared as a tall, slim man entered. Light brown hair fell into gray eyes, and his every feature was so sharp Severus dreaded to come too close, lest he cut himself.

Ice seeped into Severus' veins. _Graham Spinner—Death Eater—how well I know you. But how have I forgotten until now?_

 _This year he tried to scout recruits to fill the Death Eater ranks, even touted the Dark Lord's grandeur. If I remember right, the Marauders—well,_ now _I know it was them—found Spinner out. He tried to escape, took two first-years hostage and threatened to kill one of them—to prove his sincerity._ Severus rolled his eyes. _The Marauders' ploy worked—thankfully. Pettigrew's rat form was enough of a distraction for Spinner, and Black—as a dog—tripped him on his way out. Lupin appeared from beneath the invisibilit_ _y_ _cloak and attacked Spinner from behind. That's when Potter leapt from the bushes and stunned him before tying him up._

 _Quite well done, I'd say. Spinner got the Dementor's Kiss without much of a trial._ Severus shuddered. _No one deserves a Dementor's Kiss—no one… Well, may Umbridge, but she'd probably give them indigestion._

"Ah, Mr. Spinner," said Dumbledore and motioned Spinner into the hall. "Please, welcome our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Once Dumbledore's attention left him, Spinner smirked and eyed the Slytherin table like a hungry lion ogling sheep. He caught Severus' eye and grinned.

 _So, the Death Eaters_ are _targeting me. Should I send a Patronus? Warn Dumbledore about Spinner? No, too many messages to Dumbledore will draw attention—and it would hardly make a difference, anyway. Spinner will have a chance to prove himself. Perhaps I should just let history take its course, allow the Marauders to handle it, like they did last time. But that would endanger those two first-years—and perhaps others, not to mention me. I'm not prepared to do that._

The opening assembly ended, and Severus followed the rest of Slytherin down to the dungeons and into their house where he spent the rest of the evening in thought. His dorm mates, in lieu of spending the evening with him, were down in the common room.

_At least I can focus now, with something of import at hand. But what's a good solution? I suppose, for now there isn't anything I can do. I'll have to wait and see._

 

* * *

 

The next morning Severus met Lily at the Hufflepuff table—their unofficial morning ritual. Though still angry, she wasn't _as_ hostile.

When the daily owl post arrived near the beginning of breakfast, Lily and Severus received small, green envelopes lettered in gold—invitations to the year's first Slug Club meeting.

Severus sighed. _I suppose I have to go. Otherwise, Slughorn would be within his rights to expel me for stealing his potion ingredients. After a couple months, I should be safe. By then the incident will be so long past no one will take Slughorn seriously if he mentions it._

Along with their invitations, both received schedules.

_Good. Ancient Runes instead of Arithmancy. At least I've a new subject to study now that I've switched those two. I couldn't take two years of repetition._

Lily's schedule was almost identical to his. Potions, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Ancient Runes and Herbology.

_Thank Merlin N.E.W.T. level classes aren't separated by house. I'll have most of my classes with Lily._

"Looks like we're heading to Charms together." Lily pointed to their first Monday class.

"It would seem so," he said.

Breakfast over, they headed to Charms and met all the Marauders, minus Pettigrew, on the way.

Lupin greeted them cheerily, but Potter and Black tried to ignore them out of respect for Lupin—at least, until Lily's attention wandered, and Lupin went ahead.

Black caught Severus' eye and formed a silent "Snake."

Potter's face held equal distrust as the Marauders hurried after Lupin.

In class, they studied how to put a personal touch on a charm, mold it into an extension of one's magic. This lent the ability to do any charms befitting the occasion without the use of words or long sequences of thought.

_Too bad it only works with simple charms. I've been doing this kind of magic for years, anyway. We'll move to dueling soon, but what's the point other than to freshen up on basic dueling tactics?_

Charms ended, and Severus headed to Ancient Runes.

 _Glad I switched Arithmancy for this._ He took a seat. _At least I feel like I'm learning something, even if it isn't much. Basic rune knowledge is a prerequisite for so many advanced potions—and even more so for my favorite old hobby, spell invention._

Portions of the class proved interesting, but much only repeated things Severus could do in his sleep.

Potions was a joke. But Defence Against the Dark Arts this year would never be boring. Not with a Death Eater for a teacher, especially one who watched Severus in and out of class.

 

* * *

 

As the day passed, Severus resorted to a dozen different maneuvers to keep Spinner off his tail. Dumb, easy things often proved best—like a sharp turn and quick step into a classroom. Spinner always passed his hiding place, and Severus stepped out ten minutes later, only to walk the opposite direction.

 

* * *

 

Thursday evening a few weeks later, Severus sat at a table tucked into the corner of the Slytherin common room. _No Lily tonight. I suppose it's good she makes other plans sometimes._ He flipped a page in the book he brought with him to avoid too many stares. _No Lupin either since we're not studying Ancient Runes. I wish I were in the library, or outside, but I suppose I can't always do that._

_I could always think up more ways to give Spinner the slip._

A shy Slytherin girl, a year or two below Severus, approached.

_Great. Who's this?_

"Um… H-hi," she said.

Severus raised an eyebrow and barely glanced up from his book. "Evening."

"I… was wondering." She bit her lip. "Could I talk to you?"

He gave a slow nod and gestured to the chair across from him.

The girl sat and fidgeted in nervous silence. She was short with straight dark hair that fell down her back in two braids. Oval glasses sat atop her small nose and covered big, almond-shaped eyes the color of melted chocolate. She was delicate, like a dried leaf. One careless move could whisk her away.

"Something you wanted to ask?" Severus said.

The girl flinched then twisted a loose strand of hair. "Yes… Um… last year you… kind of… told them off." With a tilt of her head she indicated the close-knit group a few tables away—the future Death Eaters Severus once followed like a loyal puppy.

"I did," Severus said with pride.

"They don't… scare you?" The girl gulped.

"No. They're nothing to be afraid of."

The girl failed to hide her admiration. "I was thinking… they're always so well organized—and it's like they have half the house in their group. We—the rest of us—are scattered outsiders." She glanced around the room. Those alone in corners who didn't look the part of a bully were far too many.

"And _those_ people," she eyed the group, "they make all of us look horrid!"

 _She's right, of course, but…_ "Why come to me with this?"

"Well, I was thinking…" she tugged her stray hair "… maybe we should do something—to unite the rest of the house. You know, stand up to them, show the rest of the school we're different—that _they_ don't define Slytherin. People are less likely to be persuaded to…" she gulped "… join You-Know-Who if they see they're not alone."

 _It's a good point._ "I still don't see why you came to me." He laid aside his book.

"You're not afraid of them," she said. "If you stood up, then maybe… we could follow you."

 _What in all the Wizarding World is she thinking?_ "What exactly do you want me to do?"

"Well… We could start a club—to collect people."

 _Oh, please, no._ He shook his head.

"I thought… we could just make it a sort of reading and tutoring thing. I mean… it would be less suspicious if you just offered help with schoolwork once a week. People are more likely to join something like that. And I could organize tea. Hopefully it will encourage people to talk to one another."

"You have high hopes," said Severus.

The girl's smile was far too innocent. "Slytherin _is_ the house of ambition."

 _Quite right._ "What's your name?"

"Penelope Pauperitt. Please, call me Penelope."

"Severus Snape," he said. _Though she probably already knew that since_ she _approached_ me.

Penelope's smile turned sheepish. "Does that mean you're in?"

"I'm not sure."

"Please?" Penelope pleaded, eyes pitiful. "Doesn't it seem the smart, Slytherin thing to do? Try to collect a scattered house so we can stand up for ourselves, show we're not just a bunch of bullies? That not all of us will blindly follow… You-Know-Who?"

 _Right again._ "And you want this to lead to Slytherin being accepted by the other houses? To prevent them being picked on so they can find the courage to fight for the Light in the battles to come?" said Severus.

Penelope's shy smile reemerged. "Got to start somewhere. After all, Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin were as close as brothers once. I mean… it's possible… right? You and Evans…" She blushed and looked away.

"Me and Lily?"

Penelope nodded. "You're always together, and… you don't seem to care she's a Gryffindor. And she doesn't care you're a Slytherin. You're the only two I've seen act like that. But it's proof, isn't it? Proof it can be done."

 _T_ _his is strange. Still…_ Severus' slow nod betrayed his interest.

"I–I don't want to be a Death Eater! I can be something else… can't I?" Penelope swallowed hard. "What the Sorting Hat said when it put me in Slytherin… it doesn't dictate who I am. Right? What people think doesn't have to be right. I can prove them wrong!" Urgency filled Penelope, and her bespectacled eyes were determined. "Please?" she said. "Help me. I don't want to be…"

Severus folded his hands atop his book. _Spinner's here to recruit new Death Eaters from the student body, but… if I can stop him now—stop the others from becoming Death Eaters, and potentially let some of them join Dumbledore's ranks later…_ "Fine. But it's your idea, so you're going to organize it yourself, little Miss. I'll show up and do my part."

Penelope's eyes lit, and she fidgeted with excitement. "Great! How about next Thursday, six o'clock, in the empty classroom two doors down from Transfiguration?"

 _She's already thought this through? No, of course, she has. She's a Slytherin—and not one of the dull ones either._ "Very well."

"It would be a good idea to bring tutors from other houses too." Penelope tapped a finger on her chin and gave Severus a side-long glance. "You know, to plant the idea of inter-house collaboration right from the start."

"Now you're pushing it," said Severus. _Don't expect me to wrangle students for you._

"Isn't Evans top of her class?" said Penelope in false innocence. "You spend all day with her, anyway."

"Fine. I'll ask her," Severus grumbled. "Anyone else you have in mind?"

"Well… I hope to get Hufflepuff," an odd tremble in her voice accompanied the house name, "and Ravenclaw to join eventually, but I suppose you don't happen to know anyone from there…?"

"I don't. Those you'll have to find yourself."

Penelope grinned. "Sure. Thank you!" In her enthusiasm she nearly toppled the chair as she scurried away.

With a frown Severus returned to his book. _What on earth have I gotten myself into now?_

* * *

_This chapter has been edited by Dtill359_


	15. Spinner Spins

At breakfast, Severus' nerves frayed as he waited for Lily's reaction to Penelope's idea. _Will she say no? Hesitate?_

Lily clapped and beamed, excited. "Oh, Sev, what a wonderful idea!"

"You think so?" _Can't say I'm completely sure about it myself._

"Of course, I do! We should ask Remus if he wants to come. He loves to help people with schoolwork, and he'd hate me forever if I didn't tell him about an opportunity like this."

"Opportunity like what?" said Severus.

"To help people get along, of course." Lily bobbed up and down in enthusiasm, and her chair uttered a soft rattle. "We should ask him right now. Look. There he is!" She pointed toward the Gryffindor table where Lupin laughed with his friends.

"Couldn't we wait until Ancient Runes?" _And avoid the Marauders._

"That's tomorrow, silly," she said.

Potter eyed him and Lily. Black whispered in Potter's ear and earned a smirk. Pettigrew giggled, and Lupin wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"I suppose I could ask him later in the common room," Lily muttered.

After breakfast, as Severus and Lily entered Defence Against the Dark Arts, all four Marauders were already in the classroom.

Severus approached his usual seat, snagged the concealed stink bomb and tossed it at Potter. "I believe this is yours."

Potter caught it. Two seconds later, the bomb burst, and slime covered his face. "Wha?!"

Black tried to hide a smile, and Lupin did his best to choke back a laugh. Even the little rat chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" Potter growled as he wiped slime from his eyes.

Lupin laughed so hard he clutched his stomach. "You sure had that coming!"

Potter shot Lupin a scowl, but his lip quirked as the situation's comedy registered.

Even Lily joined them with her sweet, light laughter.

"It's not funny." Potter fought a laugh, but when he noticed Severus laughing at his expense, his smile vanished. "It's really not."

"But you'd have thought it hilarious if I'd been the victim as intended," said Severus. "That is not a good sense of humor, Potter. Not at all."

"Shut up," Potter hissed.

"In fact, I believe it's equivalent to being a bully." Severus ignored Potter.

"I told you to shut it."

Severus' smirk grew dangerous. "An immature, spoiled, inconsiderate prat."

" _Scourgify_!" Potter bellowed as he whipped out his wand.

Severus threw a _Protego_ with ease, and Potter's spell disappeared.

"Wow," said Black. "I didn't even know he had his wand out."

"It's rude to talk like I'm not here," Severus sneered.

Black's eyes burned with hate. "Like you're one to teach manners," he spat and drew his wand, ready for a fight.

Severus stood still, wand loose in hand. "I doubt you'd listen even if I tried."

Lupin tensed and took a step away from Potter.

" _Expelliarmus_!" Potter lit into the fight.

Severus cast another _Protego_ with a bare flick of his wand.

" _Immobulus_!" Black added without effect.

" _Impedimenta_!" Potter shouted.

To which Black chorused, " _Levicorpus_!"

"Guys, stop," Lupin protested. "This is pointless! You won't get anywhere if he just keeps using _Protego_. You could go on like this forever. Besides, I don't think Severus is going to attack." He looked to Severus. "Are you?"

Severus shook his head. "No, of course, not. I hardly see this lot of children as worth it."

"Take that back." Black scowled.

Severus smirked. "Make me."

"Sev, that's enough!" Lily's small hand gripped his shoulder. "You said it yourself." She gave the Marauders a grumpy glower. "They aren't worth it."

A slow, stout clap echoed from the other end of the classroom.

_Spinner._

"Sir." Potter's face flushed between glops of slime when he saw their teacher.

"Mr. Potter." Spinner gave him a cold stare. "If you were just a little more incompetent, I'd have you thrown out of the class. And Mr. Black." Spinner squinted. "Your blood is much better than that. Your little demonstration was pathetic. But, Mr. Lupin," Spinner's thin lips spread in a smile, "knew exactly what was going on the whole time. And, Mr. Snape." His smile grew into a grin that showcased both ragged canines. "He drew his wand and used it like a professional. His posture off-balanced his opponents, deceived them into thinking he wasn't ready, or dangerous. That made their spells sloppy and allowed him to formulate a defense freely. But, most importantly, he kept a clear head. He probably knew I would have to give you detention if you threw hexes in my classroom. Besides, I'm sure Mr. Snape has better things to do. Plus," Spinner gave Severus an approving nod, "he has such a way with words, wouldn't you say?"

Severus met Spinner with freezing eyes and no smile.

Spinner's face twisted into an unnatural display of razored teeth but dissipated into a smirk. "Detention, Mr. Black, Mr. Potter. My office—next Thursday."

Black's and Potter's faces fell.

"But, Sir," Potter said, "that's when Quidditch practice is! Couldn't we have it another evening?"

"If you don't want any more detentions, take my advice. Don't cast hexes in class unless instructed. Do I make myself clear?" said Spinner.

Potter swore under his breath; Black echoed the sentiment, but both boys gave sullen nods.

_Guess Potter's team will be missing their captain—and keeper if I remember Black's position right._

"Class, sit," said Spinner. "Clearly, you need a lesson in defending yourselves. First, always keep your guard up—be ready to take the upper hand and be cleverer than anyone else." Without word or warning, red light shot toward Severus.

He deflected with little effort.

No one spoke, but Spinner almost salivated with delight.

A second streak hurtled at Potter, crashed into his chest and threw him backward.

"Sloppy," Spinner barked as Potter moaned and fought to sit up. "Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy! Potter, despicable. Mr. Snape dodged my first hex. You should've been ready for the next one."

Potter groaned and rubbed his chest before sending Spinner a glower.

A third shot, this one directed at Black, emerged from Spinner's wand. Black fared better. He couldn't deflect it but managed to evade.

"Not as good as Mr. Snape," Spinner muttered, "but better than Mr. Potter. I guess your blood comes in handy after all."

"What does blood have to do with anything?" Black scowled. "And, even if that's the case, Snape is bloody Muggle-raised!"

Everyone, except Lily and Lupin, gasped and stared at Severus. Even Spinner was shocked. "Is this true, Mr. Snape? _Are_ you Muggleborn?" A sneer overtook his voice.

"I'm a half-blood," Severus said. "But I must agree with Black. I don't see how it matters."

Spinner wandered the classroom in thick silence before he stopped in front of Severus. Danger gleamed in his eyes, and his thin lips pursed. "Is either of your parents a full-blood?"

"Does it matter?" said Severus.

"Just answer me," demanded Spinner.

"My mother was," Severus barked as he shoved down boiling anger.

"Which family did she come from, may I ask?"

"Prince," Severus sneered.

"Oh?" Interest sparked in Spinner's eyes. "That's a good family. Too bad the name is dying out." Another stunner darted for Lupin.

He leapt clear.

"Good thing you're in Slytherin," Spinner continued to Severus. "Your house indicates your good blood overrules the bad."

"Sir," Severus frowned, "I fail to see how my blood or house has anything to do with how I perform in class."

Confusion shadowed Spinner. "So, you'd rather be like the rest?" His tone turned sinister.

"I'd rather be judged on my own merits," said Severus.

Spinner grinned. "And so, you shall. Class! Get up and find a partner. We're going to practice deflecting spells today, and by the end of this class, I want you to do it as if it were a reflex!"

Stools clattered as students stood.

Severus grabbed Lupin. "You're with me. You're quick, and I need to shoot something after that. I won't have to hold back against you."

"What about Lily?" Lupin said.

"I don't want to hurt her."

Lupin chuckled. "But you're fine with hurting me? Okay, you're right. I'm fast. And since you're the one who said it, I'll take it as a compliment."

 

* * *

 

Remus sat with the rest of the Marauders in the Gryffindor common room that evening. _Shouldn't have said "yes" so quickly._ He rubbed his shoulder and knee. _This is almost as bad as the morning after the full moon._

 _And I couldn't get one hit on Severus. Didn't even come close for that matter._ The odor of charred cloth still stung his nose. _Pretty sure he grazed me though. And James, Sirius, and Peter are mad—not to mention confused._

"Moony, I don't know where you stand!" James blurted.

The tension between the four tightened.

"What do you mean?" said Remus.

"What's up with Snape? Who are you with? Him? Or us?" said James.

Sirius' nod punctuated James' string of questions.

" _You're_ my friends," said Remus. "You know we'll always be friends, right?"

All three nodded.

 _They don't look very sure about that._ "It's just… I don't think you realize Severus is on the same side we are. We want the same things, and the reason you fight with him is because of your old pranks. Maybe it's time to stop?"

Sirius sneered. "He hates everyone who isn't pure-blooded Slytherin," he spat. "He's just like my family. They're all the same."

"Yes, Slytherin might carry that reputation, and once, I thought he shared their opinion, but he's changed," said Remus.

"Trust me, they never change," Sirius muttered.

"Not to be rude, but you did," said Remus. "You _are_ a Black, after all."

Sirius turned away and shifted in his chair.

"Didn't you hear him today? He said blood doesn't matter, even when Professor Spinner praised him for his family. The old Severus would've been proud, but… he didn't care."

"I hate it when you make good sense…" James muttered after a long silence.

The group's tension remained.

Remus sighed. "This isn't just about Severus, is it?" he said as fatigue set in. "Come on, mates. Spit it out."

The other three exchanged uncomfortable glances.

"Moony, I just…" James shook his head. "I'm worried about you. You've drifted, and… well…" He chewed his lip. "Things are changing."

"But you're my friends." Hurt tinged Remus' words. "I need you, so much. I'm still terrified of the full moon more than anything else, and I'm not sure I'd be able to face it alone."

James, Sirius, and Peter evaded his eyes.

"Please, don't act like that," Remus said. "You're the best friends I've ever had, or ever will have, and I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Don't turn this into a soap opera, Moony," Sirius said.

"You started it."

"Aw, come here!" Sirius lunged for Remus and pulled him into a headlock as he mussed his hair.

"Padfoot, stop that!" Remus laughed as he tried to shove Sirius away.

"Keep going, Pad!" James joined in.

"Go, Padfoot!" urged Peter.

Remus wriggled free after a minute-long struggle, smile intact. "Speaking of which, I need to tell you something."

"What?" said Sirius, now sprawled on the floor.

"I'm afraid it's about Severus again," said Remus. "He knows your Animagi forms."

"What?!" exclaimed all three.

"How does he know?" said James. "And how do you know he knows?"

"He told me."

"Did _you_ tell _him_?" said Sirius.

"Do you really think I'd do something like that?"

"No, I guess not," Sirius hung his head.

"But how could he have known?" Peter squeaked.

Lupin shook his head. "He won't tell me."

"How long has he known?" said James.

"Since last school year at least," Remus said.

James' breath staggered. "If he tells, I'll strangle him. And I don't care who'll be mad at me."

"Easy, Prongs," Remus coaxed. "If he was going to tell, he'd have already done it."

The others froze.

"Why not tell?" James managed.

"So, he can blackmail us?" Sirius wondered aloud.

"If he wanted that, he'd have told you he knew." Remus sighed. _Do I have to spell out everything to you lot?_

Peter was the most confused of everyone and said with a waver, "What does he want then?"

"Has it occurred to any of you that he doesn't want anything?" said Remus. "He just wants to be left alone."

"Then why'd he attack me?" James pouted.

"You attacked him first," Remus countered. "You put that stink bomb at his desk. He just threw it back to you. Then you tried to hex him. All he did was protect himself—without trying to harm you."

"You're taking his side again!" James' annoyance bit into Remus.

"I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just stating facts."

"Why'd you team up with him?" Sirius glowered.

"Look. It was me or Lily, and he wanted a challenge—someone he didn't have to hold back against, or… so he said."

Sirius chuckled. "You mean he wanted you as a punching bag?"

"Actually, yes, and I swear I'll be sore for the next week." He rubbed his neck. "He couldn't hold back just a little!"

James chuckled. "Then remember not to team up with him next week. I don't think it'll be good for the wolf if you're sore. That makes it grumpy."

Remus shook his head. "Wolfsbane potion. Remember? It's not a problem anymore. Well, at least I won't tear you apart just because I'm grumpy. Not until school's over..." _Should I tell them Severus made Wolfsbane? No. I suppose not. Severus wouldn't want that._

"Oh yeah," Sirius brightened. "That's cool! We're so going to do some real Maraudering next week!"

"I still hate the full moon," Remus muttered. "I swear, even if by some miracle they find a cure, I'll hate it 'til the day I die."

"Then I guess we'll just have to make the best of it," said James. "And we swore we'd always be there at full moon, remember? I guess that means after they find a cure too." He smiled.

"James, we talked about this. There is no cure. People have searched for over a thousand years. Still nothing."

"Until this summer nothing was easy for werewolves. At all. Now, that's changed," James replied.

_I guess he's right. There was never anything like Wolfsbane potion before… At least, not in recorded history._

"See? A cure's possible, and we'll stick around until it's found. And even after that. You'll never have to go through a single full moon alone again. We promised."

 _James can be an airhead. He doesn't take my condition seriously at all. But… this optimism is infectious._ "Sounds awesome." Remus offered a thankful smile.

"Imagine everything we can do now that we don't have to worry about your wolf's instincts!" Sirius said. "We could scare some girls."

"Please, no," said Remus. "We still don't know what'll happen if something goes wrong with the potion. And we're not sure if I'm really that stable. I _am_ still contagious. Let's stay away from people for now, okay?"

"Whatever you want, Moony," James assured.

_What a group we are… James, the unofficial leader—and Sirius, his shadow, or adopted twin, I'm not sure which. If one ever lost the other…_

_Then there's Peter, the one who never questions. And me. I guess I never questioned James and Sirius either—until recently. Maybe, I'm the older brother now, the responsible mediator._

_And the wolf._ Lupin shivered. _Ever since those three started to keep me company in Animagi form, the wolf claimed leadership of the pack. The Animagi tend to its every demand to keep it happy._

 _It's always a role-reversal. James becomes the level-headed one, and I—well, the wolf—is a despot. Even if that weren't so, I trust them enough to believe they wouldn't do anything reckless—not when it's that important to me._ Remus flashed his best reassuring smile.

"Oi, look! Evans!" James ruffled up his hair and peered over Remus' shoulder. "You think she's finally come to her senses?"

"If you mean she's coming to accept your offer to be your girlfriend, keep dreaming," said Sirius.

Remus rolled his eyes as Lily approached. "Hey," he greeted.

"Remus." Lily smiled at him but ignored the other Marauders. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure." Remus started to stand.

"How come you never put in a good word for me with her?" James muttered just loud enough for Remus to catch.

"I do," Remus whispered. "All the time. But you don't give me much to work with."

James glowered as Remus and Lily put fifteen feet between them and the rest of the group.

"What's up?" said Remus.

"Some of the younger Slytherin students want to start this wonderful project," Lily said.

_What's this now?_

"They don't support blood-purity, and You-Know-Who, so they're starting a tutoring club. Between you and me, it's really for socializing and to help strengthen themselves and their relationships with other houses. Severus and I will act as tutors, and I thought you might be interested in joining."

"I'd be delighted! That's brilliant. Whose idea was it? Severus'?"

"Nope. A Slytherin fourth-year, Penelope Pauperitt. She's putting it all together."

"I'll have to talk to her."

"So, you're in?"

"Absolutely!"

"Though… could you be quiet about it to your friends? Since it'll be mostly Slytherins in the club at first?" Lily said. "It's for the sake of integrating them with the other houses—it'll give them a chance to prove they're not blood purists. And if they," she tossed a distasteful glance at the other Marauders, "were to prank them, the group might change their minds. Or they wouldn't feel safe on either side…"

"They won't ruin it," said Remus. "I promise. It's about time we gave Slytherins a chance."


	16. The first meeting

Thursday evening, as Severus finished dinner, he checked the time. _They’ll be starting in thirty minutes._ He stepped just outside the Great Hall. _I suppose I should go…_ _C_ _ouldn’t I stay in, brew potions instead? But I promised… And Lily and Lupin will be with me._

Severus sighed and headed for their meeting place.

“What exactly are we supposed to do?” said Lupin as Severus walked into the deserted wing beside him and Lily. “I’ve brought some elementary books on Defence, Charms, Transfiguration, and so on.”

“No idea,” Severus muttered. “Is this a social gathering? Reading club? Or something else?”

“Well, whatever it is, I think it’s a great idea.” Lily smiled. “And it’s nice she asked us. Maybe having Gryffindors come to them for once will make a difference.”

“Setting your hopes just as high as her,” Severus quipped. “Don’t expect too much.”

Warm light and an unfamiliar smell sneaked from the crack under the old classroom door. The three entered to the hinges’ quiet squeak.

Inside, tables and desks huddled in corners, leaving only one table to stand at the room’s middle. Candles burned with soft light, and on the table sat two pots of tea, a dozen teacups, and fresh-baked cookies and brownies.

_Ah. No wonder that odor’s foreign. Tobias wasn’t much for candles and pastries to mark what few birthdays he remembered. And Mother… well… she had other things to think about._

Around the room lay a cozy scatter of pillows, and among them Penelope sat with two girls her age and one boy.

“Severus!” Penelope lit up. “I’m so glad you came!” One glance at Lily and Lupin in their red Gryffindor robes and Penelope stood, but shuffled from one foot to the other. “I’m… Penelope Pauperitt. So glad you wanted to come.” She glanced at them twice punctuated by long stares at the floor.

“Lily Evans. Thank you for inviting me.” Lily smiled and offered a hand.

Penelope allowed a smile too, and though she took Lily’s hand with hesitation, she shook it enthusiastically. “Thank you,” Penelope said in a near whisper. “Thank you, so much.”

“Miss Pauperitt!” Lupin burst as his taut nerves slacked. “I’m so glad to meet you—the creator of such a thing!”

“It—it’s nothing special.” Penelope blushed. “Honest. And it’s Penelope.” She reached out a shy hand.

Remus took it and gave a firm shake, a smile spread on his face. “Remus Lupin. You can just call me Remus. And what do you mean, ‘It’s nothing’? It takes courage—lots of courage—to reach out like this! And wisdom, to see it’s needed. Why, you must be the smartest, bravest person in school.” He kept shaking her hand.

Penelope’s face flushed with embarrassment. “I–I’m afraid you’re a little early.” She rescued her hand. “We don’t have many people here yet. I don’t think Slytherins have ever met in such a large group before.”

“That’s all right.” Lupin beamed. “Who’re your friends?”

The three younger Slytherins shrank into the corner.

Severus shadowed Lupin as they approached the others. _Should I stop him from getting too close too fast? They must be terrified, caught in a room with two older Gryffindors. Other houses don’t usually give us much other than hate and contempt._

“Oh.” Penelope faced the corner. “This is Matthew Flint—a fourth-year, like me—Claire Goyle, from fifth-year, and Diane Diggory, also in fifth-year.”

“So pleased to meet you all,” Remus declared.

 _Goyle?_ “Are you related to Geronimo Goyle?” Severus said.

“He’s my b-big brother,” Claire said.

_Geronimo Goyle, Death Eater, father of Gregory Goyle, and an utter buffoon. This girl favors her brother, though on her, the heavier girth isn’t so brutal. She’d be pretty if she dared smile._

The girl beside Claire, a handsome blonde with a firm jaw reminded Severus of someone else too. “Amos Diggory is your older brother, correct?”

Diane nodded. “But he graduated a long time ago, and he’s way older than me so, we don’t talk much.”

Severus nodded.

“It couldn’t hurt to smile,” Lily huffed in his ear.

Severus reined in his frown and forced a smile. “Pleased to meet you all.”

All three of Penelope’s friends nodded.

_Is that… admiration on their faces?_

“So…” Lupin clasped his hands and fidgeted. “Why don’t we make ourselves comfortable?” He picked a chair and said to Penelope, “You mind?”

“That’s why it’s there.” Penelope tittered behind her hand.

“Splendid.” Lupin sat and took a cookie. “Penelope, you must tell me, do you enjoy Wizard’s Chess? You strike me as just the type who’d be a good opponent.”

With a shy smile Penelope took the chair beside Lupin. “I like it,” she said. “I think it sharpens the mind to play occasionally. Helps stimulate the intellect.”

As their gentle chatter continued, the other Slytherins thawed their courage and approached the food-laden table. They still eyed Lupin and Lily as if they were beasts that might rip them apart without a second’s notice.

 _Technically, Lupin_ is _a beast, but why bring it up?_

Over the next twenty minutes, more Slytherins arrived: third, fourth, fifth, and even a single sixth-year, Jennifer Jugson. Her short, curly, brown hair framed apprehensive amber eyes, and a nose that pointed slightly upward—which made her appear both sweet and stubborn.

_I never talked to her… last time._

More filed in after Jugson.

 _Wait… isn’t that—_ In walked Regulus Black, looking as if someone dragged him by the scruff like a stubborn puppy.

The young Black’s resemblance to his elder brother was remarkable, same handsome face and dark hair—though Regulus’ was much shorter than Sirius’ shoulder-length preference. Past that, the only obvious difference was Regulus’ slimmer frame.

Regulus sat. Only Lupin’s blabbering and Lily’s futile attempts at conversation filled the room.

“Okay, I’m here.” Regulus threw both hands in the air. “Why _am_ I here, Penelope?” His words, though rude, echoed with most other Slytherins present.

Penelope stood and cleared her throat. Head high, she faced the group. “We have a great deal in common. We’re outsiders, in school—scorned by others houses—and within Slytherin because we don’t belong to a clique. They treat us like last month’s molded potatoes. It’s time we did something about it—about both problems! Our house is supposed to be like a family, so we should make it that way. We, the loners, must stand and bind together as one! Then we’ll be strong. Those who live to belittle others will have no reason to torment us anymore. Let’s prove to the other houses that just because we’re Slytherins doesn’t mean we’re pricks!”

A few girls giggled uncomfortably, and others wore mild shock.

“If we do this, we prove we can be strong without being bullies—that we’re civilized, worthwhile—that Slytherin is a good house! And that we’re not like our housemates who degrade us. We’re stronger—and better than that!”

Admiration grew in every Slytherin present, so palpable Severus’ skin tingled. _Most magic isn’t even this potent. Perhaps there’s something to Pauperitt after all._

“How do we do that?” Diane Diggory snorted. “My brother won’t even speak to me, just because I’m Slyth–” She clapped a hand over her mouth.

“It’s okay… Mine won’t either,” Regulus mumbled.

“Well, we aren’t going to do it by hiding away in corners, ashamed of our opinions,” Penelope said.

Murmurs of agreement spread.

“For now, we should talk—all of us.” Penelope gave the lot a stern survey. “We need to get to know each other, to unify.”

“What?” Jugson groaned. “Please, don’t tell me this is a sob session where we moan about our problems.”

“Is there anyone you even dare confide your problems to?” said Penelope. “How many here feel they have friends in this school? Does anyone feel others listen to them?”

The group cast wary glances at each other.

 _I can only imagine what they’re thinking—what I thought when I was sixteen—really sixteen. They look at everyone else here and wonder, “You feel alone and abandoned too? Really?” Even I’m surprised so many share this feeling._ Severus sighed. _I should have known…_

_Isolation is why I proved such an easy target for Voldemort then, alone, needing to prove myself. The same reason applies to so many others here, trapped in that evil cycle. They speak well of Voldemort when their true thoughts differ because that’s what they’re expected to do._

_Because they didn’t speak out, none of them knew others shared their plight. Then they joined… him… because of pressure and the consuming desperation for acknowledgment. If we can break this cycle—Well, let’s just start simple, acknowledge one another and be honest._

Penelope continued, “We must listen—and talk to one another.”

“Why are _they_ here?” Matthew Flint pointed to Lupin and Lily.

“If we keep to ourselves, we only fulfill half our mission,” said Penelope. “In taking the first step of friendship toward the other houses, we increase the chances they’ll accept us. Say Evans and Lupin decide they like us, even become our friends, that friendship will spread—slowly, mind you, but it’ll be there.” She looked to Lily and Lupin. “Right?”

They nodded and smiled.

_They’ve become quite the pair, those two._

“Good.” Penelope sat. “I’m afraid we need to start from scratch. Let’s say our names, one thing about ourselves we’re proud of, and one thing—anything—that bothers us.”

“That’s stupid,” Flint muttered.

Agreement fluttered through the others.

“Do as she says,” said Severus. “Go on, Pauperitt.”

“Thank you, Severus. I guess it’s only fair I start. My name is Penelope Pauperitt. I think I’m pretty good at drawing, and I hate that everyone at school sees my robe color instead of me.”

Diane sat beside Penelope. “Uh… well… my name’s Diane Diggory. I’m the best there is on a broom—can’t beat my chaser skills! And… it bothers me that my dad’s still disappointed I was sorted into Slytherin…”

“Regulus Black.” He pulled up a chair next to Diane. “Definitely the best Seeker at Hogwarts,” he said, chin high as a chuckle spread through the room. His demeanor humbled as he continued, “It bothers me… that my family worries more about the prestige I can bring them than my well-being.”

Others gathered the courage to speak, and after half a dozen more took a turn, Severus joined. “Severus Snape.” _What can I say I’m proud of…?_ “I’m good at potions, I suppose,” he muttered.

“Oh, stop being modest!” Lupin injected. “You’re the best of your generation.”

Severus shot Lupin a glare. “It bothers me–” _What do I say that won’t sound psychotic?_ “that Professor Spinner insists my house and who my grandfather happens to be are more important than how I perform in class.” _That coincides with the meeting’s theme well enough._

“Lily Evans. I’m great at inventing charms for any occasion, and it bothers me so much we didn’t do this before.”

Everyone laughed.

“Remus Lupin.” He grinned. “I seem to have a flair for magical animals and dark creatures. What bothers me more than anything is how people look at my name before they look at me.” He regarded everyone gravely. “I’m… afraid I can’t tell you why—my dad and all—but I’m in the same boat as many of you.”

Most of the group displayed intrigue, but Lupin shrugged and smiled innocently.

_Taking quite a risk there, aren’t you, Lupin?_

The round over, everyone broke into groups and talked. Most grievances were similar, and the shared problems formed instant connections.

Penelope clapped in delight as she played hostess and darted from person to person. No one sat alone. Everyone wanted to ask each other about the things they were proud of, and the horrible experiences to which they could all relate.

“It’s incredible what can happen if you reach out,” Lily whispered to Severus. “I think everyone wants to listen and be heard, but they don’t always dare to try.”

Lily’s breath warmed his ear and neck, and wafts of lavender drifted from her fire-red hair. “Y-yes.” Severus’ face flushed in embarrassment. “It’s the rare person who truly wants to be alone.”

The scent of lavender grew as Lily rested her head on Severus’ shoulder. “Makes you wonder why so many people are alone.”

“I suppose. Sometimes, the situation leaves you little choice.”

Lily laid her hand over his and offered a soft smile. “You’re not alone now.”

“Indeed…” He smiled fondly, content.

“Hey, Pehelope, where you get dees?” Regulus managed through a bite of brownie. “Hey’re great.”

“House elves in the kitchen.” Penelope giggled. “They love to help out when you ask.”

Regulus swallowed his brownie. “House elves? You know where they are?”

“I can show you,” she said. “How about tomorrow?”

“Deal!”

_How did a fourteen-year-old girl pull this off? By the looks on their faces, they’ll come back next week. No Slytherin would dare talk this freely in our common room. They’d be ashamed to do any of this in front of “true pureblood Slytherins.” The others would reprimand, even bully them._

_T_ _h_ _ere are three options in Slytherin—bully, follow, or be bullied. It didn’t occur to me last year—I stopped being a follower, but refused to bully, and no one’s capable of bullying me. I don’t fit into a mold—not anymore. And now… they’re following my example._

As curfew approached, Severus headed back to the common room.

Penelope fell in step beside him as most of the other Slytherins tailed twenty or thirty feet back. “Thank you,” she said.

“No need for thanks.” He waved her off. “You did everything. I was just an attendee.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Penelope insisted and tugged his robe sleeve.

He stopped, and three or four others passed them.

“Last year, when you stood up to Malfoy, you inspired me. I thought, if we could use your example… I wouldn’t have done this if you hadn’t stood up to him, and I’d have given up the idea if you said it was bad. And…” She blushed. “Most people there tonight came because I told them you’d be there. They were curious about you.”

“You’re… welcome…” Severus said gently.

Penelope gave him a smile that reminded him of Lily. “Can I count on you next week?” Penelope said.

“I believe so.”

“Remus and Lily?”

“You won’t be able to keep them away.”

“Brilliant!”

The group trickled into the common room and dispersed to avoid suspicion.

Penelope yawned and stretched. “’Night, Severus. See you tomorrow.”

With a nod, he headed for his dorm. _Intriguing._ Most _intriguing…_

  


 


	17. Life defenders

_Is Pauperitt mad? Or a genius? Perhaps both._ Severus stood in the front corner of the old classroom turned meeting hall. _They all came back._

Slytherins chatted and laughed in twos and threes, and a few larger circles hung nearer the room's middle.

Penelope greeted Lily and a friend from Ravenclaw she'd brought along. The new girl's reluctance melted into an easy smile as she talked with Penelope.

Instead of introducing themselves this time, Penelope directed the set-up of a more advanced version of Exploding Snap. Three rounds passed, composed of tapping and two teams which cheered wildly for each other.

Just like the last meeting, many hung back at first, reluctant, but before one round ended, the room filled with laughter. Even Severus participated.

 _I must look a fool, bumbling about like an idiot and, Merlin forbid, laughing. This might be… the first time I've ever felt like a child._ He dashed to tag a teammate and tripped. On instinct, he grabbed for the nearest surface and caught Lily's arm. The pair tumbled over each other, to the amusement of the whole group.

_How did it come to this? The joy—the genuine welcome in the eyes of near-strangers—it's overwhelming. Here, the outsiders have found their haven, and a teenage girl discovered it._

As curfew neared, the group's levity tanked. Though they accepted each other for a few hours on Thursday evenings, that acceptance didn't yet reach beyond the old classroom walls. The outcast Slytherins still dared not seek out each other or speak their scathing views on blood purity or "good" ancestry openly. Fear of the ruthless few still silenced them.

As Severus, Lily and Lily's friend left for their common rooms, a few Slytherins sneaked into corners with new friends to tuck in one last conversation for the night.

_They've been doing that all week, ducking around together when they think no one's watching. Why, Pauperitt and Regulus Black spent a whole evening together a few days ago. Jugson greets me before Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts now—and tells me "Good morning" when she happens upon me in the common room before breakfast. Not to mention her secret winks at Lily in the halls since they teamed up in Herbology. Perhaps Pauperitt's notion will do more good than I first thought._

Severus bid Lily and her friend goodnight and headed for the dungeons.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Severus and Lily enjoyed one of the last warm evenings of the summer by taking a stroll by the lake.

"I've never seen you this happy," Lily said with a chuckle.

"I've never _been_ this happy," he said. _For the first time, I'm at ease—with myself and my situation. I've truly made a difference—and they respect me for it, not just Lily, but Remus too, and other Slytherins. The world is lighter now that I feel… worth something._

"It suits you," said Lily.

Severus snorted. "As if anything could ever make this sad picture more appealing." He swept a hand down his skinny frame.

"Well…" Lily stopped and tapped her cheek. "Happy people are attractive people, you know." She appraised him. "Tall and slim—that's a big plus… but still too thin. Though there _is_ a sort of foreign, mysterious sense to you." She brushed the hair out of his eyes before circling him.

Severus almost turned the circle with her.

"Girls like foreign and mysterious." Lily stopped in front of him. "Why, Sev, I believe you're an eight."

"Eight what?"

"You know, on a scale where one is horrific and ten is perfection?"

"You measure every boy you meet like that?"

"Sure." Lily grinned. "It's a game. Remus is a six, Potter a seven. Avery's definitely a one."

Severus chuckled.

"What do you think I am?" Lily spread enthusiastic arms to welcome his answer.

"Ten," he said without hesitation.

Lily slumped in a pout. "You only say that because it's what you're supposed to say. Be honest."

"You're perfect the way you are. What answer did you want?"

Lily's face flushed so red her cheeks matched her hair, but she couldn't hide the wide smile as she stared hard at the ground. "You're too nice to me," she murmured. Mischief glittered in her eyes, and she mustered the nerve to tiptoe over and plant a kiss on Severus' cheek.

He traced the spot in wonder.

"That's for not pointing out my face is too round," she said with a smirk.

"Your face is perfect."

"Cheek."

Severus blanked. The urge to run fought the desire to discover what would come next.

After a few seconds Lily chuckled and kept walking, but a faint blush still hinted on her cheeks.

 _Ah, Lupin!_ Severus' confusion abated as ahead, Remus sat alone on an old stump and gazed vacantly at the lake. Exhaustion riddled him, and a sick pallor faded his skin.

_I haven't seen him look this ill since… well, since my last life. W_ _i_ _th the full moon just last night, I didn't expect him to be up and about._

"Hey, Remus," Lily greeted too quickly.

Lupin started and blinked twice before his eyes focused. "Oh, hi, Lily, Severus," he said in a near whisper.

"Where're your friends?" Severus peered around the area as if he suspected an ambush.

"The castle, I suppose," Lupin offered a raised brow and a faint, exhausted smile. "I just… needed to be alone for a bit. Severus, I can never thank you enough for that potion. It's a life saver."

"Please, don't mention it," Severus said.

Lupin sighed. "Read today's _Daily Prophet_?"

"No. That paper's pure hogwash and propaganda," Severus scoffed.

"I know, but it's the propaganda that people read and believe. Here, catch." Lupin tossed the newspaper to Severus. "Page three."

Severus opened the paper with a crinkle. Page three featured a large, black-and-white photo of a shabby, cross group of people who looked more likely to rip the photographer to shreds than pose for a picture. Beside the photo was a second image, this one of angry wolves.

_Those are just ordinary wolves, but most won't realize that._

The article title read, "Werewolves Enraged, Won't Listen to Common Sense."

_A little over a month ago, the revolutionary Wolfsbane potion was tested and deemed safe for all werewolves. It's a simple potion that ensures werewolves remain in control during their bestial transformation. After this discovery, the Ministry decreed all werewolves must consume the potion prior to every transformation. Yet, many unfortunate associates of werewolves have recently contacted the Ministry to report werewolves not taking the potion as required._

" _I'm shocked," says Charlotte Jolie, a botanic witch and mother of two. "At last, I thought my children would be safe from the dreadful beast across our hill. Imagine my surprise when I heard the news! I know he tries to live in seclusion, but that's hardly an excuse not to take all extra precautions. Every full moon I live in fear for my children's well-being. I have to ship them to their grandmother, on the other side of the country, just to be sure they're safe. But what about all the muggles who don't know what he is? I have a neighbor who's the nicest gentleman doctor. He has three children. They're just not safe."_

" _I, for one, am not surprised," asserts Dolores Umbridge, Head of the Department of Magical Creatures in the Ministry of Magic. "Werewolves are beasts, and as such, they lack human intellect. Truly, many of them must feel robbed of their opportunity to showcase their true selves once a month. We mustn't forget that magical creatures are just that—creatures—who must always be controlled and handled with extreme caution. If werewolves continue this beastly behavior, it may become necessary to exterminate that vile breed…"_

 _I can't read any more of this._ Severus crumpled the newspaper and hissed through clenched teeth.

"Hey, let me finish that," said Lily, who'd been reading over his shoulder.

Severus thrust the ruined paper at her, and she struggled to smooth enough of it to continue reading.

The further she read, the paler Lily's face grew. "That—that–" She growled. "What a _tramp_!" Lily balled the paper and threw it into the damp dirt. "How can she say this? And how can the Ministry go along with it?"

Fury burned in Severus. _Why can't anything I do work out for the best? Why should a gesture intended to make the school safer, spiral out of control and become something so horrific?_

Lupin stared at the sloshing waves that rolled off the lake.

"Remus, are you okay?" said Lily.

"I'm fine." Lupin shrugged but didn't look at her. "I'm the lucky one."

"If you aren't careful, you won't continue to be," Severus muttered. "When a group of werewolves works for the Dark Lord, as they will, people's fear and disgust will only increase. Umbridge will need just one little reason to start using Ministry force to exterminate werewolves." Severus frowned at the dwindling sun. "I'm sorry I made that potion. It wasn't meant to lead to this."

"Don't be sorry," Lupin said. "That potion's a good thing. It's a blessing, and it'll turn out for the best in the end."

"Of course, it will." Lily wrapped an arm around Severus. "Just don't get grumpy about it all day. I thought we were finally getting somewhere with you."

A new light entered Lupin's eyes, and an amused smirk fought through his sobriety. "Oh, James'll be so mad."

"About what?" said Severus.

"Nothing." Lupin left his stump and headed back toward the castle.

Lily rested her head on Severus' shoulder and left her arm around him as if the gesture were just as normal as breathing.

He leaned into her. _What was Lupin hinting at? Potter… angry?_

 

* * *

 

Defence Against the Dark Arts, while Severus' favorite subject, became a mixed bag. He enjoyed the class content and the opportunity to watch the continual assault on the Marauders, but he hated Professor Spinner and held a deep suspicion for him. The man constantly flattered Severus and lionized him in every class. Plus, Spinner's continual pontification about the pride of House Slytherin and Severus' right to indulge in such pretense because of his place as heir of the Prince estate was wearisome.

The worst shame was Severus knew pride would have carried him off if he were _really_ sixteen.

At the beginning of Wednesday's class, Spinner assigned Severus to demonstrate effective dueling technique by shooting hexes at other students at random. He found the assignment quite to his liking, marvelous even.

On the other hand, Spinner, far too happy, hovered an inch behind Severus' shoulder through the entire class.

The period ended, and Severus crowded to the door with everyone else.

"Mr. Snape? If you would stay a moment, please," said Spinner.

 _Wonderful…_ Severus left the flood of departing students and stood near the door. "Sir?" he muttered once the room emptied.

"Why are you so apprehensive around me, dear boy?" Spinner feigned disappointment. "I only want the best for you, really, I do."

Severus' expression remained blank.

"Why, Mr. Snape, it's like you don't trust me." Spinner's laughable facade held. "I'm so proud of you. I'm honored to call such a fine specimen my student." He circled Severus like a lion about to down a wounded deer. "You're meant for greatness, and you can have it all— _will_ have it all—if you're smart." He gripped Severus' shoulders from behind. Spinner's foul breath traced Severus' spine as he whispered, "I can help you. I can give you the greatness you deserve, and all the power you want!"

Severus didn't flinch. _If that's supposed to tempt me, Spinner, you've failed._

The Professor faced Severus again. "It's that mudblood, isn't it?" he said with a sour frown. "She's spoiling you, making you weak."

Severus' anger sparked, and he mirrored Spinner's displeasure.

The Professor gave a wicked grin. "Break loose from her, dear Severus. It will make you strong. Don't you want power? I'm well acquainted with someone who'll be happy to give you all the power in the world if you're willing to do some work—a little service."

_Am I… being recruited as a Death Eater early?_

Spinner misinterpreted Severus' shock as interest, and his grin widened. "That's right, all the power you can imagine—and all for nothing."

Severus' silence fueled Spinner.

"Choose your friends well." The Professor shook his head. "Do what's _right_. Do what your blood, house and talent demand. Be the greatest wizard of your generation!"

Severus funneled his fury at Spinner. "I'll _never_ join Voldemort!"

Spinner fell back a step. "How _dare_ you speak the Dark Lord's name!" Spinner sputtered and pointed at Severus. "How dare you!" The screech gnawed Severus' ears like nails on a chalkboard, but Severus still refused to flinch.

"And, I choose my own friends." Severus sneered. "They give me more strength than anything you could give me—more than even Voldemort could ever offer!"

Spinner closed his ears and hummed in his high-pitched, repulsive tone to drown the offensive words.

Severus grabbed Spinner's arms and wrestled them from his ears. "Your kind will fall," Severus whispered. "I'm already the most powerful wizard of my generation, and my friends are stronger than all the Death Eaters, werewolves, giants, vampires and Dementors combined. Your precious Voldemort is as good as dead."

"LIAR!" Spinner screeched so loudly Severus was sure anyone in the hall could hear him. "The Dark Lord _is_ power. Power is everything!"

"Voldemort is _nothing_!" Severus roared. He let go of Spinner and left the classroom, never looking back. _That's… the first time I've said that name out loud—the first time I talked about him without fear. And I'm still not afraid._ "Voldemort," Severus whispered. "Tom Marvolo Riddle." _That doesn't sound frightening at all. If anything, it's pathetic._

 

* * *

 

Thursday evening, in the old classroom, ten Slytherins, three Gryffindors, two Ravenclaws, and two Hufflepuffs gathered. A good number.

"Your attention, if you please," Severus stood at the head of the assembly. "How many of you has Professor Spinner offered the chance of power?"

A few Slytherin hands slowly rose.

"I want to make this clear," said Severus. "He's lying. Don't even try to listen to him. Professor Spinner–He's a Death Eater. He's trying to recruit you into Voldemort's service."

Gasps and wide-eyed stares filled the room.

"I know many of you are tempted, and I know you all have your reasons, but listen to me. Whatever ideas you harbor about the honor and personal glory of serving Voldemort are absolutely wrong!"

Silence replaced shock, and all present gave Severus their attention.

"He might promise greatness, acknowledgment, respect, but it's a bloody lie! He works alone. His servants are just that—servants. They have no value past mindless service, and he has no compunction against killing or torturing his own should he feel like it. Voldemort is soulless. Even if you grovel, he'll slaughter your children, your family—there is no mercy in his world, only himself. He promises power, but he can't offer any because he's nothing. Nothing! Voldemort. Is. Nothing."

"H-how do you know?" dared Regulus. "How can you be sure?"

"Because I've seen it," Severus said. "Lat summer… well, I suppose all of you must know about my… outburst."

The students exchanged uncomfortable looks.

"I admit it," Severus said. "I once planned to join him, but he can't give me what I want—only what I abhor. However, in the last two weeks, I've discovered _you_ have what I want. We can bring each other greatness."

The students leant Severus their rapt attention.

"A war rages out there. It has two sides—Voldemort, and everyone else, because Voldemort fights only for himself. To choose his side is a mistake, no matter the circumstances. Eventually, others will realize that and turn away from him, but not before making horrific mistakes—and maybe… dying. That's foolish. We're better than that. We are strongest when we stand together. Starting today, we train for the war. To take only Spinner's lessons is foolish—it would leave no surprises for Voldemort—and training together will strengthen our unity and help us learn to cooperate. Who's with me?"

Indecision suffused the group until one voice rose above fear's paralysis. "I'm with you!" said Lily. She stood beside Severus.

"Me too," Lupin declared and took his place next to Lily.

"Count me in." Penelope joined them.

"Never say I didn't want to stand with you people!" Diane Diggory sprang to stand next to Penelope.

"Me!" A third-year Slytherin boy joined next, followed by more. Even the guests from other houses gathered with them.

Regulus stood next to last. "Like I have anything better to do," he muttered.

As every student circled Severus, pride filled him. _Some of them will probably still turn… but at least I've done something to prevent it._

"We should give ourselves a name," said Penelope.

"Why?" Severus said.

"For unity and all that." She smiled. "It'll give us something to rally behind. It should reflect what we stand for—that we're open to everyone. We don't pick and choose, isn't that right?"

Severus nodded.

"We're the place for a second chance," Penelope declared.

Several Slytherins smiled sheepishly but hope glowed in their faces.

_What would be a proper name for a group like this?_

"How about the Life Defenders?" said one Ravenclaw. "Voldemort calls his people Death Eaters. What's the opposite of a Death Eater?"

"That's a great idea!" Penelope beamed.

"Then, it's settled," said Lupin. "We are the Life Defenders!"

"Everyone, join hands," said Lily as she wove her fingers into Severus'. "Form a circle."

The group obeyed.

"We are life-defenders," Lily continued solemnly. "We are the one place where everyone is welcomed, where contests, bullies and cliques aren't tolerated. We stand together to build a future where we all fight the best fight we know how." Her eyes sparked. "We are life-givers!"

"We are the Life Defenders!" the group answered.

"Louder! We are the Life Defenders!" Lily squeezed Severus' hand.

"We are life-givers!" said the rest.

"WE ARE THE LIFE DEFENDERS!" Lily thundered with heart-shaking purpose.

"WE ARE THE LIFE DEFENDERS!" The roar quaked with joy and pride. A sense of belonging spread through every Slytherin as those few words surrounded them all with hope.

* * *


	18. A shrewd confrontation

One could say much about James Potter, that he was rash, mischievous, rude, or immature—but none could number stupidity among his faults, and on the rare occasions he used it, James' brain proved shrewd, even clever.

 _Lily…_ James sat cross-legged on his bed in the Gryffindor dorm and noted every crack in the floor. _Why do you do this to me? Every time I sit down to think you and your sweetness make it so I can't without way too much effort._

 _At least I got Sirius to leave for a while._ He tapped the half-made bed unconsciously. _He always has the best of intentions and tries not to be prejudiced, but there's a difference between profession and practice. He can be cruel when he decides to hate someone—like every Slytherin student in school._

_Who started our little war, anyway? Us? Or the Slytherins? I suppose I enjoyed Sirius' behavior before—even encouraged it. Why not let him have a little fun?_

James sighed and began counting the wrinkles in his absent dormmates' sheets. _I guess all of us are guilty. After all, no one's tried to stop it. What were we supposed to do? End of last year, Slytherins crossed the line from petty bullies to cruel advocates for…_ him _. The dark magic, the whispered admiration—especially Snape and his threats, not to mention all the hints he dropped about choosing to stand with… You-know-who. Not to mention that bit about me paying for being a blood traitor. Sleazy Slytherin! But worst of all…_ He pictured Lily's kind, lovely face. _You had to keep defending him._

Conscience nudged him. _All right, maybe Sirius and me pushed him that direction, what with the Whomping Willow incident._ _S_ _nape was worse than ever after that. But it was_ his _choice._ He _decided to be cruel to students from other houses, to grovel in the shadows of bigger, more powerful Slytherins. He did their bidding and announced love for the dark arts and for…_ him _, and everything he stands for._

_But… then it all stopped. No transition, no dramatic battle, no life-changing loss. No warning. Nothing. Just—done._

_One day he threatens me and Sirius with the power of the dark arts, and the next, he starts blubbering and swears to the world he can change._

James growled and got up to pace. _I've tried to see this objectively, but nothing here adds up. He should've shown his true colors by now. But all he does is spend time with that little green-eyed jinx._ Hurt wrung his heart like a soaked towel. _Snake. He must've tricked her. How else can she prance about with that serpent? How can she–No. No, Potter, keep your head straight._

 _But that day at the Ministry…_ His sock-feet thumped a slow rhythm. _There was Snape, in his old, muggle clothes, standing with Lily like they belonged together. And visiting that girl. You'd have to be heartless to hate him for that._

_He's nothing like the old Snivellus. It's like… he's a different person. But that's insane. Of course, he's the same person. Isn't he?_

_Then there's Remus._ James stopped and leaned on the windowsill. Orange and yellow leaves fluttered from shedding trees. _He spent half the summer holiday with Snape instead of us. Did that time form a… bond?_ The ache gnawed his heart again. _Why does it feel like someone slapped me every time I think about that? And why does Remus talk so casually with Snape? Remus is_ my _friend. I trust him, and he still hangs around with us most of the time, but when he stops to talk to Snape_ —James sneered. _The werewolf secret used to be just ours—something he'd never tell anyone else. But now, Snape knows, and Lily._ And _Snivellus knows about our Animagi forms! What part of my personal life has he_ not _got his oily nose in?_ James turned his back to the idyllic view.

_What's worse, Snape hasn't even done anything since last year! No mistakes. Instead, he and Lily are closer than ever and Remus acts like they're best mates._

_This is a trick. It_ has _to be. No one changes that abruptly, especially not Snape. But, weirdly, he isn't the only one. Slytherin's bully count nose-dived to a handful over the past few weeks. Did they just lose interest? Or is something else going on? Whatever it is, it can't be good._

James paced again. _Lily… Remus… I can't–Oh, stop taking everything so personally, Potter!_ _There're only three reasons this could happen:_

_A: Snape's really changed. Lily saw it and forgave him. Remus saw the same and became his friend. And maybe Snape convinced the other Slytherins to behave better by his example._

_B: He's pretending to have changed. He convinced Lily and is trying to ease her into thinking dark wizards aren't so bad. He's using that silver tongue to gather others—perhaps he's collecting Slytherins too. If they're working in silence, they're much more dangerous. But if he's doing that, then he must be taking instructions from someone much higher—cold-minded—someone like…_ him _._

_C: That isn't Snape. But what reason would anyone have to impersonate him? Other than to recruit students to You-know-who's service without drawing too much attention—or target Dumbledore. Can't say I have any evidence of this, but competent Death Eaters can plan an unexpected attack, can't they?_

James kicked a stray mothball under his bed.

_But all those have problems._

_A: Snivellus changing makes no sense. No one changes that fast. Werewolves terrified him. He wanted them all dead. And then he goes to support a Lycanthropic girl during a drug trial? Hogwash—plain and simple._

_B: To pretend change is plausible, on the surface. But that doesn't add up either. If he had an assignment like that, he'd have bragged to someone by now, and it doesn't explain the incident with that girl, or his reaction to Professor Spinner. Snape hates that guy, even when the Prof praises him every chance he gets. Maybe they have an old quarrel. No, Snape didn't meet Spinner until this school year, so that makes no sense._

_C: An impersonator explains the holes in option B. If that's not Snape, he'd have no history with me or the rest of us Marauders, and he'd be able to keep from bragging about a recruiting assignment. Might also explain the coldness toward Professor Spinner. Whoever took Snape's place could have any kind of old battles going on with anyone._

_It explains everything that happened over the holiday. He might have all sorts of connections—that could even have been his daughter he was visiting for all I know. But, in all that, why would an impersonator pursue Snape's private interests? Why be friends with Lily? Does he want to brainwash and recruit her? She is a powerful and clever witch. I suppose a soft spot for werewolves could explain Remus._

_That's_ got _to be it!_ Cold dread stopped James mid-stride. _That impersonator is too dangerous. I can't let Lily or Remus spend any more time with him than they have to. What to do? What to do? Ah!_ He snatched his invisibility cloak and the Marauder's map, slipped on shoes and dashed to the common room.

"Sirius, Peter, we need to find Snape." He grabbed his friends' arms.

Peter left his chair without question.

"What is it, mate?" Sirius lurched from the comfort of a couch. "You look like you've seen a herd of thestrals march through the Great Hall and sit down to breakfast."

"We've got to go. Right now," James hissed.

"Should we get Moony?" said Sirius.

"No!" James' snap came too sharp. "No," he repeated to a shocked Sirius and Peter. "Remus thinks he's Snape's friend."

"What's going on, James?" said Sirius as he pulled James to a stop just past the couch.

"That person walking around outside–That's not Snape. I'm sure of it."

"Then who do you reckon it is?" Sirius said without a hint of doubt for James' conclusion.

"Don't know. But we need to find out. One thing's certain—this can't be good."

"What do we d-do?" Peter cowered.

"What _can_ we do?" James quipped. "Follow him? Wait till he's alone and cast _Revelio_ on him?"

"What if we make him drink Veritaserum?" said Sirius. " _Revelio_ might not work, but Veritaserum always does."

"Brilliant, Pad! Wormtail, you think you can snatch some?"

"I'll try." Peter nodded.

"Good. Here, Pad. You take the map and find Snape. Contact us with the two-way mirror. I'll take Wormy and the invisibility cloak."

Sirius hesitated. "James… the map says 'Severus Snape.' It never lies, and Polyjuice Potion can't trick it."

"This impersonator is a very powerful wizard," said James. "Someone could be possessing Snape. I can't really tell. But I'm _sure_ that's not him."

"You think he might be under an _Imperius_ curse?" Sirius studied the map.

"Possible. That just gives us more reason to get him. If _Imperius_ is involved, it would mean somebody on school grounds is casting it."

"Agreed." Sirius nodded. "I'll see you in an hour." He skimmed the map for the third time. "He's outside. See you!" Sirius climbed through the portrait hole with an abrupt wave.

"Come on, Wormtail." James and Peter followed Sirius out, and once Peter transformed into a rat, James tucked him into his pocket and donned the invisibility cloak before heading toward the dungeons.

Once there, James held Peter up to one of the large cracks in the aging stone walls outside the Potions classroom and stood by the door. A minute later, two soft knocks announced Peter's task complete.

James returned the knocks, and Peter eased open the door, a vial of Veritaserum in hand. James took the vial, and Peter changed back into a rat before James pocketed him.

 

* * *

 

Sirius trekked past a willow near one of the most popular hangouts on school grounds, the lake. On the map, Snape's marker floated near the middle of a seldom-visited grove nearby.

Fall leaves whispered from trees and filled the air with bright colors, as though trying to disguise the evil plotted in their midst.

Sirius traced Snape's name. _Probably good I didn't tell James S_ _n_ _ape's not alone._ He brushed the knot of other names, including Lily's and several other Slytherins, clustered around Snape's marker.

He ducked behind a bush and transformed into a black dog. Within two minutes, he neared Snape's position.

"I swear, my back will never be the same," said a small girl who sat in a pile of fallen leaves. She wore glasses and had collected her hair in two pigtails. Her green Slytherin robes contrasted with the red and yellow leaves.

Sirius swallowed a growl.

"Sorry, Penelope. That desk was in the dumbest place," Lily, out of sight behind a bush, replied. "It was only a matter of time before someone bumped it."

"We need a bigger space."

Sirius' hackles rose. _Snape._

"We could move to one of the unused floors… but we'd have a lot of cleaning to do," said the girl Lily called Penelope.

Sirius sneaked closer, careful not to crunch any leaves. He crouched behind a scraggly bush and wriggled through the branches for a better view.

A handful of people sat together just inside a thicket. _Can't hide from me._

Snape sat between Lily and Penelope, and just beside Penelope– _If it isn't the little prince, Regulus._ Sirius bared his teeth and fought the urge to snarl at his brother, who sat so close to Penelope he almost touched her.

"I'm sure the house-elves would be happy to help," said Regulus as he scooted even closer to Penelope.

"We can't be too obvious," said Snape. "If the wrong people found out about this, sabotage is a real possibility."

Sirius perked his ears. _James was right! Something_ is _going on._

"Who'd do something so stupid?" Lily leaned against Snape. "It's wonderful. Why try to stop it?"

_Oh, this would break James' heart if he saw it._

"Wonderful except for that _Disfringus_ hex that threw he into a desk," muttered Penelope.

"Madame Pomfrey looked at that, didn't she?" said Regulus with clear concern.

_So, he's capable of human emotion after all—as long as the object of his decency is one of those despicable Slytherins._

"I did," said Penelope. "She said it was nothing. I guess your healing spell fixed everything, Severus." She smiled at Snape.

"Can you teach us that next?" said another girl, a Slytherin chaser, who sat across from Snape.

"I suppose we could go over some easier healing spells," said Snape. "They might save a life in some situations. But we can't go into the more advanced spells. Despite what you may think, advanced healing spells are quite dangerous."

 _Is he recruiting other students? And teaching them spells that could be useful… in a war? You were right, James. This_ can't _be good._ Sirius shook from snout to tail, and his bush rustled.

Snape's eyes snapped to Sirius' hiding place.

Sirius froze. _He can't see me. There's no way. But those eyes…_ Snape's gaze held Sirius and pierced him.

"We should move this conversation." Snape lowered his voice but didn't take his eyes from Sirius' hiding spot.

"Why?" Lily followed Snape's gaze, but didn't seem to know Sirius was there.

"We're being watched. Everyone, go back to the castle. I'll meet you in the usual place."

"But, Sev…"

"Lily, please."

"Fine…" Lily muttered, disappointed.

"We'll meet you inside." Penelope took Lily's hand and led the group from the grove.

The moment he was alone, Snape declared, "It's rude to eavesdrop, Black."

Sirius didn't budge.

"Come on, out with you. I look insane talking to a bush."

Sirius transformed back into a human and crawled from the knot of broken twigs.

Snape glared. "What did you suppose you'd get from listening to our conversation?"

"What're you up to?" Sirius spat once he freed his robes from the stubborn branches that still clung to his robe.

"That's none of your business." Snape's lip twitched and hinted an angry sneer.

"What would Lily say if she knew you were training Slytherins?"

Snape hid his dumbstruck expression quickly. "I knew you were an idiot, Black, but now you surprise me. Lily was right beside me. You saw her. She knows everything—she's helping me and is proud of it." Snape chuckled. "Seems your prejudice hinders what little foresight you possess."

"What did you do? Put her under _Imperius_? That's low, even for you." Sirius jabbed a finger at Snape.

"Why would I do that? I've done nothing but what I thought best, and I've told her everything I've done."

"Hah! Liar!" Sirius spat.

Snape sighed as if Sirius were an annoying bug. "You really want to believe that, don't you? Even if I tried to explain, you'd still think I'm the enemy… Some things never change."

"You sleazy snake!" Sirius hissed. "Why the sudden innocent act? What's your game, and why drag my brother into it? How dare you!"

"Oh, be quiet." Snape snorted.

"I will _not_! You just try to make me! I _will_ have answers!" Sirius exploded.

"Fine," said Snape. " _Silencio_."

Sirius raged, but no words escaped. He gave up and glared at Snape and then charged him, just like a muggle.

Snape stepped aside with ease. Sirius tripped and landed flat on his nose. "Honestly, Black," Snape snorted, "if you'd bothered to practice nonverbal magic you wouldn't have to resort to such crude tactics."

Sirius sneered and tried to hiss, to no avail.

A dangerous shadow crossed Snape's face. He crouched and took a fistful of Sirius' collar. His nose hovered so close it turned fuzzy and every heavy breath puffed into Sirius' face. Those eyes… black, endless tunnels… _It's like he sees into my soul._ Sirius shivered.

"Listen," Snape growled. "I know you usually don't, but this time, I'll make you. I'm not interested in childish games or being bothered with you and your friends. Go on. Be childish. I don't care about you in the least. If you want to waste away, it's fine with me." His expression grimmed. "However, there are people I _do_ care about, who I don't want to see hurt. Lay a hand on Lily or Penelope, and you're dead. Do you hear me? Try to spoil what we've built, and you'll pay. And if Potter spoils it, I'll hold you _both_ responsible.

"We're not out to hurt you—or anyone. We aren't Death-Eaters-in-training or followers of that worm Voldemort. We have nothing to do with his kind; we just want to be left alone!" Snape flung Sirius into a pile of leaves.

He rolled twice then rose to his elbows.

"I'm afraid I can't have you following me," said Snape. " _Immobilus._ " He flicked his wand, and Sirius plopped back into the leaves as his power to move vanished. "Don't worry. It'll only last half an hour. Or so." Snape turned on one heel, and his robes billowed around him as he left.

Humiliation and fury burned in Sirius, hotter than mid-summer sun.

 

* * *

 

Still shrouded in his invisibility cloak, James checked the halls. Efforts to reach Sirius via two-way mirror had failed.

Wormtail shifted in his pocket, restless, ready to get out.

"I don't know why he's not answering, Wormy," James whispered. "But I remember where he was going, so I guess we'll head there."

On his way to the castle entrance James passed a few students and was careful not to make any sound. Just as he reached the outer doors, Snape approached with quick steps and a sour frown.

Someone ran toward Snape from behind James, and he leapt out of the way just as Remus streaked past in his worn-out red and yellow uniform.

"Severus–" Remus panted. "I'm—so glad I—found you."

"What is it?" Snape said.

"Are you all right?" Remus noted Snape's hard-lined face.

"Fine," Snape grumbled. "What is it?"

"I can't find Prongs, Padfoot or Wormy. We were supposed to meet and read until Defence, and they're all just… gone."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Why would I care?"

"Because, if they're out Maraudering, and they didn't tell me, they're probably after you. What if they figured something out?" Remus chewed his bottom lip.

"It seems they've taken matters into their own hands. I caught Black eavesdropping on my conversation with some of the Defenders outside."

"Severus…? What did you do?"

"I sent the others to our usual place to continue our talk—plan for the future. Then, I told Black we're not interested in childish games and I body-bound him for a half hour so he wouldn't follow me."

"That's it?" Remus looked doubtful.

"Yes. However, I don't know where Potter and Pettigrew could be."

"Better be careful," Remus mumbled with a glance around the hall. "They have ways of moving about unseen."

"You mean by use of an invisibility cloak?" Snape said.

"What! You know about that too?" Remus' wide eyes conveyed shock.

_At least I know R_ _e_ _mus didn't tell him about it._

"Seriously," Remus continued, "how do you know this stuff?"

"I… might tell you later. It's rather a long story. Would you be interested in coming along to the meeting to give your input about new arrangements for the Life Defenders?"

"Sure. I wish I could be more involved in the group's planning." Remus matched Snape's longer stride as they headed into the castle.

"Then get more involved. Lily already has," Snape said.

James' feet rooted him in place as he tried to process Snape's and Remus' words. _Remus knew something he didn't share with us._ Sharp betrayal stung, but he did his best to push it back.

Peter squirmed in James' pocket. _Do I follow them? Or get Sirius?_ He glanced from the disappearing pair to the door. _Sirius will be fine._

Through corridors and up stairs James followed Snape and Remus. They came to the Charms classroom but passed it. At the other end of the long hall, Snape and Remus slipped into an old classroom and shut the door tight with little more than a click.

"Think you can find a crack?" James whispered to Peter.

Wormtail jumped and poked his head out.

"Okay. I'll put you down. See what you can find out." James retrieved Peter and set him down.

Wormtail scurried along the crack under the door then explored the walls. He tested the air with his whiskers every half a second and then stopped, rose to stand on his back legs and leapt into a deep crack.

James leaned against the wall just beside the door and listened. Muffled voices muddied anything useful.

_Should I leave Peter and go check on Sirius?_

The door slammed open and just missed James' nose. In the doorway stood a furious Severus Snape. "Potter!" he roared.

James almost screamed. His heart slammed so hard it could have been a fire bell alerting an entire building. Snape heard it, at least, and glared right at James as he snatched the invisibility cloak away.

Over a dozen other students, including Lily, gathered behind Snape and gasped. Remus was shocked too but hurt stained his eyes more than surprise.

Snape clutched Peter, who squealed and wriggled to get free.

"I believe this is yours," Snape snarled and threw Peter to him.

James barely caught Wormtail in shaky hands.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lily grabbed James' arm.

"Me? What about you? Or him?" James shook her off and pointed at Snape. "What's he up to? Why are you supporting _him_?!"

"I already told you," Remus said. "He's not up to anything, other than doing what's right. You're on the same side."

"We are _not_!" James insisted. "Moony, he's using you. Don't you see? It's all planned out. When Padfoot, Wormtail and I saw you together during the summer, it was clear he was trying to win you over."

"That's ridiculous, and you know it." Fury replaced Remus' disappointment, despite his even tone.

"Oh really? I don't think so. What's ridiculous is Snape suddenly fighting for good!" James shouted. "It's a load of filthy, stinking garbage that Snape would act like this." James thrust a finger in Severus' face. "I don't know whether he's a Death Eater, or a spirit who possesses people, or something else, but _that_ is _not_ Snape!" James straightened and approached Severus, but a younger girl stepped between them and straightened her glasses.

"You leave him alone," she warned.

"Stay out of this, Penelope." Snape pushed her behind him.

"See! When would the real Snape ever do that in this kind of situation?" James insisted.

"Of course, he's Snape, you idiot!" Lily stood next to Severus. "I'm with him every day. Don't you think I'd notice?"

"James." Remus circled beside him. "Calm down. You look positively insane."

"I will not calm down!" James bellowed. "I want _answers_! I want you to realize he's dangerous!" _No time for Veritaserum._ James swung his wand. " _Revelio_!"

Snape deflected the spell. "All right, you want to throw _Revelio_ at me?" He spread his arms. "Take another shot."

" _Revelio_!" A bright blue beam struck Snape's chest.

Nothing happened.

" _Finite Incantatem_!" James tried. _That should cancel anything—including_ Imperius.

Snape didn't even sway.

"I _will_ get to the bottom of this!" James roared. " _Confringo_!"

Snape deflected the Blasting Curse with ease.

"Potter!" Lily gasped. "How could you?" She drew her wand with Snape.

"Prongs, stop," Remus begged, but drew his wand against James too.

"He's brainwashing you. Don't you see?" James pleaded. "It's all a ploy!"

"He's not brainwashing us, Prongs," Remus insisted.

"Moony, I'm sorry. _Immobilus_!" James shot a red light, not at Snape, but at Remus. Snape deflected it anyway.

Anger reddened Remus' face.

"How could you?" Sadness and disappointment filled Remus' voice, and his gray eyes flashed yellow—like a werewolf.

_Great… The only other time he's done that was when Sirius told Snape about the secret passage in the Whomping Willow last year._

"Following me—not trusting me. You're my friend. How could you do that?" Remus said.

"What have we here?" Professor Spinner, prickly hair, pointed shoes and all stepped between James and Snape.

 _Oh, this is too much._ James' pounding heart nearly failed.

"Lower your wands, children," Spinner ordered.

Everyone obeyed.

"Six against one." Spinner tsked. "As much as I see the wisdom in your actions, Mr. Snape, it's hardly worthy of you." He turned to James. "And, Mr. Potter, attacking someone from your own house? Well, Gryffindors were never the smart ones."

James hissed through clenched teeth.

"I believe this requires punishment. The lot of you, to my office!" Spinner grinned, and his sharp teeth glinted.

 

* * *

 

Severus followed Spinner to his office. Lily, Penelope, Regulus, Diane, Jugson, Remus, Potter and Pettigrew—still a rat—trailed after him.

_It would be my distinct pleasure to strangle you, Potter! And I've half a mind to crush that pathetic rat, Pettigrew. Should have done it when I had the chance._

_No._ He forced each irritated tell from his expression and posture. _Must be calm. Detached._ Cold logic brushed aside emotion, leaving those to be reviewed later when Severus was alone.

Lily touched his shoulder, but he didn't respond.

When they reached the office—which though Spinner now occupied it had belonged to many, both past and future—everyone entered.

The office's few decorations were sparse and practical. A few dark artefacts dotted the room, but few of them could conceivably be used for defense. Highly valuable vampire teeth sat on the windowsill, and beside them grinned a skull.

"Well." Spinner leered. "What punishment can I give you misbehaving children? Mr. Snape, I believe this is the first time I've had the pleasure of giving you detention. We'll have to use that hour or two well. And Mr. Black," Spinner turned to Regulus in delight, "I would approve of your company if it weren't for…" He sneered at Lily. "Little Miss Muggleborn."

Severus' anger stirred. _No._ He pushed it away.

"Quite the little jinx, aren't you?" said Spinner to Lily. "Spreading your filth everywhere."

Potter bristled and started to speak, but Severus gripped his shoulder and leant a warning look.

"Always the smart one, Mr. Snape," Spinner trilled. "You have so much potential. You could realize it with the right people, if you could just see it."

"I told you," Severus' murmur reached every ear perfectly, "I _am_ with the right people."

The other Slytherins lit with pride, and even Lily smiled. Only James seemed confused—and angry.

Spinner harrumphed. "Ms. Jugson, what a delight."

Severus tuned out the rest of Spinner's whine.

In the office corner, on a high shelf lay a little, brown, leather-bound book, its corners gilded and less tarnished than Severus remembered. _How many times did I study that? It looks different without the hole punched in the cover's middle. How often did I nag Dumbledore about it until he revealed it was a Horcrux?_

_V_ _o_ _ldemort probably thought Hogwarts a safe place to leave it, but it's right here—within reach._

"Wait here," Spinner demanded and left the office.

Severus approached the Horcrux's shelf but stopped three feet from it and pretended to study something on the wall. _Better to get it later, when no one, especially Potter, will see. These petty fights pale in importance now that I know a Horcrux is still here._

"Ah, here we go." Spinner whirled in, calendar in hand. "Mr. Snape, I always wanted to spend some time with you, so shall we make it next Friday? Meet in my office at five P.M."

"Yes, Sir."

"And Mr. Black, let's make that a Monday date. You'll be here next Monday, also at five o'clock."

Spinner assigned times to the rest and released them.

Once out of sight of the office, Lily cut into his pondering with a hand on his shoulder. "Sev? Are you all right?" Her green eyes clouded with concern.

He stopped, and the rest of the group passed them. "Fine. Why shouldn't I be?"

"You're doing it again, that… thing—where you look soulless. It's scaring me."

"I'm sorry." Severus faced her. "I just had to keep my emotions under strict control for a while."

Lily's arms crept around his waist and she laid her head on his chest. "I'm glad you can admit it. At least I know you're still in there."

"Lily…" He touched her shoulder. "It's fine. I'm not going anywhere, and I've found a place here I can be of use."

"Good." Lily pulled him closer. "I'm glad you see that." She swayed a little. "Hold me?"

Severus did. The lavender in her hair surrounded them, and Lily's staggered breath warmed a spot on his chest. "Shhh. I told you I'm not going anywhere," he whispered. "How could I ever leave you behind?"


	19. Planning and mischief

Remus John Lupin dragged James by his collar toward the Gryffindor dorm. His gut whirled, and every emotion possible fought for his attention in a jumbled hurricane of sadness and disappointment. _Why didn't I do something about this sooner? I knew it was coming._

After Spinner released them, James tried to barge into Severus' and Lily's conversation in the hall, but Remus' grip on his collar proved more ferocious than James' stubbornness.

"Moony, what in Merlin's name?!" James gasped when Remus hauled him around a sharp corner into a dead-end hall lined with empty offices and stood between him and the exit.

"What in Merlin's name?" Remus mocked. "You're the one who shot a hex at me!"

Regret burned James' face. "Sorry…"

"Well, I _hope_ so. I can't believe you! Don't you trust me?"

"Course, I trust you. It's Snape–"

"Oh, _shut up_ about Snape for a moment and use your head."

Wormtail popped out of James' pocket.

"Peter! You can turn back now. We're alone," Remus scolded.

James checked the hall anyway before placing the rat on the floor.

Peter reverted to his human shape and regarded Remus with nervous, tear-glazed tears. "I'm… I'm s-sorry."

"Good! You should be! Why'd you follow me? Couldn't you have just asked? I would have told you."

James and Peter shared an embarrassed glance.

"So… why didn't you tell us before?" said James.

"Why do you think? Look at the way you reacted. You tried to _hex_ me! Why can't you accept that Severus isn't out to kill you?"

"Because it makes no sense," James retorted. "Remus, I know you think you're in his debt because he seems to accept you—despite your furry little problem—and I know how it must've seemed to you when we was there for that little girl this past summer, but don't those things seem a little convenient?" said James. "He swore to _kill_ you last August. We all saw him do it. He was serious!"

"He changed his mind," said Remus.

"But that's just it, Moony. Why? _Why_?"

Remus shouted, "I don't know!"

Thick silence filled the hall, so heavy the walls threatened to cave and hold Remus and his friends hostage forever.

Remus tried again. "I… don't know… but I trust Severus. There's more to him than you think."

"So, he has you convinced he was always a good guy?" James spat.

"No," said Remus. "He admitted he wanted to join You-Know-Who, but he's different now. He decided not to do it."

"What's up with the… Life Defenders, or whatever you're calling them?" said James.

"Let's take this up to the dorm," said Remus as a few students passed them in the cross-breeze. "I'm sure Padfoot wants to ask the same questions, and Lily will want to be there too." He headed toward the dorm. "You coming?"

James and Peter followed, reluctantly.

When they entered the common room, Remus settled into his favorite armchair in front of the fire. He rested his chin in his hands, still furious.

As soon as James and Peter realized Remus had no intention of moving until Sirius and Lily arrived, they occupied the sofa across from Remus, but fidgeted every five seconds like kids caught stealing candy.

Sirius arrived first. He made wild gestures and tried to speak at least ten times, but no sound escaped.

"What did you expect when you were eavesdropping on Severus?" said Remus.

Sirius stopped and gaped.

"I was with Severus when he caught James and Peter spying. Then James tried to hex me," Remus said.

"I said I was sorry!" James blurted.

"And you think that means I'm done with you?" Remus hissed without bothering to look at James.

Sirius sat and pointed to his mouth, insistent.

"Fine," Remus grumped. "If you promise not to dump a waterfall's worth of rambling on us."

Sirius nodded.

Remus pointed his wand. " _Finite Incantatem._ "

Sirius harrumphed, but found his voice returned, and lit in gladness only to adopt his friends' glowers the next moment. "You tried to hex Moony?" He asked James.

James' cheeks reddened even more.

"Oh, Merlin, you did," Sirius groaned. "Why?"

"Apparently he thought I was being brainwashed," Remus said. "I'm acting like I don't have any free-will—or so Prongs tells me. James, look at me when I'm talking to you!"

James looked.

"Have I acted like I'm brainwashed lately?"

James shook his head.

"And other than spending some time with Severus and Lily once in a while, have I acted any differently than I used to?"

Again, James shook his head.

"So, where did such a crazy idea come from? Honestly, James! You're better than that."

"What happened exactly?" muttered Sirius.

"Didn't I already tell you?" Remus groaned. "Severus, Lily, me, and some others were having a private conversation—in a _locked_ room—when Wormtail appeared in the corner. Severus recognized him and confronted Prongs, who was outside, hiding under the invisibility cloak. Then, Prongs went crazy and tried to hex me!"

"Really?" Sirius looked lost. "Why would you hex Moony?" he asked James, brows knit in concern.

"It was stupid," James muttered. "It was just—the circumstances…"

"It was _all_ stupid, James," said Remus and threw up his hands. "Merlin, you're unbelievable!"

"I—I–" James said.

"Be glad Severus didn't reveal Peter to everyone. 'Cuz he could've."

"Wait, he recognized Wormy in his rat form?" said Sirius,

Peter nodded. "I thought… I was gonna die," he whispered. "He grabbed me and went for the door, but all he did was throw me at James."

Remus warmed toward Peter a little. _Guess I can't imagine how it must've been—to have to face Severus' wrath as a rat… He was mad—furious even. Everybody was a little scared until we found out why he was so mad. And we weren't even the object of his anger. Peter was probably terrified, squished in Severus' hand and hauled across the room like that. He's been punished enough. But, James, you've got more coming._ Remus turned to Sirius. "What happened to you?"

"Well… Okay, I was eavesdropping too… I hid behind a bush, and Snape somehow knew I was there, so he sent everyone else away and confronted me." Sirius shifted in his seat.

"Then what?" said James. "Did he attack you?"

"No," Sirius muttered. "Not really. I… attacked him, and he deflected it. He threatened me, said if I laid a hand on Lily, or some other girl—Penelope, I think—he'd make me pay. And if I tried to sabotage whatever they're building he'd make _all_ of us pay."

"So like Severus to lose his temper." Remus sighed.

Sirius shot an annoyed glance at Remus. "He is _not_ innocent. He cast that spell on me, made it so I couldn't talk. And he body-bound me, so I wouldn't follow him."

"I'd say you got off easy," said Remus. "Padfoot, what were you thinking? What were all of you thinking?"

"That we don't trust Snape," said James. "This has been on my mind for a while, and the only conclusion I see is he's not Snape." James lowered his voice and continued, "It's not him, Moony. This person we're targeting—it's whoever's impersonating him. I don't believe that's Snape—not for a second."

"Oh, for the love of–" Remus swore under his breath but held back his anger. _Well… I suppose I thought the same thing at one point._ "Severus weathered some tough situations. They changed his perspective."

"When?" James challenged. "During holiday? That wasn't a lot of time."

"No, before that," said Remus. "I'm not really sure when, or how. He might tell me some time, but he hasn't yet. If he does, I'm not sure I'll tell you. It's personal." He met each one's eyes. "Trust me on this… please?"

"Are you going to tell us what you've been doing?" said James.

"We're hosting a tutoring group," Remus said. "That's it."

"Called the 'Life Defenders'? Funny name for a tutoring group." James raised a brow.

"Yeah, and one where you send small girls flying into desks?" Sirius added.

"So? They're learning how to survive Professor Spinner's classes. He's not hexing students at random in just _our_ class, you know."

"That still doesn't explain the name," said James.

Remus waved him off. "They wanted a cool name, so they made one up. A lot of the Slytherin students are lonely. They just wanted to feel a part of something, and the name helps that sense of belonging. The point was it's also the opposite of a Death Eater. Why are we Marauders?"

"Just a tutoring group?" James said, skeptical.

"Yes. Lily, and everyone else in it would tell you the same," Remus said. "It's a tutoring group anyone can join, as long as they don't compete with each other or treat anyone else—including Slytherins—badly. That's why you weren't invited. To ask you to come would invite trouble for the younger Slytherins who want an opportunity to prove themselves. I'm just helping them feel more accepted by the other houses."

Even after Remus' assurance, James still looked doubtful.

_It's only half a lie… The Life Defenders tutors for self-defense, but it's so much more—a refuge for those with nowhere else to go, a source of friendship for people no one listens to. It's—it's life-altering. I was alone too when I was kid… That feeling—like you're stuck in a desert, alone—I'll never forget that. These three chased that feeling away. They're… the best friends I'll ever have, so I guess I can't be mad at them for long, even over this._

_It's… what—the second time I've been mad at them? The second time I've confronted them about something. Should've done it sooner… I just couldn't risk losing their friendship. But if they're real friends, that relationship will survive an argument._

"After everything you did today, you owe me," Remus said with a piercing glare at James. "At the very least, just stay out of it."

"I can't promise anything," James replied.

"Oh, yes, you can! Here's the deal. Lily and I are prefects. Cause the tutoring group any trouble, and we'll go to McGonagall and make sure you scrub the hallways with toothbrushes. For a week."

"Ouch, Moony!" Sirius moaned. "But… I guess it's fair…"

Remus shook his head. _Chances are that threat won't make a difference, but maybe since James owes me big time, things'll settled down for a while._

"One more question," James said. "What was that book Snape was so interested in?"

"Book? No idea," Remus replied.

"Aren't you curious?"

"James Potter, you leave that book and everything else Severus does alone. You hear me?" Remus hissed. "You're not going after that book. It's Severus' business. And don't forget, you owe me."

 

* * *

 

Severus sat across from Lily at breakfast three days later. "I've got to get that Horcrux," he said so only she could hear him.

"Then go get it." Lily cut a wedge of pancakes.

"It's not that simple," Severus said. "I should've taken it when I had the chance. Spinner's so paranoid he's cast a mountain of protective wards around his office. When he's not there, I can't get in without setting off alarms. He has traps, alerting charms, and other secret spells in and around the office."

"Sounds like you need a plan," said Lily after another bite of her breakfast. "I could help you."

"No. You'd better not," he said. "There's less danger with only one person."

"But I want to help!" Lily pouted and stuck her fork upright in the rest of her pancake stack.

"You are," he assured. "Just by being here, you're helping more than you realize."

"Hogwash!" She slammed the syrup on the table and sticky globs sprayed her robes. She didn't seem to care. "I. Want. To. Help."

"If I need help, you're the first person I'll ask. You know that, don't you?"

Lily gave a slow nod.

"I still can't figure out how to get to it, anyway." A bitter edge lined his tone.

"Quite a bother, isn't it?" Lily dug into the rest of her pancakes.

 

* * *

 

At dinner, Penelope sat with Regulus.

 _He was so great about the house-elves._ Penelope scooted her chair a little closer to Regulus. _He has such respect for them. And it was wonderful to hear about his house-elf, Kreacher. Poor Regulus… I can't believe no one but Kreacher listened to his problems before we met… But I'm glad we're friends now. I suppose… he's my first actual friend here. I'm glad he feels the same way._

She tasted her beans and dusted them with some salt.

 _Severus is nice enough, but he's so… superior_ — _like a mentor, or teacher. I don't feel I can call him my friend_ — _not until I prove I'm worthy to, anyway._

She pushed a bite of potato from one side of the plate to the other. _Severus brushed me off when I asked him about that book… I'm not just some dumb girl! I thought he respected me, but that was… like biting into a bright red apple, only to find it sour._

"You still don't have any idea what that book is, do you?" said Regulus.

"No… Severus still won't tell me anything, but I'm certain it's important."

"Pen, shouldn't we just let it be?" said Regulus. "I'm sure Severus doesn't want us to mess around in his business."

"I just wish we could help. I know not being able to get to that book annoys Severus."

"Well, if _he_ can't, how can _we_? He's probably the most powerful student in school."

"I know." Penelope twirled a salted bean around her fork. "But just because you have power doesn't mean you're omniscient. He could've overlooked something."

 

* * *

 

Later that night, in the Gryffindor dorms, Sirius and Peter sat with James on his bed. Remus was notably absent.

 _That book Snape was so interested in_ — _it's got to be the key to answering some questions._ James tucked sock feet under his knees.

"You know I'm with you, mate," said Sirius as all three boys huddled together. "But, what do you want us to do?"

"We should get that book," said James. "Snatch it out of Spinner's office."

"Intriguing." Sirius smiled, always up for a good prank. "How do you reckon we do that?"

"Spinner's got wards up around his office, but that's nothing. Let's be thankful we have the gift of the Marauders."

Sirius grinned. "And all its advantages."

"You won't make me spy on Snape again, will you?" Peter shrank. "Because if you do… I'm out."

 _What? Peter's_ never _said he wanted out of something before._ "No, but your rat form is pretty handy." Then James added in a mutter, "Why am I stuck with such a useless form? What's a stag good for other than running around in the woods?"

"I'm sure Wormy would happily switch," said Sirius. "And Moony would be ecstatic to trade with you."

"Ha-ha. Very funny," said James.

 

* * *

 

Over the next two days, Severus made and scrapped more plans than he could count. Finally, he settled on the one that seemed most reasonable.

After classes, when he and Lily were alone in the library, he whispered, "I've got a plan, and I suppose I will need your help after all."

Lily shut her book. "What is it?"

"Halloween night everyone will be in the Great Hall," said Severus. "We have that grand tradition of pranks on Halloween. I can't get into the office without setting off some wards, but the teachers will be too distracted to catch me. I only need to be in the office a few minutes—long enough to duplicate the book and get out. Spinner probably has no idea what it is. Voldemort never trusts his servants with such vital information."

"I'm with you so far."

"I'll distract the teachers by letting a troll in the castle."

"You're _what_?!" Lily's outburst earned a dirty glare from the librarian, so she continued in a harsh whisper, "Are you nuts?"

"Just a small troll, large enough to make sure Spinner won't get back to his office for at least ten minutes," said Severus. "I need you to alert everyone in the Great Hall while I get to the office."

"Sev? You sure you're all right? This plan is… insane."

Severus took her hand. "Nothing is more important than getting that Horcrux. It's a matter of life and death—war and peace."

"O… kay…." Lily nodded. "I'll do it."

"Thank you."

 

* * *

 

The next day, as they left Defence Against the Dark Arts, Penelope caught Regulus' sleeve and led him to a quiet corner beside a tall pillar. "I've got a plan."

"You're really going after the book?" Regulus whispered.

Penelope nodded. "But I'll need your help."

Regulus leaned against the pillar and rolled his eyes. "What's your plan?"

"With Halloween coming, everyone'll be in the Great Hall—Spinner too—so, if one of us distracted him, the other could go get the book."

"And how do we do that?"

Penelope slid her glasses up her nose. "What about… loosing Doxies at the High Table? I could conceal a cage behind Spinner and dissolve it once you're in the office."

"Wait, you want _me_ to take it?" Regulus straightened.

"Please, Reg? For me?"

"You'll be my death, Pen." Regulus shook his head. "Fine…" He left Penelope standing alone in the corner. But at least he'd agreed.

 

* * *

 

"I've got it!" James grinned as he huddled around the common room fire that evening with Sirius and Peter. "How to get the book."

"What's your plan?" said Sirius.

Peter fidgeted at the mention of the book.

"Halloween is too good an opportunity to pass up." James waggled both eyebrows. "We always pull a prank that night, but _this_ time, it'll be a grand distraction."

"What do you suggest, mate? Let a mountain of fireworks loose in the Great Hall and sneak down to the office?" said Sirius.

"Yup!" James offered a high-five to Sirius.

"That is…. The most fantastic idea I've heard all month!" Sirius clapped James' hand enthusiastically.

"Sounds okay…" Peter murmured.

James crowded closer. "We… can't include Moony. If he finds out, he'll be madder than Spinner, so don't even tell him we took the book, okay?"

Sirius and Peter nodded.

"Self-starting fireworks would be smartest. And we'll miss the party, but the book is more important. Sorry, Peter, no feast."

Peter's face fell, but he nodded.

"We could put Wormy right outside the window beforehand, and he could crawl into the office and let us in. Opening the door from the inside should be enough to trick most protective wards, but one of us has to keep guard."

"That'd be you, mate," said Sirius. "You've got the invisibility cloak. Plus, dogs aren't very good at doing magic. That'd definitely make people think something's up."

"Right," said James, disappointed. "Then it's settled."

"Absolutely!" Sirius almost fell out of his chair.

Peter agreed too, but only after a long silence.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Moonybird here, I am the author, Dtill935 is the BRILLIANT editor, can never give her enough appreciation for the amazing work she is doing! ;)
> 
> Just a bit of self promotion, if some of you guys like the Marvel movies like I do, I just finished writing two different fics about Loki, I mean, now we are on the subject of black haired, British, to smart for their own good, kind of anti heroes going through a redemption arch and stuff.
> 
> Sadly these two fics has not been edited so there will be errors in them due to me being Danish. How-ever, they are completed fics!
> 
> One is called. "Lokis Return." and is basically, what if Loki popped up alive again by the end of "End Game."
> 
> The other is called. "Mischief on Midgard." which is about Loki facing a similar punishment as Thor after the first Avengers movie and is stripped of his powers then send to earth and you know, have to figure things out from there.
> 
> Would be GREAT with some feedback on either. Well, thank you for reading! See ya all next week, or on one of my other fics XD


	20. Halloween Mayhem

October thirty-first arrived.

In the Great Hall, bats darted between floating candles, giant webs glittered with crystal spiders, and huge pumpkins lined the tables and leered with spooky magnificence at the students. At the strike of nine, as everyone received dessert, self-activating fireworks stuffed inside each pumpkin would blow. But only three Gryffindor boys knew that.

Orange and black confetti littered the teachers' table, and striking black curtains hung behind it. Only two Slytherins knew, tucked behind that curtain lay a cage, humming with a half-dozen Doxies. Honey – just enough to attract honey-loving Doxies – dotted the nearest teacher's chair.

In the halls, skeletons wearing old shackles slumped in corners. Extra candles floated everywhere – some black instead of the customary white. In the dungeons – on the side of the castle opposite Spinner's office – was a faint, ominous rummaging.

"You're sure it's safe?" Lily wrinkled her nose as the small troll Severus lured from the forest hammered its cage bars and grumbled a wave of foul breath at her.

"I would never put students in danger," said Severus. "I've put wards around the troll. If it comes too close to anyone under seventeen – except for you and I – it'll fall over."

"That's clever."

"Have you set the hourglass?"

Lily nodded. "Alarm's ready."

"Good. I'll meet you soon – after it's done."

"Take care, Sev!" Lily poked him. "Or I'll make you pay."

"Your disappointment would be payment enough."

Lily blushed and tiptoed closer. She kissed him on the cheek. "For luck," she whispered.

Severus' other cheek still burned from the kiss planted there some weeks ago. His heart leapt, and for the first time in his life the urge to dance in happiness rose. He shook it off, but Lily's sweet chuckle made it difficult. _Concentrate on the mission._

He tried to say something but didn't and turned away before emotion took over.

A self-satisfied smirk crossed Lily's face as she caught his flicker of joy.

 

* * *

 

"'Bout time, Reg," Penelope said as Regulus shoveled through his dinner of kidney pie and baked potato.

"You really wanna do this?" Regulus muttered through his last mouthful.

Penelope nodded.

"Guess I'll be off." He squeezed Penelope's hand. "You take care, Pen."

"No, _you_ take care. I couldn't forgive myself if you got hurt because of me." Sincere concern filled Penelope.

Regulus' chest swelled in happiness. _I'll get the job done, don't you worry._ He squeezed her hand once more before sneaking from the Great Hall. But all the happiness in the world couldn't dull the edge of bitterness. _I'm not the one she feels that way toward…_

 

* * *

 

 _Where are they?_ Remus scanned the tables. The farther he got without seeing the Marauders, Severus or Lily, the more scared he became. _Something's wrong. Really wrong. What're they up to? Oh no… Did James talk Sirius and Peter into trying to apprehend Severus again?_

Appetite gone, and overwhelmed by a sense of urgency, Remus left the Hall.

 

* * *

 

Peter skittered across Spinner's office windowsill, awaiting his signal.

Simple plan – get in, open the door for Sirius.

Wait. Pace. Wait.

 

* * *

 

Severus took a different route. Since he'd occupied Spinner's office for a year, he knew alternatives to entering through the front. His chosen entrance led through the private quarters of the Defence teacher. Fewer wards protected it. _Spinner won't expect anyone else to know about this route._

 

* * *

 

Regulus hurried toward Spinner's office, counting the minutes in his head. _Easy. Walk in, take the book, walk out. Make it clean!_

 

* * *

 

In the Great Hall, the clock struck nine. A cascade of light burst from each pumpkin, and deafening bangs made Penelope jump.

Startled teachers and surprised students ran.

 _What luck!_ Penelope stopped to appreciate the chaos.

 

* * *

 

" _Now!_ "

Peter squeezed through the window and scampered for the door. He transformed and opened it, defeating the first intruder charm, but the second almost fried both Peter and Sirius as a cauldron spat a fire ball at them.

Peter turned back into a rat and scurried beneath a counter.

Sirius cursed, but reached the book. "Youch!" he hissed and whipped out his wand as the book scalded his hand. " _Finite Incantatum_! _Replico_!" He swapped the real book for an exact replica.

"Padfoot, hide! Someone's coming!" James warned via the two-way mirror stuffed in Sirius' pocket.

Sirius ducked under a desk in the middle of the room.

Footsteps in the hall approached, ran inside the office. Stopped. Approached the fake book.

 

* * *

 

"Troll! Troll!" Lily yelled as she dashed into the Great Hall. "There's a troll in the castle!" The Great Hall churned with chaos. Students tucked under tables and food spilled everywhere. Teachers attempted in vain to quell a thunder of fireworks as colors splashed the air.

But Lily's announcement began the panic.

"Troll! Troll!" Students screamed with impressive hysterics.

Spinner stood but didn't notice until too late the horde of Doxies he accidentally released. They swarmed him, pinching and stinging. Spinner's surprised wail topped the chaos.

 

* * *

 

Sirius held his breath.

Someone muttered, " _Replico_."

A wall to his left moved, and the person with the fake book ran, but a fireball downed him, and he rolled under the desk, stopping right beside Sirius.

 _What in the –_ Sirius' heart banged his chest and throbbed in his ears.

The intruder stared back at him.

_Little brother?_

Both Blacks froze as someone else whispered, " _Replico_."

 

* * *

 

"Enough!" Dumbledore demanded over explosions, angry doxies and the troll's rumblings.

Students quieted, but still dodged firecrackers.

"Prefects and heads of houses, lead your house back to the dorms!" Dumbledore shouted over the fireworks. "Teachers, search the halls in pairs for that troll!"

 

* * *

Penelope ran for Spinner's office. _Got to warn Reg about the troll!_ She didn't stop to listen to the Headmaster's instructions.

 

* * *

Remus hurried first to the Life Defenders' meeting room, and then to the floor they'd decided to move into. Nothing. _W_ _h_ _ere else? The Shrieking Shack? Probably not. Got to keep looking._

 

* * *

 

Someone emerged from Spinner's office.

James' jaw dropped. "Snape!" he roared and threw aside the invisibility cloak.

"Potter?" Snape clutched a little book so hard his knuckles whitened.

" _Accio Book_!" James used Snape's moment of surprise to wedge his charm through – for once.

Snape tried to deflect, but since James threw a harmless charm and not a hex, the book flew from Snape's hands. James grabbed the book and rendered it unsummonable.

"Give that back!" Snape demanded.

"Make me." James whirled and ran.

Snape sprinted after him, but James transformed into a stag. His hooves flew five times faster than Snape could ever hope to run.

 

* * *

 

Sirius snapped toward James' voice outside. "Snape," he whispered and darted out from under the desk. "Gotta help James!"

"No, you don't!" Regulus lunged and grabbed his brother's shoulder. They crashed and rolled from a tangle into a fist fight.

Sirius outweighed Regulus and stood almost six inches taller.

"Let me go! Stupid Reggy!" Sirius snarled.

"Why? I've wanted to do this for ages." Regulus cuffed Sirius in the face.

"You – you hit me?" Venom rose in Sirius. "How dare you!"

"I'm happy to do it again!" Regulus growled and jabbed Sirius' jaw, hurling curses and insults.

Sirius mocked Regulus, not bothering to protect his face. "You're one to talk. What a sleezy, spoiled, little brat!" He punched Regulus so hard his brother toppled into the desk. Sirius dove after him.

The brothers beat each other and snarled fouler curses than before and more insults than either could count.

 

* * *

 

Penelope screamed as a gigantic shadow thundered toward her. _It's going to crush me!_ She covered her head and scrunched into a ball.

The thing balked, tried to stop and almost fell over to avoid her.

A shadow grabbed its neck. "Got you! Now, give it back!"

 _Severus?_ Penelope scooted toward the wall and craned for a better view around the huge stag.

The animal tried to shake Severus off, but he wouldn't let go.

"Penelope!" The stag whipped Severus through the air. "Throw _Finite Incantatum_!"

"What! Why?" Penelope shouted.

"Just do it!"

The stag's antics escalated, and Severus almost crashed into the wall.

" _Finite Incantatum_!" Penelope pointed her wand at the stag. It twitched and shrank, but Severus held on.

Penelope gasped as a messy-haired young man replaced the animal.

With one hand, Severus searched the other student's pockets while maintaining his grip with the other.

"You'll pay for that, Snivellus!" the captive student bellowed.

Severus found a book that looked identical to the one in Spinner's office.

"Who's there?" screeched another boy from somewhere nearby.

"Penelope, catch!" Severus threw the book. Penelope caught it. "Go to the common room," Severus said. "Don't look back – don't stop running, and, for Merlin's sake, don't examine that book. Just hide it!"

She nodded and ran. Once around the corner, Professors Spinner and McGonagall found Severus and the stag-boy, but Penelope didn't stop until the clamor of a fight spilled from an open door. _Professor Spinner's office. Wait – that's –_ "Regulus!"

Inside, two boys fought, their features so similar size was one of few distinguishing factors. _That's got to be Reg's brother._ "Regulus, stop!"

"Pen?" Regulus paused. A punch cracked his jaw.

Penelope screamed. "Stop it! Both of you! Professor Spinner's coming!"

Both boys scrambled up and ran for the door but left something in their wake. Penelope bent to investigate and picked up a small book, exactly like the one she already held.

"Hey!" Regulus' brother yelled. "Give that back!"

Regulus stopped and checked his pockets. "Pen, don't do it," he pleaded.

Penelope shrugged and handed the little book to Regulus' brother. He produced a third identical book from his pocket, studied, and weighed the two.

Footsteps and muttering outside prompted Regulus' brother to stuff both books into his pocket and dash into the hall.

"What'd you do that for, Pen?" Regulus roared and sprinted after his brother. "Sirius! Come back here!"

 

* * *

 

Sirius and Regulus bowled through the corridors, still cursing and shouting. Someone stepped in their way.

"Moony!" Sirius reached for his friend. "Moony, help me! Stun Regulus!"

"Remus!" Regulus called. "You've gotta help me – don't let him get away with that book!"

 

* * *

Both boys trampled toward Remus. With a gulp he drew his wand. Both still shouted for his help. _What do I do? Which one of them do I help?_ A host of charms and hexes flooded his brain.

Then he stepped aside and let both Blacks pass.

 

* * *

 

Penelope dashed after Regulus and Sirius. Her legs churned. _They went left._ When she started to take the opposite route, someone blocked her path. "Remus!" She sighed in relief when she recognized him.

"Penelope." He was more bewildered than she. "What're you doing here?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?"

"Looking for my friends. They weren't in the Great Hall," Remus said.

"They wouldn't happen to be one Sirius Black and a guy with glasses who can transform into a stag?"

Remus' sharp surprise filled a second of silence.

"Well… stag-boy was in a fight with Severus but got caught by Professor Spinner in the hall. Sirius was in a fight too – with Regulus. Last I saw, they were headed that way." She cocked a thumb over her shoulder. "Not to mention, THERE'S A BLOOMING TROLL ON THE LOOSE, AND WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" She grabbed Remus' sleeve and dragged him toward the safety of the dungeons.

"Where're we going?" Remus resisted.

"Slytherin common room, you dimwit. I have no idea how far away Gryffindor rooms are, but the dungeon's closer. Come _on_. It's dangerous to be in the corridors alone right now."

 

* * *

 

Sirius ran so fast his hair blew behind him like a black flag. But Regulus still dogged him.

"GIVE ME THAT BOOK!" Regulus demanded at regular intervals, among other insults aimed at Sirius' supposed betrayal.

Sirius' quick retorts ran along different lines – "Snake," "Spoiled brat," and a few others. The two books that weighed his pocket leant satisfaction. _I've_ got _to have the original one now. After all, I got there first and lifted the original guarding spell._ His fingers still burned as he neared the Gryffindor tower. _Got to lose R_ _e_ _gulus._ "Holy –" Sirius stumbled to a stop.

A stench worse than rotted garbage filled the hall as a troll trampled a circle and stopped when he saw Sirius.

Regulus almost crashed into his brother and cursed at the stinky troll.

"Come on. This way!" Sirius waved Regulus down a side hall as the troll stomped after them.

They flew toward the Fat Lady portrait as Sirius bellowed, "Weaver!" The portrait opened and Sirius and Regulus tumbled into the Gryffindor common room.

"Give me those books!" Regulus charged Sirius.

"Never!" Sirius tangled with his brother and sparked quite the commotion as they rolled on the floor.

Regulus spat more curses and gripped Sirius' throat in a stranglehold.

Sirius hissed and grabbed Regulus' shoulder; with a strong shove, he rolled atop his brother.

 

* * *

 

"Stop it, Black!" Lily intervened. "Everybody, help. They're hurting each other!"

Four or five Gryffindors each grabbed Sirius and Regulus, dragging them off each other as though they were mad dogs.

"Give them to me!" Regulus demanded as he struggled against his captors.

"Why? They're not yours," Sirius shot back.

"They aren't yours either."

"Stop it!" Lily stood between them. "What books?"

"None of your business," Sirius said.

Lily returned his glare with fiery eyes. "Oh, but I think it is, Black. Hand them over," she demanded with a sneer.

The other Gryffindors let Sirius go, and he slowly retrieved the two books. He extended them to Lily, but at the last moment swung out his wand. " _Vanishio_!" Both books disappeared.

"You idiot!" Lily hissed in despair. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Yeah. Made sure you won't give them to your precious sniveling boyfriend."

Quicker than a hummingbird's flicker, Lily drew her wand. "Take that back!"

"What? Too ashamed to admit he's your boyfriend?" Sirius snorted and aimed his wand at Lily.

"No. But I won't hear you call him Snivellus again. He's stronger, wiser, more loyal, and a better person than you or your friends will ever be, Black. He's a real friend – which is more than I can say about you," she growled.

"Stop this at once!" A seventh-year prefect separated Lily and Sirius. "I'm surprised at you, Lily." The prefect shook his head. "What will McGonagall say?"

Lily scowled and withdrew her wand. Sirius too. The pair exchanged murderous glances.

"Come on, Reg," said Lily. "Let's go somewhere he can't bother us until you can get back to the Slytherin common room." She collected Regulus and led him upstairs by the sleeve. At her door she murmured the password to allow Regulus in after her.

"So close…" Regulus slumped onto the nearest bed.

"You okay? You look awful." Lily sat beside him.

Regulus' ears rang and his whole body was sore. _I could swear I have a shiner._ Pain thrummed around his left eye and vision blurred on that side. "I _had_ it," he mumbled. "Just for a moment, I had it."

"What?" Lily wiped blood from Regulus' face with a strip of damp linen.

He resisted, but she gripped his chin and forced him still. _Oh, fine…_ He surrendered. "At Spinner's office – the book. Looks like more people had the same plan, but Sirius got there first. When we were fighting, he didn't see me switch books with him. Then I dropped it and Penelope got it only to give it to Sirius." He sighed. "Why would she do that?"

 

* * *

 

Penelope and several other Life Defenders established a perimeter around Remus. Other Slytherins shot dangerous stares at the intruder.

A sense of purpose connected the Life Defenders as they guarded Remus – a worthy cause; it represented their first public gathering.

Severus caught Penelope's eye as he entered, Slughorn just after him.

"No more fireworks, everyone. And the troll's gone now," Slughorn announced.

Remus sighed in relief and moved for the exit, but not before Severus sent him a raised brow. Remus shook his head and stepped out.

Once Slughorn left, Severus covered the distance to Penelope in five strides. "Do you have it?" he whispered.

"N… not exactly…" she replied.

"What do you mean?" Severus hissed as fear tinged his eyes.

Penelope's mouth went dry. "Well… I got a book. It's… not the same book you gave me."

"Explain," Severus demanded, looking far scarier than she could remember.

The urge to shy away gripped her. "I was… on my way to the common room when I saw Reg and his brother fighting in Professor Spinner's office. I told them the teachers were coming, and they got up. One of them dropped a book that looked exactly like the one you gave me, only…" She shivered. "The book on the floor felt… alive. So, I switched books. Did… I do wrong?"

Severus looked relieved. "No. You did just right. I thought something was wrong when I took the book. It was far too easy – it didn't feel magical." He glanced around the common room. "Hand it over."

Penelope's hand shook as she retrieved the coveted book.

Severus snatched it and tucked it into his pocket.

"What is that thing?" Penelope said. "It… whispered to me – like it didn't want me to give it to you."

Severus hesitated. "All right. Listen." He dragged Penelope to a corner and cast a silencing spell. "That's Voldemort's diary."

Penelope's pulse thundered.

"There's a piece of his soul in that book. It's part of his plan. He split his soul into pieces and put those fragments in objects. He has a form of immortality now and killing his body won't destroy him. Unless…"

"You destroy all the soul pieces first," Penelope finished.

"It is _vital_ this remain secret. Only five people know about these objects – you, me, Lily, Dumbledore and Voldemort."

At the Dark Lord's name, an icy spike chipped her courage, but Penelope nodded anyway. "I won't breathe a word."

"You'd better keep that promise, Miss Pauperitt," Severus warned. "If you don't, you'll betray everything I stand for – everything I work towards. Not one word. Not even to your mother, not your best friend, not your pet cat – no one."

"Y-yes, sir!" Penelope squeaked.

Severus cancelled the silencing spell, and Penelope darted up to her dorm. _She… called me "Sir."_ He snorted. _She was probably terrified out of her wits, but_ _I hope she's back to calling me "Severus" by the morning._ He leaned against the wall as other Slytherins congregated to talk about the night's shenanigans or headed upstairs. _How often did I admonish them to call me "Sir" back then? Such titles don't feel right – not anymore._

Voldemort's diary felt like a lead brick in his pocket. The whisperings Penelope mentioned stirred, drew him, demanded he open the book. Severus used every ounce of his Occlumency training and ignored the whispers. _Got to find a safer place to keep the Horcrux. I can't walk around with it – not in Spinner's classes. And I can't leave it in my room forever._

Once in his dorm he crawled under the bed. At his whispered charm, a hole appeared in the floor. He placed the book inside and closed the hole. One more charm ensured no one could trace magic around it. _That'll have to do for now. Can't keep it on me lest… the temptation grow. One Horcrux found. But how many more are there?_

* * *


	21. Moving forward

A grumpy James, escorted by McGonagall back to the Gryffindor common room, fumed. _That's the second time in less than two weeks I've been caught by teachers. This is_ not _up to my standards._

Technically, _I didn't do anything wrong this time. It's not past curfew, but that fight with Snape—_ He almost growled. _Detention with Spinner._ _Again. Marvelous…_

 _Last time was such a pain. Polishing dark detectors while Spinner babbled about blood purity. "You're a superior wizard, Potter. You've got such a promising future,"_ he silently mocked. _Stupid detectors tried to eat my fingers. Or blind me._

_Poor Remus. Spinner's stupidity about his Lycanthropy causing him to be shunned by others—it's hogwash! T_ _e_ _lling him he should seek more power—protection. Ha! He has all the power and protection he needs right here._

McGonagall accompanied James through the portrait hole.

_Can this day get any worse?_

On the other side of the common room, Sirius turned away in time to avoid McGonagall's gaze, but James caught his disheveled, dirty clothes, face filled with bruises and crooked nose. A nasty shiner already framed one eye and his bottom lip swelled.

McGonagall gathered everyone's attention. "You will be happy to know the school is now troll-free."

_Stupid thing. Two flicks of McGonagall's wand, and it was out. I knew she was good, but that was… impressive. What was the troll doing so close to our common room, anyway? It took three other teachers to help haul the thing off campus._

McGonagall continued, "You'll need to stay here for now as we have no idea how the troll gained entrance to the school. Classes will resume in the morning. Until then, good night to you all." She gave everyone a stern glance and retired to her room.

James slipped through a knot of students and found Sirius sitting in the far corner. "What happened to you?" He took the chair next to Sirius and propped one foot atop his knee.

"The first person in the office—it was Regulus," Sirius hissed.

"No, it wasn't. I couldn't see who went in, but Snape came out."

"He got in through the wall," Sirius said.

"Regulus _and_ Snape were in there? Who else could squeeze in? Would Hagrid fit too?"

"Your sense of humor never ceases to amaze me," Sirius grumbled. "Regulus got there first, and we both hid under the desk when someone else arrived—Snape, we realized. I wanted to do my part, but Reg wouldn't let me—wanted to help his pathetic Slytherin friend."

"Snape came out with the book, but I grabbed it," said James. "We fought—he threw the book to a girl who ran away while the teachers caught us. Snape wouldn't let go of me."

"Tough luck, mate." Sirius nodded, but seemed more grumpy than sorry.

"Where's Wormtail?" James checked the common room but didn't spot Peter anywhere.

"Probably still in Spinner's office," Sirius said. "At least he stayed out of the way."

"And Moony?"

"No idea. Saw him while running from that idiot, Regulus, but I'm not sure where he is now."

"What about your brother?"

"With Lily," Sirius hissed with a glare toward the stairs. "I couldn't just leave them to fight alone—not with a troll outside." He cursed quietly. "But, those two seemed pretty chummy to me."

James blanched. "Regulus and Lily? Why would they be friendly? They're in that blasted tutoring group, but still."

"Mate…" Concern clouded Sirius' eyes. "I… think it's time you got over her."

James raised one brow.

"Her and Snape—she said they were… together."

"That's a lie!"

"Whoa. Easy, mate. Those weren't her exact words, but they're pretty close. She… really admires him. You can barely catch them apart. It can't be denied anymore, Prongs."

James hid his face.

Peter chose that moment to tumble through the portrait hole and scamper to his friends, but one look at their faces kept him quiet.

Remus arrived a while later. "Whoa…" he said upon seeing Sirius. "That doesn't look good, mate." He sat in front of Sirius and checked him over. "You okay?"

"No."

"Oh." Remus cleared his throat. "Want me to fix some of that for you? I don't think a broken nose is great for your image."

Remus' early training in healing magic and private lessons from Madame Pomfrey helped him recover after each full moon, but those skills came in handy other times too.

"If you don't mind." Sirius glowered at Remus.

With a few practiced wand swishes, Remus fixed Sirius' nose and lessened the bruising around his eye until even the faintest hint of blue disappeared.

"Anywhere else you're hurt?" said Remus.

"Everywhere," Sirius groaned.

"In that case, you might want to visit the hospital wing in the morning. I'm not Madame Pomfrey."

"Why didn't you help me back there?" Sirius hissed. "You just stepped aside!"

"What did you want me to do? Hex your brother? Should've bound the both of you," Remus replied, tired. "It looked like a family affair, anyway. I didn't want to get involved."

"Moony, you're my friend, but you need to decide whose side you're on." Sirius said.

"No!" Remus stood and wagged a finger at Sirius. " _Y_ _o_ _u_ need to realize there _are_ no sides."

"Clearly, there are," James spluttered.

"Only because you're making them! Severus just wants to be left alone. _You're_ the ones attacking and spying on him."

"See, you're taking his side again!" Sirius protested.

"I am _not_!" Remus growled.

"Yes, you are!" James' voice rose.

Remus shoved a finger in James' face. "Are you seeing things that aren't there again? Last time you insisted Severus brainwashed me—now you say I'm taking his side deliberately, to hurt you? What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I think the question is, what's wrong with _you_!" James shot back.

"I've had enough of this." Remus turned to the stairs. "Calm down and think, James. Or, Merlin forbid, grow up! Same for the rest of you." Remus nodded to Sirius and Peter. "I'm going to bed. See you in the morning." He left.

"I can't believe this!" Sirius' fingers bit into one armrest.

"Me neither," James muttered. "Merlin, I can't wait 'til we figure out this mess."

"Look. Here comes Prince Sleazy now," Sirius sneered as Regulus came down the stairs. Sirius glared at his brother as he headed to the exit. Regulus' black eye matched Sirius'.

"Looks like you got in some punches too," said James.

"Yeah," Sirius said, satisfied. "This is the closest we've ever been." He chuckled. "I guess I like him like that—proves he has a spine after all. He didn't threaten me with Mum and Dad like usual—not even once." Sirius propped his chin in his hands. "And his aim isn't bad."

"Your way of thinking will forever be a mystery to me, Padfoot." James sighed.

 

* * *

 

The next day, in the hall, James spotted Severus' friend glasses girl, wearing green robes and all. "Hey!" He hurried to catch her. "Hey, you!"

She saw him, huffed, and walked faster.

"Hey, you, wait!" James fished for her name. "Penelope!"

She stopped and glared. "That's Pauperitt to you, Stag Boy."

 _I don't fancy this girl—at all._ "It's James Potter." He stopped in front of her.

"I know, Stag Boy."

"Don't call me that!" James hissed. "Someone might hear you."

"Don't be paranoid, Stag Boy." Penelope rolled her eyes then mocked, "Prongs."

James gritted his teeth. _Okay, I_ really _don't like her._ "About that… Have you told anyone?"

"No," said Penelope. "I haven't told a single soul, and I'm not going to, so save your breath, Stag Boy."

"Good." James raised a brow. "But… Why? You could."

"Because Severus told me not to," she said.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Penelope frowned. "Apparently, he thinks you and your friends will be valuable in the future fight against You-Know-Who. He said even though you all are idiots, we shouldn't have you thrown out of school too soon."

"Really…?"

"Anything else you want to add, Stag Boy?" She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Yeah. Stop calling me Stag Boy," James snarled.

"On one condition."

 _She looks harmless with those big brown eyes. Even that glare borders on adorable. And she's at least a foot shorter than me. Heh. Maybe she's related to an elf or something. I could dump her on her bum with one push—if it weren't for her… association with Snape I'd do just that. And laugh while I did it._ "What condition?"

"Stop calling Severus that name," she hissed.

"You mean Snivellus?"

"Yes!" Penelope growled. "I have no idea why anyone would call him something so—so childish."

"Who are you to decide what I can and can't call Snively?" James snorted.

"I swear, if you don't promise I'll be your new shadow and stalk you yelling 'Stag Boy.'"

"You're not serious."

"Stag Boy!"

"What?"

"Stag Boy! Stag Boy! Stag Boy!"

"Okay, okay!" James surrendered. "I get it. I won't call him that anymore. Deal?"

"Good." Penelope nodded. "If I catch you doing it, I'll be on you like a hawk, Potter." Her eyes softened. "If you want, you can come to one of our meetings. We're open to anyone. Just treat us nicely."

James gaped as Penelope left at a half-jog to catch up to her friends. She almost tripped in her hurry.

 _Those Slytherins… they're getting more unpredictable every day._ He shook his head. _Cornered by a girl—a Slytherin girl years below me and half my size._ He snorted. _And we didn't even draw wands. I think I hate her already. But… if she weren't Slytherin… I might… admire her._

 

* * *

 

Severus read his morning letter, brows furrowed.

"What is it?" said Lily as she spread a thick layer of butter on her bread.

"That old man," Severus grunted, annoyed. "He's one of the most stubborn people I've ever met! He refuses to see facts. Why won't he understand that using mandrake juice for the defrosting potion is better than sliced mandrake pieces? It's obvious, isn't it?"

Lily chuckled. "I'm glad your relationship with your grandfather is growing. And I'm glad you like him so much." She smiled and laid a hand over his.

At a surprised scream nearby, Severus snapped around. Lily too.

A handsome fourth year Hufflepuff dumped Penelope on her rear and towered over her, laughing. "Like I would ever go out with a snake like you," he mocked.

Penelope wrestled tears. "I'm—I'm sorry," she sobbed. "What did I do? What _can_ I do?"

The Hufflepuff's shadow nearly drowned her. "Stop being a slimy Slytherin," he sneered.

"You know I can't," Penelope cried. "Why would I have to?"

Severus and Lily were just about to come to her rescue when someone else pushed the Hufflepuff away.

"What're you doing?!" Regulus bellowed at the boy. "What has she ever done to you?"

"Reg, stop!" Penelope pleaded from the floor, face in her hands. "I didn't mean it to be like this. We shouldn't fight with the other houses!"

Regulus hesitated, looking from Penelope to the Hufflepuff. He opted to glare at the boy and crouch to embrace Penelope. "You okay? Did he hurt you?"

"Only my dignity." Penelope's attempt at humor fell flat as she cried on Regulus' shoulder.

"Everything all right here?" Lily left the table and knelt beside Penelope. "That berk," she muttered.

"Don't… please? I really like him," Penelope said, her eyes now red and glassy from crying.

"They met during summer vacation—outside of school," Regulus explained. "He didn't know she was a Slytherin, and when he found out, he stopped talking to her."

"He was really nice to me." Penelope sobbed into Regulus' shoulder again. "No one's ever been so nice to me before." She hiccupped. "I th-thought maybe I could show him j-just because you're Slytherin, it doesn't mean you're mean or evil, since I'm obviously n-not. And, Severus, Lily, you're doing it."

"Well, he wasn't nice to you now, was he?" Regulus rubbed her back to soothe her crying and the still-present hiccups. "Please, just forget him. He's not worthy of you."

"You're… just… trying… to… be nice… to… me." Penelope hiccupped again.

Severus stood beside Lily. _Glad I don't have to deal with any of that. I'm horrible at that sort of thing._ _I'd probably yell so much my head would come off._

Lily and Regulus helped Penelope up and out of the aisle.

"How could I have been so wrong?" she sobbed. "It was all for nothing… I should just stop trying…"

Severus' anger flared, and he blocked Penelope's way. "Penelope Pauperitt," he hissed. "Shut up! Don't you dare say another word!"

Penelope stopped, startled, tears still in her eyes. "But—but—"

Severus shook his head. "You have no idea what you've accomplished, do you? When we started this tutoring group at the beginning of the year, could you have imagined we'd come this far? I, for my part, couldn't." _I'm terrible with words! But there's so much to say. Her creation is wonderful. I could never have done anything like this on my own. That she prevailed where others couldn't—where they didn't even bother to try… She's magnificent!_ His eyes softened, and he gave her a small smile. _I've already said more than I usually would anyway…_

Penelope looked away, embarrassed.

"It was a slip—I realize that," Severus said. "Perhaps your reasons for starting this were because of that boy, but what you accomplished is so much more than that. Come on, I have a place I want to show you. It might be a good location to move the Life Defenders."

 

* * *

 

Dust lay in thick layers over the room and swirled every time Severus, Lily, Penelope or Regulus moved. But it was enormous—just what they needed.

"It's brilliant," Penelope said as she whirled through the dust, creating a storm of bright, little flecks. "We just need to spend a weekend cleaning it and it'll be perfect!"

"Thought you might like it," said Severus when Penelope and Regulus went to explore the other end of the huge room.

"Sev, this is amazing." Lily grinned and wandered the room. "I don't think even the Marauders will bother looking for this place."

"Thank Merlin." Severus sighed. "They've become quite a pain lately, if you don't mind me saying so."

"Not at all," Lily said. "Poor Remus. He spends half his time angry at them and the other half feeling guilty that he's scolded them. For his sake, I hope they'll grow up soon." Lily stopped inches from Severus. Lavender dominated the air, and the slight heat of her presence warmed him. She draped her arms around his neck. "Sev, last summer… I asked you what you wanted, but… you never really answered."

The sudden awareness of how close she was washed over him. "I… recall… I said I wanted to do the right thing."

"And you're doing it," Lily said softly. "But that doesn't tell me what you want. Being a completely selfish human—what do you _really_ want?"

Severus wrapped her close. Words flooded him in a messy jumble, but nothing came out.

Lily's green eyes filled with intense innocence. "Tell me," they demanded.

 _I can't— I don't know how— What can—_ The thought refused to form and without conscious effort, he pulled Lily close.

Her hand sneaked into his hair and drew him to her. She met him in a kiss.

Severus' insides melted and awareness of everything else vanished. Only the scent of lavender and Lily's soft warmth enveloped him while his head spun and gladness exploded in his chest, spread like an electric charge through every inch of him. He stroked Lily's hair, held her close.

Only one word existed to describe how Severus felt—love.

He caressed her chin and gently combed her hair before stealing one more kiss.

So enamored was he, Severus didn't notice Penelope and Regulus chuckling when he left hand-in-hand with Lily. And, for the first time in the recorded history of Hogwarts, he arrived late to class. He wasn't embarrassed but felt a little sheepish as he and Lily entered Potions, still holding hands.

Had he been a teacher, he'd be furious, but Severus didn't care. Slughorn was, if anything, delighted.

Potter looked as though he'd just bitten into a lemon as Black patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.


	22. The Irish incident

House-elves had to be one of the biggest blessings the Wizarding World offered. Penelope asked them to help fix up the new Life Defenders' evening meeting place, and the elves graciously obliged. In one night, the room was dust-free—a big, empty space that invited everyone in.

Severus hung back as his fellow Life Defenders wandered the room, gaping. A huge window almost covered one wall and afforded a grand view of the Forbidden Forest.

In excitement, most students immediately began the evening's practice. They split into pairs and teamed up with someone new—often from a house different from their own as was the unspoken rule.

The first half hour passed in practice of _Impedimenta_ and _Protego_ charms. Then, they gathered for Severus to instruct them in a new charm, one of his own invention—to the great excitement of the students.

 _Funny how happy they are to be taught and to listen outside school hours—and to me of all people. I'd never have gotten this much attention from students in past classes._ Severus raised his wand. "Observe." He flicked his wand at a book, waited one to two seconds, and repeated the gesture, this time at a roll of parchment. Quicker than a blink the items switched places.

"Well, what's the use in that?" asked Matthew Flint. "It's not very impressive, is it?"

"Brute force is seldom key," said Severus. "What counts more is the use of the brain. Often, a person never uses such minor charms as this, but to employ them wisely will result in besting those who only fire crude explosive charms."

"That doesn't make any sense." Regulus furrowed his brows. "Everyone says to go as advanced as I can. Shouldn't we learn some _real_ fighting moves? Aren't they more useful?"

"Not likely," Severus said. "Rarely can you use such moves, and with strategic use of the mind, you won't ever have to stoop to fiend flames. If you ever use brute force in a fight or mission, it's a sign you've worked yourself into a corner—a result of poor planning and dimwitted actions. To use such force as anything other than a last resort is foolishness—and I doubt any such dunderhead could even control it."

The students' attention didn't falter.

"Imagine," Severus continued, "I'm out in a field, searching for a specific object. This object is important for both me and my enemy, and to regain it may save lives—and be a hard blow to the enemy. However, the object is well-guarded. I could choose to barge in, but why would I do that—" he smirked, "when I remembered to bring a copy of the object? I switch them from a safe distance, and no one knows I was ever near the object. That's sure to give the enemy a headache—and may even prompt them to fight amongst themselves, become suspicious of one another." A snatch of evil hinted his smile. "To degrade and collapse them from within—that is indeed the most effective and sure way to slaughter your enemy. The practical uses of this charm are limitless. All it takes from you is a bit of insight. Use your heads!"

Several students gave an excited, "Oh!" and they all scurried to begin. Many darted to their school bags to gather objects they could practice with. Their curiosity and genuine appreciation even made Severus enjoy these sessions.

_This form of teaching is so different from a traditional school class. They can come and go as they please—and do as they please. If they want to sit and talk, they can, but if they want to practice, others won't hesitate to join them._

Many students chose to practice and asked eager questions.

Severus had always prided himself before in keeping a quiet classroom. But this wasn't a classroom—probably why he could enjoy it so much more. No need to grade or rate anyone, no need to dread assigned papers. Just learning and sharing.

"I think I've got it!" Lily grinned as she flicked her wand to swap a quill and inkwell.

"I expected no less from you," Severus said.

"Thanks! But… it will get more difficult the larger the mass, right?" she said.

"A little, yes. But it isn't that much. You should be able to switch something twice your size without trouble."

Lily gave him a fond smile. "It sure is handy. I like this spell a lot more than _Levicorpus_!"

"I'm not so sure," he said. "If the Marauders ever got their hands on it…"

"Merlin, they could make your school bag switch places with the Giant Squid!" Lily realized.

"Keep quiet," Severus shushed. "We needn't spread any ideas." He glanced over his shoulder as if he suspected one of Potter's crew to pop out of thin air.

Lily chuckled and focused on the inkwell and quill again. "Oh…" She frowned. Half the quill stuck to the inkwell.

"I think you were a bit too quick with your excitement. Relax. Quite frankly, your stance and wand movements could use a little work too. Let me show you." He moved close and gently gripped her wrist with one hand and her waist with the other. "Relax," he repeated as she tensed. "You're stiff as a board, meaning you'll topple more easily. See?" He gave her a light push. If he hadn't caught her, she'd have fallen. "Bend your knees just a little to allow for some sway. That's it. Now, when I push you…" He did it again, only harder. "You rock back to base position—no energy wasted."

Lily wavered, but just like Severus said, stayed upright without trouble.

"No one can push you over when you stand like that, and you can react quicker. Dodging hexes is easier with correct stance. Wait. What're you doing?" He nudged her mid-back. "Straighten up! I said slightly bend your _knees_ , not your entire body. Straighten up, Lily! No! Now you're too tense. You don't want your shoulders touching your ears like that. It's not good for you, and it looks silly! Relax."

Lily laughed in genuine amusement. "Like this?" She did as Severus said.

"Exactly. Now, your wand hand." He guided it for her, his hand resting just atop hers. "Loosen your grip. That hold's too tight. Let the wand rest in your fingers and do what it needs to. Remember what I told you about chess? Don't focus on the details. Relax your mind, visualize from a wider, objective perspective. Observe and do. See how the wand almost falls from your hand? But it won't, because you have control of it. The wand belongs to you—it won't run off." His tone was gentle. "It doesn't enjoy when you cling to it so hard your knuckles turn white. That keeps the magic from flowing freely. That's right! Good work!" He almost grinned as her grip transformed. "Now, try to transfigure that inkwell into a mouse."

"What?!" Lily's posture reverted instantly. "But I'm horrid at transfiguration! I never managed to transfigure inanimate objects into living beings!"

"Trust me," said Severus. "Everything is easier when you relax and do what you did before." He took her hand and waist again and guided her back into a better stance. She tensed even more. He took her shoulder and said into her ear, "I said relax. Close your eyes, take a breath and stop for a second. Now, focus. Remember to bend your knees a little. Feel how you stand firmer on the ground."

Still tenser than before, Lily followed his instructions. She swallowed hard and started to open her mouth.

"No." Severus cut in before she uttered the first syllable. "Don't speak. Do it non-verbally."

"What? You want me to do the spell I'm worst at non-verbally? Just like that?"

"Non-verbal spells aren't hard, and it should be reflex with _any_ spell. The trick is to let it flow rather than try to force it. Now, do it. I know you can." He supported her, the hand on her shoulder moving back to her waist to ensure she stood correctly.

Lily gulped and flicked her wand at the inkwell. It sprouted legs, white fur and a thin tail and ran about screeching.

Severus shook his head. "Too tense."

"Well…" Lily watched the odd inkwell as it made a couple Life Defenders jump in fright and stare after the thing. "It's a lot further than I ever managed before. At least it's alive."

Severus sighed. "Try again. _Relax_ this time." Once more, he supported her. "Lily, you're rigid as a dead twig. This isn't good for your shoulders. Get them down. There! Okay, now, have another go."

Lily flicked her wand at the semi-inkwell and gasped as it turned into a white mouse—ears, eyes, whiskers and all! It scurried across the room and disappeared under the door, free. "Wow… Did—did I just transfigure a dead object into a living one? And… non-verbally?!"

"The evidence would seem to point that way." Severus smirked, self-satisfied.

Lily's smile brightened. "Liar!"

"What do you mean?" _What did I do now…?_

"You told me you weren't teacher material! That you couldn't stand teaching!"

"I did," Severus said as Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his face, still smiling.

"Liar," she said again. " _You_ are a _wonderful_ teacher."

Embarrassment reddened his face. "Thank you…" he muttered and avoided her eyes.

Lily chuckled. "The great Severus Snape, a rather modest individual when you come down to it. Who'd have thought?" She rewarded him with a kiss which left Severus in a slight daze—as only Lily could do to him. With a sigh, she let him go. "Have you seen Penelope? She'd love this."

Severus shook his head. "I haven't." He donned his professionalism again and scanned the room for Penelope, but she didn't seem to be anywhere. Regulus too kept glancing at the door, looking worried.

 

* * *

 

Lily crossed the room to join her roommates, Bertha Jorkins and Emmeline Vance.

"I'd never have guessed it," Bertha said, "but that's really a gem you've found yourself there."

"I know." Lily smiled. "Isn't he wonderful?"

"Sure is." Bertha was enthralled as Severus instructed a group of four second years. "Oh, Lily, you have all the best ones chasing your skirts. How do you do it?"

"Just lucky, I guess," Lily said with an adoring look toward Severus. Another satisfied smirk crossed his face as the second years successfully mastered his charm—and non-verbally.

"I'm sorry…" Bertha said, cheeks pink. "I told you to get away from him. And the things I said—But you were right. Merlin's beard! Had you told me six months ago he could be this dreamy, I'd have thought you'd lost your marbles."

"Well, if you ask me," Emmeline said, "he was rude and arrogant, but… he's proven people can change—do better." She stood straighter. "I'm glad to have witnessed such a great example. It's quite inspiring."

Lily held back an eye roll. _No one more formal and stricter than Sev except Emmeline. And you can always trust Bertha to be the flutter girl—more obsessed with the newest dream boat than the next essay. But I'm so glad they're my best friends—aside from Sev. And they approve of my boyfriend!_ Love for him brightened her every day. Life was good!

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Severus," Remus said. "How would you categorize this charm?"

"Dark magic," Severus replied.

Remus said with furrowed brows, "Really?"

"Yes. As is _Levicorpus_ , _Muffliato_ and others though they're obviously harmless. Dark magic is the common tag for anything not yet specifically categorized. 'Dark creature' is a name stuck to any magical being with a defense mechanism—as any ordinary animal should have, or any human for that matter. Attack a tiger and it's your own fault you've lost your hand. Such is the case with any dark magical creatures—or if you don't understand the spell you're using. Most dark magic is dangerous because neither the user nor the victim understands it properly. You of all people should realize that."

"I see," Remus mumbled, looking a tad stunned. "But there're spells that really _are_ dark… As in… _dark_ -dark… You know?"

"Of course." Severus rolled his eyes. "And, yes, there are. If you ever encountered a user of such spells or objects, you'd know it. It has curious side-effects on the user—makes them appear… odd—unnatural. Instinct would tell you something was wrong with them. But these things aren't so black and white. Real dark magic is multi-facetted, but as far as naming goes, it often comes down to what's been investigated and explained and what hasn't. Only rarely is a thing truly dark." Severus realized everyone else was a fair distance from him and Remus. Severus lowered his voice, just in case. "You're a dark creature—and genuinely dark I believe—but people aren't put off by you. You've none of the usual strangities that would emerge from a truly dark wizard, creature, or object. Hmm… quite interesting." Severus studied Remus. "From a scientific standpoint, that would mean you're _not_ truly dark—outside the beastly change. Of course, I don't know exactly what makes a dark wizard appear so strange, but I know it happens to people who meddle with such materials without understanding them. It has most definitely happened to Fenrir Grayback, but not you. Very interesting, indeed."

Remus said nothing, eyes wide.

"Am I putting you off?"

"Only because for a moment I thought you were going to dissect me." Remus' discomfort eased, but a bit of distress still hinted in his eyes.

Severus chuckled. "As amusing as that sounds, I'd have to pass."

Remus seemed not to know how to take Severus' jest, but eventually smirked and shook his head. "Your matter-of-factness about my condition is refreshing. I like it better than Sirius doting on me, and James saying it's only a furry little problem."

"I assure you I'll never refer to it as that," Severus said, a bit disgusted. "It's _not_ a furry little problem, and I'll never treat it as such."

Remus smiled. "I know. Thanks for saying so. Though, James, Siri and Pete… they only mean well—honestly, they do!"

"Of course, they do," Severs snapped. "I'm sure they don't believe they've ever done anything wrong. They go on believing what they do is beneficial for everyone, but that just proves how immature they are! Running around with you when you're like that, and they call _me_ irresponsible? Honestly! Though that reminds me…" Severus rummaged in his pockets and withdrew a thick, white stick which he handed to Remus. "Seems like it's time for that nonsense again next Monday, but before you're too busy being stupid, please gnaw on this and give it to me Tuesday, as soon as you can."

Remus weighed the stick in one hand and eyed it with a raised brow. "What for?"

"I'd like a sample of the beast's venom for future investigation," said Severus. "Merlin forgive, I'm not going to sample it personally."

"Oh," said Remus. "Well, of course! Can I help with the experiments?" He looked beyond interested.

"That would be the same as deliberately studying dark magic."

"It… is?"

"Obviously," Severus sneered. "Studying werewolf venom and its properties is almost as dark as it gets. To go darker, you'd have to meddle with souls, or play with death and such like that you really don't want to get into."

"Well… as long as we don't get _that_ far, I don't care," Remus said, determined. "I really want to study it."

"Whatever." Severus snorted. "Just don't be a bother, and as I move on to anything resembling potion brewing, you'd better be out of the way."

"That's a promise. I'm horrible at potions." Remus grinned. "It's so weird, talking about this so—so matter-of-factly. It's… great—unpretentious."

"Well, for someone in your situation, your view on the matter _should_ be that way." Severus rolled his eyes. "To not take this seriously makes it even more dangerous. Even dark wizards—using real dark magic, with purpose—their greatest flaw is taking it too lightly. They always pay for such carelessness in the end. People like to pretend—to let prejudices cloud their minds instead of trying to investigate and understand. I would've thought you, of all people, would understand!"

"I… guess…" Remus was taken aback, but still so intrigued he almost glowed with interest. "Okay, maybe I've been more closed-minded than I should've been—despite the situations." He scratched behind an ear, embarrassed. "But I must admit, this is fascinating!"

"It is," said Severus as light ignited in his eyes. _He wants to know—to learn for the sake of it instead of his own gain! Someone else wants to know about this!_ "With every unexplored aspect of magic, determine the boundary between harmless and harmful—and learn to identify that boundary, see how far each branch's capabilities stretch. Since Dark magic is merely unexplored magic, how would you identify what's dangerous and what's not? How would you stop the dangerous and leave the harmless alone of you don't know what you're dealing with? It's so bloody obvious! Why explore what people already know when there are so many unknowns to uncover? It's like the time the Ministry decided to exterminate all green-tailed fire salamanders because of their poisonous abilities—and because one bit some official on his pompous rear, only to discover their poison is also a miracle cure for the common cold. By then it was too late, and they were practically extinct. Similar things happen every day because humans would rather dismiss than explore. That's where I've been coming from all along!"

Remus' eyes shone with eagerness. "More people should view it like that! It _should_ be explored! All you can learn—it could help so many in the Wizarding World!"

"Please, do carry that message to your associates," Severus snarked.

"Likely they'd stop at the words 'Dark magic' and refuse to hear any further explanation. They'd run off, angry." Remus bit his lip. "And, if they got the smallest hint I'd like to know more about the subject…"

"They'll think I've succeeded in turning you to darkness—that you've become a dark wizard who'll surely go to work for the devil, bringing destruction to the world." Severus smirked. "Congratulations on your new guilty fascination, and welcome to my world, Lupin."

Remus opened his mouth and closed it again before saying, "I'd have been so much better off if I'd never gotten all this insight. It would've made things a lot simpler."

"That's the thing about intelligence—and insight. You'd think it would make the world simpler, but it only complicates everything. Now, the question is…" Severus' grin turned knowing, sadistic. "Would you prefer the simple route and be moronic the rest of your life, or do you have the courage to open your mind to things you haven't considered before? What'll it be? Inane? Or ingenious?"

"I don't think I can afford to be stupid…" Remus said.

"I agree," Severus replied.

Both leapt to the side as a full school bag materialized above them and hit the floor with a bang.

Katherine, a very young Slytherin, ran toward them, wide-eyed. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened! It was the switching spell. The bag was supposed to switch places with my book!" She pointed frantically across the room toward a single book laying on the floor.

Severus shook his head. "That's odd. Show me what you did, and we'll figure out what went wrong." He left Remus to follow Katherine. _In my old life I'd have been furious, but now… I just don't feel like it._

Katherine sighed, relieved, and explained to Severus with animated gestures. Severus quickly found the flaw in her wand movement and corrected it.

One hour into the session, Penelope finally arrived, accompanied by a Ravenclaw girl. The newcomer was strange—but not so much her looks, though they were odd too. It was her blank stare—the void of emotion on her pale face.

"Just found her wandering about in the castle corridors," said Penelope. "Thought she might want to join."

The Ravenclaw was silent. Her bright, sky-blue eyes and hair nothing short of brilliant orange set her apart from the rest of the group. Her collected ponytail poked in all directions and, like the rest of her, was a complete ramshackle.

_So like Penelope to wrangle another loner. I suppose that's how she collected everyone the first time around—that and making odd threats._

"What's the matter with her?" Diane Diggory said with furrowed brows.

"Didn't say." Penelope shrugged.

Everyone turned to the other two Ravenclaws in the club, but neither recognized the new girl.

Lily approached hesitantly. "Are—are you all right?" she said to the girl.

No answer. Only staring. No acknowledgment of anyone who'd spoken to her, or realization that she'd been dragged up to a strange room by someone she didn't know.

Penelope guided the new girl to the bench where Regulus waited, but the girl didn't even seem to notice when Penelope released her to rub sore arms from the trek here.

Severus followed, Remus close behind.

"She was like this when I found her," Penelope muttered. "I couldn't just leave her." She adjusted her glasses.

Regulus laid an assuring hand on Penelope's shoulder.

Remus inched toward the new Ravenclaw. He knelt. Level with the girl's face, he took her hand. "What's your name?"

At first, nothing happened, but after a few seconds, her eyes cleared and shifted to Remus. An orange strand fell in her face. Her soft, round features had a shabby look to them, but that could be accounted to her wrinkled robes that appeared slept-in.

"I don't believe it…" whispered Penelope.

"What?" said Regulus.

"I couldn't get her to respond at all."

"You're kidding, right?" said Regulus. " _You're_ the one who can handle this stuff."

Penelope flushed. "Thanks…"

Regulus squeezed Penelope's shoulder and he and Penelope left Remus with the Ravenclaw girl. Severus retreated far enough to give them space.

 

* * *

 

Remus still held the girl's hand. "My name is Remus Lupin," he said softly and rubbed warmth into the girl's cold hands. "You can call me Remus. What may I call you?"

The girl's mouth slacked in confusion and a little wonder. Her strained eyes met his expectant gaze.

"Do you want to be alone?"

With an odd jerk, the girl squinted and tugged her hand away, clinging to a loose lock of hair.

"Should… we just let you sit here by yourself?" Remus said.

The girl hissed.

"Do you want me to sit with you?" he tried again.

She avoided his eyes now and clutched the orange strand.

"All right." Remus sat beside her in the space Penelope and Regulus just vacated.

 

* * *

 

"You really have no idea who she is?" said Lily to the other two Ravenclaws, one of whom was Lily's friend.

"No," said one. "I think she's in the year below me. They call her Carrot. Kind of a loner if you understand my meaning."

"No, I don't," said Lily.

"She's… strange."

The other Ravenclaw, a young man, furrowed his brows. "O'Brian's her name. But she seemed fine with Carrot."

"That's enough," Severus interrupted. "Let's continue with the charm, shall we?" _If there was anything I hated in my younger years it was people staring. I was ill at ease as it was._

Everyone returned to practicing but glanced at the girl from time to time.

 

* * *

 

As curfew nearer and students began leaving, the new girl still sat silently, Remus' arm around her shoulder. Her stony face betrayed confusion now as those bright blue eyes darted around the room like a loose hex. She gasped, and the sharp echo filled the room before she quickly covered her mouth and shot Remus a wary glance as if afraid she'd angered him.

"Hey, it's okay," said Remus.

The girl laughed, but it was hollow, like an abandoned hall. "Oh, now ya care," she hissed angrily. "Only know when ya don't want to feel guilty… As if that'll bring him back!"

"Who?" said Remus.

"Dad." The girl squeezed shut tearing eyes. "Dad…" She sniffed and began to wail.

"Your dad?" Remus tried to calm her. "What happened to him?"

"He—he's gone! The Ministry told him to hide from the Death Eaters, but he refused! And now—and now—" She took a shaky breath.

"He's… muggleborn?" Remus was shocked. "He was a target?" _I'd heard Death Eaters were targeting muggleborns. They…_ He gulped.

"No… not muggleborn." The girl shook her head.

 _Of course! The odd hair._ "You're not totally human, are you?"

"I'm one quarter creature," she sniffed. "Go ahead. Laugh! Laugh at the half-breed! My—my dad's half, that's why… That…" She choked and fell into sobs again. "Stupid half-breeds don't deserve to live, right! Even though Dad was… He was amazin'!" She drew out the last word as if she didn't want to let it go.

Remus held the girl tight. "It's okay. It's okay." He tried to soothe her tears.

"Let go! Let go of me!" She struggled to push him away. "Ya don't have to pretend you care! Just leave me alone! Leave the half-breed alone!" she hissed.

"Seriously. It's fine," Remus kept his hold. "Muggle or wizard, human or creature… everyone deserves to live. Right?"

The girl stopped, stared, and collapsed into Remus' shoulder, sobbing.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the Life Defenders still in the room respectfully ignored the new girl, but Severus couldn't help overhearing.

_So, it's begun—the extermination of anyone the Death Eaters consider "of bad blood." They've begun with those who harbor beasts—those they don't consider human. Then they'll turn to the muggleborns—those thought muggles, less than wizards… Then will come half-bloods… blood traitors… purification._

 

* * *

 

"What's your name again?" Remus tried to distract the girl from her grief.

"It's… Lucy," she said. "Lucy O'Hara, and aye, I'm Irish."

"Hello, Lucy," Remus said with a smile. "Too bad we had to meet under such terrible circumstances."

The girl closed her eyes and accepted Remus' presence while everyone else minded their own business.


	23. Downtime

Friday morning, Lily stood near the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. The image of Remus holding that poor girl last night stuck in her mind. _How long was he there after Sev and I left?_

Slow footsteps thumped down the stairs to the boys' dorms.

_Oh my. R_ _e_ _mus looks like he didn't get to sleep at all._

The other Marauders mobbed him before Remus made it all the way down to the common room.

"Where were you?" Sirius said, arms crossed.

"Were you helping Snape with something?" said James.

"What are you not telling us?" Peter murmured his question while looking at Remus' shoes.

_Sorry, Remus…_

Remus sneered and muttered, "I was helping a friend. I _told_ you."

Lily sighed. _Maybe I can rescue him._ She approached the four boys and tapped Remus' shoulder. "Want to walk with me down to breakfast?"

"Please." Remus shook off his friends and joined her in leaving the common room.

The other Marauders' faces soured—especially James'—as if they'd all bitten lemons.

"How'd it go with Lucy yesterday?" said Lily once they were out in the hall. "Is she… all right?"

"Got her back to her common room." Remus rubbed the back of his neck, but whether he was nervous or merely tired, Lily couldn't tell. "She said she could go by herself, but I couldn't just leave her… It doesn't look like she has any friends."

"Well, she can come to the Life Defenders now, right? That's a place meant for making friends."

Remus nodded. "I'm spending the afternoon with her. I don't like the idea of her being alone."

"Want me to join you?"

"If you want, but I don't think it's a good idea to bring Severus… He might scare her." Remus smirked. "We're going to the border of the Forbidden Forest—to see if we can find some nifflers, so we have something to do other than talk. I got the impression she likes looking after magical creatures, and I know your boyfriend definitely doesn't enjoy things like that. It would just be rubbing salt on a sore, don't you think?"

Lily blushed. "I see what you mean. But I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Sometimes he's overprotective, but he understands I need to do things other than being with him all the time. Lucy's part creature, isn't she? What… kind?"

"Jotun," said Remus.

"Gesundheit."

Remus chuckled. "It's a species of troll—smaller than the average British troll—more human-sized. Lives mostly on ice-land. She… doesn't like to bring it up. I guess being a troll has a bad connotation, huh?"

"Yeah… Potter and Black teased Severus for years just because of his big nose. Troll is kind of…" Lily chewed her bottom lip.

"Unfortunate," Remus finished.

Lily headed for her usual spot at the Hufflepuff table where Severus already waited for her. "Oh…" She turned to Remus. "I don't think your friends will be too happy if you sit with us instead of them. No need to cause yourself any trouble."

Remus rubbed tired eyes and yawned. "Right now, I don't care a whit. I'm so tired of constant questions. Some breathing room would be nice." The dark circles under his eyes echoed his exhaustion. "They'll come around by Monday."

"What's Monday?"

"Full moon…" Remus said, voice so low Lily could barely hear him. "If they don't come 'round by then, it's because the world's ending."

"They really worry for you, don't they? Isn't there anything I can do to help?"

Remus shook his head. "Unless you can convince them you're not available and Severus isn't trying to brainwash other students so he can kill them, I'm afraid there isn't much you can do."

"I can give it a shot," Lily said. "Wouldn't hurt."

When Remus sat beside Lily, Severus, seated across the table, raised a brow, but withheld any comments.

 

* * *

 

Later, James sat in the common room with Sirius and Peter. "We need to do something soon. Where's Moony? We always spend time together on Friday."

"Think he's with Snape again?" said Sirius. "I haven't got any idea what's going on."

"Me neither," James harrumphed. "I can't even get to Snape. First of all, he's almost never alone. Second, he keeps his guard too high. Plus, Moony would be furious."

"We _could_ just leave it alone…" Peter suggested, but he let it die after two death glares lit him up like a torch at midnight.

"And _who_ is this Penelope girl?" James cursed. "Why's she suddenly so important?"

"No idea!" Sirius threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "I tried to find out but couldn't come up with anything—no prior connections. She's not of old blood. I can't find her or her name in the archives. She seems conveniently close to Reggie, though."

"Blimey! _You_ did _research_?" said James. "Who are you, and what did you do with Padfoot?"

"She's dating my brother. I want to know who she is." Sirius crossed his arms and set his jaw.

"I thought you didn't care." James leaned back in his favorite chair.

"I don't."

"And you're sure they're dating?" James raised a brow.

"Please," Sirius snorted. "Saw them snogging up a storm in the hallway." Genuine disgust filled his tone.

James sighed. His head thunked into the plush headrest. "Moony says she's a friend—a good person, and very trustworthy."

"Who just _happens_ to be a Slytherin?"

"I know," James grumped. "I can't figure her out. Can you believe she invited me to a meeting of their little tutoring club? She said it was an open invitation—that everyone's welcome."

"You're going?" Sirius laced his fingers together and propped both elbows on his chair's armrests.

"I don't know. I keep changing my mind. On one hand, I could get some answers. On the other, it could be a dumb move. Plus, there's no way I'd want to spend time with Snape of my own free will. I'm sure that Penelope girl will be on me like a hawk too," James said, disgusted.

"She's fourteen. How dangerous can she be?" said Sirius, just a bit amused.

"Very," James muttered. "When the only other person Snape is more protective of is Lily… it's dangerous."

"Speaking of which," Sirius said. "Sit up, Prongs. The girl of your dreams is coming over."

James looked away.

"Can I have a word?" Lily stood between James' and Sirius' chairs.

None of the boys answered, so she brought a chair over and sat.

"Here to protect your boyfriend?" James snarked.

Lily straightened in her chair. "James Charles Potter, that is possibly the worst insult you've ever given! If it really matters to you that much, yes, he's my boyfriend. What about it? Also, he doesn't need any protection. It's not just him I want to talk about."

"What else _is_ there to talk about?" James kept his gaze steadily on the fire as it flickered in the hearth.

"From where I stand—well, sit—lots of things." When James dared a glance, her face was stern. "Severus isn't the only one of my friends who constantly gets a headache over you. When are you going to start behaving?"

"We _are_ behaving!" James protested.

"No, you're not, Potter. Sev still has to worry about dung bombs in his bag. Penelope glances over her shoulder constantly, and Regulus does much the same. You, Black," she pointed at Sirius accusingly, "deliberately made something you knew was important vanish. Not only was it important to Sev, that diary was a matter of life and death!" Lily gritted her teeth. The sound bit into James' ears and ground his nerves. "Not to mention Remus spends all his time feeling either angry or guilty. Stress like that isn't good for him, especially considering his condition."

"So, where is he now?" said James. "Out studying dark magic with Snape?"

"For the record, no, he isn't. He's helping someone who needs it. Badly. And if you'd listened to him this morning, you would've known that! Just listen to yourselves! It sounds like you have absolutely no trust in Remus. What kind of friends are you?"

All three boys glanced furtively at each other.

"We _are_ good friends," Sirius insisted.

"You're not acting like it." Lily snorted. "You're acting like a bunch of prats. Only Merlin knows why he keeps sticking up for you, because, yes, he still does." She rolled her eyes. "I have no idea why he insists on defending you because right now, it seems crazy. You're treating him like a blast-ended skrewt."

None of the boys said a word for a full minute.

James' cheeks burned with the same embarrassment that shaded Peter and Sirius.

"We'll figure it out next time we see him," James finally muttered. "Are—are you and Snape… really together?"

"Yes." Lily met James' gaze with nothing but confidence. "You can tell anyone you want. I don't need it to be a secret, because I'm not in this relationship out of pity. I love him. Now, is there anything else you need cleared up?"

James thought his heart might split in two and be trampled by elephants. He looked away and shook his head.

Lily started to stand.

"Wait!" Sirius blurted.

Lily stayed.

"Who's Penelope and what's her relationship with my brother?" said Sirius.

"Why don't you just ask him? Like you said, he _is_ your brother."

Sirius winced like he'd bitten his tongue. "We… don't speak," he muttered.

"That's not my problem. If you want to know about their relationship, go ask Regulus. Speaking for myself, Penelope is one of my dear friends, and one of the most mature, good people I've ever met, so leave her alone."

All three boys nodded, and Lily gave them a satisfied nod back before she left.

 

* * *

 

Just as Lily said, Remus wasn't with Snape, instead, he stood by the lake with Lucy. Her bright hair almost glowed as she beamed and pointed in excitement. "Look, Remus! It's a Grindylow! Did ya know while Grindylows are poisonous, their venom's really good for stomachaches? That's what me dad always said. Ache in the tummy, drink some Grindylow—it's absolutely yummy!"

Remus chuckled. "Sure. You be the test subject though."

"Aye! No problem!" Lucy grinned then gifted Remus with another flood of information.

_She likes to talk. A lot. But it's not annoying. She's just… extremely enthusiastic about this stuff, and she's so happy to have just one person listen._

"Maybe it could cure other pains! Like toothaches!" Lucy continued. "I'm not smart enough ta find out if it can though."

"Lucy, stop saying you're not that smart," said Remus. "You're fine."

Lucy's cheeks turned bright red, and she smiled. "You too, Remus."

Remus smiled back.

 

* * *

 

Late evening came, and with it rose James' anger.

 _How dare Snape! How dare Penelope! There's been no trace of Remus all bloody day!_ James grumbled to himself as he tromped upstairs to his dorm room. To his surprise, Remus was already there. _He looks… horrible._

The dark bags under Remus' eyes explained his early retirement for the night.

_I haven't seen him this tired since third year—when he finally told us the truth about his condition._

Outside, the full moon rose.

 _That time again… the night of the living nightmare…_ _You've always been kind, Moony. Never been angry with us before—not really. This year it seems like you've been angry all the time. Can't blame you though…_

Remus groaned and rolled over. His eyes popped open. When he spotted James, he groaned and rolled over again.

James swallowed hard. "Um… Remus?"

"What?" Remus replied.

"I just… I wanted to tell you… I'm… sorry."

Remus sat up.

"I'm so sorry," James choked again. "About the way we treated you these last few months. We've been terrible friends. We didn't listen to you, and we hurt you. _I_ hurt you. You have every right in the world to be angry with us—furious even."

"Do you really mean that?" Remus perched on the edge of his bed.

James nodded. "I suppose… it's a little hard, but you have the right to make other friends. You should have _lots_ of friends. You deserve that—more than anyone! I'll never be a fan of you hanging out with Snape, but it's not my place to give you a hard time about it. That's not what good friends do. I should trust you. So, I will. And if anything happens, I want to be a person you can go to for help… So, from now on, I swear to leave Snape alone. Unless you're the one coming to me with a problem."

Remus stood. "You? Leave something alone? That's not like you at all, Prongs."

"Yeah…" James nodded. "I guess it's just… time to grow up. Right?"

Remus smiled and relief washed away some of his weariness. "Thank you."

 _I think this is a first for me…_ James clapped Remus' shoulder and let him get back to bed. _I've always acted as quickly as possible. It'll probably change everything, but now… I'm going to choose to leave this alone—for the sake of our friendship._

Remus was already asleep. His covers muffled his soft snore.

_I just hope this decision is the right one…_

 

* * *

 

The rest of November and December passed uneventfully. The Marauders left Severus and the Life Defenders alone, keeping a respectful distance.

And Remus was right. The Marauders came around right before full moon. Not only that, he confided to Lily that they'd finally sat down and talked seriously. The result? They were on the same page again.

Lucy became a new addition to the Life Defenders and Severus was… not a fan.

Severus thought of her as nice enough, but a bit of a simpleton. Her childhood spent on a magical animal farm hidden in the mountains of Ireland didn't help his perception of her, and her non-stop chatter about farm animals—including her pet Anthrax, Pipsqueak—grated.

Lucy insisted Pipsqueak was cute, but how a purple horse-like creature—the size of a small bus—with quite the taste for Firewhisky was _cute_ , he couldn't fathom.

Severus found himself constantly wishing the girl had an off switch, but if left alone, Lucy became antsy and spouted nonsense.

To Severus' relief, Remus often spent time with her, which meant Severus didn't have to. Perhaps Remus just wanted a break from all the drama. No Marauders to interrogate him and no Severus Snape to complicate things. With Lucy, Remus had someone who looked at him eyes full of adoration. She never missed a chance to be with him. Which Lily found amusing.

It was obvious to everyone except Remus what was happening, and his ignorance only stoked the fire. He would figure it out… Probably.

 

* * *

 

Christmas vacation neared, and with it came another discussion with Lily.

"You're coming home with me for Christmas," Lily insisted as the last of the students boarded the Hogwarts Express.

"Lily, I can't do that," said Severus. "I'm still a Death Eater target. I don't want to put your parents in any more danger than necessary." _If I were allowed to perform magic outside school grounds, it might be different, but I'm not._

"All right…" Lily's cold hands framed his face. "You take care, Severus Snape. Hear me?"

"Of course," he assured. "I'll be quite safe on school grounds. It's you who should be extra careful." He covered her hand with his, lending her a bit more warmth.

"This is silly, discussing who's more correct…" Lily gave a half-hearted chuckle as the train sounded the "all board". "Bye, Sev…" She rose on tiptoe and kissed him. "See you after the holiday." Lily ran to catch the train.

A little dizzy from her kiss, Severus almost forgot to wave as Lily disappeared onto the train. _A month and a half we've been together—officially, that is. We were with each other most of the time, anyway._ He snorted. _Penelope and her assumptions—thinking we were already together just because of casual physical contact. Besides the occasional kiss and hand holding… not much has changed. We'd grown close—become true partners in life some time ago._ Despite the cold, warmth infused Severus. _Is this… really my reality? To think I've gained so much happiness right here—the same place as before, with the same people here as the first time. The only difference is I acted a bit differently, appreciated things around me more. It's… unbelievable… How can I deserve this? But how can I refuse? It's ever so beautifully wonderful._


	24. Christmas Vacation

Early Christmas morning Severus woke to an empty, but surprisingly warm dormitory. Most other students were home for the holiday. _Guess the elves were busy last night._

Cheery decorations adorned the room and welcoming candles spread a soft, golden glow. At least six or seven pine boughs filled with golden glitter and red Christmas ornaments hung on the walls. Each crimson globe sparkled and glinted in the candlelight.

Darkness still blanketed the world outside, but the twinkling stars and half-moon offered enough light to paint the snow-covered ground pale, shimmering silver.

To complete the scene, the spicy scent of ginger cookies beckoned, cutting through the pleasant, woodsy smell of pine.

 _Christmas… another sad excuse for everyone to act like fools and spend time on ridiculous decoration_ _s_ _and frills they'll only take down in a week or two. And all the over-decorating._ He grimaced at the memory of some other students' enthusiasm in years past. _Plain and simple is far superior._

Severus lay in bed, letting the moment soak in. _I suppose this is nice…_

Almost thirty minutes later he finally sat up and yawned, still feeling strange for laying abed so long as it served no purpose.

In one corner, on a small table, sat a little tray of cookies and warm milk—the source of the ginger aroma. A golden Christmas star hung above the offering, and—

 _What in the—_ He did a double-take. At the foot of Severus' bed, atop the coverlet, heaped a small mountain of presents. _Where in Merlin's name did all those come from?_

Severus—in his previous life—always spent Christmas at Hogwarts, but he only received a scattering of presents: one or two from his mother, a few things from Lily, and in the last few years of school several from Malfoy. _B_ _ut the ones from him were far from gifts of affection._ He sat up to study the pile. _I'd bet none of these are from Malfoy._ He smirked. _Or Dumbledore._

In his years as a teacher, Dumbledore always gave him a pair of colorful socks or a set of ridiculous pajamas. Severus made a point of never returning the gesture. _But if these aren't from them—except Lily, perhaps—then where did they come from?_ He jerked back. _Are any of these Death Eater attempts to kill me?_ He shook his head. _No. No, Dumbledore would've detected that. After all, we established my status as a target last summer, so Dumbledore knew_ quite _well to check._

Severus eyed the colorful stack, anyway.

Lily's handwriting decorated the top gift's card, so he began with it. _At least I'm fairly certain this one's safe…_ He removed the package carefully and allowed a relaxed smile as he held the large gift, wrapped in red paper. When he opened it, his smile broadened. _A set of wizard's robes._ They were a beautiful forest green with bronze lining and dark brown accents. _Not too flashy. She chose well._ He held the robes out. _I actually quite like these. Granted they aren't what I'd have chosen for myself, but I wouldn't mind walking around in them. I suppose she remembers my… distinct lack of wardrobe aside from school uniforms. Nice of her to offer such a subtle solution._

Guilt tugged at him. _Wish I could've bought her something instead of just charming an ordinary object._

Lily knew he'd never had any money, and the best gift he'd ever given her was when they were ten. He'd made Lily a necklace out of bird feathers. It embarrassed him even now to remember that, but it reminded him of this year's Christmas gift to her. He'd collected some lily petals and put them in a small jewelry box. When she opened the box, the petals would dance, arrange in a circle, and transform into a bright, silver petal necklace of Severus' design.

There were many drawbacks to such a gift. Canceling the charm would be easy—if it came too close to magic or magic intended to harm the wearer, the charm would break, and the petals would become ordinary again. If Severus died or was drained of magic, the same would result.

_Though I hope the last two won't be the case…_

Another soft present, in identical paper, sat beneath Lily's. Severus read the card and sighed in relief. "Marguerite and Harold Evans," it read. _Odd to get a gift from them._ He opened the card anyway. Marguerite wished him a very Happy Christmas and ended by saying she felt a little guilty about throwing out his clothes when he didn't have any money. "Think of this as a little compensation," she wrote.

Severus opened the package to find a small pile of new muggle clothes: two pairs of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, a short-sleeved shirt, and a warm sweater. _A practical gift—and much needed._

At the bottom of the stack was a box of homemade cookies and some candy. He set them aside. _Nice of them, even if I'll never eat it._

Severus set the Evans' gifts aside and gave the other presents another hard examination. _Who would have sent these?_ He slowly flipped open the card atop the next gift. _Lupin? Should've known._ He took the small package, this one wrapped in blue and gold. _Didn't get him anything. Not that I feel bad about it._ He snorted. _What Lupin does is his own business._

Severus opened the package. A mokeskin pouch—a small bag capable of holding almost anything, but from which only the owner could retrieve contents. Barring the ability to block or negate a curse or hex, the bag would destroy itself and its contents. He examined the bag. _Spelled against curses._ He nodded in approval. _Small, easy, useful. I suppose Lupin isn't the worst person to associate with._

The number of potential gift-givers dwindled further, and Severus warily reached for the next gift. He opened the little card while holding the present as far away as possible.

 

_I know you hate candy, so I thought you might like this._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Penelope._

 

Severus held the rigid package closer. _Penelope. Who'd have thought?_ Upon opening it, Severus found a hardback book on defensive spells—or rather, on the use of defensive spells depending on the situation. _Also useful. She's quite right. I'd much rather have this than candy._

No visible card accompanied the next gift, which was sloppily wrapped and splashed with random glitter patches. A big red bow topped it, precariously secured by a sizeable puddle of glue that only managed to catch the corner of the bow's base.

He muttered _Revelio_ over the package but found nothing magical or poisonous about it. He gave it a cautious poke. As he picked up the gift, the bow wobbled, in serious danger of falling off. And the paper _did_ fall off when he unstuck the first fold.

 _What… is_ that _?_ A purple, teddy-bear-like thing with buttons for eyes and a crookedly stitched smile stared at him. He examined it from every angle. _Looks harmless enough, but, then again, I've found that things with the appearance of innocence are often most dangerous._ He touched a finger to his lips in thought. _Looks homemade—terribly so. No consistent proportions, large, haphazard stitches._ The left eye hung loosely. One tug and it would be off.

He searched the wrapping for an explanation and found a card that looked like a jar of glitter exploded on it. Large, lopsided letters, written in crayon, filled the front of the card. Severus squinted at the glitter-induced glare on the cover and opened the card.

 

_Dear Severus,_

_I made a Doggie for you._

_It's for when I am asleep, it is really hard to watch over myself, so my Doggie does it for me._

_You see, the trouble about being a warrior is you have lots of enemies, otherwise being a warrior's just boring. And you are a really big famous one, so you must have many really famous enemies, like the goblin king._

_I'm afraid Doggie isn't a very good fighter, but he can wake you up when there's something out there._

_Happy Christmas,_

_Evelyn._

 

Despite the simple sentences peppered with spelling errors, Severus couldn't help but laugh. _T_ _h_ _is is the_ worst _kind of present—pure sentimentality._ But he couldn't bring himself to even consider throwing it away. _No one is ever finding out I have this. Ever!_

One small package remained, lonely, wrapped in brown paper with a neat silver bow to top it. The ensemble fit in the palm of Severus' hand. The card was as unassuming as the package, written in a very precise hand. It read:

_Mr. Severus Snape,_

_It has come to my attention that, as a recent orphan, you have no Wizarding family._

_I also know you either have, in the close past, or will soon, turn seventeen._

_It is a custom in most Wizarding families to give one coming of age a watch. Tradition rules that it should be the same watch handed down from father to son._

_I have no family left, and my old watch needs passing to someone._ _I would be honored to place it in the hands of such a disciplined, well-mannered and talented young man who will no doubt set his mark on the world._

_I hope you realize the significance of this gift and will go on proving yourself worthy of it._

_Augustus Prince._

Though phrased to appear detached, dignified and impersonal, the message's meaning wasn't. Severus' hand shook. The silver bow rustled as he pulled away the wrapping to find a wooden box. He held his breath and opened it.

Inside lay the silver pocket watch, cushioned on midnight blue velvet. It gleamed and glinted, inviting him to pick it up. _Augustus used this over summer vacation—when we were at the Ministry._ Severus brushed one finger against the cold silver. The clockwork mechanisms vibrated softly as Severus traced the "P" engraved on the watch's cover along with the crest of a crowned hawk.

"Sly devil," Severus whispered. "Still want me to be your apprentice, do you?"

The watch drew him in with its delicate intricacy.

 _Last time, I'd probably have been bitter enough to sell this, along with everything else of the Prince family. Well… what I didn't throw out, that is. Maybe that was this watch's fate back then._ Guilt pricked him over his neglect to sort through his semi-inheritance.

He lifted the watch from the case and let the heavy, silver chain slide through his fingers as he opened it. Both watch hands and the interior accents were gold. Instead of numbers, a glittering diamond marked each hour. _Beautiful. Probably quite old. And valuable. Has this belonged to every head of the Prince family? Funny how fate always seem_ _s_ _to deliver things like this to the right hands in the end._

_I should probably tell Augustus soon… It's almost cruel to keep this from the old man any longer._ _W_ _hatever history was between him and… Mother—it's long past. Probably horrendously complicated. But… Augustus never disowned her, or I'd never have been heir to his estate._

He clicked the watch shut and traced the cover's engraving again. _Mother lacked the strength to go to anyone about Tobias, or any of it. Perhaps if she'd gone to Augustus, he'd have helped her. He seems lonely up in that mansion, and bored. If I've learned anything the past couple months_ _,_ _it's that people hate being alone and crave usefulness._

_But I want to tell him personally. This is too important to say through a thank-you card._

No more presents to open.

He was glad to be alone. The scattered gifts left Severus with no words, or any idea how to being to conjure some. _At least no one came to present them personally… I don't know what I'd have done._

 _What should I say to thank everyone? "It was nice. Thank you for thinking of me"? That seems an understatement. I_ hate _doing this! And I won't write as though I've fallen over myself in gratitude. Something formal should be fine. After all, they should know me well enough by now to realize that's how I prefer to express myself._

Severus set down the watch, got out of bed and donned the new robes from Lily. _Strange to wear anything other than black, but…_ He stopped in front of the mirror. _They don't look bad. Even manage to make me look less pasty. In fact… I look… almost normal._

He took the watch from his bed. _Should I wear it?_ The chest pocket of his new robes had a loop for a watch chain. _Or hide it away where it'll no doubt collect dust until the day I fall over dead—preferably of old age?_

With a sigh he latched it to the loop and settled it into the pocket.

Downstairs, two other Slytherins, both Life Defenders, waited in the common room, Katherine Jules—the second year girl who'd almost clocked Severus and Remus with her bag—and Esben Chapman, an unassuming third year.

_At least Jules got the charm right after that. Not to mention the unbounded creativity she's shown for it since then—more than I've ever had, anyway. Chapman's no dullard either._

"We've got a present for you!" Katherine blurted as Severus passed the pair, standing near the fireplace.

He stopped. _Surely, they're joking. Why would people I didn't even know last time care anything about me this time? And a Christmas gift? This is ridiculous._

Katherine giggled. "Those are nice robes! They look great on you." The second she said it, her cheeks bloomed, but she grinned, unrepentant.

Esben looked ready to kick her, but Katherine poked him playfully before he could.

"Show him!" Katherine urged.

Esben stepped aside.

"We had no idea what you like," said Katherine. "So, we guessed… Lucy chipped in too. She's the one who insisted on gingerbreads."

Esben took the basket from the table behind him and handed it to Severus. "I told you he wouldn't like it," he whispered to Katherine.

The basket brimmed with candy, cookies, pastries, and other sweets. _Lovely…_ His teeth ached just to see such an assortment. "No, I like it," he assured. "Thank you, but I'm afraid I don't have anything to give you in return."

"That's okay." Katherine's grin didn't falter. "We can all share them later!"

_Odd gift if she just wanted to do that. But… maybe that means they want to spend time with me. I suppose that's the purpose of such gifts._

Esben still looked embarrassed, despite his friend's enthusiasm. "I told her you didn't want something so childish," Esben muttered to Severus.

"No, it's great," Severus said. "Really, it is," he added with a smile. _Thank Merlin I'm a good liar._

Esben's look of doubt vanished.

"I'll put it away so we can get to breakfast." Severus debated dragging the basket upstairs but opted to replace it on its table beside the fireplace. _If I leave it there, perhaps Jules will have eaten it_ for _me by the evening._

Both Katherine and Esben accompanied Severus to breakfast.

"Why aren't either of you home for Christmas?" Severus said.

Esben answered first. "Mum and Dad are very poor," he mumbled. "They've got my little sister to take care of too, so I thought it'd be better if they didn't have to pay any more for me than they have to. Christmas dinner for an extra mouth is worth a month's rent for them. It's their own fault, really. They're old blood… but the money ran out last generation, and they still refuse to get day jobs."

"And I'm an orphan," Katherine said and slipped closer to Esben. Her cheery tone perplexed Severus. "What?" She said. "It's not really a bad thing, being an orphan—at least… it doesn't _have_ to be."

"I suppose not," Severus muttered.

"What about you?" Katherine said.

 _Should've expected that…_ "I'm an orphan too." _Technically, a lie. But true enough with Mother gone. And if that slug Tobias isn't dead by now, I don't care._

"Really!" Katherine said in wide-eyed surprise. "But I thought… I was sure you were from an old pureblood family."

"If you're asking if I grew up in a mansion eating from silver plates and practicing magic from birth, no. I didn't."

Katherine's and Esben's astonishment could have filled a room.

"No, I grew up in the muggle world—just, as I suppose, you did," he said to Katherine.

"I thought you were a half-blood, part of the Prince family. That's what everyone says," said Esben.

"It's… complicated." _How do I explain this?_ "It's true my mother was heir to the Prince estate, but she died. When she married a muggle, I suppose she broke loose from the Princes, anyway. They don't even know I exist."

"Really?" Esben's eyebrows shot beneath his bangs. "You really did grow up in the muggle world!"

"Yes. Background doesn't truly matter," said Severus as they entered the Great Hall.

Inside, the handful of other students on-campus for the holiday clustered in groups. One, the all-too-familiar Irish girl—Lucy O'Hara—instantly found them.

Lucy's manner never changed. At first, she sat quietly, but her own silence seemed to unnerve her, so she rambled. At times, a subject of interest to her rose, and she snatched it, chattering twice as fast—at speeds nearly impossible to stop.

 _I understand she's lonely, and unsure if we'll leave her, but that lostness in her eyes sometimes…_ He suppressed a shudder. _I won't be starting a conversation with her. Not of my own volition, anyway._

"Morning, Lucy," Katherine said happily.

_So, it begins…_

"Morning! Katherine, Esben." Lucy's wide smile glowed until she addressed Severus. "Erhm…" She gulped. "Ha-Happy Christmas, Snape… Severus?"

 _Might as well get it over with._ "Thank you for the present," said Severus.

Lucy brightened again. "I knew it! Gingerbread is always a good idea. Can't go wrong with gingerbread!"

_Yeah… sure… Go ahead and believe that if you like._

"You got some good presents, I hope?" Lucy said as they all sat at the end of one long table. "I got a great present from Penelope. She's so nice! And I didn't even get anything for her!" She wilted a little but didn't break pace. "Should I apologize? She went through so much trouble, and I didn't even think!"

 _All that in one breath. At least I'm not sitting next to her._ "I'm sure she understands and didn't expect anything in return," said Severus.

"What if I send an owl now?!" Lucy said as though she hadn't heard Severus at all. "Then she can still get it on Christmas. Right? Except… Where would I get a present for her? What does she like? Oh no!" She clapped her face in dismay.

"Lucy." Katherine patted the girl's back. "Breathe."

Lucy obeyed, but stopped after hauling in one breath.

"She meant let it out too," said Severus.

Lucy gasped.

Severus shook his head. "Knowing Penelope, she just wanted to make you happy. She's always trying to do that—make others happy. If I were you, I wouldn't think about it. What did she give you, anyway?"

"Gingerbread cookies."

Severus chuckled. _She made such a fuss out of cookies. Well… she's a bit of a simpleton. It couldn't be helped._

 

* * *

 

That evening, Severus sat around the fireplace in the Slytherin common room with the other three Life Defenders, who, in truth, he barely knew.

_I'm just a mentor to them, but they're genuinely interested in spending time with me—even enjoy it. I suppose… I don't mind so much either._

"No, seriously, don't _ever_ trust a leprechaun," said Lucy. "They're little liars. There's no pot of gold, and if you go looking for it, they'll push you into the swamp."

"You know this from experience?" said Esben.

Lucy blushed. "It'd be great to have all that gold though. I could get Pipsqueak all the Firewhisky he wants." She sighed. "Stupid leprechaun didn't even offer me any wishes… It's a right rip-off it is."

Severus raised a brow. "You'd waste a wish on Firewhisky? For your pet anthrax?"

"Aye," Lucy said. "Do you know how expensive that stuff is?"

 _Do I._ He shook his head. "If you could wish for anything— _Anything_?" he said.

Lucy frowned and stared at the floor, face a deep red.

"I wouldn't even know what to wish for…" said Katherine, taking the attention off Lucy. "What about you, Severus?"

"I wouldn't have wished at all," Severus replied. "If I can't get it myself, it isn't worth having. Besides, a leprechaun would twist my words no matter what I said. That's what their kind do, so why even bother wishing? Is it so much trouble to use your brain?"

Lucy frowned, puzzled.

"What would you wish for?" Katherine caught Lucy off-guard. "Is it really Firewhisky?"

"I…" Lucy began. "I don't—I mean I…"

_Of course! Her father just died, and she couldn't attend his funeral because it was too dangerous. Her mixed blood is why she's here instead—where it's safer._

"A nice warm jumper!" Lucy blurted so abruptly it could only be a lie. "How could that be twisted round?" she said, proud to have outwitted a fictional, wish-granting leprechaun.

"Unless you wake up with a steeplechaser standing in your bedroom, upset because he hasn't any hay," Severus said. _Dodged that bullet._

Lucy almost choked on a cookie. "Well then," she sputtered, "it's good the fold is close. And regular horses are nice too." She chuckled.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day passed quietly, and that night Severus prepared for bed the same way he always did, but this time he neatly folded his new robes and placed the silver watch on his nightstand beside Evelyn's strange plush.

_This… is the best Christmas I can remember._

As he fell asleep, the only witness to his smile was the misshapen dog crafted for him by a very grateful little girl.

* * *


	25. Attack on Hogsmead

Restless, Severus waited in the quiet darkness of the dormitory for sleep. The nightmares from his old life came seldomly now – though he definitely still had them, but each of the past three nights, they barred him from getting any sleep.

The worst nightmare was always that girl… the one person he'd ever killed in cold blood. In the past, every detail was crisp and clear and lingered long after he woke. But now… those details had faded. The only one that still hung on was the pleading in that girl's terrified face.

 _Why am I not relieved? That horror has plagued me since I was young the first time. Why should it escape me now?_ Severus rolled over with a weary sigh and closed his eyes. He focused on the surrounding darkness.

Anger – rage! Fury at such incompetence raced into him.

_What sort of idiots are serving me?!_

_At Severus' feet cowered the idiot, Malfoy._ His task was so simple. Yet he failed! _"Face me, Lucius."_

_Malfoy's terror-stricken gray eyes obeyed. He shook. His light blond hair hung in dirty strands around his pointed face._

" _You disappointed me," said Severus in a dangerous tone. "And I don't like being disappointed. The task_ was _simple, was it not? Yet you couldn't manage. He'd have been ours already. What happened?"_

" _Master." Lucius groveled. "I would_ never _disappoint you! I don't know what happened, but I swear, if you'd have asked only a year ago, he'd have said yes without hesitation! He still might. He's not foolish, and he knows what he wants."_

" _Y_ _o_ _u're_ pathetic _, Lucius!" Severus snapped. "_ Pathetic _! You must learn!"_ _Severus raised his wand. "_ CRUCIO _!"_

_Lucius screamed and writhed on the floor – to Severus' amusement._

But I don't like the _Cruciatus_. It's beneath me to use such a vulgar curse. I don't even use it in nightmares. These aren't my thoughts! Not my mind! Must get out!

Severus gasped and shot upright in bed. _Was I… inside Voldemort's head? How?_

He searched for hidden magic. _There!_ It pulsed under the bed. He leaned over and retrieved the small diary. Dark magic drenched it beyond anything Severus was used to.

" _Open it,"_ the book whispered. _"You know you want to. I see into your soul. We're alike. So alike."_

Severus shut his eyes and shut out the book with Occlumency. _Wait. What is that?_ A strand of magic – no, four, hidden behind the book's whispers, led in different directions – connections to places – to items the Horcrux desired to merge with. _If I wasn't as good at Occlumency, I'd never have noticed these over the book's overwhelming personality._

The strongest of the four strands drew Severus. _Must lead to the object closest. Judging by the strength of the strand, it could be_ very _close._

Severus donned a robe and then let the book pull him, out of the Slytherin dormitory and toward the southern end of the castle.

Since it was the middle of the night during Christmas vacation, he hoped no one was out looking for stray students. _Hopefully this works the way I think it does._ He gripped the book as it directed him toward the other soul pieces. _I have to be sure. I must find those other Horcruxes!_

The diary led Severus to a door he'd never noticed. He pushed it open cautiously. Its quiet squeal filled the corridor.

The room beyond was a mess. Filled with all sorts of useless trash covered in thick layers of dust, the centuries-old dumping ground smelled of must and old garbage.

The diary pulled harder. Severus followed the prompting and crawled over several revolting piles before he found it. A silver crown, set with sapphires, pulsed and sang in delight to meet the diary.

With great care, Severus picked up the crown. It hissed, longing to join the Horcrux he held in his other hand.

Severus lowered his Occlumens shield just a little. Voldemort's presence crashed through, and Severus immediately shut out the Horcruxes again.

He considered both diary and diadem. The three other strands seemed stronger now with the two Horcruxes together. _Two down. Three to go before we can kill Voldemort._

The strands faded and both Horcruxes' energy lessened. _Guess Voldemort's cooled down._

Something in the room struck him as amiss.

Near the wall he saw it. A huge cabinet. He gave it a grim smile. _Found you. I only saw your twin in my last life. Draco wouldn't let me help repair you. Now, he'll never need take the trouble._ Severus flicked his wand, and the cabinet combusted into a pile of ash.

Wand still raised, Severus checked the room once more. _Nothing left to do but get back to bed, I suppose._ He shut the door and sneaked through the cold halls.

"No, Master, I can do it!"

Severus flattened against a side corridor wall. _Spinner? Why's he out this late? And what's he so frightened of?_

"I can't convince him to join by myself. He's just as stubborn as the older one seems to be, but we can arrange for him to come to you. Maybe then he'll join. He _is_ still young. Just imagine what a valuable servant he would be. But you only need one of them, my Lord! What if you took them both, held them hostage? One of them would give in, surely. They _are_ both Slytherins – and of old blood. That should count for something."

Severus glimpsed Spinner passing his hiding place. The man spoke into a two-way mirror, shoulders hunched, his thin back bowed.

"I promise, Master. I promise, I'll have him soon! Then you can use them against each other. One must cooperate sooner or later," Spinner said before he disappeared around a corner.

 _Who was he talking about? A Slytherin student, of course – with a close relationship to another. Family members maybe? But who?_ He secreted back to his dorm.

The near encounter with Spinner stuck with Severus the rest of the holiday, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure out who Spinner was talking about. Since he'd sworn to share everything with her, as soon as Lily returned, he told her what he'd overheard, but she didn't know who Spinner could have meant either. Her knowledge of Slytherin's purebloods was too limited to afford her a decent chance at a guess.

Unease filled them both.

 

* * *

 

The group's next visit to Hogsmeade fell on January ninth, Severus' birthday. Lily was excited, but Severus begged her not to spread word of the day's significance. He couldn't bear the thought of any more celebrations. Though he enjoyed Christmas, he couldn't take any more gifts of gratitude so soon – or any more crowds of people. Lily understood, said she wanted to have him to herself for once, anyway.

Her comment bewildered him. Who _else_ would he be with?

Severus didn't get his way – not entirely. Lily insisted on giving him a present – another wizard robe, this one currant red. Upon Severus' raised brow, Lily said, "There _are_ other colors besides black. Anyway, it suits you."

At least she had good taste and knew his preference for wizard robes.

Unfortunately, Lupin discovered Severus' secret too and offered sweeping congratulations and the gift of a book.

Severus' muttered thanks weren't half as bitter as they'd have been were the gift something impractical. At least Lupin had _some_ good sense.

 

* * *

 

Remus got a terrible idea while they were in Hogsmeade – one of his worst ideas yet. At the Three Broomsticks Inn, he introduced Lucy to his friends.

James, Peter and Sirius already sat around a table when he ushered Lucy inside. She tucked halfway behind him as he cleared his throat. "Ahem. Guys, you know… I've been hanging out with someone else these last few weeks. I told you it wasn't Severus, but it _was_ …" Remus turned to Lucy.

James and Sirius exclaimed, "A girl?!"

"Moony, you prick! Why didn't you just say so?" Sirius laughed and introduced himself to Lucy. "Sirius Black." He said it a little too loudly and Lucy stumbled back a step.

"Easy, Pad." James chuckled. "Hey. James Potter. Nice to meet you." He smiled.

"Peter Pettigrew," came the last quiet introduction.

Lucy peered at the three boys as Remus chuckled. "It's all right. They don't bite."

She frowned and pointed at Sirius. "You're Regulus' brother… And you," she turned to James. "You're mean!"

James' face fell, to Sirius' amusement.

"They're not so bad, really they aren't," said Remus.

Lucy didn't seem to believe him.

_Probably should've seen that coming, what with the Life Defenders always talking about what big sods the Marauders are. Comes up at least once every meeting._

"I… erhm…" Peter gulped. "I… like your hair. It's really cool."

Lucy's hand flew to her unruly orange mop. "Thanks."

"Like butter beer?" said James. "My treat. Have a seat and tell me what on earth you and Moony have been up to." James indicated the vacant chair across from him.

"Moony?" said Lucy as she slowly took the seat.

Remus cleared his throat. "We gave each other nicknames. 'Moony,'" he pointed to himself, "Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail," he indicated everyone in turn. "We did it some years ago, and they just stuck, so we kept them."

"Carrot!" Sirius laughed and pointed at Lucy.

She glowered.

"Her name's Lucy," said Remus. He stood behind her and laid both hands on her shoulders. "Be nice. You guys are scary enough as it is."

"What?" said Sirius. "No!"

"Come on, Lucy. Tell us about yourself," James said.

Lucy blushed as everyone's attention shifted to her.

Remus intervened. "Lucy's parents have a magical animal farm. It sounds super neat."

"Whoa! Really?" said Sirius. "So, you have, like, buetrolls and stuff?!"

"No! Those live in the wild," Lucy said. "They're in the area though. Me dad and I goes out to collect buetroll bark every March. Gotta be real careful, or they'll bite ya!"

Remus grinned. _Got that conversation going the right direction._

Lucy was eager to talk, and Sirius seemed interested, undoubtedly thinking of ways to use this information for future pranks.

_Everything's going to be fine._

 

* * *

 

Lily and Severus stopped in astonishment as Lucy passed them, walking with the Marauders as though she'd been friends with them for years.

"So… to attract a niffler you need garlic, right?" said Sirius.

"No!" Lucy looked horrified. "Why would ya think that? Poor thing would get a tummy ache. Cranberries. They _adore_ cranberries."

After the group passed, Severus sighed.

Lily mirrored Severus' concern. "I don't like the idea of Sirius having access to nifflers. Lucy seems to be doing okay though."

Severus nodded absently.

"I'm a little worried though. You think she might be trying to avoid thinking about her dad?" Lily said.

"No idea. People deal with such things differently. Let Remus handle it, he seems to be doing fine with her. I'm no good at figuring out things like this anyway," said Severus.

Lily nodded and held his hand.

They had just come from the restaurant where Lily gave Severus his second birthday surprise, a nice dinner, just the two of them. She chose the restaurant because it had a small, private section where she and Severus could hide from curious eyes. The evening was wonderful. Lily even wore the silver necklace Severus made her for Christmas. It was a beautiful piece, and she was proud to showcase it as they walked hand in hand through Hogsmeade.

 

* * *

 

Severus tensed as Spinner turned a corner ahead of them. _Why's he with Travers?_ Severus recognized the bitter old man immediately.

Spinner saw Severus and nodded to Travers who turned to stare.

"Let's go," Severus whispered in Lily's ear.

Too late. The two Death Eaters approached.

"Mr. Snape," Spinner said in his annoying screech. "Can we have a word?"

Severus' grip on Lily's hand tightened as he exchanged a hesitant glance with her before they slowly accepted the pair's invitation.

"What a nice robe. Is it new?" said Spinner.

"It's a gift." Severus' tone could have chilled the Sahara.

"It's his birthday," Lily added.

"Oh, is it?" Spinner's grin split his face like an ax through dead wood. "That's marvelous. We should celebrate!"

"You really don't need to bother, sir." Severus pulled Lily a step closer.

"Oh, but you're my favorite student," Spinner said. "You're turning seventeen, aren't you? A big day for any young wizard!" Spinner grabbed Severus' shoulder and dragged him several feet. "We really _must_ celebrate!"

"No, thank you, sir." Severus ducked out of the grip skillfully. "I think not."

"But you must," Spinner persisted, faking disappointment.

"As I said. No, thank you, sir," Severus hissed.

Spinner's face twisted in anger. "You will come with me!" he commanded and then added softly, "It's just a glad of butterbeer. Is that so hard to accept?"

Severus backed away and whispered to Lily, "Run!"

He and Lily dashed away.

"Come back here!" Spinner bellowed. "Get him!"

Dark figures swarmed them from the shadows. Each one wore black robes and a Death Eater's skeleton mask.

"Lily, when I tell you, run the opposite direction," Severus instructed as they dodged two Death Eaters.

"What? No way!"

"They're after _me_ , and they want me alive. You – They'll kill you!"

More shadows melted from the darkness, blocking Severus' and Lily's path.

"I don't _care_!" Lily nearly shouted. "You always leave me out when there's trouble!"

"That's because _I_ care! If something happens to you, I don't know what I'll do, so just do as I say, little Miss."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, Mister!"

_This is ridiculous! Having a fight here? Now? But she won't budge. Neither will I._

The first hex flew at them, and Severus deflected.

_Now we're surrounded… We'll have to apparate—_

Penelope and Regulus burst out of a nearby candy shop. " _Expelliarmus_!" Penelope hexed the nearest unsuspecting Death Eater and his wand flew from his hand.

 _Of course, someone else just_ had _to get involved. Can't leave now._ Severus shielded Lily, and himself then shot a _Sectumsempra_ at another Death Eater who was about to curse Penelope while she wasn't looking.

More students thundered in.

"Lily!" James Potter and his friends, including Lucy, ran toward the commotion, wands drawn.

Lucy hurled _Confringo_ at a bulky Death Eater to her right. It blasted him out of the way. Lucy's eyes shone, hungry for revenge.

Severus lit the ground on fire to slow two more Death Eaters but had to dodge another hex. He pulled Lily with him.

Another assessment: Penelope lay unconscious in the street, Regulus standing over her protectively; Sirius cradled an injured arm; and Potter's glasses lay shattered, so he couldn't aim correctly.

Another wave of help arrived – Life Defenders, enough to outnumber the Death Eaters two to one.

"Forget about them. We only need him!" A familiar screech leaked from one of the masked Death Eaters. "Grab him!"

Despite their numbers, the Life Defenders proved inadequate.

_A bunch of students, thirteen at the youngest, versus seasoned Death Eaters…_

A hex barreled toward one of the younger Life Defenders. He dodged.

 _They're not bothering with ceremony. People – students – could die. Enough!_ "All right!" Severus stowed his wand and raised both hands in surrender. "You want me? Here I am."

"Sev, no!" Lily tried to pull his hands down.

"Don't worry. They won't kill me for now," Severus reassured. "I'm worth too much."

"Stop!"

 _Lovely…_ She _'s here._

Bellatrix Lestrange melted through the circle of Death Eaters. "He's a smart one. He's giving himself up."

"You too," Severus commanded the other students. "Stop."

"S-Sev…?" Lily whispered. "Promise you'll come back to me."

"Lily, I…"

"Please!"

"I will _always_ try to come back to you," he whispered back. "There's no other place I'd rather be." A Death Eater grabbed Severus by the arm and disapparated.

 

* * *

 

A loud plop followed the sudden transport as the rest of the Death Eater entourage followed.

 _No…_ Lily fought tears. _That wasn't an answer, Severus Snape! Not an answer at all! "Always try to come back"? You stubborn idiot! You aren't even sure you'll be able to get back!_

Other students groaned and gasped in the street. The uninjured helped the wounded.

Lucy spat insults mixed with curses after the Death Eaters, and her accent thickened so much Lily could barely understand her. Which wasn't all bad. "When I get me 'ands on 'em, I'll boil 'em in their own fat, I'll do!" Lucy shook her fist. "With mint leaves and stinkin' oil 'a garlic!"

Sirius raised a curious brow. "Mint leaves and garlic?"

"Hurts them demons – and prolongs their suffering," Lucy said so evenly Lily couldn't tell if it was a joke or not, but the hatred in her eyes precisely mirrored Lily's sentiments.

 _If I had something to throw, I would!_ A void of terror squeezed Lily's stomach, but the anger remained.

"What happened here?!" McGonagall arrived, several other teachers on her heels.

Lily wanted to burst into tears, but anger reined them back. _He left me behind… Again! I'm not a child – I can handle myself!_

"Ehem…" James cleared his throat. "Death Eaters… They – they took Snape, Professor."

Every teacher regarded James with shock so intense they only noticed the injured students when one near McGonagall groaned. Several of the wounded didn't move at all, but whether they were dead or only unconscious, Lily couldn't tell in most cases.

"Students, back to the castle!" ordered McGonagall. "Those well enough, help with the injured."

Lily hoisted one of the younger Slytherins, a second year girl. She was pale and wide-eyed – shell-shocked.

Regulus carried Penelope, and James supported Sirius while Jugson helped up a fellow Slytherin boy. Diane Diggory levitated an unconscious Hufflepuff.

Lucy took two steps and stumbled, but Remus came to her aid only to pull up wincing.

"Ya dope," Lucy mumbled. "You're bleedin'." She pointed to Remus' leg. "Stand still now." She ripped a good six inches from the edge of her cloak and wrapped Remus' wound. Her eyes filled with care as she finished. "We'll help _each other_ back, all right? Come on. One step at a time and breathe. Remember to breathe."

Lucy and Remus braced one another and slowly merged into the group of students, Lily and the second year close behind.

"Careful now. Take care of yourself," Lucy whispered to Remus. "I wouldn't know what to do if you suddenly… Just… get well. I wouldn't know what to do without you."

The pair stopped. Lucy pressed her forehead to Remus' and gave him a soft, fond smile.

Lily started to go around them, but that instant, Remus looked stricken – as if something horrible just happened. He jerked away from Lucy and hissed in pain.

"Remus?" Lucy reached for him.

"I'm fine." Remus waved her off. "I can walk okay by myself. Go help someone who needs it more."

"You're… you're sure?"

Remus nodded. "Yes."

"Well then, I'll meet ya back at the castle," said Lucy.

Remus nodded again, and Lucy quickly found another student in need of assistance. When she started forward again, this time with a new partner, Remus was already gone, disappeared into the crowd.

McGonagall and the other professors levitated several more unconscious students and surrounded their charges on the way back to Hogwarts, just in case of another attack.

Lily struggled to concentrate; her thoughts focused on Severus. _That battle wasn't half as gut-wrenching as this horrid uncertainty! My stomach feels like a whole nest of doxies just tried to escape from it. Oh, Sev… please… be all right…_


	26. The Dark Lord

Severus and the Death Eaters reappeared outside a mansion.

A Death Eaters gripped each arm. They shoved Severus ahead, wands pointed at him. He walked silently, emotionless, back straight as a pillar. He almost didn't even blink.

"All right, boy," one Death Eater hissed in his ear. "We're here. Time to freshen up before you face the Dark Lord."

 _I suppose it can't be helped._ A chill wriggled down Severus' spine, but he showed none of his anxiety. "Why am I here?" he said, voice smooth, calm.

"Because we could use someone like you," said Bellatrix. She walked closer and continued in her honey-sweet voice. "So much talent. Even I could sense it in our short fight together."

"And you don't even have to do much," said the other unnamed Death Eater. "Just give us what we want."

"What could I possibly have that you would want?" Severus said, eyes fixed straight ahead, voice void of emotion. "I'm just a student."

"That amazing potion of yours, of course," Bellatrix whispered in his ear. "It's quite complicated, but ever so useful." She snickered. "Not to mention there are… other uses for you." She playfully slid a hand from his shoulder down his arm. "So young and powerful." Her voice turned seductive. "I like that."

The pieces clicked into place. "You want me to brew the Wolfsbane potion for you?" _Of course! That's what sparked their interest over the summer holiday! That's the one glaring difference between last time and now! They want to use the Wolfsbane potion—not just to convince werewolves to join them—which the Ministry already made easy—but also to make them controllable during the full moon. They'll have an army of dangerous, venomous beasts under total control. They can create more werewolves as they please. All it would take is one bite. With a weapon like this, they could threaten the world—or_ take it over _—wizard and muggle alike…_ Horror grew like blight in his heart. _My own good intentions, turned against me… again…_

"Clever boy!" Another Death Eater, voice sickeningly cheerful, approached from the mansion's great door. "I do believe he could become quite the valuable servant."

Severus kept quiet as he tried to form an escape plan.

"The Dark Lord is away momentarily," said the new Death Eater. "He had… _something_ to take care of and will return when he's finished."

"What do we do with him in the meantime?" said Bellatrix brusquely as she grabbed Severus' arm from one of his two guards.

"Put him in a cell with the other prisoner," said the Death Eater from the mansion. "It'll probably do them some good to remember what they stand to lose. After all, we only need _one_ of them."

Severus' attention snapped to the new Death Eater. _What does he mean by that? Who's he talking about? Everyone I care about most is at Hogwarts._

The answer arrived all too soon as the group of Death Eaters led him into a cellar and unlocked a heavy wooden door. One Death Eater yelled, "Hey, gramps! You should feel lucky today. You get to have a family reunion."

"Wait!" Bellatrix said before Severus could take one step. She plucked his wand from his sleeve. " _Now_ throw him in."

His guards flung him into the dark cell and slammed the door, leaving Severus with nothing but darkness.

"Who's there?" said an old voice. "I'm afraid I didn't quite manage to get a look at you before they closed the door."

"No matter," said Severus. "Here." He held out a hand and a few flames sprang to life in his palm, lighting up the small cell.

The elderly man sat and leaned against the stone wall. When he spotted Severus, he sat a little straighter. His black eyes shone with familiarity and sadness.

Severus sighed. _I should have known. An elder Slytherin, Master Potions Brewer, my only living relative. They've trapped Augustus Prince in here with me._

_All things considered, he looks well._

A few renegade strands of Augustus' snowy hair fell in his eyes. His clothes were in disarray, and he lacked his walking cane, but his dignity and sharpness remained intact.

"Mr. Snape," Augustus said with a nod as a flicker of surprise came and went quicker than a beat of a hummingbird's wing. "I should have known they'd drag you in too."

Severus smirked. "You refused to make the Wolfsbane potion for them, didn't you?"

"Of course." Augustus returned Severus' smirk and his eyes sparked with mirth. "They haven't seen the worst of me yet."

"I don't doubt that." Severus frowned. "But we need to get out of here."

"I quite agree. But as they took my wand, I'm afraid I'll be rather useless in that endeavor."

"Hmm." Severus quickly searched the room. "Even if you had your wand, I doubt you could get out of here easily." Severus tugged the wall panels. "Strong safety wards. Even if we get out, the Death Eaters will be alerted in less than a second, and there are nearly a dozen of them up there. Not to mention Voldemort could appear any moment. And the entire mansion is warded against apparition, so we can't do that."

"You're saying there's no way for us to get out," said Augustus.

"Not precisely." Severus traced another wall panel for a second time. "I could attempt an escape right now, but chances are they'd catch me immediately. The question is, should I risk it now, or wait until they bring me to face Voldemort? Fortunately, the Death Eaters have already made several dim-witted mistakes."

"Like what?" Augusts raised a brow.

Severus' smirk morphed into an evil almost-grin. "Let's just say their _biggest_ mistake was leaving me conscious." He chuckled. "They don't consider me a threat. Plus, I have a considerable advantage—I know how Voldemort's mind works."

"Arrogant words," said Augustus. "But you've never made a claim without grounds—or the means to back it up. I'm intrigued. I shall follow your lead, Mr. Snape."

"Thank you, Lord Prince."

Less than half an hour later, several Death Eaters retrieved Severus.

"Get your hands off me," he hissed and spat as he tried to wrest his arms from their grip.

"You will speak to us with respect, boy!" One Death Eater slapped Severus hard across the face. The sting lingered several seconds.

"Why?" Severus snorted defiantly. "It took eight of you to collect one student, and the other students and I injured two of you! That's pathetic!"

Another slap stung his cheek. "I _said_ , show some respect!" The Death Eater spit in Severus' face.

Severus met the man's retort with a sullen stare and hung limply in their grasp, dead weight, forcing the Death Eaters to drag him up the stairs.

"You think you're so smart," Severus ranted as they hauled him toward a door. "Lucky for you, your leader's so powerful, or you'd be done for. He probably doesn't even need your help."

Another enraged Death Eater flung him across the room.

"Insolent brat!" Bellatrix bristled.

"Enough!"

From the floor, Severus looked up. Across the room stood Voldemort. His eyes still shone bright red, the shade of new blood, just like Severus remembered, but the Dark Lord's face wasn't so snakelike now. By all rights, he should have been handsome, but he wasn't. Despite his strong chin, medium brown hair and well-formed face, Voldemort still looked repulsive.

"The boy is quite right," Voldemort hissed. "You all are _nothing_ without me." A large, green snake slithered around his neck and flicked its forked tongue at the Death Eaters. Nagini. The beast's quiet hiss sent each black-robed figure back a step and forced their gazes to the floor.

Severus knelt, head bowed, a slight shake running through him as he too stared wide-eyed at the ground.

"Rise, boy." Voldemort motioned Severus up.

"Thank you, my lord." Severus stood but didn't look Voldemort in the eye.

"You show me respect, yet you fight with my Death Eaters," Voldemort whispered. "Why?"

"I did not think they were real Death Eaters," Severus said, the tremble now in his voice too as he fidgeted under Voldemort's gaze. "I thought, surely, those worthy of being called the Dark Lord's most trusted servants could eliminate a group of young, inexperienced students without trouble."

Voldemort's anger rose.

Severus continued, "But then, I suppose no one can be expected to come close to the power the Dark Lord possesses."

Voldemort seemed to calm at this, but wrath still burned in his eyes—directed, not at Severus, but at his masked servants. The Dark Lord shot burning glances at each Death Eater and clutched his wand is if hexing them that instant was a serious option.

"As I am finally honored by your presence, I know they _are_ you servants. I feel your power, so strong, and…" Severus trembled.

"Does it frighten you?" said Voldemort, as greed shone in his eyes.

"Yes, my lord," Severus said, voice small and low, like a frightened child.

"Does it fascinate you?"

Severus took a sharp breath. "Very much, my lord."

Voldemort grinned, and his face turned even more repulsive. "Do you crave this power?" His voice thickened into a sick sweetness, like honey laced with too much sugar.

Severus gulped and nodded. "Yes, my lord. It is unlike anything I've ever seen. It is… truly magnificent."

"Will you help our cause?"

"Of course," Severus said, as if this was the most natural response. "Anything to be of use to the Dark Lord."

Voldemort seemed overjoyed. "You will make the Wolfsbane potion."

"If that is what my lord wishes," said Severus and bowed his head in respect. "But I want to do more."

"You want to serve?" said Voldemort with a smirk.

As if in disbelief, Severus raised wide, intimidation-muddied, black eyes to meet Voldemort's. "Yes, my lord. Anything for your most coveted praise," Severus whispered, voice still trembling. "I cannot help but crave your power."

The Dark Lord's red, demanding gaze changed to delight as shades of brimstone lit into a merry bonfire. Like the mad man he was, Voldemort grinned. "And serve you shall. Already you've shown potential for great power—a potential I will help you realize. He clapped once, its echo sharp, unbending.

Nagini, scales green as a bed of fresh pine needles, stared at Severus, forked tongue flicking. Her menace was unmistakable.

"If you prove yourself, I see a future in which the Dark Lord has a Prince. Oh yes, it is quite a vision—and fitting, considering your heritage." Voldemort smirked. "Unfortunately, that old fool is stubborn."

"He _is_ a fool," said Severus. "Blind, senile. It's only his foolishness that keeps him from seeing what the future should be."

Voldemort covered his surprise, but not before Severus caught a flicker of it. "Do you suggest we finish him?"

"I want to see him suffer." Severus sneered. "He left me—his own flesh and blood—to grow up in a cruel, muggle world. He doesn't know how much I suffered, growing up surrounded by such filth. He should have known muggles are nothing but animals and unworthy of our world—even my own muggle father…"

Snapes hand flew over his mouth, showing shock as he had just slipped up! Voldemorts look though, was one of intrigue.

"Please, my lord, don't judge me based on my father," Severus pleaded. "Judge me instead on my old blood."

Voldemort approached. He bent and took Severus' chin with one slim hand and framed his cheek with the other. "It's okay, my servant," he whispered with what could almost have been… care. "You will only be judged on how well you prove your worth to me. I shall punish the old man for you." He released Severus and straightened.

"My lord," Severus whispered. "It is my seventeenth birthday, and it would be even better with a gift."

"What do you want?" Intrigue filled Voldemort's question.

"Apart from serving the Dark Lord and having a part of his power… let me punish the old man personally. I want him to suffer by _my_ hand, just as I suffered by his when he didn't come to my aid."

"You shall have your gift." Voldemort nodded. "It is fitting you find me the day you step into adulthood and begin your new life. Come! Let us go and visit the elder Prince." He beckoned both Severus and his Death Eaters.

Together they left the corridor and returned to the cellar. One of the Death Eaters opened the door and light from the hall fell over Augustus Prince.

The old man squinted.

"Do your best," said Voldemort.

"My lord… I… do not have my wand."

"Then you must have it back." Voldemort motioned over the masked Bellatrix. "Give him his wand."

Bellatrix hesitated. "Is that a good idea, my lord?"

Dangerous fury lit in Voldemort. "You dare defy me?" he demanded.

"No, my lord." Bellatrix immediately retrieved Severus' wand.

Severus took it and shot three well-aimed beams at her. Bellatrix hit the floor, flat on her back, to Voldemort's great amusement. The Dark Lord's sharp, cold laugh chilled the air.

"That's for slapping me around like a worthless rag doll," Severus growled at Bellatrix then turned to Augustus. "And you, old man! You'll pay for your sins!"

Augustus shuffled into the near corner and peered at Severus from the shadows, his face obscured by the darkness. "I have no idea what you mean," he said, tone defeated.

"Don't try to be smart with me!" Severus roared. "So, _grandfather,_ you never thought I was good enough for you, did you? What about now? I'll be more powerful than you could ever imagine!" Severus shot two beams at Augustus.

The old man flew backward and twisted a half-circle. He landed on his stomach, face to the wall.

"You and your idiotic old ways!" Severus shot one last beam at Augustus. "Can't you see what the Dark Lord is building? It's magnificent!" He sent a _Confundus_ at the old man and threw him into the farthest corner, limp.

Voldemort laughed, genuinely, as if this were the best show he'd ever seen.

" _I_ am the _real_ Prince heir! And _you_ should have treated me like it!" Severus roared before he pulled the silver watch from its pocket and stroked it with a finger. "Letting me rot with those muggles… This is nowhere near good enough punishment for all you've done to me," he hissed. "I know." He cracked a wicked smile. " _CRUCIO_!"

The figure twitched and screamed.

"Oh, shut up." Severus sneered. " _Silencio_. _CRUCIO_!"

His victim twisted in agony, but not a word escaped. Only Voldemort's roaring laughter filled the cellar.

"Enough," Voldemort said once he'd finished laughing. "We don't want to finish him just yet. I'm sure you'll want to keep your present to laugh at later." Voldemort smirked. "Besides, you have a job to do."

Severus stopped his torture of the old man, still hidden in the shadows.

"Your first task is to make that potion."

"I will need a cauldron, my lord." Severus bowed to Voldemort. "And the ingredients."

"Follow me." Voldemort led Severus and the Death Eaters, including Bellatrix who straightened her mask after she stood, upstairs. They passed through another door and reached the potions lab.

On the table sat a cauldron, ready for use. The requested ingredients lay around it in organized rows.

Severus appraised the supplies. "Where's the unicorn hair?"

The Death Eaters shifted uncomfortably as Voldemort's glare scoured each of them accusingly.

"The—the formula d-didn't say anything about u-unicorn hair," one Death Eater murmured, head down.

"Then you have the old, failed formula," said Severus. "The real formula specifically calls for unicorn hair. It's the main ingredient and activates the potion."

"This formula was public domain! It doesn't say anything about unicorn hair," another Death Eater insisted.

Severus gave him the most condescending look he'd ever administered. "I invented that potion. Are you _really_ questioning me about its ingredients?"

"Insolent fools!" Voldemort hissed. "Why is it something so simple can escape you? Just get him the unicorn hair! _NOW_!"

"But we don't know where to get it!" Another Death Eater stumbled over his own feet as he bowed apologetically.

"Idiots! _Crucio_!" Voldemort targeted the unfortunate Death Eater who'd just spoken. The man crumpled and screamed in torment.

"I have my own private supply," Severus offered. "It's at my home, my lord."

"Then I will send some of my servants to get it," said Voldemort.

"I wouldn't place such a valuable thing where just anyone could get it," Severus said. "It's locked away in my mokeskin chest. Only I can open it."

"Fine. Then you get it," Voldemort hissed.

"But, my lord," burst one Death Eater at the back of the group—near where Bellatrix was standing when they came into the lab. He bowed respectfully.

Severus raised a brow at him. "If you're concerned I won't return, why don't some of you join me?"

The Death Eaters looked at each other in confusion.

"What are you waiting for?" Voldemort fumed. "Go with the boy if you're so troubled. I can't stand looking at you idiots for another second!"

Severus bowed and left the lab, heading for the manor entrance. Five Death Eaters, including the protester, followed. All five clamored to grasp his arms so he couldn't get away.

Outside, with a cold stare at the lot of them, Severus said, "Ready to apparate?"

The three Death Eaters not attached to Severus' arms took hold of each other just before Severus apparated them all with a loud crack.

A paper-filled office surrounded them, and a handful of people gaped.

"What the devil?!" exclaimed a rough-looking man who sat two feet away.

Severus chuckled.


	27. Happy birthday Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so some of you guys might noticed I just did a bit of shuffling with chapters. The reason for this is... I made an oopsie, the story was missing a chapter!  
> Oops... i had my very kind and generous editor quickly fix the missing chapter which is the chapter called "Downtime." Chapter 23... So yeah, should be fine now. I apologize. Hope you enjoy the story! 
> 
> The fault is mine, Moonybird, I am the author. Dtill359 is the wonderful editor making the story presentable for you guys. I am the one who split up the chapter and then only send her one half and didn't even notice myself... ups. :/

"WHAT THE DEVIL?!" Alastor Moody clambered away from Severus and the Death Eaters. The other Aurors gathered near the other side of their headquarters inside the Ministry of Magic. All stared, flabbergasted.

"I brought you a gift," said Severus. He faced the Death Eaters. "Immobulus!" He targeted four of the five Death Eaters, and they fell, no chance to react. "Not this one." Severus grabbed the last Death Eater's arm and pulled him forward. "He was only playing a part."

"And let's hope I never need to do anything like that again," said Augustus Prince as he flung off the Death Eater mask.

"Prince!" said Moody. "We thought you were… taken captive by Voldemort. We've been looking everywhere for you the past two weeks!"

"Voldemort did take me," said Augustus. "I quite literally just arrived from my holding cell at his headquarters."

"And you are…?" Moody turned to Severus.

"Severus Snape."

"But Death Eaters took you from Hogsmeade only three hours ago." Moody defaulted to a detective-like tone, eyes steady, thoughtful.

The other Aurors scrambled to unmask and clear the Death Eaters.

"How did you escape?" Moody addressed Augustus.

"Truthfully, I had nothing to do with it," said Augustus. "It was all Mr. Snape. Extraordinary really. He tricked Voldemort into letting him go for potion supplies, and then he walked out. Just like that." Augustus snapped his fingers and though he'd just demonstrated a cheap, muggle magic trick.

"But how?" Moody barked. "One does not just walk out on Voldemort. Your arrival in Death Eater robes seems highly suspicious to me."

"We—"

"Shut it, kid. I'm talking to the adult here." Moody sneered.

Severus clamped his mouth shut and silently counted to ten.

"He is no child," Augustus blurted. "We ought to treat Mr. Snape with the greatest respect."

"I'll respect whoever I choose, and a boy barely seventeen isn't someone I often want to listen to," Moody retorted. "In any case, I'll question him later."

"Of all the disrespectful—" Augustus began.

"You'd better not waste my time," said Moody. "Start explaining. Unless you want to spend a week in Azkaban before we continue this… conversation."

Augustus' jaw strained, as though he had to bite back his tongue. The old man closed his eyes and took a long breath. "As I said, it was extraordinary. Death Eaters took me against my will two weeks ago. They wanted me to brew the Wolfsbane potion for them so they could build a controllable army of werewolves. I refused, of course, which is why I've spent every day since my capture in a cell. About three hours ago, young Mr. Snape joined me. He's the original inventor of the potion, and he offered an escape plan. He would play along with Voldemort, get on his good side, and then trick him into giving Mr. Snape his wand back. He hexed a Death Eater to look like me and used a replacement charm on us, so we switched places. Then he tricked Voldemort into letting him leave—purportedly to go home for missing potion supplies—escorted by a few Death Eaters. He quite literally walked out."

Moody looked doubtful and said drily, "That does sound extraordinary. And unbelievable. Voldemort handed his wand back? And let him go? Tell me, kid, what did you say to him?"

Severus looked down at Moody, a good head shorter than him. "I said I craved his power—that I feared him. I told him what he wanted to hear."

"You must be one convincing actor." Moody snorted and returned his attention to Augustus. "How'd the kid get to you?"

"Ingenious, really." Augustus huffed. "He convinced Voldemort I was his grandfather and that he was bitter toward me and wanted to enact his punishment personally. It's amazing how fate treats you well sometimes. My old watch must have supported your story, Mr. Snape."

"Actually…" For once, Severus had no words.

Confusion cloudy Moody like fog over a morning marsh.

Augustus raised a brow.

"I'd hoped this would come up under better circumstances…" Severus sat. "Biologically and technically… you are my grandfather."

Augustus' brows knit, face otherwise blank. "Excuse me?"

Severus sat rod straight. "Eileen Prince Snape—your daughter—was my mother."

Augustus' dignified composure slipped.

Moody harrumphed. "You seriously want to tell me you didn't know? It's all in the papers. Even I knew about it."

"I thought she died years ago." Augustus had yet to reclaim his poise. "I… she… fell in love with that man. I told her not to—to stay away from him, but she wouldn't listen. Kept sneaking out to see him. I was so angry. Eileen never acted that way before, continually disobeying me—even shouting at me. Finally, I told her that if she was so unhappy, she should leave and never come back. Then, she vanished… I was outraged at first. For the first couple of years I expected her to return on her own, crawling back. I was ready to tell her 'I told you so,' but she—she never came back… I was worried, so I started to search, but it was like she'd never existed—plucked from the Wizarding World." Augustus shut his eyes against what were clearly painful memories.

"Turns out she married a muggle—one Tobias Snape." Moody shuffled through some papers, expression stiff. "She settled with him in the muggle world, and they had one child. Congratulations, Prince. It's a boy! Now, convince me your story's true, because I still don't believe a tenth of it."

The afternoon dragged on. Separated for questioning, Severus and Augustus had no time to talk. Both willingly provided memories for Pensieve review only to be questioned yet again.

Hours later, back in Auror headquarters, Moody stood before Severus, arms crossed. "I still don't believe you," he growled. "Thing is, I only see three possibilities here: one—you're working with Voldemort, and your dear grandfather here. The three of you are using charms, or other magic to trick us."

Severus focused on Moody's next words.

"Two—Voldemort is using you—in which case, you're innocent but dangerous, and I should detain you. Or three—I'm looking at the most powerful wizard the world has produced in a century. Even compared with the threats already roaming around, imagine what you could do once you reached my age. As nice as it'd be to think that last option's true—and we all know we need a powerful ally against Voldemort—it just isn't likely, now is it?" Moody frowned. "Show me that replacement charm. You claim to have done it wordlessly and well enough to not only make two people switch places, but switch places under their clothes. I can't think of anyone who could pull off a stunt like that!"

"Fine," Severus said. "Who do you want me to switch?"

"How about… those two?" Moody pointed to two Auror trainees.

One, a tall black man, wore extremely short—almost nonexistent—hair and a single gold earring. Why does he seem familiar? The other was Frank Longbottom. He was at the train station last summer.

Severus waved his wand at both young men. They switched instantly from one set of clothes to the other. Upon discovering their swap, the trainees stammered in confusion, but couldn't figure out what just happened.

"Merlin's beard!" Moody muttered. "Had I not seen it I wouldn't have believed it!" He gave Severus a stern look. "Who taught you this charm? I've never heard of it."

"I made it myself," said Severus. "It's not hard to do or understand. Instead of wasting time with aiming at a specific location, focus on the living tissue—the energy of the object—and move that instead. It's obvious." He lent Moody a sullen stare.

Moody's apprehension manifested in a pointed glare. "As you may have already concluded, I must release you, but I'm keeping an eye on you, Mr. Snape. If you really did walk out on Voldemort, he's got you on his hit list. Then again, if you tricked the most powerful wizard of our time—as you claim—what can't you do, eh? I know kids like you, always wanting to take on the world. But trust me, we don't need or want another Voldemort. And we certainly don't want a war with the two of you vying for control while the rest of us are stuck in the middle. Make one wrong move and I'll stop you before that can happen. Hear me, kid? No wise ideas about having all the power and glory to yourself!"

"I hear you, Moody," Severus' tone turned cold. "But now you listen to me. I'm not interested in power. I don't want it. All I want is to see my friends safe and happy, so, you don't have to bother wasting government resources on watching me."

Moody raised a brow, but his eyes remained stern, focused on Severus. "If that's the case, I guess I'm lucky," he growled. "Come on, kid. Somebody's been nagging me to see you ever since you got here."

Dumbledore—any idiot would've known that.

As he and Moody left the Aurors' office, the Headmaster waited for them in a small lobby, looking relieved.

Dumbledore said a few last words to the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, Barty Crouch Sr. Crouch's icy blue eyes warned Severus that Moody wouldn't be the only one watching him.

"You didn't hurt my student, did you, Alastor?" Dumbledore jested.

"What do you take me for? A Death Eater?" said Moody sourly. "That's an insult." He shoved Severus toward Dumbledore. "Here. All yours. But you'd better watch this one. Something about this whole thing smells."

"I'll take the same precautions I always do," said Dumbledore, serious now.

A wordless exchange flashed between Moody and Dumbledore.

He knows something's going on. Dumbledore's probably had at least one eye on me for a while.

With a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye Dumbledore said, "Well, Mr. Snape, I do believe we should head back."

The door banged open. "Stop right there!" demanded Augustus Prince, still shrouded in Death Eater blacks. He panted as if he'd just run all the way from the main lobby. Once he'd caught his breath, he said, "Thank you ever so much for making me aware you were done with Severus, Mr. Moody."

Moody met the thick sarcasm with another growl.

"Albus." Augustus nodded to Dumbledore.

"Augustus." Dumbledore smiled. "It's been a while, my friend. Is it five years now?"

"Twenty-three," said Augustus. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk with my grandson. He and I endured quite the life-threatening experience together."

"I'm afraid that doesn't sit well with me, or the other Hogwarts staff," said Dumbledore. "We want him safely under our supervision as soon as possible. Besides, it is getting late."

"Don't you think he needs a day off to compose himself—away from prying eyes?" Augustus replied. "Such an experience would shake anyone." He sent Severus a knowing look. "Right?"

"Yes. Yes, very," Severus said. Though I'm not shocked at all.

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore said. "Your friends will be worried."

Severus hesitated. I have much to discuss with Augustus… and if we don't do it now, we may never have the chance. Once Voldemort discovers I've tricked him, both Augustus and I will earn places at the top of his death list. "Headmaster, I must speak with Mr. Prince, and a day off would be welcome. If you could please tell Lily I'm all right, that would be most appreciated." Dumbledore might not be happy about it, but knows he has no right to drag me off.

"Very well," Dumbledore agreed. "I'll expect you to floo directly to my office tomorrow at two o'clock. Is that all right with you?"

"Yes, sir." Severus nodded.

"I suppose a 'Happy birthday' is in order, Mr. Snape," said Dumbledore. "I'll see you tomorrow. Alastor, would you escort me? I should like a word."

Moody left with the Headmaster.

Heavy silence fell between Severus and Augustus. Each nervously appraised the other.

"How is it everyone knew except me?" said Augustus.

Severus raised a brow. "If it's any consolation, I didn't know anything about you before last summer."

"You mean… Eileen never told you about me?" Augustus sat beside Severus.

"She didn't talk about much."

Augustus shook his head. "That's nothing new. She was always shy, quiet. Now that I know, I see the resemblance… Was she—Was she happy… at least?"

What should it be? Truth? That she tried to hide her magic until I was born and manifested magical abilities as a toddler? That Eileen was miserable—that once Tobias discovered she had magic he beat her and drank himself into oblivion? That Tobias was so terrified he abused his family? That… it was so bad she forgot her magic… and ended her own life?

Or lie? No one would ever know. I'm the only one left who knows what really happened, and even my memories are just shadows in places—twenty-two years will do that, I suppose.

The memory of his mother's spirit, peacefully roaming the afterlife, overrode both options. "Yes," Severus said. "She loved me very much."

"How… did she die?" Augustus' voice went dry, and he leaned forward in his chair.

"Illness. It was a surprise to everyone. She fell ill and seven months later, she was gone—but she passed peacefully."

Augustus closed his eyes and sat straight. "What about your father? I heard he was assumed dead."

"He died in a fire," Severus said. After the strain of burying his emotions so deeply while with Voldemort, the lie strained his voice.

"It's a shame I find out about you only after such horrible tragedies."

Severus nodded, face again an emotionless mask. Actually, the timing couldn't be any better.

Augustus's posture lost some of its rigidness and his shoulders fell in exhaustion. For a moment, he wore his age. "I suppose we're both tired. How about we find a place to rest for the night and continue our conversation in the morning?"

"That is most agreeable."

Severus and Augustus rented a room at the Fiery Dragon, the inn beside the Ministry. It reminded Severus of the Leaky Cauldron but was a bit less shabby due to the frequent patronage of the Ministry employees. Even the Minister of Magic himself stopped by the Dragon after work every Wednesday for a Fire Whisky.

Protective wards surrounded the inn. That and the flood of Ministry employees made the Dragon one of the safest places for someone being hunted.

When they checked-in Augustus requested separate rooms and handed Severus a key of his own.

"I must fetch some decent clothing." Augustus frowned at the Death Eater robes. "You get some rest."

"Thank you, sir."

"Please, call me Augustus. Not only are we family, but you saved my life. And I know it would probably be too much to ask you to call me Grandfather right now." He slumped like a deflated balloon.

The past two weeks in Voldemort's custody are just starting to sink in for him… He looks… old. "Okay."

"Happy birthday, Severus," Augustus said as he temporarily left the inn.


	28. Breaking point

Severus woke in his bed at the _Fiery Dragon_. A light sleeper, he almost never slept more than six hours unless exhausted by some physical ordeal.

The blackness of pre-dawn blanketed the inn like the first snow of winter—quiet and promising.

Severus swung cold feet onto a small rug beside the bed. _Can’t sleep any more…_ He threw on the same wizard robes he’d worn when the Death Eaters took him in Hogsmeade. They hovered a shade between carmine and burgundy with just enough brown in them to be neither.

He retrieved Augustus’ watch from the nightstand. Its gentle tick showed him the time. _Twelve after six._ _Not too terribly late._ The Prince family crest—a hawk, wings spread in flight, crowned nobly—hovered over a majestic “P”. _I finally have someone sane to call family. I suppose I’m technically related to most of the pureblood families, anyway. Second cousin to the Blacks, grandnephew to Abraxas Malfoy—but I wouldn’t consider either of those connections worth anything._

 _Princes aren’t just pureblooded—we’re pureblood_ royalty _._ He sighed and plunked onto the bed again. Another glance out the window showed no sign of the sun yet. _Yesterday must have taken a toll. I’d never have slept this late otherwise—and I even retired early last night._

Severus secured the watch loop and tucked it into his pocket. He brushed a stray hair off his robes. _I hope Lily didn’t lay awake all night worrying… She shouldn’t have to endure that. Should I have let her sink so deeply into this? Should I have invested such confidence in her? Not knowing would make such situations as this far easier on her. Too late now…_ A bit of selfishness surfaced. _She was right. I wanted her—and I doubt breaking up with her even now would stop her worrying about me. It was_ my _choice to do things differently this time—to trust someone—to be the best person I could be regarding her._

 _What should I say to Augustus?_ Not much sprang to mind. Only one thing. _I hope he won’t object much to my request._

Seven o’clock crept around. Downstairs, the kitchen and front hall opened, and wafts of fresh coffee met Severus in the hall as he went to get a stout cup. Ministry employees too busy or too inept to make their own breakfast drifted in for whatever the _Dragon_ had on the menu this morning.

Barely five seconds after Severus poured his coffee Augustus grabbed a mug too—his coffee strong and black. “Good morning.” He sat across from Severus, tucked into a small corner table. Augustus wore wizarding robes like Severus’—and nothing like the Death Eater blacks he’d sported the day before.

“Morning.” Severus sipped his mug to fill the awkward silence.

Both ordered breakfast but didn’t say a word to each other. Muttering from other wizards and the wall clock’s crisp tick enhanced the tension until both finished the last bite of their meal and sipped a second cup of coffee, the steam still rolling off both mugs.

“So…” Augustus made the first attempt. “Seventeen yesterday.”

Severus didn’t miss the strain in Augustus’ voice. He too was a man of practical words, but with limited time, such an impractical opening sufficed.

Severus nodded. “Yes.”

“A spectacular birthday.” Augustus’ words were as inept as a child who’d just loudly asked his mother why the woman across the room was fat.

“I could have done with less excitement,” Severus said dryly. “Alastor Moody likes to make people feel _so_ at home.”

Augustus chuckled. “To be captured by Death Eaters on a public street and trick this century’s most powerful wizard was child’s play, I presume?” He smirked. “I wouldn’t want to be a Death Eater, especially right now.”

“Fury doesn’t begin to describe Voldemort’s current sentiments.”

Both laughed, but it devolved into sadistic mirth.

“Imagine his face with he realizes I tricked him,” said Severus.

They both laughed again.

Voldemort’s shocked face rose in Severus’ mind. _Deceived in front of his Death Eaters._ He chuckled to himself. “In trouble is nowhere near an adequate explanation of my situation at the moment.”

Augustus snorted. “Boy, if the average Death Eater had half your brains we’d be in real trouble. Hmph! Though I suppose we _are_ in significant trouble now.” He sobered.

Severus nodded. “I’ll be under Dumbledore’s protection, but what about you? Do you have anywhere to go?”

“I have a plan,” said Augustus. “I thought perhaps it was time to leave the country for a little while.”

“Indeed.” Severus nodded. “… About that. I have a request.”

“I’m listening.” Augustus leaned forward and folded his hands atop the table.

“It’s wise to assume I’m preeminent on Voldemort’s hit list. I outsmarted him, openly double-crossed him, and made him look like a fool.”

Augustus nodded.

“He will employ all means necessary to get to me. I have no family outside of Hogwarts for him to target, but Lily Evans—my girlfriend—does. Not only that, but she’s muggleborn. Her family can’t protect themselves.”

“You want me to take them with me out of the country?” Augustus raised a brow. “Muggles?”

Severus sucked in a breath and gave one crisp nod. “Yes. They’re good people. They helped care for me when I was alone.”

Augustus shifted in his seat and laced his fingers together tightly to preempt a cringe.

“You have a problem with muggles?” said Severus as though his request were the most normal thing in the world.

“They’re… well… muggles.” Augustus studied a tiny chip in the table’s enameled top.

 _Augustus isn’t a bad person, but it seems an old pureblood like him isn’t quite ready to accept muggles as equals yet._ “Would you leave them to die?” said Severus as smoothly as if he’d just asked about Augustus’ taste in wine.

Augustus frowned. “Don’t take that tone with me. I’ve seen what you can do—how you manipulated Voldemort. And now you turn that tactic on your own grandfather?! I should teach you a lesson.”

“You didn’t know you _had_ a grandson until now,” said Severus. “And an orphaned one at that. Don’t you think you owe me? What was the last thing you said to my mother? You didn’t like her falling in love with a muggle, did you?”

Augustus reddened, teeth clenched.

_He’s caught, and he knows it._

“This… Lily Evans… that was the young woman you were with last summer, was it not? The red-head?”

Severus nodded.

“And what are your feelings towards her?”

It was Severus’ turn to fold his hands. “Lily… is my oldest and best friend. I’ve known her since early childhood. Often, she was my _only_ friend. And I love her. No matter what, I won’t let anything happen to her. As for her family, I’, indebted to them. They looked out for me when no one else would.”

Augustus sighed. “Very well,” he said, defeated.

_Oh? I’d anticipated him needing more arm-twisting._

Expression stiff, Augustus said, “I see you’re counting on spending the rest of your life with this girl.”

 _Well… I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet… The only conclusion I’ve made so far is that I_ will _protect her at all costs. I do love her and want to stay with her forever, so I suppose that’s a logical conclusion._ “Yes,” he said, slightly stunned at his own admission.

“Then I will assume the Evanses are future family. Muggles or not, I’m in no position to lecture you about your choice in this.” He snorted. “You’re far more of an adult than others twice your age.”

“Thank… you.”

Augustus’ stern facade broke into a grim smile. “Severus… we only met six months ago, yet you’re all the family I have. I will never be able to talk to Eileen again, or work things out with her.” He bowed his head, eyes closed. “My last words to her were… very angry ones… I said if she married _that man_ she shouldn’t bother coming home—that there’d be no place for her in my house. I suppose she took those words to heart…” Pain lined his face.

 _What would’ve happened if I’d told him the truth… that she hung herself –in her own kitchen?_ “That… is the past. Let us keep it in mind, and, hopefully, we can use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future,” Severus said.

Augustus slowly nodded. “Indeed…”

“Watch out for Lily’s sister, Petunia,” Severus muttered. “She’s not exactly easy to get along with.”

Augustus raised a brow in question.

“I know it can be hard but do try to treat her nicely,” Severus said.

Augustus’ other brow rose to join the first. He appeared to be asking himself what trouble he’d just thrown himself into. “I’ll do my best,” he said and cast a glance behind Severus. “Ah! Good of you to come so early.” He motioned someone to the table.

A shabbily dressed man shuffled over. Strands of what appeared to be fur covered his clothes, and feathers were braided into his hair. He held a medium-sized bird cage.

“Happy seventeenth birthday,” said Augusts with a grand gesture toward the caged owl.

“But you already gave me a gift.” Severus reached for the pocketed watch.

“I don’t care what you call it—compensation for wasted years, a thank-you for saving my life, a practical way to keep in contact.” He nodded to the shabby man—who Severus now realized was probably the owner of an animal shop. “The money I’m going to put in your vault is your right as my heir.”

The man set the cage on the table between Severus and Augustus and left.

A defeated smile took over, and Severus shook his head. _Little use in arguing with him over these extravagant gestures. Might as well save my breath._

The caged owl blinked at Severus. It wasn’t big—about the size of a crow—practical. Its sharp, yellow eyes were small for an owl, but still held all the distinctness and sharp wit of its species. One thick, black stripe framed each side of its white face, and white spots dotted its dark brown forehead. Stripes the color of fresh mud streaked its snowy breast.

“A female Northern Hawk Owl,” said Augustus. “Swift, intelligent, and nearly invisible in the air. They’re one of the most social breeds of owl.” He stroked the bird’s head through the cage bars. “It’s the only owl breed I’ve ever used. An owl should be practical, not gaudy and impressive.” He eased the cage toward Severus.

Cautiously, Severus slipped a finger into the cage and stroked the bird’s head. She purred. “What’s her name?”

“I’m afraid I’ve always been rubbish at such things, but I have a weakness for Shakespeare, so it’s Desdemona.”

“Then I’ll call her Mona.” Severus stroked the owl again, this time with a whole hand. “Thank you.”

“Not at all. I own her mate, Othello, so she’ll always be able to find me. I’m sure your red head will be happy to be able to contact her family. I shall expect weekly updates from you.”

“If Lily’s family is with you, that could easily be daily if she has anything to say about it,” said Severus.

“I know these people matter to you, so I will try to treat them with respect, but if I’m to be holed-up with muggles, I’ll need you to write me some sensible letters.” Augustus crossed his arms. “Or I just might lose my mind.”

“I’ll make my utmost effort to write you often—to give you a diversion.” Severus smirked. Minutes later he set Mona to use and sent a letter to Lily’s parents, explaining the situation. He remembered to include his lie to Augustus about his mother’s death and asked them to keep up the pretense that Eileen was happy. He also requested they all have suitcases packed by day’s end.

As Dumbledore’s deadline loomed, Severus and Augustus parted ways. Augustus began arrangements for his and the Evanses’ hasty departure.

Severus dared not venture outside at the risk of being spotted, so, he picked up a copy of the _Daily Prophet_. An article about the Death Eater attack in Hogsmeade caught his eye, as well as a list of this week’s missing people, and another article that offered tips on coping with loss. He quickly tired of the paper and moved on to the few books the _Dragon_ kept.

He could have flooed to Dumbledore’s office early, but he dreaded the conversation waiting for him there, so he used the remaining hours to prepare himself.

When the clock struck two, he still wasn’t ready, but he shoved aside his hesitancy, gritted his teeth, emptied his mind, and steeled himself for Dumbledore’s inevitable questions.

Severus flicked the green powder into the lit fireplace and called, “Albus Dumbledore’s office, Hogwarts.” Seconds later, he stepped from the floo to find the Headmaster seated at his desk, waiting expectantly.

“Ah, Mr. Snape.” Dumbledore smiled as he always did, with that irritating twinkle, but behind it lurked traces of worry. “So good of you to come.”

“Headmaster.” Severus nodded.

“I trust you and Augustus were able to say all you needed to for the time being?”

“Yes, sir. We won’t be seeing each other for a while.”

“I expected as much,” Dumbledore said as sadness sparked his face. “Both of you are at the top of Voldemort’s death list, I should imagine.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Please, have a seat.” Dumbledore gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

Severus sat.

“Lemon drop?” The Headmaster held out the little bowl.

Severus frowned at the sweets and bit back a shudder at the thought of so much sugar congealed into one tiny bite.

Dumbledore smiled at Severus’ response and set the bowl in its place. He folded his hands and rested both elbows on the desk, expression now serious.

“Mr. Snape, Alastor Moody already informed me of everything he believes he’s discovered, but I would like to hear the story from you.” He leaned forward just enough that his long beard brushed the desk. “If you don’t mind.”

_Not that I have a choice –if I want to avoid constant surveillance and the distrust of the entire school staff. Dumbledore already knows everything anyway._

Severus relayed the entire story, beginning with the Death Eater attack in Hogsmeade. He ended the tale with his apparation to Auror headquarters.

Dumbledore chuckled, the twinkle returning to his eyes before he turned serious again. “Mr. Snape, what am I supposed to think of or do about you? Best we put all our cards on the table, isn’t it?”

Severus blanked, hiding every emotion while he considered the situation.

Dumbledore sighed. “I suppose it’s only fair I should begin. I’ve had my eye on you for some time. Your outburst last June didn’t go unnoticed, and neither did your change of attitude afterward. Priorities shifted—friends changed—and quite abruptly, I might add. Others tell me you’ve found a new burst of confidence.” The Headmaster smiled again. “Horace is quite happy with you—so much in fact it’s proven difficult to keep him quiet. I’m led to believe a certain girl may have something to do with this shift, and I believe congratulations are in order.”

Severus pushed a little smile through this emotionless barrier.

“Since I’m sure she’s part of the reason for your sudden change, I’ve decided you’re not a threat. So far. That you have such feelings for others makes this old, foolish man happy, and relieved. I don’t believe you’re doing any deliberate harm. Does that ease your concerns?”

Severus nodded.

“However,” Dumbledore continued. “That explanation doesn’t answer many of my questions, and now, you’ve fooled the greatest, most dangerous wizard of this century. Excuse me if I find that a little suspicious.” He leaned forward a bit more, so he looked Severus dead in the eye. “I think there’s something you’re not telling me. And I would _very much_ like to know what it is. In your tale—which I _do_ believe, by the way—I noticed several magical feats of such enormity that you shouldn’t be able to accomplish them.” Dumbledore held up a wrinkled digit. “First, the use of Occlumency. I’m aware Voldemort knows when people lie to him. He’s an expert Legilimens. I see what you did. Your life mirrors Voldemort’s—almost exactly. Clever to make him think he saw in you a younger version of himself. The story blinded him from the truth long enough for your ruse to stick, but I’m still certain you used Occlumency. And I wonder how you knew Voldemort and Tom Marvolo Riddle are one and the same.”

Dumbledore reached finger number four in his list of curiosities pertaining to Severus’ escape. “You transfigured Mrs. Lestrange to look like Augustus?”

“That, I did not do,” Severus said, brow raised. “I only ensured she lay face down in a dark corner.”

“Nevertheless, you did it in less than a second, without a clear view of her face.” Dumbledore raised his thumb to complete the list. “And, you apparated, not only yourself, but five passengers into the Aurors’ office. Despite my great power and experience, I couldn’t have accomplished that at your age—and didn’t until I was almost thirty-two. Still, I only mastered it with help. So. Care to share what you’re hiding?”

 _Should I tell him?_ Severus met Dumbledore’s gaze without so much as a blink. _I suppose there’s no reason not to. I want to keep Lily and everyone else I care about safe—not to mention the rest of the greater populace. Dumbledore can help—in fact, his trust would be invaluable. And I can be a valuable resource for him in the fight against Voldemort. He only wants what’s best for everyone, albeit, his methods can be questionable. If I don’t tell him… he’ll consider me a threat and waste resources—that are needed far more elsewhere—keeping me under surveillance._ “Very well.”

“Oh?” Dumbledore’s shock melted into relief. “Well, that makes things a lot less complicated. What secret have you been keeping, Mr. Snape?”

“I’m dead.”

Dumbledore’s question covered every inch of his face, but he waited for an explanation.

“In 1998, at thirty-eight years of age, I died and was sent back here—to be sixteen again.” Severus crossed his arms in a silent challenge, daring Dumbledore to say he was mistaken or insane.

“That is a… unique situation,” said the Headmaster.

“Well, it was that or spend eternity as a ghost.”

Dumbledore’s churning thoughts reflected on his face.

“You doubt me, Albus?” Severus used the old familiar tone he always used to employ when speaking with the Headmaster.

“No.” Dumbledore didn’t comment on the use of his first name. “I can’t see why anyone would invent such a lie… Therefore, logically, you must be telling the truth. Last June, the day after your outburst, I received a visitor here, in my office. They provided me some startling information. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

 _Might as well show him that too._ Severus drew his wand. “ _Expecto Patronum_.” A silver doe sprang from the wand and pranced about the room before it dissolved into fine, silver mist.

Dumbledore’s thoughtful silence filled the room as the Patronus dissipated. “I assume by this you wish to help in the fight against Voldemort?”

“I just want my friends to be safe.”

“And you’ve already made all the mistakes of youth.” Dumbledore shook his head. “I’m happy you’ve chosen to tell me this. Undoubtedly, you’ll be a valuable ally.”

“The same for you, Albus.” Severus smirked. “Though I’d appreciate it if you keep this to yourself.”

“No need to even ask,” said Dumbledore. “I’m very good with secrets.”

“Trust me, I know,” Severus muttered darkly.

The hours flew. Dumbledore asked a host of questions, and Severus explained—but only what he didn’t deem too personal. He recounted how Dumbledore and Voldemort taught him advanced magic but left out the real reason for his original turn from the Dark Lord—Lily. The Potters’ son never entered the conversation either. However, Severus did tell Dumbledore about the Horcruxes and what the Headmaster said in his previous life—minus a few things.

Severus left the Headmaster’s office just in time for dinner. As he neared the Great Hall, the din of students grew. He caught snippets of conversation—mostly regarding himself and the Death Eater attack.

The moment he stepped into the Great Hall, the nearest students stopped and stared. A wave of attention flowed toward him as everyone realized their neighbors were intent on something other than conversation.

Silence blanketed the Great Hall, so strained a mouse’s whisper would have cracked it.

Clamor shattered the air as, all at once, everyone started talking again.

“Wasn’t he taken by Death Eaters?”

“How are you here?!”

“Where did you come from?”

“Are you all right?!”

“I was there, I saw him get taken. I swear!”

The chaos grew in volume as students crowded Severus as though he were a celebrity just off the bus.

Severus’ head whirled. _For once, I wish I_ were _on staff again so I could order them to leave me alone._ A headache threatened as more and more questions were hurled at him, and the sense of being crammed into a tiny room became irritating—maddening. When Severus stood on the brink of panic, salvation appeared from the most unlikely source.

“Out of the way!” James Potter bellowed and burst through the crowd, pushing them away like a strangling curtain. “Snape, you’re with me.” He grabbed Severus and yanked him from the Hall.

Safely away from the crowd, Severus tore from Potter’s grasp. “And where do you suppose you’re taking me?”

“Gryffindor common room,” James said. “Before Lily tears the whole place apart. She’s sick with worry about you.”

A beat of silence, then Severus nodded. “Lead the way.”

They hurried to Gryffindor Tower where Potter uttered the password and led Severus through the portrait hole.

Lily stood, staring into the lit fireplace, paler than Severus could remember. Remus stuttered and flitted around her like a nervous hummingbird.

“Lily,” said Severus.

She raised her head. “S-Sev!”

He rushed to her. “Lily!” he repeated like an idiot and hugged her tight.

Lily burst into tears, as if she’d held back a lake full of them all day. “You idiot! I thought you were dead! Dumbledore said you’d be back at two, and now it’s _six_! Don’t you know how to look at a clock?! Merlin, I was left to think you’d been hurt!”

“I’m sorry,” said Severus. “I’m fine now. See? I’m right here.”

“You’re still an idiot!” Lily scolded as she clung so close to him Severus wasn’t sure he could squeeze a sheet of vellum between them. “That’s the _second_ time you’ve left me out when there’s danger.” She choked back a sob and buried her face in his chest.

Severus tucked his fingers into her beautiful red hair as Lily cursed and swore at him through hitched sobs. _What have I reduced her to? She protects people—mostly me as of late. But I can’t put her in danger, so I’m forced to leave her behind when I must face it._ “Lily…” he whispered. “I need you to consider… Am I worth this? First, I had to escape Death Eaters over the summer, then, I was taken captive and faced Voldemort himself. There _will_ be a third time, Lily. I won’t be able to rest until I know you’re safe, and that means ridding the world of Voldemort—permanently.” He eased up her chin, so she met his gaze. “What could happen next when I leave Hogwarts?”

“Then don’t leave me out!” she demanded, face wet with tears and annoyance flashing in her red-rimmed green eyes.

“I can’t do that…” Severus whispered, voice so hoarse he could almost hear the horror rising in his gut at the thought of bringing her along in such a situation. Terror, unlike anything he’d ever experienced, gripped him. “I want one thing. To keep you safe. Nothing else matters.”

“You’re so stupid!” she hissed. “I’m not leaving you. I’ll fight through every one of Voldemort’s Death Eaters! Has it ever occurred to you I _want_ to help? _Want_ to fight? And I’m _certainly_ not leaving!”

He pulled away; the iron determination and passion in Lily frightened him. _And she’d do it. She’d_ die _to protect the ones she loves. She’s… scared for me—for my safety._ His earlier plea to his grandfather returned—about how his connection to Lily put her and her parents in danger. _No… I never should’ve done this—never shared this burden with her. It was all a mistake! If I don’t fix it now, I’ll never be able to do it again… There will be no peace until Voldemort is gone for good, and I’ll not see her go to battle for me. I fear only for_ her _life, not mine…_ “You must do this, Lily. I can’t—can’t watch you die a second time. I just can’t!”

“What do you mean?” said Lily.

“I can’t do this. We can’t be together. You must let me go.”

“Sev, I still don’t understand.”

He closed his eyes, head bowed. “I’m… breaking up with you. Please, stay away from me.”

“What? Sev, you don’t mean that. You’re—you’re –”

“Perfectly serious and clear-headed,” he said. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this until now. Merlin, Lily. You’re so young, and you know what I am. It’s not right.” Everything snapped into focus—especially the wrongness of it all. “ _Nothing_ about this is right. Nothing at all.”

Lily’s confusion manifested in a vague smile. “You’re joking. You almost had me there, you know.”

Severus shook his head. He reached out and brushed her wet cheek one last time. “Stay away from me…” he whispered, sad, but terribly serious as he met her emerald eyes. He turned away and took slow steps toward the common room exit. _Don’t look back. Don’t, or you’ll be begging her forgiveness. She’ll hate you in the morning._ His shoulders sagged as he approached the portrait hole where Potter waited.

“She’s right, you know,” Potter said softly as Severus started to leave. “You’re an idiot. She really loves you, and I think you care a lot about her.”

Severus buried each feeling as they rose like white-capped waves—harsh and unforgiving.

“I just want to see her happy,” Potter said. “If that means being with you, I’ll accept that. I’ll move on. I admit it. I probably misjudged you, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“She’ll come around to you eventually,” Severus muttered. “Treat her well, with respect. Love her. That’s all she really wants, and when she does come around, protect her with everything in you, because I’ll never forgive you if you let her get hurt.” Without a trace of feeling in face or posture, but barely able to contain his tears, he stepped through the portrait hole. He didn’t dare look back.

The moment he entered the corridor, he ran, but barely reached the end of the hall before Lily called after him, “Sev! Sev, come back!”

He stumbled around the corner, but as he turned a flash of red hair, thrust half-way through the portrait hole, burned into his peripheral vision as Remus held Lily back so she wouldn’t rush after him.

Severus faltered, stopped, fought the urge to go back, and then took another step toward the Slytherin common room. Each stride was agony. He bit his tongue until the bitter tang of blood intruded on his senses. _How could I be so blind?!_

When he reached the Slytherin common room, he barged in, heedless of anything except the need to go—to distance himself from Lily.

“Severus!” Penelope hurried to him. “Are you all right? What happened?” Fatigue and worry etched her face, and a bit of fear hovered just beneath a thin veneer of bravery. Her hair, usually in two braids, fell free and unruly around her shoulders.

A memory—vague—flashed to life.

_Kill the mudblood._

Severus’ breath caught. _Penelope. The nightmare. The girl I killed without even knowing her name._ “You’re—y-you’re muggleborn!”

Penelope gasped and leaned close. “How did you know?” she whispered “Shh!” Her finger flew to her lips. “Don’t tell anyone. They’ll tear me apart.”

He stumbled back as though seeing Penelope for the first time and finding her terrifying. Severus covered his mouth in shocked realization.

“What’s wrong?” Penelope prodded.

Nausea wrenched his stomach and threatened to return anything still in it. _I… killed Lily—indirectly—even though I tried to save her. I murdered Penelope in cold blood, with_ my _wand._ The group of muggleborns Voldemort ordered Severus to kill returned to him, and a young girl with long brown hair and glasses gripped his memory. _I thought I didn’t know her—and back then I didn’t care. But it was her. It_ was _Penelope!_

Severus floundered for purchase on something—a chair, wall, table—but swiped dead air. He stumbled away from Penelope, toward the stairs. _How could this happen? How could I have deemed myself worthy of anyone?! The things I’ve done! I’m a murderer!_

He escaped to his dorm, but the moment he locked the door, safety vanished as the spot beneath his bed pulsed with rage—Voldemort’s rage, focused on Severus because of the humiliation dealt the Dark Lord due to Severus’ deception.

The Horcruxes’ energy hammered like two anvils crashing together.

“SHUT UP!” he roared.

To no avail. They refused to bend to his will and threw every ounce of fury at Severus. In his distress, he couldn’t raise a proper Occlumency shield to block the Horcruxes’ onslaught.

He dove under the bed, took the diary and diadem. They invaded his mind, raiders on a battered ship. Images seared his vision.

_Voldemort, a volcano if fury, erupted. “CRUCIO!”_

_An unfortunate Death Eater standing too close crumpled in agony._

“ _I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! I WILL HAVE IT!” the Dark Lord seethed._

_Nagini hissed and bit into a second Death Eater’s neck._

“ _No one makes a fool of me! NO ONE!”_

Severus yelped and flung the Horcruxes away. Shocked out of his stupor, he barricaded himself within Occlumency. Every emotion drained away, leaving him cold to the world. His hair fell into his eyes, one last black shield. He stood, heedless of the curtain of hair as he retrieved book and crown.

_Go ahead. Rage all you want, but I will find you all. And I will destroy you._

Composed, Severus returned to the common room. No one paid him any mind as he left.

His journey took him to the stone gargoyle guarding the Headmaster’s office.

“Albus, let me in,” Severus demanded of the motionless stone. A few seconds ticked by before the gargoyle sprang aside and allowed Severus passage to the stairs leading up to Dumbledore’s office.

The Headmaster sat at his desk, waiting.

“Here.” Severus tossed both items onto the desk. “Two of the Horcruxes. I can’t have them tempting me anymore.” He hid behind his emotionless wall. “There are four more—three Horcruxes and Voldemort himself. Do whatever you believe necessary.”

Severus left, emptier than he’d been in a long time. Fury’s dark shadow grew inside him—a hatred-filled determination coursing through his entire being. With each quick step, some of the darkness leaked onto his face.

_Now, I must look more like my old self than ever…_


	29. Downwards spiral

Severus stood on the shore of Hogwarts' great lake, mindlessly throwing stones into the slushy water. Each rock plopped in and sank into the cold, murky depths. Chunks of broken ice waffled and bucked, then stilled. This first week of January still didn't deliver snow. Overhead, clouds hung gray and depressed.

He hurled another stone, with twice the force of the last. It plunked into the thick slush and instigated a ragged ripple that fluttered several feet from the stone's landing spot. Half a dozen more rocks plinked and splooshed with increasing intensity until Severus roared, frustrated and angry at the scene that wouldn't stop looping through his mind.

 

* * *

 

" _Sev!" Lily ran to him from the other end of the Great Hall._

_He straightened and shot her a sullen glare. "Miss Evans," he hissed._

_She pulled up short in bewilderment. "Sev? Still on about this? Honestly, I don't know what you think to accomplish behaving this way."_

" _I couldn't care less what you think, Miss Evans."_

_Lily took a step back._

" _However," he continued, "I am inclined to inform you Augustus Prince was kind enough to escort your family out of the country." Severus gritted his teeth. "Under the assumption that they are his future relatives."_

_Lily paled, but once she figured out what he meant she looked relieved, even thankful and she smiled. "So, you're getting over yourself?"_

" _I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Evans." He crossed his arms. "But if you value your family's safety, I suggest you continue to let Prince believe that." Severus held out one arm. A crow-sized owl lighted on it. "This is Mona. She'll be the only safe way of contacting Prince and your family. You may use her as you wish."_

" _Uh… thanks…" Lily took two cautious steps closer. "Sev…?" She reached for him._

_He pushed her hand away before she touched him. The jolt startled Mona, and she fluttered off his arm. "Miss Evans, restrain yourself!" he growled and towered over Lily. "And kindly leave me alone!"_

_Lily stumbled backward, shocked, unbelieving, hurt._

_Severus took the opportunity to escape to the Slytherin table, though now he had no appetite left._

 

* * *

 

The chilled lake beckoned Severus to throw just one more stone. He hefted another smooth rock, cocked his wrist, but didn't throw. Instead he relaxed his grip, held the stone in one palm, and ran a finger over the polished surface.

 _I never missed that look of hurt on your face, Lily… or Potter's obvious annoyance at me on the occasions our paths crossed._ He dropped the stone. It sank into the wintery muck at his feet. _I_ must _do this—must snarl and yell. Otherwise you'll never stay away._ Severus growled and swiped an empty hand at the lake. _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'm the stupidest man on earth! I was blind, foolish, selfish! Lily and I were wrong for each other from the start. She mustn't be tainted by my darkness. I'm nearly forty, for Merlin's sake! What kind of dirty old man leads on a teenage girl? Even though she knew the truth, it was still wrong. So, so wrong. I let my emotions sweep me away—I even_ kissed _her!_ He shook his head and ground his teeth so hard his jaw ached, but he didn't care. _I'm a murderer—a dark shadow that must never sully her with its presence._

"If you want 'em to skip, you should flick your wrist."

Severus groaned as Remus approached. _He looks just as sour and grumpy as I feel._

Remus scooped some stones from drier ground and stood beside Severus. He flung a smooth rock with such force, it seemed like he would punch a hole in the lake, but just as he'd said, the stone skipped four times before falling into the slush.

"You're not going to tell me I'm an idiot for breaking up with her, are you?" said Severus with a frown.

"Nope." Another skipping stone followed Remus' stern answer. This one only skipped three times. "I see where you're coming from." He tossed another. "It's James and Sirius who're idiots. They don't realize how lucky they are." One more stone flew from his hand but didn't skip. It plopped with a splash big enough to scare a grouse hunkered in a naked bush several feet away. Remus' frown deepened.

Severus blanked as he faced Remus who gathered another handful of stones and studied them.

"I'm an idiot too, turns out…" said Remus. "Lucy likes me!"

Severus remained unimpressed. _How did you not figure_ that _out? Adoration beyond compare, lavished on you. If you didn't want her affection, you probably shouldn't have stuck so close to her,_ Lupin.

Remus tossed the first of his new hand of rocks. "I really should've put it together." He sighed before chucking the whole handful of stones into the lake at once.

"What? Don't fancy her?" Severus mocked and hurled another stone.

"I… That's… She's nice! She's _really_ nice! I like to spend time with her. That's not the problem. It couldn't work. You _know_ why!"

Severus glanced sidelong at Remus. "What? She doesn't fancy werewolves?"

"No idea, but chances are she doesn't." Remus groaned and tucked his chilled hands under his arms in a pout. "In any case, she's head over heels for me. I can't stand it! If we ever started a relationship, I'd have to tell her. Then, if by some stroke of luck, she _isn't_ terrified of me and doesn't run screaming for help when she finds out about my _furry little problem_ , maybe, just maybe it could go somewhere." He shook his head. "But that won't happen. Do you _realize_ what kind of hurt this brings people? Caring about me despite my… monthly problem?" He retreated to the grass and sank to a straight-legged slump. Elbows locked, he leaned back and stared at the sad sky. "What possessed my friends to do something so stupid and dangerous as becoming Animagi in the first place? And I _helped_ them do it!" He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. An exhausted, anguished groan leaked through his fingers.

Severus stayed by the lake.

"Every bloody full moon is still just as much a nightmare for them as it is for me! They toss and turn in their beds, praying I'll still be alive the next morning. Those last few days beforehand all I can do is try to reassure them I'll be all right. But they're not stupid. It's obvious I'm afraid. My mother cried herself to sleep each night before full moon. I really am terrified of killing someone—or biting them. Every. Single. Month." He threw his hands in the air. "And it doesn't end there! People close to me have to worry about how the Ministry treats werewolves' friends and family. Even though my parents are capable, competent people, even _they're_ shunned—no one will hire them. And still they ignore the most important thing—I'm _dangerous_! They insist on ignoring, denying. I wish they'd just come out with it! Severus, you said you were terrified of the wolf. It may shock you, but you're the only one who'll admit it and still talk to me like I'm a person. That makes you the smartest guy I know, and the most honest one. I _am_ dangerous. Every full moon I could kill someone, and no one else seems to understand that. How can I drag someone else into all that?" He slumped again, dejected. "I can't… I can't do this anymore…"

"What a pair we are," Severus muttered, his sarcasm so thick it could have smothered them both.

"Hah!" Remus' dry laugh cracked like a snapped twig. "Two dangerous men bemoaning their heartaches over two girls who'd be much better off staying away from them." He snorted and pulled his knees to his chin. "And they're both redheads. Now, that's just cruel irony."

"If that's your only problem, I'd say you have the better deal." Severus crossed his arms.

"Ha ha. When you called me beastie, you weren't far from the truth."

"Indeed, but _you're_ talking to a dead man." Severus stooped to dig a stone from the muddy shore.

"Oh really?" Remus raised a brow.

"You wanted to know why I had a sudden change of heart last summer," Severus said softly. "My honest answer is… I'm _dead_!" He hurled the large stone into the lake. It splashed so loudly the echo rang through the bare trees for a full two seconds. "I shouldn't even be here. I had my chance, and I ruined it. For reasons unknown to me, I was flung back here—I got a second chance, and, guess what? I'm ruining _it_ too." He retrieved and flung another stone. "I don't even deserve Lily. How could I have been so stupid to think I did? It was idiotic and so selfish!" He slunk over to Remus and sank into the limp, damp grass, covering his face with his hands.

"I'm… not even going to pretend I understood that," said Remus.

Severus didn't reply.

"If we were able, we could go drown our sorrows with Firewhisky," Remus muttered. "A werewolf and a dead man walk into a bar and get sloshed over a couple of redheads… Sounds like the start of a horrid joke."

Severus snorted. "You can change that to 'a werewolf and a murderer.'"

"Y-you killed someone?" Remus stared.

"Yes. And no."

Remus waited for an explanation.

"As far as this reality is concerned, no, I didn't kill anyone. In the reality I came from, I was a cold-blooded murderer…" _Why am I telling Lupin this? I suppose I can't go to Lily anymore, and I don't want to go to Dumbledore like I did in that other life… But if I don't go to someone, I'll shatter like a brittle windowpane._ "Lily never truly grasped that about me. I tried to tell her, but I don't think she understood. I killed Penelope—pointed my wand at her and threw the _Avada Kedavra_. I didn't even know her _name_ … I convinced myself it didn't matter." He squeezed his eyes shut.

Remus sat in puzzled silence.

"You still have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Nope."

"I sound insane, don't I?" Severus looked up again.

"Yes."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder what keeps you so persistent, and why you bother."

"Dunno." Remus scratched his chin. "I suppose it's because I don't make a lot of sense to people either."

"Hmph. Here's what I think makes the least sense." Severus faced the chill lake. "I was happy—ever since that day Potter and Black tried to humiliate me and I cried like a child in front of Lily. I really, really was happy, and I'd never tried that before. It blinded me, made me selfish, stupid. I was so desperate to have Lily trust me I didn't realize the burden—the danger—I threw on her. When she finally trusted me, it never registered that I didn't _deserve_ happiness. I forgot I didn't deserve her trust." He mirrored Remus' pose and pulled in his knees, capturing a bit more warmth. "I thought love and happiness were supposed to make you a better person."

"All I know," Remus said, "is it does strange things to people—brings out their best… and worst."

Thursday evening, when the Life Defenders sessions resumed, the changes were so palpable, they could have been actual visitors. The first, and most obvious, was the Marauders' presence. All four attended. They kept quiet and participated with the others like mature adults, patiently taking and giving instruction when needed.

The second was Lucy. She wasn't nearly as visible as before. In fact, she was almost _in_ visible. Only her bright orange hair gave away her presence as she practiced defense spells silently. She spoke not a single word.

The third was Severus and Lily. Severus treated her as badly in the group as he did in class. If Lily dared come within six feet of him, he sneered and spat insults at her. He addressed her with the same menacingly sterile "Miss Evans." The pattern glared a bit too like Severus' previous life's interactions with a certain messy-haired, green-eyed boy with glasses. Lily's responses mirrored that boy's, as she too spat back and sneered in anger. She restrained her words, bit back the anger. Her son shared her temper. But sometimes, Lily turned away, sadness etched in every line of her face.

It was for the best. Severus couldn't have her chasing after him. He should have known how she'd react—even if only from his experience with her son. If something endangered others, Lily would rush in, heedless of that danger. There was no way he'd willingly jeopardize her life or well-being.

Then, there were the whispers. Most of the Life Defenders saw Severus taken by the Death Eaters, and all were equally surprised when he entered the Great Hall a day afterward, looking surprisingly well. The rumors had spread quickly—though most were ludicrous, like the one about how he supposedly fought off fifteen Death Eaters, a dragon, and a hundred Dementors single handedly.

Penelope changed too. Confusion clouded her face, and she stuttered and fidgeted around Severus—much more than she used to. She fiddled with her glasses and asked far too many questions. When Severus proposed that they spend Wednesdays together to practice more, Penelope was shocked. But he didn't care. If their efforts resulted in Penelope being able to defend herself when Severus couldn't, her discomfort didn't matter. She wouldn't die again. Severus wouldn't allow it.

The second half of the Life Defenders sessions always strove to maintain the original purpose of the club—just as Penelope insisted. The attendees socialized, played games, bonded, and laughed with each other.

Once, Severus enjoyed this portion of the sessions, but now he couldn't. Instead, he sat in the corner and observed, eyes dark. Now, he always left before the session ended so his dark presence wouldn't steal everyone else's joy.

Objectively, his behavior and mood mirrored that of his other life. Now, he sneered and scowled, stormed through corridors and banged into classrooms. He distanced himself, choosing to spend evenings lost in experimentation with potions. He brewed anything the least bit challenging—Polyjuice, Veritaserum, The Draught of Living Death—but not for any real reason. His hair, previously clean and decently kept, now hung in greasy strands again. At last, when he looked in the mirror, he recognized himself—his own unattractive, sullen face. But he wasn't sure if he should be relieved or not.

Despite efforts to remain isolated, he couldn't escape the looks, the stares, the surreptitious glances—from everywhere. In response, he sneered at every student and doled out some of his best glares.

As time passed, others grew used to the new routine. The Marauders matured. Every week they faithfully attended Life Defenders sessions and didn't once pick on Severus. Even though he treated them worse than ever, he didn't ridicule or hurt anyone.

Lucy's silence ended, though she still spoke awkwardly now. Sirius took her under his wing, but his efforts obviously focused on playing matchmaker between her and an unwilling Lupin.

Remus seemed almost relaxed again, and though some occasionally tried to get close to Severus, most left him alone. Only Remus successfully spent time with him—and even then, only a little and infrequently. Many of the others still made admirable attempts now and then. It annoyed Severus.

Every fourth day presented a drudgery—writing a letter to Augustus. In his letters, Severus pretended he was still with Lily and made efforts to mention her once or twice. But every correspondence ended up being about what Lily did—though they spent no time together at all.

 

* * *

 

Though unsure, Penelope faithfully attended extra training sessions with Severus. Her improvements were slow and few. Severus often lost patience with her and demanded she do better. This harsh routine grated on until one cold Wednesday, mid-March, when Penelope finally broke.

"Come on, Pauperitt!" Severus huffed. "You can do this. Get up and show me!"

Penelope lay prone after failing to cast a simple deflection charm. Which wouldn't be so glaring if she hadn't already perfected that charm months ago with the Life Defenders. Now, she lacked strength to do even that.

She broke into a sob, tear-filled eyes overflowing with accusation and hurt. "Why are you doing this to me?!" she cried. Tears coursed down her cheeks. "Why are you punishing me?!"

Severus' mouth turned to sandpaper. _What should I say?_

"It's because I'm a muggleborn, isn't it!" Penelope sobbed. "All your talk about how family doesn't matter—it's a lie! You're just like _them_ , and you tricked me!"

Severus shook his head, avoided her gaze, and shut his mouth. "No…" He tried to return a bit of stability to his cracked voice. "No…"

"That's why you're punishing Lily too." Penelope pointed at him accusingly. "Because she's muggleborn. It's not _our_ fault!" Her voice broke. "It's no fault at all! It's just who we are. I… I—I can't take it anymore." She flung her wand. It clinked into the wall and dropped to the floor like a dead bird. "I knew you were one of the dangerous ones, but you made me believe in you! I knew it was too good to be true—that people can change!"

"It's not… It's really not like that."

"Then what _is_ it like?" Penelope stood right in front of Severus and rose on her toes to stare into his eyes. " _T_ _e_ _ll_ me! Tell me it's not just because we're muggleborns! Give me a better reason."

Severus broke from Penelope's angry gaze and sank into the nearest chair, exhausted from the last two, stressful months. "It's because –" For a heartbeat, he couldn't think of what to say. "What happened between me and Lily has nothing to do with you. Nothing at all."

"Fine." Penelope marched over to Severus, arms folded. She stopped in front of him. "Then why're you punishing me?"

"I'm not." With a deep sigh, Severus let tired eyes fall closed. "I'm not trying to punish you. That's not my intention."

 _T_ _h_ _ere's so much I want to say to her—that she's the most brilliant genius I've ever met, even compared to Albus Dumbledore—that I admire her and that she inspires me every day. I want to tell her she's the first person I wanted to be like—socially speaking—even if I'm far older than her. I want her to see she's done something so many others failed to do, and that makes her a better teacher than I could ever hope to be… I want to tell her she has so much to give the world—things I never could. She's a creator, a leader. I'm just here to ramble off stupid spells and move along. I was never meant to lead anyone. But she is. I want her to know I enjoyed our evenings—that I was happy to find out she looked up to me. In a way… I thought of her as a younger sister._ But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't utter any of those thoughts, not even now.

He snorted softly. _What irony… A master with words—but can't tell people what they want to hear—can't make them believe what I want them to. Heh… I don't even know if I understand my own thoughts—emotions. That's a feat I never mastered…_

"Then what _was_ your intent?" Penelope sat in the chair opposite Severus, her face fading from cross to relieved when he didn't offer her a scowl, but instead allowed an ounce of doubt to leak through his careful mask.

"I didn't want to see you hurt," said Severus as guilt welled inside him. "I can't be around forever, and sooner or later… they'll come after you. Death Eaters view muggleborns as a stain on the Wizarding World—destined to be expunged. Since you're a Slytherin—which is supposed to be a pure house—you're not safe, Pen… elope. I don't want you to die." He swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry…"

Penelope slumped in relief. "I thought you were really mad at me." She held a hand over her heart and gave a wan smile. "I'm sorry too. You just seem so strong and powerful it didn't occur to me you could be afraid too." She shook her head. "I should have known."

 _How can she forgive so easily? What have I done to even begin to deserve such kindness?_ The urge to thank her rose, but when he tried to express his gratitude, he couldn't. "I'm so sorry…" was all he managed.

Penelope shook her head again. "You really need to pull yourself together."

"I know. Please, tell me, what am I supposed to do?"

Penelope didn't hide her surprise very well. "If you ask me… it's obvious. Isn't it? Just –"

A silver-winged bird the size of a small deer whisked into the room.

"What's that?" Penelope stared in wonder.

"A Patronus," Severus said, now firmly in control again. "And a phoenix Patronus at that. I only know one person whose Patronus takes that form."

The grand bird spoke in Dumbledore's old, tired voice. "Severus, come quickly. I need… assistance."

Severus bolted for Dumbledore's office. Three corridors later, he discovered Penelope on his heels. "Don't follow me!"

"What? You think you can just do everything alone?" Penelope challenged. "It's not like you're leaving the school. I'm just coming with you to the Headmaster's office."

"No. You're. Not. He requested me, not you."

"Then I'll wait in the hall until you come out. Even if it's 'til five in the morning—in which case it'll be your fault I slept out there."

Severus rolled his eyes. _T_ _h_ _is is the problem, dealing with a Slytherin instead of a Gryffindor. Lily would've insisted she go with me until I smacked the gargoyle in her face and left her muttering. Then she'd finally give up and leave. But Penelope's made her threat, and she'll go through with it._ "Fine," he growled. "But if I get even one word from you –" He had no sensible threats left.

Penelope gave him an innocent smile—one that would make Lupin proud.

Severus sneered and shoved her in front of him as they came to the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office entrance. Halfway up the stairs, Severus wished he'd left Penelope standing at the bottom of the stairs as a scream filled the stairwell.

Severus' heart sank in horror and anger. _He's done it again…_


	30. Help

The instant they burst through the Headmaster's door Severus shoved Penelope behind him. _Foolish old man!_ _You shouldn't have done it._

Dumbledore struggled to rise from the floor. He gasped and groaned.

"Stay back," Severus ordered Penelope and ran to Dumbledore.

Another Horcrux—Marvolo Gaunt's ring clung to the Headmaster's finger like an angry snake. It hissed and pulsed. A high wail—more like mocking laughter—rang from the cursed ring. Dark magic flowed from the relic and slithered up Dumbledore's forearm. It grabbed at his throat as the stench of death and rot invaded the air.

Dumbledore's screams tore at Severus' ears. Each unnatural shriek stole a shred of his nerves.

Severus acted swiftly. _Got to get it off._

The ring wrapped tighter, like a kraken around its prized ship. A dark tendril dug into Dumbledore's pale skin, and the Headmaster yelped.

"Foolish! _Foolish_ old man!" Severus lowered his Occlumency shield, offering himself as bait to persuade the dark magic to release Dumbledore. "How stupid are you? To do this _twice_?!"

Dumbledore forced a smirk through his agony. "I—wasn't—aware I—did it the—first time."

"You should still be intelligent enough not to do it _at all_!" Severus hissed as he battled the darkness swallowing Dumbledore's arm. _T_ _h_ _e only way to fight it is with my mind. And I'm failing. Miserably! Odd. This went better the first time around._ "Curse it all, I thought you were supposed to be the most powerful wizard of all time! You're supposed to be smart!"

Mind fighting to focus, Severus mentally attacked the writhing mass. His efforts seemed to no avail, and the magic tendrils tangled and merged with Dumbledore. No amount of tugging or yanking could unseat the ring.

A black cord lashed at Severus like a person swipes at an annoying bug. It smacked his face, and though it left no mark, the contact splatted and sizzled like burned meat.

Penelope screamed. She huddled against the wall and stared, hands over her gaping mouth as if trying to stifle another scream.

Severus concentrated, attacked with new vigor and forced the clawing darkness away from Dumbledore and toward himself. He hissed as the bit of soul snatched at his mind and tried to bend him to its will, sending him thoughts—words—images.

" _Finally!" Severus grinned at his Death Eaters in perverse delight. "You shall be rewarded, Travers."_

" _Thank you, my lord." Travers bowed._

" _No one escapes Lord Voldemort for long." He growled in ill-concealed satisfaction. "He thinks he's oh-so-safe in his castle, but he can't stay there forever. Bring them in!"_

_Six Death Eaters hauled out four people—three shaking. The fourth, a white-headed man, walked upright with his customary dignity._

" _Augustus Prince." Severus smiled. "We meet at last. I'm afraid I didn't quite catch you last time."_

_Prince's dispassionate, black eyes didn't flicker, almost as if the old man imagined himself a threat to the great one before whom he stood._

" _And the Evanses." Severus scowled. "Filthy muggles—the lot!"_

" _Why bother to bring them here?" said Augustus. "Let them go. They have no value to you—other than being in the way."_

" _You dare speak to me?!" Severus hissed. "Learn some manners, Prince." He raised his wand. "Crucio!"_

_"ARRRGGHH!" Severus tore out of the vision and leapt away. T_ _h_ _e ring burned into his palm, and without thought as to direction, he flung it hard._

_Severus scrambled back to Dumbledore._

_The damage already showed. The Headmaster's finger paled, the gray of a sick cloud, and the disturbing pallor reached further into the blighted hand._

_At least I don't have to guess at what to do this time._ _He muttered a counter, stopping the spread halfway through Dumbledore's hand._ _Last time it took far longer—_ _too_ _much longer. Though my hysterics then didn't help._

_Severus sank to the floor beside Dumbledore, exhausted. "He'll be fine," Severus assured Penelope._

_Silence._

_Ice numbed his gut as he turned around._

_Penelope['] stood stiff as stone, eyes unseeing, arm outstretched, hand closed._

_Severus rushed to her and snatched away the Gaunt ring._

_Penelope slumped, clunked to her knees. She shook her head as though to clear a mess of haunted cobwebs. Undiluted horror gripped her._

_"What did you see?" Severus gripped the girl's shoulders and delivered a gentle shake._

_Penelope trembled so hard Severus' hands buzzed with the tremors. "I was… was… inside someone's head… I… tortured those people… the Evanses… and… and…"_

_"Listen to me and do exactly as I say." Severus gripped her shoulders a little tighter, stifling some of the shudders. "Forget what you saw—_ _all_ _of it. D_ _o_ _n't think about it and don't speak of it. Go back to your dorm and tell no one of this. Don't think about me and don't wait for me. And above all, don't do anything stupid again!"_

_"What do you mean, 'don't think about you'?"_

_"Just what I said. Forget all about me." He released her. "_ _Accio_ _bag," he muttered._

_"Forget… about you? What do you mean?! What_ _was_ _that?" Her hand flew to cover her mouth again. "Was it a soul piece? It felt like one. It talked to me—like that book! Was the vision real? Was I in You-Know-Who's head?!"_

Severus snatched the bag when it floated through the window. "I said, forget all about it! Just _do_ as I _say_! Forget about Horcruxes—about being foolish. Forget about me!" he bellowed in Penelope's face and went straight to the phoenix that stood in the office's corner.

"Wait!" called Penelope. "Sounds like you don't plan to come back! You can't do that!"

Severus grabbed Fawkes' tail and whispered his request.

 

* * *

 

"Severus, wait! That wasn't all I saw!" But she was too late. Severus vanished in a fiery flash, leaving Penelope, hand outstretched, and Dumbledore groaning on the office floor.

For a solid ten seconds, horror flooded Penelope. Ice bloomed in her chest and froze everything but her fear.

Dumbledore slowly recovered and sat up. His gaze pierced Penelope, hypnotizing her. Until he blinked and broke the spell.

She came to herself and bolted down the stairs. "Help! HELP!" The dark, empty halls rang with her cries, but this late after curfew, no one was out. "Somebody, help! PLEASE!"

"There you are, Pen!" Regulus rushed to her. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Wait. What's wrong? What happened?"

"Reg!" She gripped the front of his school robes in panic. "You know where the Gryffindor common room is, right? RIGHT?!"

"Yyyes…"

"Show me! Please, oh please, just show me! Help me!"

Shock clouded Regulus' eyes for a second, but then he took Penelope's hand. "All right. Come on." He took off at a sprint.

Tears streamed down Penelope's cheeks, but determination fueled her, and she easily kept pace with Regulus. They soon reached the Fat Lady portrait.

"Password," the image requested.

"I… I don't have it…" Despair flooded Penelope again.

"Weaver?" Regulus tried.

The Fat Lady snorted. "That was changed a long time ago."

"Please, let me in," Penelope begged. "I _have_ to get in! It's a matter of life or death!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that." The portrait raised an eyebrow. "Two Slytherins asking to get in to see my students so late at night is a bit suspect."

"Let me in!" Penelope hammered the portrait with her small fists. "LET ME IN! LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" She melted into hysterics.

 

* * *

 

Inside the Gryffindor common room everyone continued in blissful ignorance.

Sirius had taken up—of all things—tutoring. And Lucy needed it. Her O.W.L.s loomed this spring and her grades—except, to no one's surprise, for Magical Animals—needed help.

Remus hid behind his book and resisted the urge to take over the tutoring session. _But that's what he wants. I'm not falling into that trap, and I_ don't _appreciate him setting it._

"There. You've got it!" Sirius smiled at Lucy's work and she returned a shy grin.

"Thank ye, so much." She glanced toward Remus. "Maybe… I should go now…"

A clamorous banging rang through the walls.

"What _is_ that?" a fifth year twisted in his chair to find the noise.

Remus heard it too—hammering, and muffled yells.

"I think it's coming from the portrait hole," said another student.

Some gave each other bewildered looks before one duly elected fourth year went to check.

 

* * *

 

"About time!" Penelope shoved past the fourth year. "Move!" She pushed him to one side and crawled through, Regulus close behind. The next second, she stood in the middle of a well-furnished room, Gryffindors staring at her. Penelope turned a circle to catch Lily's red hair, but… "Lily?! Lily, where are you?!" A flash of red brown near one corner. _Too bright. Lily's is darker._

"Penelope?" Lucy stared, as did Sirius and Remus to either side of her. And Potter and Pettigrew occupied another two nearby chairs.

Penelope bolted toward the small group. "Help me, please!" She sank to the floor beside James. "I need help!" The expensive rug cushioned her bare knees.

"Whoa, whoa, Penelope!" said James. "Take a breath and tell us what's wrong."

"It's—it's—it's –"

"Do what I said. Close your eyes, calm down, and take a _deeeep_ breath."

Penelope shut her eyes and sucked in three long seconds of air.

"Now. Tell us what's wrong."

"It's Severus. He's in danger!"

"What do you mean?" James furrowed both brows.

"He's walking into a trap! I can't tell you all I know. He made me promise! But You-Know-Who is going to kill him! You've got to help me!"

"Where is he now?" said James.

"Gone! He left the castle and went to a—a mansion. It's…" Her face twisted as she groped for the memory. "It has a big room where the floor looks like a chess board—in jade and black. There's a banner on the wall with three snakes on it, and there's a huge window overlooking a forest and a statue of a proud-looking wizard with a snake around his neck."

" _I_ know that place!" Regulus and Sirius chorused, each to the other's surprise. Despite attending Life Defenders sessions together for two months, they still didn't speak to each other and occasionally graced one another with hateful stares.

 _Does anyone in this room know both sides of their story? Can't say even I do…_ "Reg, please!" She took his hand and held it tight.

"Why'd Snape go there?" said James.

Penelope gulped. "You-Know-Who—he has someone Severus cares for, an older man called Prince, and three muggles—Lily's family, I think—the Evanses!"

James leapt from his chair along with Remus, Lucy, and Sirius. "Lucy, get Lily! She's in her dorm." He pointed up the stairs. "We need to know for sure if that was her family. Remus, get the cloak, map, and mirrors. Sirius, tell me where that place is."

"It's Lestrange Manor," Sirius said. "It's near the southern coast, on the Welsh border."

"No, you idiot!" Regulus hissed. "It's Malfoy Manor that's in the South. Lestrange Manor is right outside London."

"Oh, really?" Sirius raised and snorted.

"Yes, really. I was there last summer. With _you_!" He jabbed a finger at Sirius. "You were busy playing the rebel and running away from home! I can't believe you did something so childish!"

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what to do!" hissed Sirius.

"Both of you, stop," said James. "Sit down. We don't have time for this."

"What's happening?!" Lily thundered down the stairs, eyes alert, whole body tense. "Is something wrong?"

"Penelope, describe those muggles," said James.

"Well… there was… this young woman. Early twenties, I think. She was tall and thin and had long brown hair. The man's hair was the same color, and he had a mustache. Then there was this nice-looking woman with dark, red hair."

"That's my family!" Lily gasped. "Are they okay?"

"You-Know-Who has them," said Penelope before James had a chance to stop her.

Lily paled in horror.

"Severus went to save them, but it's a trap!" said Penelope. "You-Know-Who wants to kill him! And Severus is ready to let him if it means he can save the others. We've _got_ to stop him!"

"Got everything!" Remus panted as he almost tumbled back downstairs in his hurry, a pack slung over one shoulder.

"Good." James nodded. "No time to waste. Sirius, I expect you know where it is, so we can apparate from Hogsmeade."

"Sure thing," said Sirius.

"Or you'll just get lost." Regulus snorted. "Or end up in the Prewet mansion, or something stupid."

"Shut your mouth!" Sirius growled.

"Sirius," James said as though talking to a couple of warring toddlers. "Come on, guys." He turned to Penelope, Lucy, Lily, and Regulus. "You people, stay here,"

"What?" Lily demanded. "It's _my_ family! I'm going! And, he's my…" She blushed and looked away.

"You really care for Snape. I get it." James sighed. "Fine. You can come, but the rest of you, stay here."

"It's me who warned you," Penelope protested. "I came for help, not to be left out!"

"No way!" James said. "You're just a fourth year!"

"You're _not_ going without me!" Penelope stamped a foot. "I'm not a child!"

"Sure looks like it to me," James quipped.

"If you try to leave, I'll follow you." Penelope crossed her arms, defiant. "Severus taught me some very helpful tracing charms."

James groaned. "Fine. You can come as far as Hogsmeade."

"I'm going too," Regulus insisted.

"This is getting ridiculous," James hissed, impatient. "We can't keep an eye on all of you!"

"I never said I wanted you to look after me, Potter." Regulus snorted. "But, if Penelope goes, I go, and that's that. Besides." He smirked. "I'm probably more able to get you to the right place than Sirius. He could get lost in his own closet."

Sirius glared at Regulus, but otherwise held his tongue.

"Hey!" Lucy piped up. "You're planning to leave me behind? Alone? Please, can I help?!"

"You have no reason to come," James said. "You're definitely staying!"

"But I can help!" Lucy protested. "I _can_!"

"Lucy…" Remus patted her shoulder. "Stay here, please. Where it's safe."

"But, Remus…" Lucy's eyes pleaded, but no one gave in. "Urgh! Fine! Just—just come back safe! _All_ of you! You—you're the first real friends I've ever had, and I…"

Remus bit his lip. "I… I'll be fine… I promise!"

Lucy didn't look convinced. No wonder though. "Penelope, look after them. I… trust you the most," Lucy said. "And get back. Please!"

Penelope smiled through the anxious knot in her stomach. "Of course. We'll be back before you know it. And with Severus."

"Give him a smack from me while you're at it," said Lucy. "Hit him… real hard."

Penelope chuckled. "Sure. He kind of deserves it, after all." She turned to the group. "Come on! We've got to go!"

Everyone rushed outside, leaving Lucy to stare after them, helpless.

 

* * *

 

Seven exited the portrait hole, Peter the only one lacking a sourly determined expression.

In the corridor, Potter threw a silvery cloak at Lily, Regulus, and Penelope. "Take this. You're smaller than us, so you should all fit under it."

"What is it?" Lily caught the garment mid-air.

"An invisibility cloak," said James. "It's helped us a lot through the years. Just let it cover you, and you're invisible."

The three obeyed. Regulus, tallest of the three, had to stoop for the cloak to cover their feet.

Penelope, the smallest, was almost squashed between Lily and Regulus, who wrapped protective arms around her while Lily kept the cloak from tangling.

They stuck close to the Marauders, careful to keep their footsteps silent.

James led, map in hand. Sirius and Remus flanked James, wands ready. Peter hung back, between his friends and the invisible three. Every other second, he glanced over his shoulder.

Their journey wove through steadily shortening corridors until they reached the tower room, in which stood a mirror.

In one motion, Remus opened a doorway through the mirror. A dark, rocky tunnel framed the path ahead and a shower of grit and pebbles rained over them as they all stepped through the doorway.

"Keep the cloak on," said James. "Mrs. Norris knows about this passageway. She might still catch us."

Penelope fought to breathe; Regulus' strong arm secured her a bit too tightly, and she felt like a mouse stuck in a very tiny box.

What felt like hours passed with not a few instances of Penelope wondering if the roof would collapse on them. Regulus seemed to share her anxiety as he covered her a bit too completely for her liking.

Blessed air engulfed them as they stepped from the tunnel. In the distance, the lights of Hogwarts twinkled.

James turned to the invisible three. "Guess it's goodbye, Penelope, Regulus."

"What?!" Penelope peeked from beneath the cloak.

James smirked. "Neither of you can apparate, can you?"

Penelope and Regulus said nothing.

"Hah!" Sirius said, triumphantly.

"And I have no idea how to apparate with passengers," said James. "So, I'm afraid it's the end of the line for you two."

Penelope gaped. "You tricked me! Why bring us all the way out here if you were just going to leave us?!"

"We'd have been arguing forever if I didn't," said James.

Lily smiled, but the expression was odd, bitterly satisfied. "It's for the best. We're adults. You're not."

" _You're_ turning on us?" said Penelope. "And that's your reason? We're all students! Regulus and Lucy are only a year below you, and if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even know Severus is in danger!"

"You still can't apparate." James crossed his arms. "Too bad. Just to let you know, if that cloak has so much as a tear in the hem, you're the ones who're going to pay. It's an heirloom. And lighten up, Penelope. I'm giving you a responsibility." He faced his friends. "Sirius, will you do the honor, so we can follow?"

"With pleasure," said Sirius.

Without thought, Penelope threw herself around Sirius' waist at the exact moment he apparated. A strange surge burst through her, but she held tight.

"Oi!" Sirius exclaimed upon landing. "What'd you do that for? Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? You could've been splinched! Lost a limb! You could've _died_ for Merlin's sake!"

"Well, I didn't, did I?" Penelope said in sour determination.

"Oh, I am good," Sirius said, self-satisfied.

Penelope rolled her eyes. "I can tell just by that you're nothing like Regulus. He's right. You don't take anything seriously."

James appeared, Regulus clinging to him like a tick on a horse. Half of Regulus' school robe was gone, making it look more like a short jacket, and a nasty gash traced his cheek.

A second later, Peter and Remus arrived passengerless. Lily came next.

All wore surprise or shock.

"You guys all right?" said Lily. "Regulus? Penelope? No missing limbs?" she sighed in relief after counting.

James scowled as if he'd suddenly acquired a headache. "This isn't about what's fair and not fair…" he mumbled.

"At least you got the right place," said Regulus. "Outside London, right?"

"Oh, shut up." Now Sirius scowled, to Regulus' amusement.

"What now?" said Regulus as he surveyed the mansion sprawled ahead. Light from a huge window, clearly visible from their vantage, bathed the statue of the proud wizard.

"Now," James scoffed, "we find Snape. He can't have gotten far. If we don't find him, we'll try to get to the Evanses."

Penelope's brows furrowed. "What if he's already inside?"

"Well, we don't know that, do we?" said James. "First, we get across the grounds. You still have the cloak?"

Penelope nodded.

"Good!" James concentrated hard. "Moony, could you go with Regulus and Lily? Take the cloak." He lowered his voice. "Penelope knows about… you-know-what… so, we can still use it if we take her."

Remus nodded. "Come on, people, cloak!"

Penelope handed it over, and Remus slung it over himself, Lily and Regulus.

"No, wait! I want to be with Penelope!" Regulus protested.

"Black, you promised to do as I said, remember?" James insisted. "Don't worry. I won't let her out of my sight."

Regulus wasn't satisfied but disappeared with the others under the cloak. Cracking twigs and rustling leaves betrayed their passage.

"Sirius." James nodded to him, and with a quick smirk, Sirius morphed into a big, black dog.

"Oh my!" Penelope stared. "You too?" she said to Peter who nodded shyly. "That would make you a…?"

"Rat," Peter mumbled.

"What's Remus?" Penelope asked, eager to know.

"Oh… um…" Peter gave James a questioning glance.

"Nothing," said James. "Turns out he's not a natural Animagus, which is kind of ironic since he's the scholar of the group. Then again, he's already the smartest one, so I guess he can't have everything." James motioned to Penelope. "Come on. And stay close!"

* * *


	31. My friends, enemies, friends, family, enemies, friends.

Twenty minutes of searching the mansion's grounds yielded little.

James discovered a slew of protective wards only Peter could circumvent, but the fear in Peter's eyes told Penelope that once Peter skirted the wards, he'd hide in the deepest crack he could find instead of looking for Lily's family.

 _Can't really blame him._ Penelope hugged herself as Peter's tail disappeared into the wall. _Everyone assumed he'd come. He didn't even seem like he wanted to go in the first place, but he never said anything—or maybe he was too afraid to. He'd have been justified in staying behind. This is dangerous. If he didn't want any responsibility in it, he should've said something…_

 _Well… James and Sirius still have faith in him, though I can't imagine why. He's a little coward—no imagination—and can't figure things out for himself. He has to ride his friends' coattails. He might be the only Marauder who's actually as dim as the rest of Slytherin makes them out to be. But I suppose he doesn't have much of a choice since no one listens to him, and it can't be easy to have such smart, powerful friends when you're unimpressive. Can't really sympathize though._ I _was the weak one—so I did something about it._

_But… if Remus, James and Sirius—all smart when they want to be—see something in him, there could be something there._

Still in dog form, Sirius padded around a clump of shrubs and sniffed the air again for Severus' scent.

James kept a firm grip on Penelope's wrist—as per his promise not to let her out of his sight.

 _I'm not a lost child—I don't need people clambering to protect me, and I can defend_ myself _. I'm not that scared little girl I was at the start of last term. I've worked to be the best I can be, and I've learned a_ lot _!_

"Find anything, Pad?" said James as Sirius trotted over.

The black dog nodded and morphed back into a boy. "It's not what we're looking for, but I think you'll like it." Sirius broke into a slightly evil smirk.

 _Why can't he just spit it out? R_ _e_ _gulus would have._

"Remember how much you wanted to take Professor Spinner down a peg or two?" said Sirius.

Penelope rolled her eyes. _Boys. Just get on with it._

"Come on." Sirius started back the way he'd come and led the group into the bushes.

 _Wait. What?_ Penelope stifled a gasp—something between horror and profound amusement.

Spinner, unconscious and clad only in underwear, sprawled in the dirt, magically bound and gagged Muggle style.

"What is he doing here?" said James. "Why's he bound? And who did this? Why?"

"At least you're asking the right questions," Penelope muttered as she inched closer, only to be held back by James' firm grip.

"Don't try to be smart," Sirius said.

Penelope couldn't hide her scathing tone as he said, "The house is a Death Eater meeting place, isn't it? _Obviously_ _,_ he's here because he's a Death Eater."

"He is?" Sirius' brows shot up. "I mean, he's evil—I know that—but Dumbledore would never hire a Death Eater."

"You-Know-Who probably hid the mark for him," said Penelope. "Oh, that's right. You weren't there when Severus told us. Spinner's a Death Eater all right."

James nodded, still a bit dumbfounded. "But why's he like this? If we knew who tied him up, we'd have our answer."

"Isn't it obvious?" said Penelope with a huff.

"Yes," said James. "Had to be Snape."

Anxiety crept over Penelope like a hundred little spiders in the dark. "He's inside, disguised as a Death Eater!"

"What is he _thinking_?!" Sirius kept the outburst to a loud whisper. "He thinks he can just blend in? He doesn't know their codes, or how they usually behave. He hasn't grown up as a full blood. He doesn't know the customs. And he doesn't even _sound_ like Spinner."

Penelope tucked her tongue into one cheek. "It's not like him to do something so stupid. He must have a plan."

James nodded. "Should we just leave it alone? We could mess up whatever he's planned."

"No." Penelope shook her head. "You-Know-Who's planning to let a new Death Eater kill a Muggle tonight. It's an initiation ceremony—the new Death Eater has to kill either a Muggle or a Muggle-born before they can receive the mark. And… You-Know-Who's going to kill the old man himself… Severus will surely reveal himself before that happens. That'll mean all of You-Know-Who's anger focused on Severus. He'll be dead!"

James raised a skeptical brow. "Sorry, but you know this… how?"

"I—I saw it. For just a moment. I was inside You-Know-Who's head. Severus was too. That's how we both know…"

"How?" James' grip on Penelope's wrist tightened.

"I can't tell you that." She squirmed as his fingers dug into her skin. "He made me promise! But, Potter… James… Severus isn't himself. He's not in his right mind. Something's really wrong."

James hesitated. "You're not trying to trick us, are you?"

"What? Why would I do that?"

"Now that I think about it…" Sirius crossed his arms. "Two Slytherins coming up to our tower and bringing us to a mansion filled with Death Eaters… Pretty suspicious."

"Are you _kidding_ me?!" Penelope jerked against James' grip again but couldn't break free. "And you!" She pointed at Sirius with her free hand. "Regulus is your brother! You really think he'd want you dead?! Have some faith in him!"

"You don't know our family. They'd be all too happy to kill me," said Sirius with a sneer.

"I know Reg," she shot back. "Yes, he hates you. Sometimes he wants worse than anything to choke you! But he respects you—admires you. Why do you treat him so badly?"

Visible confusion clouded James and Sirius.

"He doesn't admire me," said Sirius. "He obeys Mum and Dad and runs to them when he's in trouble. Ever heard him in the school yard? 'My dad'll make you pay.'" Sirius' mocking impression of Regulus sounded all-the-more grotesque spewed from a face that looked hauntingly similar. "'I hate mudbloods. Stupid Muggles should die!'" Sirius continued the horrific impersonation.

Penelope cursed, but managed not to yell. "You don't know _anything_ about me and him! People change!" She hid her face, shame tinting her cheeks.

"Oh, really?" Sirius crossed his arms and raised a brow. "So, he went around calling people mudbloods and worthless, but it's all fine?"

"You really want to discuss this now?" Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them back and clung to her composure. "While there are lives at stake?"

"We don't know that, do we?" said James. "We only have your word, so, please, tell us about Regulus. I know him too, and what Sirius says is true. Convince me he doesn't want Sirius dead."

"Fine," Penelope spat. "I suppose we have nothing better to do before Remus gets here with his team. But you—" she pointed at Sirius "—promise me you won't tell Reg I told you. He wants it to be a secret."

Sirius snorted. "Whatever. Doubt I'll believe you, anyway."

Penelope swore again. _How can they stand here and trash Reg to my face?!_ "Reg is right! You're a narrow-minded, pig-headed idiot! When he was a kid, he looked up to you—his big brother. You were his _hero_! He couldn't understand why you hated him. How do you suppose he should react when you hate him for no reason? You abandoned him to that horrible woman who calls herself your _mother_."

Sirius wavered, caught off-guard.

 _Maybe I can get through to him._ "Oh yes, he told me about her. He doesn't like her either, but he had nothing else to do but try to earn her respect, because _you_ wouldn't give him yours." _They look so alike—with those gray eyes. Even if Reg shows restraint and Sirius doesn't._ "Then, to his face, you say you only have one brother—James Potter. Isn't Reg interesting or fun enough for you? You should be ashamed, Sirius Black!"

Fueled by Sirius' newfound embarrassment, Penelope tossed her hair over her shoulder and drew her strongest argument. "I'm a Muggle-born. And Reg knows it. Why would I support You-Know-Who when I'm someone he wants to kill? Why would Reg—if he is what you think he is—want to be with me at all since he knows I'm a Muggle-born?"

James and Sirius didn't say a word.

"Look at the two full bloods. You're oh, so good just because you're in the _red_ house." Penelope straightened her green robes. "I've got Muggle parents and two Muggle brothers. That should be reason enough for me to want to see You-Know-Who go down!"

Sirius snapped his fingers. "That's why I couldn't find anything on you or your family in the library books. Because you're Muggle-born! Wait… you're a Muggle-born?"

"That's what I said."

"And you're a Slytherin?" The blank expression on Sirius' face made him look like a kid who'd just walked into a pole he didn't know was there.

 _Reg would never look so dumb._ "Now you sound stupid," said Penelope.

"And you're dating my brother?" Sirius' expression didn't clear.

"Yes!"

"And he knows you're a Muggle-born?"

"I already _told_ you he does. I can't believe you're letting your prejudices make you so ignorant! If you don't get over yourself, someone's going to get hurt!"

Sirius nodded, three stuttered jerks, like he was thinking very hard while trying to listen to her at the same time.

James' cluttered thoughts leaked over his face. "Padfoot, a word. Penelope, stay right here, where we can see you. Got that?"

"Of course," Penelope grumped. "I'm not stupid. Like _him_." She cocked her head toward Sirius, who looked like a tea kettle about to explode.

 

* * *

 

James harrumphed and for the first time since they'd landed at the mansion, he let go of Penelope's wrist. He and Sirius stepped a few feet away. "Okay, Pad," James whispered. "What do you think? Should we? Or should we not trust her?"

"I… don't know…" said Sirius. "This situation is too weird—too dangerous."

"Agreed," said James. "Judging by the last two months, she's okay. Remus and Lily both trust her."

"Yeah," said Sirius. "But they trust Snape too. They're doing this for Snape—if they're telling the truth… Do you trust him now?"

"Don't know. He might have truly changed. He cares for Lily. That much is for sure. And he doesn't seem interested in gaining power anymore. What about her story?"

Sirius bit his lip. "Sounds like a tale spun to lure us into a trap. Saying she's a Muggle-born is just the sort of story to convince two blokes like us. And you know Slytherins. They're good liars. Snape could've learned some things from her tactics. But… if what she says is true… I've got a truckload to make up for."

"Then we're together on this. It's about whether we trust her. And we need to make the right decision. If we trust the wrong person, it could mean the end for us."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not ready to put that much faith in a girl I don't know—or in Regulus— _especially_ not Regulus."

"Me neither," James mumbled. "But we can't just leave."

"What're we going to do?"

James took a second to think. "We need to know if Lily's parents are really in there. _They're_ our new priority, and we need to ditch Penelope and Regulus—maybe even Lily. Thoughts?"

"I always trust Moony. He's one of us," said Sirius. "But Lily… She's still heartbroken over Snape. She'd do about anything if there's hope for her to help him."

"Right." The bitterness in James' tone could have chipped concrete. "So, we've got to ditch her too?"

"Yes," said Sirius through clenched teeth. "What do we do?"

James' brows furrowed. "Trouble is… Remus trusts them too. What do we do with him? What do we say?"

 

* * *

 

While Penelope waited for James and Sirius to finish talking, she studied Spinner. _No clues! Severus knew what he was doing. I'm just tired of it all! Tired of being hated because I'm Slytherin—tired of being hated by Slytherins because I'm Muggle-born. What's wrong with_ either _of those?! So, I have ambitions—and I'm smart enough to achieve them. I'm_ proud _of that—proud of the things I can do! And I love my family._ The Sorting Hat's words returned to her.

" _How interesting. So much ambition. The nerve to drive it through, and a gleaming cunning too. You could go so far, oh, so far, in the right house, but it would mean playing dangerous games, dangerous indeed. Are you prepared to face that danger? You will do fine in any house, but here, you will be able to find true greatness. It's up to you."_

Without a second thought she'd responded, "What's life without challenges and danger? Bring it on!" She'd realized less than a month later that reply hadn't been a great idea.

_I'm fed up with people thinking I'm insignificant! A fourth year and a girl. Apparently, that combination means no one thinks I'm worth bothering with. Not even Severus listens to me. Haven't I proven myself already? Why is everyone else viewed as important, but I'm useless?_

_What's taking those chatterboxes so long?_ Penelope sat on some dry leaves. They rustled just enough to scatter a few insects. _And why can't I be included? I want to barge into that ugly old mansion, cast a tracer charm for Severus, and drag him out by his skinny neck! But… I can't… I need help._

She picked up a dead leaf. In the scarce light, she couldn't see the hundreds of tiny lines scattered over the leaf in intricate patterns, but she knew they were there. _Collecting people means drawing from others' strengths. It's like Slughorn and his Slug Club. Everyone's important. People change. Even the most insignificant can become someone extraordinary._ She dropped the leaf. It fluttered to the ground as James and Sirius finally shut up.

Feet, just peeking from under the invisibility cloak, shuffled toward them.

"Penelope?" Reg's voice seemed to form out of thin air.

"Hey, Reg." Penelope stood and brushed off two stubborn leaves.

"Moony," James called. "Come here. We need a word."

Remus ducked into sight and joined his friends where James and Sirius included him in the conspiratorial whispers.

"What do you gather from that?" Regulus—followed by Lily—popped out of the cloak and crooked a thumb at Spinner.

"That Severus was here, stunned him, and took his clothes," said Penelope.

Lily paled a little.

"You okay, Pen?" Regulus reached for her, an embrace clearly his intent.

"Fine!" Penelope pushed his arm away.

"What're they talking about?" said Lily with a glance at the whispering Marauders.

"They won't tell me." Penelope sighed.

"Where's Peter?" said Lily.

"He's… uh… Scouting…" Penelope said.

"Alone?" Regulus looked skeptical.

"It's fine," Penelope assured. "The Marauders have so many gizmos they're keeping secret, but it helps them get around."

Lily looked puzzled and worried. "It's not… illegal stuff, is it?"

Penelope wasn't sure what to say. Being Animagi was very illegal they way they were doing it. _But why are they Animagi?_ She shook her head, but before she could mutter some semblance of an answer, the Marauders interrupted.

"We've decided," James said. "Me and Sirius will go inside under the invisibility cloak. The rest of you will stay here."

"But –" Lily began.

"I'm in on the decision too, Lily," said Remus. "It's for the best. They need to be able to move around under the cloak, and two people will be ideal."

"But why not me?" Lily said. "They're _my_ family! And he's my best friend!" She teetered on the verge of tears.

"That's exactly why," said Remus. "You're not thinking rationally. We need people with clear heads."

"Like Siri's the man for that." Regulus snorted, though Penelope caught a hint of relief as he edged closer to her.

"Well, why not you?" Lily said to Remus.

"I've got to stay with you. And Sirius knows the house," Remus said.

"No, he doesn't," Regulus protested, but one stern glare from James shut him up.

"Why can't I come?" Penelope said. "I'm small. You could fit me under the cloak with you."

"No way!" Sirius blurted.

Regulus flashed his brother an appreciative smile—probably the first in his life—but Sirius missed it as he stared down Penelope.

"Come on." James grabbed the cape. "No use hanging about arguing."

Remus blocked Lily, Penelope and Regulus from trying to follow his friends. "Stay. Here."

Lily scowled. "So that's why they wanted to talk to you, because they knew they could convince you to turn on us."

"Calm down," said Remus. "Even before we left you promised to do what James or I said, so _sit_ down."

Lily grudgingly obeyed. She glared at Remus every few seconds, but he held his ground. Penelope and Regulus sat too, sending more insects skittering in all directions.

Minutes—or hours—passed. Penelope couldn't tell, but it felt like forever. Worry clutched her gut like locked pliers. The night air bled through her robes and she scooted closer to Regulus. He wrapped a warm arm around her.

Lily didn't seem to notice the cold. She stared into the night sky, eyes busy with a flood of thought Penelope couldn't ever hope to sort. "I don't like this." Lily's breath fogged. "It's been too long. Something's wrong."

Remus glanced toward the mansion. "I admit… we should've gotten a sign by now."

"What if Death Eaters caught them?" Lily whispered, horrified.

"Then there's nothing we can do," said Remus.

"Maybe there is…" said Regulus.

"Yes?" Remus raised a brow.

Regulus pulled Penelope closer. "I could go knock on the door."

Remus looked at him as though a dozen billywigs had just started dancing atop his head.

"They're my family," said Regulus. "I'm a Black, and a loyal one, as opposed to _other_ people I could mention." He glowered at Remus. "Supposedly, I'm welcome any time."

"That's so simple… it might actually work," said Lily. "Who'd suspect someone who knocks on the door?"

Penelope shook her head. "I wish Potter and Sirius had trusted us long enough to hear that plan. Sirius could have done the same thing."

"No, he couldn't." Regulus shook his head. "He's a blood traitor."

"It's too dangerous. We're staying here," Remus said.

"Why? I _have_ to go. I can't keep sitting here!" Lily rose to her knees.

"Yes, you can." Remus loomed over Lily and awarded her the sourest look he could muster.

Lily stood, forcing Remus to take a step back. "We'll be going now. I need to get in."

"I don't want to fight you," said Remus as he drew his wand. "But we need to keep cool heads. And you're _not_ going inside."

"I don't want to fight you either," Lily said. "I'm sorry, Remus." She drew her own wand.

" _Somnus_!" The spell shot through the face-off.

Lily swayed, blinked, and sank to the ground, asleep.

"L—Lily?" Remus hovered over her.

"I'm… sorry…" Penelope swallowed hard and lowered her wand. "I just… We can't afford to fight each other! What would she do once she got inside? Lily can't just barge in there. She…"

" _Somnus_!"

This time Remus crumpled, sound asleep.

"Reg!" Penelope covered a gasp.

"They'd both be in our way," said Regulus as he tucked his wand away. "You want to get inside, right, Pen? I'll get you in. Just follow my lead."

"Reg…" Penelope pointed at Lily and Remus. "We need to hide them first."

"All right." Regulus sighed and helped Penelope move Lily and Remus out of the open.

* * *

_Edited by Dtill359_


	32. The price

Penelope clutched Regulus' hand as they stood outside the mansion's front door. _We're doing this. We're_ really _doing this! It's too easy._

Regulus gripped the heavy brass knocker and rapped three times, each strike firm, but not too loud.

Rain soaked them and a chill made Penelope shiver like a twig in a hurricane. She pulled her school robe over them both, forming an ill-fitting, dripping green tent. Regulus ditched his own robes ages ago—due to their untimely demise during apparation.

No one came to the door.

Regulus knocked again.

Almost soundlessly, the door cracked, then swung wide. A young woman—gorgeous by any standard, with long, brown hair and heavy eyelashes—stood in the doorway. She reminded Penelope of Regulus and Sirius—all except for the open surprise on her face.

"Regulus," said the woman. "What are you doing here?"

"I have no idea, Bella," said Regulus. "Mum and Dad took Gonoril and me from Hogwarts—something about it not being safe for us there right now."

 _R_ _i_ _ght. Gonoril. That's me._ Penelope crowded a little closer to Regulus.

"Gonoril's parents are in France, so I decided to take her home, but Mum said we can't stay there either, so she apparated us there." He tossed his most sincere glance out into the rain. "She just left."

Bellatrix seemed intrigued. "Something's happening at Hogwarts?" She raised a brow and mumbled something about fortunate timing and how happy her master would be to hear such news.

"Can we come in?" said Regulus. "It's cold out here."

Bellatrix checked over her shoulder. "Very well." She stepped out of the doorway. "You're going directly to the guest quarters, and you will _not_ leave them," she said. "Rodolphus has important guests."

"Of course." Regulus nodded.

As Bellatrix led them toward the wide stairs, Penelope tried to catch glimpses of said "guests," but Bellatrix blocked the view every time Penelope thought she might succeed.

"This way." Bellatrix herded them upstairs. "I wouldn't be too curious if I were you, little Miss…?"

"Selwyn," Regulus provided. "Gonoril Selwyn."

"Good, good." Bellatrix nodded. "I shall expect nothing less of someone you've invited into my house, Regulus."

They reached the second-floor landing and followed a long corridor.

"Do you have any idea what the commotion at Hogwarts was about?" said Bellatrix.

"No," Regulus answered with no hint of deception. "Our leaving was pretty rushed."

"Hmm." Bellatrix halted between two grand doors. "Well, in you go." She pointed to the far door.

Both Regulus and Penelope went for the guest room.

"Oh, not you, Ms. Selwyn." Bellatrix blocked her path. "It's not appropriate for a lady to share a room with a man. You'll stay in there." She pointed to another intricate door… at the other end of the hall. "You'll find some of my old dresses in the closet. Feel free to choose one for yourself. That school uniform—waterlogged state aside—is hardly fitting for a lady in a home like this."

"Thank you, Miss." Penelope curtsied.

"It's Mrs.," said Bellatrix with a proud smile as she presented a grand ring, crowned with a large, oval, wine-red stone that glinted at its core.

"When did that happen?" said Regulus.

Bellatrix smirked. "Only last December. We didn't want to make a big affair out of it."

"Congratulations, Bella." Regulus' smile was so sincere Penelope almost forgot the tremor of danger still rattling her insides. "I wish you'd told me," he said.

"It wasn't anything worth getting overexcited about." Bellatrix tossed her hair over one shoulder. The dramatic move reminded Penelope of one of the glamorous women she'd seen in fashion exhibitions, but when Bellatrix did it, she only looked more gorgeous.

Despite her bewitching beauty, something about Bellatrix struck Penelope as… wrong—odd—as if an inner hideousness hid just beneath those thick eyelashes and rich lips—an ugliness even the most stunning body couldn't totally hide. That moment, Bellatrix's beauty melted into vulgarity, and Penelope quickly hid her rising revulsion. _I_ _t's only a matter of time before that ugliness crawls to the surface._ _I_ _t'll twist her into a weird, repulsive creature when it manifests._

"In with you!" Bellatrix clapped at Regulus and Penelope to scurry along. "Be quiet and don't you dare go out and explore."

Penelope and Regulus obeyed, but the moment Penelope's door closed, the unmistakable click of a lock etched into the otherwise-silent room.

 

* * *

 

Penelope sneaked into Regulus' room just as he finished changing. "Severus is the best teacher ever!" she announced with a smile.

"What in all the—Pen, _what_ are you wearing?" Regulus stared.

Even though the extravagant black dress clearly belonged to some part of Bellatrix's childhood, it enveloped Penelope like a giant black fish gulping down a minnow. The dress, with all its intricate details and finery, would have been beautiful if its fit weren't so poor. The black silk sash tied around Penelope's waist hung like a wilted flower, but the worst accessory was the large, black hat accented by a black veil. She held the veil away with a black-gloved hand. Loose strands of her wet hair fell in her face, and after so much time outside in the cold, the mansion's warm hair fogged her glasses. "I thought wearing this would keep people from recognizing me."

"You'll stick out like a sore thumb wearing that," said Regulus. "It'd be less suspicious if you just walked around as if you belonged."

"Oh. All right. But I don't have time to chance. We should get moving."

"Pen, if anyone sees you in that, they'll know you're not supposed to be here. There will be no talking ourselves out of anything. Please, go try again," said Regulus.

Penelope's clumsy steps flopped on the pristine floors like a pair of flounder trying to get back to the ocean. The whole picture made Regulus chuckle.

Penelope's second try proved better. The dress, though still oversized, was simpler. Its beautiful, white silk flowed around her elegantly and made her look like an elf or spirit. She picked up the long skirt, and it swept around her feet as she walked. She's taken down her pigtails, letting her still-wet hair fall to her shoulders. She walked head up, but her oval glasses still didn't match the rest of the ensemble.

Regulus smiled. _She's beautiful…_ He kissed her on the forehead, a quick kiss, in appreciation of how adorable she was. "Let's go," he whispered.

Just as they neared the end of the hall, someone tromped up the stairs. Startled, Regulus and Penelope darted back to their rooms and locked them quickly with magic.

"Are you sure there wasn't anything strange going on at Hogwarts before you left?" said Bellatrix from the other side of Regulus' door.

"Not entirely," said a screeching voice. "But I'd like to question the young lad alone."

"Not likely. I want to hear what they have to say," said Bellatrix as she slammed open Regulus' door.

"Professor!" Regulus froze.

Spinner's cold, gray eyes squinted at him. "Mr. Black." Spinner didn't smile, his mouth set in a permanent frown—quite unlike him, unless something was wrong. "I hear your parents took you from school?"

"Yes, sir," said Regulus, "they did."

"And I supposed it was because of those fool Aurors who tried to force Veritaserum on anyone with connections to true purebloods?" Spinner's eyes urged Regulus to agree.

Regulus raised brow, but nodded hesitantly, still not sure what was happening, but he knew better than to say so.

"Then it's all fine." Spinner's crooked lips twisted into a smirk. "Dumbledore didn't allow it in the end, so it's safe enough for you to go back. I'm sure Mrs. Lestrange would be happy to lend you and your friend her fireplace."

Bellatrix scowled and looked from Regulus to Spinner and back. "Why don't you go visit the girl," she said. "I think I need a word with my cousin. I'm sure he wants to hear all about my wedding before we part again. Why don't you just wait for us?"

Spinner frowned but left.

Bellatrix's smile vanished once Spinner disappeared. She crossed her arms, looking cross. "Something's wrong," she said. "Tell me what it is."

Regulus didn't answer.

"Who else is in my house?" she demanded before sitting beside him. Her tone softened. "I only want what's best for you. The Dark Lord is downstairs, and he will reward anyone who helps him."

Regulus bit his lip just enough to make it sting.

"You'd make your family very proud," Bellatrix pressed. "And there's nothing wrong with our cause. You know that. We, as the best of the Wizarding World, must stand together. We're family, cousin, and I love you."

Regulus knit his brows and sighed before he began.

 

* * *

 

Penelope folded her hands nervously as she sat on the bed. The fine silk dress draped around her like an elegant tablecloth spread for Sunday tea. _I kind of like this dress. It makes me feel pretty—at least, it would if this were any other situation at all._ Her hands shook as she fidgeted to try to hide her tremors.

_Waiting's always so hard. I'm great with action—focused—even if I look like a scared baby squirrel most of the time…_

The door slammed open.

Penelope jumped three inches off the bed and tumbled to the floor in a heap of silk. She growled at her clumsiness but forgot it the next instant. "Professor Spinner! How did you…" She shoved away the rest of the sentence, lest Death Eaters had taken captive her friends in the forest. _Did I put them all in danger?_

Spinner crossed his arms and frowned hard. "What do you think you're doing here, Miss Pauperitt?"

Penelope gulped. _If Spinner's here, Death Eaters captured L_ _i_ _ly and the rest! But that would've happened too fast, and there's no noise in the halls. If they'd been captured, they wouldn't go without a fight._ "S-Severus…?"

Spinner raised a brow. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"We found Spinner gagged and bound outside," said Penelope. "Besides, the real Professor Spinner would be all smiles right now."

"When you said _we,_ did you mean just you and Regulus?"

"No. The Marauders and Lily are here too," said Penelope. "Couldn't get here without them."

Severus' annoyance flooded his posture.

_This is weird—watching Spinner but knowing it's Severus. It is him, I'm sure._

"Didn't I tell you to stay behind?" Severus said in Spinner's high-pitched whine, though now a dark, serious note curbed the usual shrillness. "And you brought Lily? Why?!"

"You'd have had no second thoughts about staying behind and giving yourself up!" said Penelope. "I couldn't let you do it."

"That's not your concern," Severus sneered, and his Spinner guise looked almost exactly like Severus for half a second. "You're going home. Right now!"

"Not without you! I won't do it!"

"Aren't you being selfish? What about Lily's family? You want me to just leave them?"

Penelope shook her head. "Let me help you. Let Regulus help, and the Marauders too! For Merlin's sake, let Lily help you! We all want to, because we _care_!"

"You listen to me, Miss Pauperitt! Stay out of this!"

 _Yep, that's Severus._ Penelope smirked. "No. I'm standing my ground on this. We all came here for you!"

Severus sneered. "You're in my way! And you're of no use to me—just a weak, little mudblood. Why would I bother with filth like you?"

"You don't mean that, Severus." Penelope's voice wavered.

"I enjoyed those sessions with you, loved to see you break. I only wanted to make you suffer longer, stupid, little mudblood." He smirked. "I'm a pretty good liar, aren't I?"

"Yes," said Penelope. "You are. I'm coming with you."

"You think you have a say in this?"

"Severus, please –" With a flick of Severus' wand, Penelope's world went black.

 

* * *

 

Penelope's glasses hung askew as she slumped onto the bed.

 _Why on earth would everyone come here?_ Severus shook his head.

"Graham?" said Bellatrix from the doorway.

"Yes." He faced her.

"I've been thinking, and I think these two should stay the night." She smiled sweetly. "It's getting late, after all."

 _Great…_ "Fine." Severus followed Bellatrix out of Penelope's room and deeper into the mansion. "Though I could take them off your hands and back to Hogwarts with me."

"What? And miss this special occasion? It's rare to see the Dark Lord in such a good mood these days. I suspect the thought of capturing Snape's mudblood lover sits well with him."

"Absolutely." Severus nodded.

Bellatrix frowned. "Why couldn't you just take him from school grounds?"

"That would blow my cover, and you know it," Severus said. "Besides that, the Dark Lord wants to see that brat suffer before he kills him."

"Or maybe the Dark Lord thinks you're too weak. Poor, poor Graham. So weak and unworthy of the responsibility."

"The Dark Lord _gave_ me that responsibility." Severus stood straight, showing off whatever pride Spinner might feel at this so-called privilege.

"But you didn't live up to it!" Bellatrix hissed. "You're a failure, Spinner!"

"Then why am I here?" Severus' fake smile never faltered. "I'm of use to our Lord." Unfamiliar halls surrounded them. "Where are we going?"

"The cellar," she said, voice low. "I need to check something."

They trotted down the stairs a little too quickly, and Severus' heart almost stopped when they found the cellar door standing wide.

Bellatrix froze. "No… no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO!" The whisper rose to a roar, but she clapped a hand over her mouth as if afraid of being heard. "Find the prisoners," she whispered, tone harsh enough to blunt an ax. "Find them before _he_ figures out they're gone!"

Severus nodded. "Get whoever we can trust. I'll stay here!" He blocked her view of the black dog laying in the shadows, well-hidden enough that Bellatrix hadn't noticed him yet.

She gave Severus a suspicious glower.

"I'm well-wandered in tracing charms, and I don't want to face the Dark Lord's fury either!" He pitched his Spinner voice high enough to portray despair.

Bellatrix nodded and hurried back up the stairs.

"Potter, come out. I know you're here!" Severus faced the corner.

The dog snarled, but nothing else happened.

Severus rolled his eyes. _Suppose I'll have to reveal myself now._ "It's me, Severus." Still nothing. "Potter, you used to call me Snivellus. Last year, Black almost had me killed while exposing me to Remus' beastie problem. I used to scare Petunia with spiders and stories of Dementors. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were kind enough to give me new clothes for Christmas, and Augustus found out I was his grandson as Alastor Moody interrogated us last January. There. You all have some information only you and I would know."

Like a dead bough cut from a tree, the invisibility cloak fell away from the far corner, revealing a group of five: Potter, Petunia, Mr. and Mrs. Evans, and Augustus.

"Wow." Potter stared. "Nice makeover, Snape. It suits you."

Severus snorted. "Clearly, we need to work together. Do you all fit under that cloak?"

Potter shook his head. "No. We tried, but we can't."

"We'll have to make do, and quickly, before Lestrange comes back," said Severus.

"I'll go without invisibility." James volunteered.

"Don't be stupid." Severus snorted. "The others might be able to pose as my prisoners should they catch us, but you're not even supposed to be here."

"Then I should go without the cloak," said Augustus. "At least I can defend myself."

"Agreed." Severus nodded. "Will the rest of you fit?"

They tried, but their feet stuck out like little stumps and a slim gap kept opening at the front of the group.

"That won't do." Severus sighed.

"I'll step out." Mr. Evans ducked into visibility. "I'm the largest. It makes sense."

"No, Harold." Marguerite's head popped out.

"I'm afraid he's right," said Severus. "Hurry up, we don't have time for arguing!"

"Come on, Snuffy," James whispered to the dog. It came to James.

Severus raised his wand. "If you'll allow me?" He tapped Mr. Evans and Augustus on the head, throwing a camouflage curse over them.

"Why, I never…" Mr. Evans looked himself over, stunned at the change. He blended into the floor and wall paneling perfectly.

"Time to move, Harold." Augustus pushed the other man toward the stairs as Severus led the way.

Augustus and Mr. Evans stuck close to Severus, followed by the invisible group and tailed by the big dog. They'd almost reached the front entrance when quick footsteps approached.

"Hide!" Severus almost shoved Augustus and Mr. Evans into the cloaked group.

But there was nowhere to hide.

Potter nearly stuck his head out of the invisibility cloak.

"No, you don't!" Severus hissed and pointed his wand at Potter. "You stay put. Who's going to protect the Evanses if you're taken?"

The dog snarled.

"You stay put too, mutt!" Severus snarled at the dog—which Severus knew was Black, despite Potter's attempts to hide it from everyone else. He shuffled the group into a row up against the wall. Potter at least had enough sense to see what Severus wanted and strung out the cloak like a blanket again just before someone rounded the corner.

"Graham!" Bellatrix gasped, out of breath. "You found something!"

With her were two others—a tall, proud wizard with a black goatee and cold, blue eyes—Rodolphus Lestrange, her husband—and Regulus.

"Yes. I think they might have run upstairs," said Severus. "Or they've fled outside. What do you say we split up?"

Bellatrix wore her suspicion openly. "Fine. I'll go with you."

"No need, Bella." Severus gave her his most placating smile. "Why don't I just take young Mr. Black here. I've been wanting to spend some time with him. He's one of my students, after all."

"Regulus doesn't know the grounds as well as I do," she said.

"I'm sure he'll do just fine. Besides, we only need follow the trail."

"It's fine, cousin," Regulus insisted. 'I know the grounds well enough, and I want to find those muggles. We can't have such filth mucking about in our lane." Though his words were stupendous, Regulus' tone lacked conviction.

Bellatrix grimaced. "Yes. That filthy smell won't dissipate for a while."

"And I'll keep an eye on him." Regulus crooked a thumb at Spinner. "He's not too bright a specimen."

"You dare speak thus to your Professor?" Severus sneered.

Bellatrix relaxed and chuckled. "Very well, Regulus. You've already proven valuable today."

Regulus looked away from his cousin, shame blooming in his cheeks, but Bellatrix seemed not to see it.

"What do you mean?" Severus raised a brow at her.

"I'd never have known I had rascals in my home if it weren't for him." She smirked. "He knows the importance of punishing the filthy muggles who think they can hide from the Dark Lord."

"I… I just wanted to be helpful…" Regulus mumbled. "I can't stand… mudbloods." He didn't even seem to like using the slur.

The front door slammed open. "Bellatrix!" Six people crowded the entrance: Spinner, two Death Eaters, Lily and Remus. "Don't listen to him. He's an imposter!"

Bellatrix stared at the two Spinners. Rodolphus too looked befuddled. "Thank you, Regulus." She sent her cousin an approving smile, then bellowed, " _Stupefy_!" at Severus.

Severus had his wand ready and deflected the spell with ease. Augustus, still in chameleon disguise, stood beside Severus. Potter appeared from beneath the cloak—leaving only Mrs. Evans and Petunia hidden under it—and posted himself with Severus too. Without hesitation, Severus shot a _Sectumsempra_ at Bellatrix. It threw her across the room. She landed hard; a deep gash across her chest bled.

Rodolphus cursed at Severus, but just as Lestrange lunged for him, the dog sank his teeth into Rodolphus' leg.

" _Expelliarmus_!" yelled Potter.

The stolen wand flew from Rodolphus' hand.

"I'll take that." August snatched his wand as it zinged away from Lestrange. "You're bad company, son," he said to Severus. "I led a whole life without losing a wand, and since I've met you, I've lost two."

"I'll try to make it up to you later." Severus snorted and body bound Rodolphus to the floor. "Snuffy" disappeared down a side hall.

" _Finite Incantatum_!" Bellatrix roared the counter charm at Severus despite her wound and inability to rise.

A wave of magic engulfed Severus, and he morphed back into his own body.

"SEV!" Lily screamed from the other end of the room.

"He's here! He's here!" Bellatrix crowed in delight. "The Snape brat came early! He's a real gentleman, isn't he! Always meeting up five minutes before tea!"

Death Eaters surrounded them, and a fight began. Severus stood back to back with Augustus just as Sirius reappeared to join the fight. _Can't leave the Evanses unprotected._ He fended off another Death Eater.

Nearby, Regulus and Sirius locked in a duel, shouting and hurling curses and thick swears at each other.

"Siri, stop!" Regulus pleaded. "We shouldn't be fighting right now!"

"Then you shouldn't have turned on us!"

"They're our family! And they're good blood. They deserve consideration. If they weren't warned, the Dark Lord would have _killed_ them!"

"Then let them die!" Sirius snarled.

Both Blacks spewed another round of curses at each other as hexes flew everywhere. More Death Eaters flooded into the room, coming far too close to the still-hidden Evanses.

"Run!" Severus ordered everyone. "Get through the front door!"

"Not without you!" Lily stood back to back with Remus as the pair fought off two Death Eaters.

 _Why can't she ever do as she's told? Why can't_ any _of them?_ Severus gritted his teeth. "Lily, I don't need you! You're useless, and you're in the way! Mudblood! MUDBLOOD!" _Take a hint, woman! Get out! A_ _n_ _d please… don't get hurt. But you know me too well, don't you, Lily? You see what I do and ignore what I say._ Severus shoved Lily behind him, shielding her from a flying stunner which sent him tumbling.

"Enough!" Voldemort entered, and with a nonchalant flick of his wand, he forced all six Hogwarts students to their knees. The Death Eaters stopped fighting.

Voldemort seemed ecstatic to see Severus. His red, snakelike eyes glinted in delight, and the snake hanging around his neck seemed equally happy as its eyes fixed on Severus. "Oh, Snape. So good of you to come."

Severus spat at Voldemort's feet but missed by an inch.

" _Crucio_!" Voldemort's curse sent jagged stabs of pain through Severus' every nerve. But Severus ground his teeth, eyes watering, and refused to scream.

_I taught myself long ago how to handle this sort of pain. You'll get nothing from me._

The agony vanished, as did Voldemort's good mood. "Why aren't you screaming? You think you're stronger than me? Oh, but you're wrong, Snape. I'll make you scream. I'll make you scream and beg for mercy!"

Still on his knees, Severus hissed in pain, but said nothing.

"Ah, Mr. Black." Voldemort turned to Regulus. "I hear you helped our cause immensely." Suddenly, he frowned. "Who is that girl you're thinking about?"

"Uh, no one, my Lord." Regulus looked away, too late.

"Don't lie to me, boy," Voldemort hissed. "Your thoughts should be with me. I was about to reward you. You'd make a valuable servant, but instead of focusing on that, your thoughts are on her."

"It's probably that mudblood." Spinner sneered. "Penelope Pauperitt, Master—a little, bespectacled mudblood."

"Eww!" Bellatrix—now healed, but still pale—rose with Rodolphus' help. "I'm hosting a mudblood?"

"She's not like that!" Regulus snapped to face his cousin. "She's different!"

"Don't tell me she's bewitched you." Bellatrix snorted. "She saw your money and power and wanted it. They're slippery, those mudbloods."

"Don't you want to serve me, boy?" said Voldemort. "Don't you want power?"

Severus' gut twisted. _No, no, this is what happened to_ me _last time._

"I… I do," said Regulus.

 _Even though he's uncertain, he wants to take his place as an important wizard._ Severus remembered all too well how this had gone for him in his previous life. _He's struggling with himself, but he's doing better than I did._

"Lestrange told me you wish to enter my service. Is that not so?" said Voldemort.

"It… it is," said Regulus. "I do want to serve you. I really do. I know why this course is honorable!"

 _He means that…_ The strain in Regulus' face wasn't lost to Severus, despite the boy's words.

"Come." Voldemort motioned for Regulus to follow him. "Bellatrix, bring the girl." He revealed a horrific smile. "And bring them too." He pointed at Severus and the other students.

"My Lord… What about the muggles? Shouldn't we re-capture them?" said Yaxley, one of the Death Eaters.

"I don't care for insects." Voldemort strutted up the stairs without a backward glance.

Bellatrix hurried after Voldemort as Death Eaters forced the students to their feet and shoved them after the Dark Lord—but not before liberating them of their wands.

Two Death Eaters held Severus, as if afraid he'd still escape.

 

* * *

 

Voldemort led them to another part of the mansion—a large dining hall. The floor—just as Sirius and Regulus said—stretched out in a jade and black chess-board pattern. A huge tapestry, woven with the image of three snakes twisted about each other hung on one wall, and an enormous window covered another.

Outside, rain still fell in thick sheets and night still blanketed the world. The wizard statue stood in the rain, looking just as proud as ever, despite the downpour.

Voldemort sat on what Regulus could only call a throne and petted the snake, still hanging around his neck like a demented necklace. "Bring the purebloods."

Death Eaters pushed Sirius and James forward. Regulus walked beside them.

Voldemort looked from Sirius to James and back to Sirius. "So. You're a Black."

"Yeah." Sirius snorted.

Voldemort wasn't impressed. "Your family have proven themselves valuable servants. You could be one as well."

"I'd rather eat knarls' crap than serve you." Sirius spat, but his aim was better than Severus', and he hit Voldemort's left shoe.

The Dark Lord snarled and turned his attention to James. "How about you? Your blood is proud and old. I could use someone like you."

"If you think I'm even tempted, you must've eaten nails for dinner," Potter said.

"Are you sure? It's your rightful place." He looked to Sirius. "Especially yours. You belong here. Your brother knows that."

Regulus nodded slowly, but his eyes never left the floor.

"Reg?" Sirius edged closer to his brother. "You—you don't need to."

"I do." Regulus said despite his obvious fright. "It's what I was always meant to do. I'm not like you."

Realization hit Sirius and sadness and regret swept over him. "Reg… I'm so sorry…" he whispered. "I pushed you into this. Please, don't. You have a choice."

"Enough!" Voldemort sneered. "Regulus knows where his loyalties lie. He knows what he's supposed to be. You, however, are a traitor and will be dealt with accordingly." His attention shifted to the door. "There you are, Bellatrix."

Lestrange jerked Penelope into the dining hall, and Penelope almost tripped over the long, white dress's dragging hem.

"Bring the girl!" Voldemort beckoned Bellatrix over.

Lestrange shoved Penelope to the floor. Penelope landed on the hard floor with a loud slap, and her nose almost hammered into Voldemort's still-wet shoe.

The Dark Lord's snake slithered from its master's shoulders and curled around Penelope's neck. She struggled to sit up, bewildered as the snake coiled atop her shoulders.

"Rise for your Lord," Voldemort commanded.

Penelope slowly stood, and the snake slithered down her leg and back to its master.

"Take the blood traitors." Voldemort pointed at James and Sirius. Death Eaters yanked the pair farther back to stand with their friends.

"Regulus. Time to prove your heart is loyal to our cause." Voldemort nodded at Penelope. "Kill the mudblood."

The world stopped. No one breathed.

Regulus' mouth hung open, and his hand shook and gripped his wand so hard he stopped feeling it as it bit deep into his palm.

Penelope's white dress cast a pallor over her skin, making her look like a frail, sick child. Her hair, still scraggly from the rain, framed eyes so sad they could have melted stone.

 _No. No, it can't end like this._ "M-my Lord. Please. Have mercy!" Tears streamed down Regulus' cheeks. "I _beg_ you. Have mercy, please!"

Voldemort frowned. "She's a mudblood. She's better off dead."

"Regulus," Bellatrix hissed, "if you don't do this, you're a blood traitor. You'll die."

Regulus shook his head. "But she's different. She's not like any muggles or other mudbloods."

"Reg…" Penelope's eyes welled with tears. "If you really think like that, I was wrong about you."

"Don't speak in my presence!" Voldemort hissed. " _Crucio_!"

Penelope crumbled and screamed. Her whole body seized like a clamp stuck open too wide. Then she fell limp with the occasional twitch—a side-effect of the Cruciatus. With an impressive show of strength, she rose to one elbow and spat at Voldemort, hitting the shoe Sirius hadn't. "If I'm going to die, anyway, I might as well." She spit again, this time, hitting Voldemort squarely in the chest.

"Insolent little brat!" Voldemort darted out of his seat and smacked her so hard she lost her balance and nearly cracked her head on the floor. Another Cruciatus gripped her, and she shrieked until it passed, leaving her panting like a man who'd just run the whole length of England.

"Regulus, finish her off!" Voldemort demanded.

"Pen, I…"

"Don't talk to the mudblood. Just kill her."

"No!" Regulus roared. " _Impedimenta_!" He shot the spell right at Voldemort's unguarded chest. "Penelope, run!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her up, but only got three steps before Death Eaters surrounded them.

" _Accio_ wand!" Severus used the distraction to his advantage and the black wand sailed into his hand. " _Fiendnectim_!" Blue flames shot toward each Death Eater. " _Accio_ wands!" The rest of the group's wands flew to him. "Take them!" Severus tossed each one to its master.

Regulus pulled Penelope close as he spun and took shots at the Death Eaters. Penelope only had a silver knife she'd snatched from one of the dining tables. She held it in front of her with both hands as if it were a real weapon. "Pen… Pen, I'm…"

"I forgive you," Penelope stopped him. "And just in case we die… I think I love you."

Regulus curled around Penelope, protecting her from the blue flames. "I guess this is as good a time as any to say I love you too."

"Yep," Penelope joked. "Best romantic setting ever… SEVERUS!"

The flames split to give them clear passage to the rest of the group.

"Stop right there!" Voldemort's voice divided the flames again, leaving him a clear line of sight to Regulus and Penelope. His snake coiled in front of him.

"Penelope! Regulus! Get out of the way!" Severus shouted.

Penelope regarded the snake. She looked from Voldemort to Regulus, gave Regulus' hand a squeeze, and let go. She hurled herself at the snake, grabbed it, and plunged the table knife down its throat before anyone could blink. The snake struggled and hissed in Penelope's vice grip. Blood poured from its mouth, but Penelope held on and twisted the knife deeper until the snake wilted, dead.

"NOOOO!" Voldemort's screech chilled everyone. "You little—You'll pay for this!" He swept through the narrow passage between walls of blue fire and snatched Penelope by the hair.

"Then I die for my friends!" Penelope declared through her agony.

" _AVADA KEDAVRA_!" Bright green light eclipsed even the blue fire, and Voldemort's scream rang above every other voice and the crackle of the flames.

As the light dissipated, Voldemort dropped Penelope. She landed on her feet, face expressionless. For a moment Regulus' world screamed to a stop. _Stay upright! Please!_ But Penelope's hair fell inch by agonizing inch as the world sped into motion again and she crashed to the ground like a rag doll, face to the floor.

The grand window at the other end of the dining hall shattered.

"NOOOO!" Regulus screamed. " _Stupefy_!" He threw the spell at Voldemort, thrusting the Dark Lord away.

Severus rushed to Penelope.

"No," Severus whispered as he turned Penelope over. "No, no, no!" He fumbled with something on her face. "No, you can't do this! Regulus, take her!" He stood. " _Portus_!" He shouted at a nearby plate, flung from a table in the scuffle. "Take it! Take her!"

The other students crowded around Regulus, shooting hexes at the Death Eaters to cover him. Remus snagged the plate. Just beside the broken window, the Evanses—no longer under the invisibility cloak and chameleon spell—stared, mesmerized by the unnatural flames.

Severus faced Voldemort. Each formed a giant serpent, one ice, one fire. The snakes struck and shielded on command. Waves of energy blasted through the room, vibrating through every cell of Regulus' body. It was almost as if two giants fought amidst the flames. Anyone in their way would face dire consequences.

Regulus stumbled to Penelope and scooped her up. _She's so limp—like a wet paper bag._ "No, no…" Regulus begged as tears streamed down his face. "Not her. Why her?!"

"Regulus, let's go!" Sirius shouted as he grabbed his brother's shoulder and dragged Regulus through the window after everyone else.

"What about Sev?" Lily yelled as they leapt out the window.

"You really want to interrupt _that_?" Potter pointed to the battling wizards surrounded in blue fire. "I can't promise he'll be fine, but he only needs to get to the window to apparate. And if we don't beat it now, all of this will have been for nothing!"

"Come on, people!" Remus held out the silver plate turned Portkey. "Everyone, hold tight to this!"

Regulus held Penelope close as he touched the plate.

 

* * *

Lily reached for the silver plate, even though her gaze never left Severus.

Inside the mansion, sweat ran down Severus' neck, and his face filled with fury as he commanded his serpent of blue fire.

Lily grasped for one more moment—one glimpse of Severus. _I've got to see him one last time. Just once before—No! This isn't right! I can't give up!_ She started to let go of the plate, but just before her fingers lost purchase, the world spun, and she stumbled onto a wet lawn. Rain fell in heavy drops, like giant tears, soaking her even more.

 

* * *

 

Regulus sank to his knees on the waterlogged grass and cradled Penelope. Her eyes stared, unseeing, empty. "Penelope? Pen, wake up! Please… please… wake up!"

But, no matter what Regulus did, Penelope didn't respond.

* * *


	33. What comes next

Regulus sat on his knees in the wet grass. The body in his arms hung limp, unresponsive. Rain soaked and chilled him. "Pen?" He shook her. _Why doesn't she answer?_ "Penelope!"

"Tell me it isn't true." Lily sank beside Regulus.

"Wake up," Regulus pleaded. "Penelope, please, don't tease me like this!"

"Reggy…" Sirius knelt in front of Regulus. "Bro… she's… dead…"

"No. No, she can't be!" Tears and rain blurred his brother's face. "Tell me it isn't true! It _isn't_! You're lying! YOU'RE ALWAYS LYING!"

"Reg, I'm sorry," Sirius said. "Let me take her." He reached for Penelope.

"No!" Regulus jerked Penelope into a tight hug. Her white dress, water-logged by the downpour, hung in limp clumps and gathered mud from a small patch of bare ground, making her look like a stolen princess, cursed to sleep forever. "It's my fault, and _I'm_ going to make it good again! You'll see! She'll come back to… to… arrange another Life Defenders meeting." Even he heard how ridiculous that sounded. "She… always… arranges… those…"

"Reggy, please, don't make this harder on yourself," said Sirius.

"Why are you trying to comfort me?" Regulus scowled. "Stop it! Hate me! You _should_ hate me!" His voice hitched in pain and regret. "It's my fault—it's _all_ my fault! MINE!" he bellowed in Sirius' face. "I told Bella there were intruders, so she could prepare herself. I took Penelope into the house! I showed her into the Gryffindor common room! _I_ tried to _join_ the _Dark Lord_! I _wanted_ to serve him! It's my fault—mine! Me! Regulus Black! I'm a sleazy, dirty, evil little monster—just like you always said!"

Sirius moved beside his brother and threw both soaked arms around him. "Cry it out, Reg. Yell at me. It's fine."

Regulus broke. He heaved gulping sobs and clutched Penelope so close her wet cheek touched his. Sirius held Regulus as he wept.

Lily stood and sobbed into a shocked James' shoulder.

Remus, looking as lost as an abandoned puppy, stood in the rain without a word.

The Evanses huddled close, hugging each other tight, and though they didn't fully comprehend the situation, they knew something terrible had happened.

Augustus stood alone, not crying, but looking like the weight of a thousand lost friends just settled on him. His age showed. And his weariness.

The temperature dropped and everyone's breath clouded the air. The only sound audible over the rain's fevered din was Regulus' weeping.

"Come on, Reg," Sirius coaxed. "You don't have to let go yet, but you need to come into the castle."

In his grief, Regulus hadn't noticed they were back at Hogwarts. Still foggy, he stumbled to his feet.

The group slogged through the rain to the huge doors.

Regulus hugged Penelope hard. She'd started turning blue from the cold. And from… Regulus closed his eyes in horror. _She looks so much like a spirit in that flowing, white dress—No. She's not a spirit!_

"What's going on?" McGonagall met them in the entrance hall. "We've been looking for you. Your housemates reported all of you missing."

"Professor…" Remus croaked, but couldn't continue.

James finished for him in a surprisingly calm tone. "Professor McGonagall, it was Voldemort… He—he killed Penelope."

"Oh, my _goodness_!" Professor McGonagall rushed to Regulus, who still held Penelope like a treasured doll. "Is that…?" She gently closed Penelope's glazed eyes. "To the hospital wing." She turned to the Evanses. "And, you are?"

"My family," Lily supplied with not a few tearful sniffs. "Voldemort tried to kill them."

"Minerva." Augustus nodded to the Professor. "I was with the Evanses and took it upon myself to get them out of the country for their protection." He shook his head. "I failed. They caught us in Sweden."

"Mr. Potter, take the Evanses to my office. Mr. Black, I'll follow you to the hospital wing." Professor McGonagall instructed.

"I'm coming with you," said Sirius, arm still around Regulus' shoulder.

"Very well." Professor McGonagall nodded.

"Why _your_ office?" said James. "What about the Headmaster?"

"He's not at the castle, presently," McGonagall snapped. "I will meet you there in a moment."

Everyone obeyed.

 

* * *

 

Now dry, along with everyone else, James sat beside Lily in Professor McGonagall's office. He patted Lily's shoulder. _She's been so sad lately… But I want her to be happy—or annoyed and furious at me—or something, anything besides this gloomy sadness._ _But… I don't think she's going to be able to smile anytime soon._

Images of Snape and Voldemort, their giant serpents of fire and ice curled around them like raging titans, filled James' mind. _Snape protected us all… And I… I was wrong about a lot of stuff…_

James focused on rubbing some warmth back into Lily's icy hands, but no matter what he did, it didn't seem to help.

McGonagall entered, looking shaken. Sirius, arm still around Regulus, followed the professor into the office. Reg still didn't appear to know what was happening.

James reluctantly left Lily with her family and stood to relate the whole story to McGonagall. Every gritty detail. He began with how Penelope barged into the common room and announced Snape to be in mortal danger. He told how she and the others contrived to help Severus, and how James and Sirius sneaked into the mansion and were almost caught multiple times before finding the cellar which Sirius opened using his own blood. He told how they couldn't evacuate the Evanses, Augustus, and themselves; how Bellatrix and Professor Spinner appeared—though Spinner was Snape in disguise; how they faced Voldemort; how Penelope lunged for the snake and killed it, kindling the Dark Lord's fury; and how Voldemort murdered Penelope before they could intervene. And he told how Snape cut through the blue flames and made a portkey, so they could escape.

Done, James sank into his chair. _Feels like I've been talking forever…_

Regulus stood to speak but didn't add much. His eyes glassed, dull with pain he couldn't yet feel. Tone detached, he related how he'd found Penelope in hysterics in the Hogwarts hallway and brought her to the Gryffindor common room; how they'd knocked on the mansion door to be let in. He confessed to having warned his cousin Bellatrix about intruders because he feared for his relatives' lives. And, he told how Voldemort demanded he kill Penelope. But he couldn't do it.

Augustus joined the story and related that he and the Evanses were brought to Voldemort only a couple of hours prior to their rescue—after being whisked away from their hiding place in Sweden after Mrs. Evans was spotted in a muggle store and followed back to the safe house.

McGonagall listened to every account. When the speakers finished, she nodded. "Where is Mr. Pettigrew?" she said. "I thought he left the common room with all of you."

James scuffed a spot on the floor. "We… didn't have time to find him. He was doing some scouting for us." James glanced guiltily at Sirius. "But he should be safe. We didn't let him inside, and he's in disguise.

McGonagall raised a brow but nodded. "How did Mr. Snape learn to conquer fiend flames? Can anyone tell me that?" She stared pointedly at Lily. "And not just conquer, but control them?"

"I don't know." Lily shook her head. "I didn't realize he could do that."

The door creaked open and Slughorn popped his head in. "Minerva, they're here. Do you want to talk to them before we show them… the body…?"

McGonagall nodded. "You may go." She dismissed them, but her eyes softened in sympathy. "You're excused from classes."

James finally realized morning light was creeping over the grounds. The rain still fell, but not in torrential streaks.

As James and everyone else left the office, they almost ran into two muggles, a man and a woman—both confused. The man was small, short. His graying, brown hair ringed a large bald spot, and his dark eyes shone with fear. A strong mustache perched atop his lip and he held a supporting arm around his wife, though she stood half a head taller than him. The woman still hung on to traces of beauty, and her brown hair, though streaked with gray and unkempt, framed a soft, round face. She looked like a woman who always smiled but couldn't right now. Almond-shaped eyes—just like Penelope's—stared at James and his friends, demanding an explanation.

Regulus stopped. "Mr. and Mrs. Pauperitt… I just wanted you to know… Penelope meant the world to me… She changed me for the better, and she—she was the best person I've ever met."

"You're Regulus, aren't you?" said Mrs. Pauperitt.

He nodded.

"She spoke of you often. You made her very happy." Mrs. Pauperitt laid a hand lightly on his shoulder. "Thank you for making my daughter happy. Before she met you, she wasn't happy often enough."

Regulus couldn't hold Mrs. Pauperitt's gaze.

"Come on, Reg," Sirius whispered.

"I need to be alone." Regulus ducked under his brother's arm. "I—I can't do this."

"Reg, please!" Sirius called after him, but Regulus stumbled away and turned down another hall.

"You all right, mate?" James said to Sirius.

"Fine." Sirius shook his head. "But I don't think Reg should be alone right now."

James offered half a smile. "We'll be there for him when he comes around, all right."

"Sure, we will." Sirius nodded. "No way he's going to go home. Not if I've anything to say about it. He's a blood traitor too now. Mum would kill him. Literally." Sirius shook his head and a little smile crept over his lips. "You saw that? He hexed _Voldemort_. Right in the chest! My little brother is awesome!"

James snorted. "He sure is!"

 

* * *

 

James, along with Remus, Sirius and Lily, entered the Gryffindor common room. None of them wanted to leave Lily by herself right now. They'd all spent the morning watching the sun creep over the Hogwarts campus. The still, March landscape didn't help any of them comprehend the awfulness of what happened the night before.

After twenty minutes of taut silence, Lily excused herself.

Reluctantly, James let her go.

"She must be exhausted," said Remus. "We should all get some sleep."

"I don't think I can." James sat in the nearest chair. "I'm so _mad_ at myself!" He punched the armrest. Hard.

"You?" Sirius shook his head. " _I'm_ the one who should be angry at himself."

"That doesn't really matter, does it?" Remus groaned and held his face in his hands, worn thinner than a deer hide, scraped over industrial razors.

 

* * *

 

Regulus sat alone in the corner of the Life Defenders room. He clutched a brown folder, careful not to crease any of its precious papers. Every few minutes his head drooped as sleep tried to take him, but he shook awake each time. Every denial only made weariness demand his attention louder, but he refused to give in. Only when his chin sank to his chest unbidden for a full second did he surrender.

" _Reg, Reg!" Penelope cried happily as she flung herself into his open arms. She wore a green and silver striped scarf with matching green earmuffs. Snow lay thick around them. "Reg, you did it!" she squealed as Regulus easily whirled her in the air. "I knew you could! You caught it!"_

_Regulus laughed, the adrenaline of the Quidditch match still pounding through his veins. "Told you!" he boasted._

_"No, you didn't. You said this morning you thought you were going to be sick." Penelope tapped his nose as Regulus set her down._

_"Good job, Regulus!" Diane Diggory gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder. "You should've seen Potter's face! He looked like his mother just gave him a good spanking!"_

_"That's nothing." Penelope giggled. "Reg, it's a shame you didn't see Sirius. That face. He looked like he'd just taken a dive into dragon fertilizer!"_

_Regulus chuckled. "Wish I'd seen it!"_

_"That's okay. I'll just draw it for you." Penelope grinned._

_Regulus laughed harder. "Please, do. Mum would love to have that picture framed and mounted!"_

" _Oh, Reg." Penelope gave his ear a sharp tug. It stung. "What did I say about at least trying?"_

" _You're the only one who'd be this persistent, you know that?" Regulus grumbled._

" _Yes," Penelope said with a smug smile. "But if not me, then who?"_

Regulus blinked. _Fell asleep. No. I'm not sleeping!_

Through the whole row of blindless windows, a deep orange glow bathed the old classroom as the sun sank toward twilight. Silence huddled close, interrupted only by a persistent draft. Regulus' neck and back complained loudly about how he'd fallen asleep—hunched under a desk.

The folder lay just to his left, where it had slipped from his hand. Several scattered sheets spread around it. Regulus quickly scooped them back into the folder and clutched it tight.

Light footsteps approached from the stairs just outside the classroom.

"Penelope!" The second he said the name, he knew it was impossible, but he couldn't help the tiny bit of hope that bloomed in his heart. _It could be her. Maybe it wasn't_ Avada Kedavra _. It could've been a trick spell supposed to simulate death. What if Pen spent most of the day looking for me? In that case, I've been ever so selfish. I'll have to apologize. For everything! I don't deserve anyone's consideration._

The door creaked open. Regulus' heart leapt into his throat, only to plummet back into his stomach as he recognized, not his Penelope, but Lily.

"Reg? You in here?" Lily slipped inside and shut the door.

He didn't say anything and huddled farther under the desk. _Maybe she won't see me._

"Oh, there you are." She approached. "Reg, you look awful!"

_Look who's talking._

Lily looked horrific. Her dark red hair resembled a mop attacked by a herd of geese, and the red rings around her eyes were thick as hair ribbons. Dull, green orbs replaced her usually sparkling emerald eyes, and her clothes, though clean, hung disheveled; not one piece of her outfit was ironed. But the curious part was the crow-sized owl perched on her arm.

_Never seen that before._

Lily held the bird close and stroked it fondly, as if it were a cherished friend. She sat next to Regulus, tucking under the next desk a little. "You… okay?"

"I'm fine." Regulus turned away. _I don't want sympathy. I did this. There's no one to blame but me._

"What do you have there?" said Lily.

"Nothing!" Regulus clung to the folder.

"It's Penelope's, isn't it?" She stroked the owl's fluffy head. "It's fine. I'm no better. This is Mona, Sev's owl." She nodded to the bird. "Sev didn't leave anything else behind, and I just wanted to feel connected to him… I want him here so badly." A faraway look settled over her. "I keep expecting Penelope to wake up—come find us. I can't—" She choked. "I can't believe… she's… dead… It happened so fast."

 _Yeah… it did…_ This time yesterday, Regulus had sat with Penelope in their own common room, considering if it was prudent to try to kiss her soon. She'd voiced her worries about Severus, and Regulus had told her things would sort themselves out. Then Penelope realized she was late for her weekly practice with Severus and darted out, filled with dread. It had almost been comical.

Talk of Penelope made Regulus' chest ache. Slowly, he released the folder and opened it. "It's… her drawings… She didn't think they were good enough to show anyone. I had to beg her to show them to me for a week after I caught her drawing in the common room."

The first image gazed at him—his own face—in beautiful, detailed ink strokes.

"This is wonderful!" Lily leaned forward. "I'd forgotten she drew."

Unlike the real Regulus, the face on the paper smiled with warm, loving eyes. In the corner, a tiny snitch flew across the page, followed by little hearts. Regulus chuckled at the hearts. Not even Penelope was safe from some of the ridiculous habits girls had. Penelope wasn't Little Miss Perfect; just another reason he loved her.

The next drawing hurt even worse. Two stick figures stood close, a girl in pigtails and glasses, and a boy with short, black hair and a snitch by his head. In the corner, spelled out neatly was, "Pen and Reg, together forever!" More hearts surrounded the declaration, and each one was a red-hot brand seared into his heart.

He tucked that picture away.

Lily gasped at the next drawing. Also in ink, it depicted Lily and Severus. Lily rested her head on Severus' chest and smiled up at him. Severus' eyes fixed on Lily. Affection and adoration poured from him. "Best Friends" Penelope had written in the corner. Beneath that were a snake and a lioness curled together, accompanied by two words, "It's possible!"

Regulus looked through the rest of the folder which contained drawings of almost all the Life Defenders, though Regulus was represented most often, followed closely by Severus. While Regulus' drawings were warm, and often filled with hearts, Severus' were dignified, as if Penelope wouldn't dare do anything he might find immature—even in drawings. Many of the pictures were labeled, "Friends"—the four Marauders laughing, Lucy and Remus sitting together reading a book, looking exactly as they had last December, before Remus distanced himself.

 

* * *

 

A smile tugged at Lily's lips. _I remember this… Remus and Lucy both wanted to read the same book, so they decided to sit and read it together. Lucy was only too happy to._

The next image showcased Diane and Regulus on their broomsticks—Regulus surrounded by hearts yet again. A couple drawings of birds and animals interspersed the stack, but they looked older than the rest of the pictures.

"She told me she mostly used to draw birds before," said Regulus, voice hollow. "She always thought there was something amazingly… free… about them."

Lily lingered on a drawing tucked near the end of the pile—a beautiful stag, mid-leap. Tucked in the corner of the paper were the words, "Never trust animals again!"

Then came the very last drawing, an image of Severus, gaze steady, sad, alone. _This is… hard to look at…_ He looked like the weight of the whole world could crush him at any moment. His hair fell heavily, framing his face. The lost, vulnerable, yet determined expression with a hint of steel said Severus wasn't one to be taken lightly. There was something unearthly and mysterious about this drawing—as if Severus didn't really belong to this world, and had realized that, but was trying with everything in him to protect those he could never belong to. Because he loved them. The image revealed everything Lily saw when she thought of Severus. _It's… a masterpiece…_ "Can - can I have this?"

"Sure," Regulus muttered. "Take whichever ones you want."

But Lily couldn't bring herself to take any more of them. It felt like profaning something holy, so she carefully rolled up the one image of Severus to keep it from getting wrinkled or bent.

Mona clicked impatiently and reached for Lily's hand to demand more attention.

"Who thought Severus would own such a social owl?" said Regulus.

"I think she was a gift from his grandfather," said Lily as she petted the owl. Mona purred in delight.

"I'm sorry." Regulus looked away. "Severus… hasn't come back, has he?"

"He won't be coming back." Lily sadly shook her head.

Regulus looked horrified.

"Oh, no, he's not dead," Lily said when she realized how that sounded. "I know he's not. But… he won't come back to us… He thinks his presence puts us in danger." She bit her lip so hard she nearly drew blood. "The idiot!"

 

* * *

 

 _Couldn't agree more._ Regulus closed the folder of drawings. _I'd like to say a thing or two to Severus myself—that and punch him in the face._ But the tears welling in Lily's eyes banished that thought. _This could've been the last time any of us ever see Severus…_ Even though he was powerful and clever, some of Severus' actions bordered on suicidal. His obsession with defeating Voldemort by any means—now, that was a dangerous game.

"How're your parents?" Regulus tried to change the topic.

"Both in shock, but okay," Lily said. "Petunia—my sister—she's swearing never to have anything to do with the Wizarding World again. I think we scared her away for good this time…"

"What will they do now?"

"Go back into hiding," she said. "We're all targets."

Right now, his position didn't bother Regulus. _I deserve to die. I'm a dirty traitor! I_ wanted _to be a Death Eater. Only being shoved back into reality stopped me—showed me the wrongness of it all. Everything people told me throughout my childhood… it was all lies! I convinced myself Penelope was just a different sort of muggleborn—special because she was a Slytherin. I denied the fact that Lily, who stood up for me more than once, was a muggleborn too—and a Gryffindor at that. Pen's talk of acceptance and understanding… I never really listened to it. And now… Lily, a muggleborn… tries to comfort me. No! I'm not worthy of that!_ He turned away.

Lily didn't leave. She petted Mona, who purred, blissfully ignorant of what had happened. But Mona edged a little closer to Lily.

 _She might be an owl, but she must know something's missing. She feels that void Severus left. Does she miss him too?_ Thoughts and feelings warred for Regulus' attention. He desperately wanted to be somewhere else, but he also wanted to keep Lily company. The urge to dig a hole, crawl in and die almost smothered him, but it would be rude to leave. He owed Lily too much to be rude to her, so, he stayed and wallowed in the guilt crushing his empty chest. He didn't even hear the door creak when someone else entered.

"I… hoped you would be here." Sirius approached.

Regulus thought he might throw up. _Maybe the earth will split and swallow me._ He hid his face and hugged Pen's folder.

"Reg, please?" Sirius sat on his knees in front of Regulus. "Reggy…" Sirius' voice broke. "I'm so sorry."

Regulus closed his eyes against the nausea and emptiness swirling in his gut.

Lily scooted away from them.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know I'm sorry." Sirius inched closer. "Penelope… she was a good person, and she didn't deserve to die! She didn't deserve us not trusting her! I didn't know her well, but I'm sure she was extraordinary, and I wish I could make it up to her—to _you_!"

Regulus braved opening his eyes, and discovered Sirius was in earnest, and nearly in tears.

"For everything I've done or said about her—about you—about Slytherins," Sirius repeatedly tapped one knee, and his voice wavered more than once, "and everything I said to you. It was childish! Ever since we were little, I don't know what I was thinking, but it's my fault!" Sirius blinked away a rush of tears. "I guess… I guess it's because I knew I couldn't be the son Mum and Dad wanted, but you could—were. So, I decided to hate you and them instead, but I shouldn't have—at least not you."

Regulus huddled farther under the desk.

"Reg, please, talk to me," Sirius pleaded. "Say _something_."

 _Siri's_ _eyes are just like mine—all gray and cloudy. We've got so much between us—buried deeper and darker than a grave. I remember how he yelled at Mum. "I hate you! And I hate Dad! And stupid little Reggy!" Those were his exact words. That's when I realized Siri would never accept me… and that hurt more than anything… I was eleven. He was twelve. Both of us, just kids. But that moment was the foundation for everything that happened afterward—everything, but this. Of all times, why now, when everything's so bleak and hopeless? Why now, when I was so close to becoming everything Sirius always proclaimed me to be?_ "I…" Regulus croaked. "I don't know. I don't know anything."

"Let me help you figure it out. Please? Let me try to make it good. I'll do anything!" Sirius clasped his hands together as if pleading his case before the world's harshest judge.

"I don't know… if it's… too late," said Regulus.

Both brothers fell silent.

Lily tried to pretend she wasn't there.

To Regulus' relief, the door opened again.

"Hey." Potter walked in.

"Hey," Lily greeted.

Regulus' attention turned to James as Remus followed Potter in. Both Marauders looked horrific.

As twilight faded past dusk and into night, Remus lit several candles for light.

"How're you three?" James sat with them as Remus attended the candles.

Regulus left Lily to answer.

"I feel horrible," she confessed. "I miss Sev so much! I want him to be here!" She held Mona a little closer. "He's all I can think about, and then I feel guilty not thinking about Penelope, but I just—I can't believe she's… gone." Lily turned to Regulus, as if she expected him to confess his feelings next.

 _No way! I feel lower than the scum at the bottom of the lake… I guess that's what I am though… so, I suppose that's how I_ should _feel._

"Hey, Reg," Sirius tried again, "I really meant that…"

"Don't say it!" Regulus snapped. "Why now, of all times? You were right, okay! I'm a traitor—a piece of filth! I _killed_ her!"

"No, you didn't," Sirius' shock surprised Regulus. "We all saw it was Voldemort who—"

"Don't say that name!" Regulus hissed and covered his ears.

"I'm sorry…" Sirius fumbled. "But it was him who did it!"

"But it could've been me too!" Tears burned Regulus' eyes. "I had my wand out— _pointed_ at her! I was supposed to kill her!"

"But you didn't," said Sirius. "In the end, you chose her, not them."

"But it's my fault!" Regulus insisted. "All of it! If I hadn't taken her to Gryffindor Tower—if I hadn't led her into the mansion—or even suggested it, if I hadn't told Bella there were intruders—" He choked. "I betrayed all of you!"

"You made a mistake," said Lily. "But you regret it, and as far as I'm concerned, you've already redeemed yourself. Like Sirius said, you chose Penelope!" She looked to the others. "What do you think?"

Everyone nodded solemnly, but that only intensified Regulus' shame.

"And," said James, "you're not the only one who made mistakes." Out of habit, he mussed his already unruly hair. "I took responsibility as leader, but I didn't act like one. Instead of putting the people who wanted to help to good use, I distrusted you and tried to keep you from following me. I see now at least a thousand ways we could've gotten the Evanses out unnoticed if I'd trusted you and your abilities—especially you, Regulus. And then, Severus wouldn't have had a reason to masquerade in there. He'd have gotten out just fine." James sank like a deflated balloon. "The fault is just as much mine."

"And mine," said Sirius. "I didn't trust some of you either. And I should have. I shouldn't have fought you. If I hadn't, we might've had a chance to get out before Volde—" Regulus stiffened, so Sirius amended, "You-Know-Who… came in."

"I failed too. Miserably," Remus muttered as he sat. "If I'd just…"

Lily said to Remus, "I shouldn't have tried to fight you—or even considered it. I'm sorry."

"It's all right." Remus sagged, looking a bit like James for a second.

"Regulus…" James mustered his determination again. "We all made mistakes—even Severus. He might've made the biggest one of all of us. He'd have been killed for sure. They had all sorts of tracers on him, and he wouldn't have been able to get the Evanses and Mr. Prince out unnoticed by himself. He should have asked for help."

"Don't you dare talk like that about Sev!" Lily snapped. "He saved us all!"

James met her gaze, unwavering. "Trust me, I know. I'm in his debt—we all are. He's far more intelligent and powerful than any of us ever thought. That's why it would've been so easy if he'd asked for help. He's not thinking clearly, and it makes me worry. I know he's out there fighting—not to get glory or anything like that—but to protect us. To protect… you." His eyes bored into Lily's until she couldn't handle it anymore and focused on the dusty floor instead.

Regulus didn't want to feel better, but he did. A little. The void in his heart still gnawed at him.

After a half-minute silence, Lily said, "What do we do? The Life Defenders… that was Penelope's work—hers and Severus'. Without them, the group is…"

"No! We can't let the Life Defenders die!" Regulus snapped to his feet, almost banging his head on the underside of the desk on the way up. "If we let that happen, she'll really be dead. She could never forgive me if I let all her hard work go to waste!"

Remus nodded. "Of course, we'll keep it going."

"I second that," said Sirius.

James smirked. "I think we all agree the club should continue. Penelope was exactly right, after all. We need to stand together. Lack of unity is why we failed. You all saw how everything went perfectly well when we worked together. We need that."

Lily nodded and drew circles in the dust under the unused desks. "I'm… not sure any of us can do as well as she did…"

"But we can try." Remus patted her shoulder. "It's the least we can do."

James stood beside Regulus. "The Life Defenders meetings are open to everyone. They give people the opportunity to take the first step toward unity against evil, and that's a beautiful thing. The first step is the hardest, but you can't take the second step before you've taken the first. And we can't make people take that second step. That they'll have to do on their own." He regarded them grim-faced. "I trust all of you now. With my life. The Marauders was a group created for an exclusive circle of friends. The people in it protect and trust each other—to the last. We're all Marauders now."

Regulus snorted.

"Yes, you too," said James. "Whether you like it or not. And Severus—even though I'm sure he'd hate the idea. In my eyes, at least, that's how it is."

Remus nodded solemnly. A bit of guilt flickered over his face but settled after several hard seconds. "I agree."

 _What in the Wizarding World is James going on about?_ Regulus edged an inch or two away from James.

Lily almost smiled. "So, you'll look out for Sev with me, James?"

"'Course. He's a Marauder, and you're a Marauder. We'll look out for each other."

"Our numbers just doubled," said Sirius.

"Huh?" Regulus eyed Sirius.

"Twice as many Marauders." Sirius grinned. "Welcome to the club, bro!"

"That's what Penelope would've wanted," Lily offered when she noticed Regulus' less-than-thrilled expression. "She wanted to see us all working together—this group here… and Sev."

Regulus nodded, and his vision blurred with tears as he focused on the flickering candles. "For Penelope," he whispered.

Sirius stood and thrust a hand toward Regulus, like a kid on a sports team would do after a good pep talk. "For you _and_ for Penelope."

Regulus slowly stretched out his hand so it covered Sirius'.

"For Penelope." James added his hand to the pile.

"For Penelope." Remus stood and joined the group.

Lily got up and squeezed between James and Sirius, laying her hand on top of everyone's. "For Penelope."

"I hereby declare that the Marauders consists of the following: Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail, Lily, Regulus and Severus, for Penelope," said James.

Regulus swallowed the thickness in this throat. Surrounded by four determined faces, he nodded and listed the names again to himself. Penelope's tasted bittersweet as he thought it, but he refused to let loss steal even more from him. _This is… what she would've wanted._

 

* * *

 

Lily shut her eyes and whispered, "Oh, the things you can't control, Sev… If you only knew… you'd think I'd lost my mind. Please—Please… be safe!"

The door creaked open again and two more students peered in.

 _It's Thursday!_ Lily tensed. _None of the other Defenders know what's happened. They were asleep, and then in classes._

"What's going on?" Diane Diggory stepped inside. "Where have you been all day?"

 _James is the leader of the Marauders, but… I was third in command of the Life Defenders. And now, without Penelope… or Sev… I've got to stand up._ Lily took a deep breath and stepped out of the circle. "Listen up, everyone," she said as more Defenders entered. "Last night, something happened… something terrible. You should all hear the truth, especially about one thing. Sit down and get ready, because this is… This is going to be a tough one."

Everyone filed in and sat, visibly confused.

Lily fought to keep her composure as she approached the seated group, Mona perched on her shoulder. When it seemed everyone who was coming had taken a seat, Lily took her spot in the center of the gathering. "Last night, around sixteen hours ago, Penelope was killed by Voldemort."

Gaping mouths and wide eyes filled the silence with disbelief.

"He killed her for one reason. She was a muggleborn," said Lily. "This shows what Voldemort really is, and the importance of us supporting each other. Together, we're strong. Penelope believed in this strength—the strength of unity. She gave this group, and every single one of its members her everything. We're going to continue having meetings—to ensure her efforts weren't in vain, because, if we don't, she died for nothing."

Still no one spoke. Some looked like they were waiting for the punchline—or for Penelope to jump out and scream, "Boo!" Reality hadn't settled yet.

Lucy was the first to stand up and say anything. "This is a joke, right? No… Ya can't…"

Lily didn't waver.

"No… Not again… Not again!" Lucy wailed and collapsed to her knees. "You liars! You said you'd be safe!" She hurled broken profanities at the Marauders as Diane put a comforting arm around her.

"Tell us everything," said Diane. And it wasn't a request.

James waded through the group to join Lily. He took a bracing breath and recounted the entire sordid affair.

 

* * *

 

Hundreds of miles across the country, Severus Snape sat beneath a low rock overhang, completely unaware he'd become the latest addition to the group of friends he hated most.

Severus sat in the mud, alone. If it weren't for each slow rasp, any observer would have mistaken him for dead. He looked more dead than alive, anyway. His wet, greasy hair stuck to his face. Soaked from the downpour, his clothes clung to him like rotting potato peelings.

Though deceivingly young, he knew his face must hold the weight of both his lives—something far heavier than he'd ever imagined. His eyes held a deep emptiness, and his skin was pale—more than usual. But the torment raging inside him would only be visible to those who dared gaze into his haunting emptiness. And few could withstand that.

Even under the rock, rain still stung and snapped at his feet and legs.

Severus slipped two things from his pocket. One was a ring with an irreparably cracked stone, destroyed by the fiend flames. The other… was a smashed pair of oval glasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this, my dear readers. Is basically the end of book one.
> 
> What is going to happen now is that Dtill359 and I is going to take a break, the rest of the story IS written but... It is a lot of work to edit it. And we have some other projects we want to see through.  
> Dtill359 and I have decided to simply take a break over Christmas AND then, dearest readers, the story will continue January. Don't worry, we will be back, it's just a break.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and sticking with it so far! Hope to hear from you again January :)


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